Transcripts
1. Introduction: It's Not About What You Know, But Who You Know: Hello and welcome to this video course. In this introduction, we'll take a look at why it's so important to have a strong network in the first place and how this course is structured. In the business world, we often say it's not about what you know, but who you know, regardless of what industry you're in, network and relationships are the cornerstone of the business world. Nowadays there is a huge supply of everything. It doesn't matter if you're self-employed or employed. There are probably at least other people in your surroundings that have the same skill set that you do. So what is the deciding factor? When somebody needs a service or when the boss wants to promote someone who gets chosen. And how can you make sure that it's you and not the other ten? It's very simple. Through your personality. People who are charismatic, outgoing, and sociable, find clients easier. They get promoted more often and discover new lucrative opportunities much faster. And there are logical reasons for that. Why would a client turn to someone from the internet if they know you personally, if they like you and you offer the same service. If someone in the company should be promoted, he will often be the person who gets along best with other colleagues. Because as a team leader or manager, a big part of work is doing exactly that. And when there are new jobs or business opportunities on the market, you will find out about it much easier and much faster through friends or acquaintances than on the internet. So there is no way around networking if you want to be successful. And luckily, you can learn to be good at networking even as an introvert. That's what we're going to do in this course. The course is structured in the following way. We imagine a scenario. You're going to a networking event by yourself alone and you want to meet new people there. So in the next 22 videos, I will go through this scenario with you step by step. That's why the videos are divided into three chapters. In the first chapter will lay some foundations in terms of mentality. And here will also go into how you can start a conversation with a stranger at such an event. That includes how you can make the first step and approach somebody, but also what you can do to get approached by adders. In the second chapter, we talk about conversation techniques, how you can be a fantastic conversation partner for others. If you apply the things and methods I share with you in this chapter, almost anyone you meet, we'll look forward to seeing you and spending time with you. Finally, in the third chapter, we will study maintaining contexts in general. That is what you should do so that the acquaintances you make become real lasting relationships. In this way, you and your friends, acquaintances and your contacts will profit the most off of each other. And not only professionally, but also purely personally. That's the plan. Well then let's get down to work.
2. The First Rule of Networking: We all know how important networking is and how useful it is to know a lot of people, and of course, to know the right people. But alone, the word networking sounds sleazy. We instantly think of a very opportunistic person who has no interest in other people, but just cares about what they can get out of relationships for themselves. Do you need a coaching? Wanted to buy my book, take my card. And even I have to admit that when I started my business, I sometimes did that myself. I would go to an event with a sole goal of finding a new client, an investor, or getting to know someone might be useful to me. But that attitude is completely wrong. Not only do you seem totally fake and that the whole thing is also morally questionable. But this way, you also overlook many people with whom you might have a real long-term relationship. Even if there is no chance of doing business, you might become friends with this person. And that actually doesn't exclude the possibility of some cooperation down the road. So you meet someone, you get into a conversation and the two of you get along very well. But this person simply doesn't have the need for your product or service. However, if at some point in the future they know someone who does need something from your industry, or if they need something themselves, or if they know about an opportunity that might be interesting for you. They will think of you because they like you. That's why the first rule of networking is don't network. Instead of getting into the mindset of making new contacts, Think of it as if you're simply looking to find new friends. And instead of going somewhere, only with the intention of trying to get something useful out of it. Go there with a simple goal of trying to have some fun. This way, you will not only be more authentic and honest, but also more confident, relaxed, Interesting, and as a result, more successful. Hasta la vista social anxiety. The reason behind this is that although in everyday life we differentiate between business and personal, between colleagues and friends, our brain doesn't. The brain differentiates only between, I like this person or I don't like this person. That's why people notice when you don't have genuine interests in them, you simply radiate differently and they perceive your differently even if it's subconscious. So when going to events to meet people, don't be single-minded, being open and see what kind of a relationship can develop between you and your conversation partner. May be, it will be just a funny conversation and you never see each other again. Maybe they do turn out to be your new client or business partner, and maybe they turn out to be your new friend. And with that, you're always into plus.
3. Event Types - Where To Go And What To Avoid: If you go to Facebook, Eventbrite or Meetup.com, you'll find different events and also different types of events. If you want to build your own network, you should pay attention to what kind of events you attend. Because different events are visited by different people with different intentions. So the kind of people you meet and the relationships you develop with them will often depend on what kind of events you visit. The first thing you might notice are the so-called networking events. Events that have networking in their very names. And those kinds of events. Usually no program people just get together, they mingle and get to know each other. However, I would recommend to be a bit cautious with such gatherings. This is no rule whatsoever and it doesn't apply for all of them. But such events can be sometimes quite superficial. And the people who visited them usually explicitly look for clients or investors. In other words, many people go there to sell. So if you want to build real relationships, you probably won't find that there. If you want to have fun, you might not be in the right place eater. And if you're also there to sell, you're going to have a hard time because there are no buyers, they're only sellers like you. Moreover, if you want to meet people from a specific industry, and additional downside is that these events don't revolve around a specific topic or industry. Why events that have a specific program that combines certain subject matter with networking are a lot better. Such events are, for example, panel discussions, meet ups, workshops, or conferences. Everyone takes part in the program. And afterwards people stay around to drink something and get to know each other. There you can find people who are interested in a certain topic. So if the topic is connected to your product or service, you're in the right place. In addition, there it is often much easier to start a conversation with someone and also build a real authentic relationship with someone. It's logical. First of all, you always have at least one topic in common that you can talk about, which is the topic of the event, of course. Second of all, it is much more interesting and honest to get to know someone to an activity. For example, when you do an exercise in pairs or groups in a workshop. Because that's how inside jokes are made and also mutual memories. You experience something together. You didn't just chat. And third of all, if it's an interactive event, if for example, there is an open discussion and you join in, you will be seen and heard by others. If you say something interesting or funny, others will have an easier time starting a conversation with you later, because they can simply refer to what you had said. And the same goes for you starting a conversation with others, of course as well. That is why it's so important to pay attention to what kind of events you attend. We could say that there are events with a program and without and events with some kind of a program like conferences, workshops, meet ups and discussions. You will often have more success and also more fun.
4. Getting Approached (Without Saying Anything!): I have a good friend who once told me, You know, I find that irritating that when I'm somewhere, it's always me who has to approach others. No one comes to me and starts talking to me first. So I decided to join him and we went to a panel discussion. I wanted to see for myself what really happens there. So after the discussion, there was of course, a networking part of the evening. And what did he do? He stared at his phone the whole time. No wonder that no one approaches him. It is much easier and more pleasant to be approached than to approach others. But to make sure that someone starts a conversation with you, you have to be approachable. In other words, it has to be obvious that you're not busy and that you wouldn't be bothered if someone started talking to you. If you're looking at your phone, others into room could think that you're doing something important and they don't want to bother you. Now, of course, that doesn't only relate to the phone, but on the overall impression that you are leaving, and most of all on your body language. So let's talk about how to act in order to get into conversations with people without even having to say anything. Let's start from the beginning. Perhaps the most important thing is your gaze. If you're a bit of an introvert, you might feel uneasy being somewhere by yourself. So what do you do then as a defense mechanism? You try to occupy yourself with something, most often with your phone. That's why the first thing is to not even take out your phone from your pocket unless you get a coal, ignore your phone. Instead, look around, look at other people and smile. Don't worry, you're not going to seem weird or lonely. Quite the opposite. You will look very confident, exactly because you're not hiding behind your phone. You will show that you are confident enough to stand by yourself. And at that doesn't bother you at all. If you want to, you can get yourself a drink. I mean, not in order to get drunk, but because we often feel more comfortable when we can hold something in our hands, whether it's alcoholic or not. I'll leave that to you. The next thing is body stance. In violin language, we often talk about an open and closed stance. Being approachable means coming across as open and you can easily achieve that with an open body stance. What does that look like exactly? Well, you can probably easily tell the difference between this and this. Being open means standing straight with your shoulders slightly behind, arms apart, and hence open. That shows to the other person, you are welcome here. So even if you don't really feel like it, if you have the need to cross your arms, don't do it. Keep your body stands open. You will see more approachable and after a while, you will also feel more relaxed. Then comes what I like to call positioning. Where you are in the room plays a big role in whether you get approached or not. If you're somewhere in a corner leaning against the wall, had to be the one to tell you, but you shouldn't have big expectations. It is the best if you stand somewhere where people mix a lot, where there is a point of interest of some kind. One such place is, for example, by the bar. It happens often that people go get themselves, have drink, turn around, and then think, okay, where do I go now? If you stand there and a person sees you, you make eye contact and smile, it's more likely that, that person will start talking to you right away. Another example is where something is exhibited or some kind of display stands, or of course where the food is, or even by the door. Look around the room and analyze where people move around the most and position yourself there. And that brings us to the last point. Moving around, people are programmed so that they perceived the person in the room who takes up most pace as the most important one. And when I say taking up space, I don't necessarily mean standing like this, but moving around. For example, in many workplaces, you can often see that the employees are stationary and the boss moves around. Or the party guests mostly stand in one place, but the main starred host moves to and fro. So use this to your advantage. Don't stand in one place all night long. Move from one corner to the other, mingle among people and others will see you more often. They will subconsciously perceive you as important and will approach you more. So, to summarize, in order to be approached, you must be approachable. That means, leave your phone in your pocket, look at other people and smile. Have an open body stance. Position yourself smart, and move around in the room.
5. Insider Tip: Devil's In The Details: Just like you sometimes don't know what to say when you want to start talking to someone. Others also don't know what to say when they want to start a conversation with you. And that's why many people don't dare to approach you, even if they would actually like to. But you can make it easier for them by doing one very simple thing. Wearing an eye catching accessory. For example, that can be a badge, handmade earrings or a purse, a conspicuous tie or Bowtie on extraordinary watch a ring. The only limitation is your imagination. The first impression others get of you is created way before you even get a chance to open your mouth. And that first impression decides if someone finds ooh, interesting enough to speak to you or not. That's why it's important to stand out a bit. And by the help of such a little detail, you can easily excite other people's curiosity. When somebody notices your accessory, they can give you a compliment or asks you where you got it from. There is some kind of a story behind the item. For instance, if you got it from a person important to you, or if it has to do with a hobby of yours, that can immediately lead to a deeper conversation. The detail you choose should also match your style or the impression that you want to leave on people. If you bank and being professional and elegant, you shouldn't aware a childish tie of course, but you can still find many things that stand out and are very elegant. For instance, a handkerchief, Cufflinks or for women on nice scarf. If your style is more relaxed, you can find something fun. A t-shirt with a funny print or a reference to a movie can lead to a funny conversation right away and shrink your style, be more artistic. I'm sure that you can easily find the pair of originally designed glasses or a necklace that shows your personality. So look through your wardrobe or maybe even go shopping of it. It doesn't have to be anything expensive, but it has to be something that you like that you would notice if someone else ward and that you will be proud of, this special little item will help you really radiate charisma, excited the curiosity of other people and help you get approached by them much more often.
6. Approaching People - What Should I Say?: Let's say you're at an event and you want to meet new people. How do you do that? Well, if nobody is approaching you, then you can approach headers. You can start talking to someone who is standing by themselves. Or you can approach a group of 23 or more people who are already in a conversation. Introverts approaching a group of people can be a bit challenging or even frightening, but we'll get there. Let's start small. The easiest situation to approach a person you don't know yet is when you see them standing alone. Still, what many of us think in this situation is. But what should I say? You can't simply walk up to someone and start a conversation just like that. Can you? Before you start stressing about that, remember that this person probably also came here to meet new people. And if they seem approachable, if they're not looking at their phone or don't seem to be in a bad mood, then we'll probably be glad to talk to you. Now. That's all fine and dandy. But coming back to the question, what should I say? A simple way of starting a conversation is by asking something related to the place, the event, or the situation you are in. If, for instance, a keynote dark took place beforehand, you can ask the person, Hey, how did you like the talk? If the event is a meetup that takes place regularly, you can ask, are you here for the first time? And even if you attended the speedup many times before and you see someone new, you can ask them, hey, how do you like it here so far? Or if it's a workshop, you can ask the person how they discovered about the workshop. All of these are of course just small talk questions, but their purpose is to start a conversation and lead, and lead it to further, deeper topics. You can of course, start with a remark as well. For example, cool location here or the keynote was quite interesting, but it is more natural and spontaneous to start with a question. This way you show that person that you're interested in them and that you're looking for a conversation partner, not just the listener. Alternatively, you can also start with a compliment, but I wouldn't advise always doing that. You don't really mean it. It's not authentic. And if people see that you give a compliment to everyone you talk to, they will feel a bit fooled in a way because your compliments don't mean much if everyone can get one. That's why it's best to give compliments only when you're really noticed something about the person and what do you really mean it? So those are some possibilities, but it doesn't even have to be that complicated. If nothing comes to your mind spontaneously, you don't have to stress about it. You can also simply come up to somebody and say, hey, how are you doing? That is completely decent and the light and actually honest that can open under topics and lead to a deeper conversation just as well. And studies even show that this kind of approach actually works the best with people. All in all, if you were at an event and notice someone standing by themselves, you don't have to think much. If that person seems approachable, you can talk to them right away as something that relates to the event or simply ask them how they're doing. Trust me, it's that simple.
7. Approaching Groups: Approaching someone who is standing just by themselves is not that difficult. But it often happens that you come to an event or simply find yourself in a situation where everybody in the room is already talking to each other, you might think, oh, what now, how should I approach somebody? But don't worry, it's actually not that difficult. When you see a group of people talking. You often think to yourself, Do they know each other from before, or did they get to know each other here? Maybe you think that if they came here together, you would bother them. If you came over and tried to join their conversation. However, That's wrong kind of thinking. They probably came to the event in the first place because they also want to meet new people. And the fact that they came here together can even mean that they're actually shy and didn't have the courage to come alone, which means that they would probably be very happy if you join them. Of course, this doesn't go forever. But luckily, there is a little trick that can help you realize what couples or groups of people are opened for someone joining them and who would read or keep their conversation for themselves. You can easily recognize that on their body language or more specifically, on their feet. If you notice that the feet of the people point directly to each other, just like in this picture, these two people are very concentrated on each other and probably don't won't order people joining them, especially not a stranger. But if two people are standing at an angle or even diagonally to each other, as well as if their feet are pointing outwards, just like in this picture. They are open for others. You're most likely Welcome to approach them. But that brings us again to this difficult question. What should I say? When you approach someone who's alone, it's much easier but approaching and group. I mean, they're already in a conversation. They That would be weird. I'm sure that they don't want that begin erupted, right? Well, luckily, there's a very simple thing you can do. You can simply walk up to them and politely ask, hey guys, can enjoin, you, don't work and meet ups, business events and similar occasions. That's completely normal, even desired. And maybe I also know what you're thinking now. All but that's so awkward because then everyone will look at me That will stop with their conversation and all the attention will be on me. Doesn't have to be like that at all. You can simply say, oh, but I didn't want to interrupt you. What were you talking about then? That will with a conversation. And you can easily jump in when you feel like saying or asking something. And in the case that they let you in, out of politeness, but if they would actually rather be alone, you can easily recognize that on their body language. If you notice that they start crossing their arms, if they don't involve you into the conversation at all or if no one makes any eye contact with you, you can also just politely say that you're going to mingle around and go away. So you really have nothing to lose. To recap, when two or more people are talking to each other, you can recognize them, their body language if another conversation partner would welcome or not. If their feet are open and pointing outwards, you can approach them. And if they are pointing directly to each other, then maybe better not. You can approach them by saying, Hi, do you mind if I join you? And if you find it unpleasant that then all the attention is, uh, you, you can also add, but I didn't want to interrupt you. What were you talking about? Should you notice on their body language that you are perhaps not so welcome. You can of course, go away and go join someone else. The more often you do it, the easier it will become.
8. Confidence On Demand: If you are a bit shy, it can easily happen that you get a bit nervous before going to an event where you don't know anybody that is completely normal? I personally approached strangers, almost regular on every job I had. I had to approach or deal with customers, people I didn't know. Currently, I teach people how to talk to others. I even used to be a theater actor. But despite all of that, I still get a bit nervous before talking to somebody. I don't know. So it can happen that this little unpleasant feeling never really goes away. But that's not a problem. Because with time, you learn how to deal with it. One of the best methods for dealing with it is developing a little ritual of euro. What I mean by that is a little routine that helps you relax and feel more confident before you go somewhere where you will be among people. You can do your ritual at home where nobody sees you. It can be something fun. You can let some music play and dance in your apartment, fooling around a bit for ten minutes. And that can be really good because it loosens you up a bit and helps you not to take things too seriously. And for that matter, not to take yourself too seriously either. A ritual can also be something metadata. Personally, I love visualizations. I take a seat, close my eyes and picture as vividly as possible How I already am there among people, how I'm shaking hands with them, talking with them, were laughing and so on. That helps me look forward to meeting people instead of being in panic. Visualization is in general, a wonderful thing. You can also imagine yourself in the future and remind yourself that the reason you want to build a network in the first place is because that will lead you to your desired future. Or you can imagine a person who is your role model. You can visualize how they talk to you and motivate you the limit as literally only your imagination. Another example would be to remember an episode from your life in which you were really proud of yourself, a big success of yours, or even better, an episode in which you were really sociable and confident. Remember that, and try to put yourself in that memory and that feeling as intensely as possible. Alternatively, you can also watch something that puts you in a good mood, perhaps a funny video or a scene from a movie that you like or that motivates you. Or it can also be something completely different. It's up to you and in the end, the whole thing is only about you learning how to deal with yourself. Find out what works for you, what brings you in a confident state of mind and do that before you go to an event or before you have an important day in general, that will help you be less nervous and show people the full shine of your personality.
9. How To Instantly Click With Somebody: A person who brings good atmosphere with them is welcome everywhere. That's why one of the most important things when meeting new people is positive energy. When you start a conversation with someone and when the other person feels your positivity right away, they will instantly feel good in your company and we'll develop sympathy for you. So don't wait for others to smile at you. Take the initiative and smile at them first, don't expect others to be excited to see you. You'll be excited to meet them. It doesn't even matter if you're meeting them for the first time. Enter a conversation with positivity and enthusiasm. To put it simply act as if you are already friends. Maybe you're wondering, well, isn't that fake? How can you be happy to see someone that you don't even know? Sometimes you just feel it. But if you don't, don't worry, there is a little trick. Before you start talking to someone, finds something about this person that you like or that you have in common. Maybe this person is dressed well, maybe you like their hair, or maybe they generally seem cool and that thing doesn't even have to be anything visible. You can make an assumption. He is probably a funny guy or hmm, She must be graded what she does. This little thought can help you more than you can imagine. First of all, you'll be more excited about getting to know this person, as well as more relaxed and spontaneous. And second of all, your conversation partner will feel very comfortable your company without even knowing why. And that is because regardless if we want it or not, our body language radiates our thoughts. Even if it's just a small subtle gesture, it is unavoidable. And if you attune yourself positively towards this person, your body will subconsciously show that and the other person will definitely feel that. Maybe they will even have a feeling that they have known you for a long time, just like it sometimes happens. So before you start a conversation with a stranger, have a positive thought about them first, treat the person as if you are already friends and you're going to be friends before you even know it.
10. Insider Tip: Remembering Names Easily: Hasn't happened to you that you met someone, you clicked with each other and had a very pleasant conversation. But at the end, you realize that you actually have no idea anymore what that person's name was. And that can be a bit awkward. Sometimes it's mutual. If the other person also doesn't remember your name, it's not that bad, but it simply so much more charismatic and impressive when you address the person with their name once again, at the end of a conversation, I'm telling you everybody will be glad to hear that. They might think to themselves or even say out loud, Wow, you remembered my name. That person will feel important, they will feel acknowledged. And that is a very special feeling. Now, maybe you're one of those who say, oh, but I'm so bad at remembering names. I know you are because almost everyone says that in my workshops. But I guarantee you, you are not as bad as you think, or at least you could get better, but you don't really try that most people are not really bad at it, but they don't put in any effort and then use it as an excuse. I'd like to show you a couple of simple methods that will help you remember the names of people you meet with very little to no effort. First of all, concentrate on the hearing the other person's name, not on pronouncing your own. Many people do the exact opposite. They make sure the pronounced their name clearly. But whether Dave and hear the other person's name, not so important, it shouldn't be that way. Second of all, repeat the name of the other person. When they introduced themselves. Repeat their name out loud before you say nice to meet. Not only will that make the other person feel good, but it will also help you remember the name, their name, because you already pronounced at once, even if you didn't really hear the name right, or if it's a foreign name, make sure that you properly understand it and that you can pronounce it. I can tell you from experience as someone who has a complicated floor and last name, people are very glad when others make an effort to pronounce their name properly. Third of all, tried to remember the name through a visualization or association. If you're at the visual type, you can imagine the name as it was written on a piece of paper. What often works even better is if you can create a little Association. For example, you can think of an animal that begins with the same letter as their name, Robert rabbit, Tracy Tiger, Beer. Spend them though funny or it is, the better. You will remember it. Just that maybe I shouldn't say it. I'll love for the wall. Simply addressed the person with their name a couple of times throughout the conversation. Don't overdo it, of course, because then it will sound weird. But for example, when they say something the interesting about themselves, you can say something like, Well Susan, you're full of surprises. They will like hearing that and you will remember the name more easily. If it does happen that you didn't manage to remember their name, you can still get away with it. At the end, when you're saying goodbye, you can ask the other person for their business card or you can also connect online. In the latter case, you can simply give them your phone. They can type in their name, and then you see it. You can do that. But in this case, it's actually much better to say it directly and honestly. Hey, could you please repeat your name one more time? But that is only the emergency plan. If you really care about people. If you want to be charismatic and really want to leave a good first impression, you should remember their name right away. And how do you do that? Once more. The more you play with their name in your mind, the easier you will remember it. So first, concentrate on hearing the other person's name. Not only saying your own, repeat the name out loud, visualized name, or create an association and addressed the person with their name throughout the conversation.
11. Dialogue, Not Monologue!: A conversation consists, so to say, of talking and listening. So a good conversationalist doesn't only have to be able to say something meaningful on the range of topics, tell stories, and be funny, but also has to be able to devote their full attention to their conversation part. Being a good conversationalist doesn't mean having the spotlight all the time. That is a monologue. And monologues belong to theatre. Communication is a two-way process, not one. The best conversation partner is exactly that. Partner. Partners are equal. They acknowledge each other, they're interested in each other and take turns talking. We could say that good conversation partners take turns it who dominates the conversation? Now, we are all different. Some of us are a bit shy and don't like to talk so much. But then some of us, on the other hand, talk quite a lot. Sometimes even too much. That's completely normal and that's okay. If we were all the same, it would be a boring world to live in. But the question is, how to know if you're talking too little or too much and what should you do about it? Let's make two simple rules of thumb. One for each scenario. If you have a disposition to talk very little due the following, avoid short answers. This means when somebody asks you a question, for example, what your profession is or what you like to do in your free time. Don't just say, I'm a developer or I like reading. The other person. Didn't ask you this question just to get this specific information out of you. It's not an interrogation. They want to know more about you as a person and you are much more than just your job title or your interests. If your answers are so Curt, There are not many directions in which the conversation can develop. Maybe if the other person is a developer as well, but otherwise, it's pretty difficult. So always tried to add a little comment through your answer. For instance, I'm a developer. I didn't study it. I learned it myself and now I'm working in the finance startup. It's not always easy I have to say, but the team is really fun. Now you give the other person four pieces of information to work with and they can take the conversation in any of these directions. What do you do, your background, what kind of company you work for, an even your attitude towards that work. And those kinds of things are extremely important in particular, in order to get along well with another person. Don't only give information, but also share your emotions, your experiences and attitudes. That's how you show personality. That's how small talk gives way to real deep conversations. And also that's how you leave an unforgettable impression. On the other side. If you tend to always be the center of attention and perhaps talk a bit more than it's polite. Don't forget to pay attention to the reactions in the body language of others. Are they really listening to you or are they just waiting for you to finish? So they can also speak. If you notice that your conversation partner is making less and less eye contact or if they're nodding their head more and more saying yes, yes, yes, yes. They probably lost to interest a bit. And that's also completely fine. That doesn't mean that they don't like you. Just that they would like to talk a bit more or that they're not interested in this particular topic that much. If you notice that, come to a rep and ask them a question to push the spotlight on them while you're speaking. You can also ask yourself, How long have I been talking already? Is a too long. If you catch yourself talking for quite a while without anyone else saying anything, steer the attention towards demo bit. If they are really interested in what you were talking about, they will steer the attention back to you. They will ask you to tell more. But the important thing is that you gave them the chance to speak as well. All in all, in the pleasant and interesting conversation, people take turns at talking and listening. If you tend to talk very little, avoids short answers and short statements. Always add something more about yourself, especially about your attitudes, your opinions, experiences, emotions or principles. If you have the habit of talking a lot, Pay attention to the body language signals of your conversation partner. If they make less and less eye contact and keep nodding their head quickly, you saying yes, yes, yes. Then come to a rep and ask them a question to give them a chance to shine as well.
12. One Mouth And Two Ears: There is a wonderful saying that goes, we have one mouth but two ears. So let's use them proportionately. And that means we should talk less and listen more in order to leave a good impression on somebody. You don't have to convince them that you are great. They don't have to find you incredibly great. It's much more about them feeling great about themselves. It's about them feeling good in your company. And how can you achieve that? Very simple by giving your attention to them. You don't have to talk about how great you are. You even don't have to talk about how great they are. You should simply listen. But still as simple as it sounds, Many people somehow don't manage to do that. You must have already heard the term active listening. Active listening is called that way because it means not doing anything else but listening to that person. If you want to actively listen to someone, that means you should first leave your phone in your pocket, NOT look around and keep eye contact. I know the phone thing should go without saying. But you often see so many people who simply take out their phone and start looking at it while somebody's talking to them. Don't do that. If it's an emergency or if you get a call, politely apologized to the other person, do what you have to do, and then ask the other person to continue speak. Secondly, don't think about what you're going to say when that person is done, concentrate only on what day are talking about. And if there's something you don't understand, don't do as if everything is clear. Ask about it because that's how you show the other person that you are really interested and what they are saying. And by the way, that's also how you learn something new. And thirdly, always let the person finish. Don't try finishing other people's sentences. And also don't overuse these little conformation words and sounds like yeah. Okay. Yes. Yes. The more often you nod your head and say Yes, yes, yes, yes. Or that actually shows that the more quickly you want to be the one talking again. If that really is the case, you can do that. But when you really want to listen to somebody, the best thing to do is simply be quiet and slightly nod your head here and there. So it's often much more important to listen to your conversation partner. Tend to impress them with docking. In order to really listen to somebody, concentrate on them and them only. Think only about what they are telling you and always let them finish. You will notice right away how much more pleasant the other person will feel. And trust me, they will always look forward to seeing you again.
13. How To Never Run Out Of Topics: Sometimes you meet a person and the conversation flows just frictionless and you can seemingly dog for hours. But then some other times with some other people, you quickly run out of topics and it's very difficult to find something to talk about. Luckily, there is a very convenient method that can help you find topics to talk about with almost anyone. It's name is ford. Yes. Just like the car. Ford as an abbreviation for family, occupation, recreation, and dreams. Those are four areas of life that almost anybody can say something about. That means you can ask questions relating to them and talk about them with virtually anybody. Does this person have any siblings and how did they get along with their family? What did they do professionally? And what do they like to do for fun? What would be their dream or a fantasy? Where would they wish to do or have in their personal or professional life? Of course, some of these topics are red or personal, for example, family. But that's why you can start with less delicate topics and then gradually come to the deeper ones after the two of you start opening to each other a bit. This way, you can get from Smalltalk to real big talk with very little effort. Now the interesting thing is everyone has different priorities in life. One person places much greater value on their family life than on their work. Someone else lives for their hobbies. So if you discover that both of you devote yourselves to one particular area, for example, if both of you have a very big dream that you would like to make true, you will instantly get along well because you have this passion in common, even if your dreams are completely different. However, even if you have different priorities, this method can still help you achieve that wonderful effect. Simply ask you association partner questions about what exactly they are passionate about in that aspect of life. And you can tell them the same from your perspective about your favorite area of life. In this way, both of you will get the new perspective and maybe even make each other sink a bit one more time. The Ford methods stands for family, occupation, recreation, and dreams. When it comes to these four topics, you can talk about them with almost anybody. That's how you make sure never to run out of topics to talk about.
14. Nothing To Say? No Problem!: Everybody has some certain topics about which they can say a lot. And I'm sure that that's also the case with you. You could probably say quite a few things about your profession and topics related to it. About activities that you love spending your time with, about the place you're from and so on. However, every person also has topics about which they can save very little, if anything. And when one such topic is important for the person you're talking with, for instance, if they are active in the profession that you don't have any experience with or any knowledge about. It can feel like you have nothing to say. You want to be more engaged in the conversation, but nothing comes to your mind that you could say, still, there is something that you can always do when you have nothing to say. Ask questions. And you have two different possibilities, even to a different paths in which you can lead the conversation with your questions. When you want to learn more about the topic, ask specific questions about it so that the other person can tell you more about it or give you some tips on how you can learn more. For example, if that person loves playing the guitar, and if you're interested in that, you can ask them what kind of guitar is the best to begin with, if it's worth it taking guitar classes, or if it's better to learn by yourself and so on. However, when you're not really interested in the topic, but you want to get to know this person better. Ask rather personal questions. For example, you can ask them what drew them to the guitar in the first place. They liked so much about it. This way. The conversation won't be about concrete facts are topics that you're not well-versed with, but about emotions, motivations, or experiences of this person. And then you will probably also be able to draw a line. The things in your life to which you have similar dispositions. Maybe you're never held a guitar in your life, but you're passionate about cycling. And cycling makes you feel the same way that playing the guitar and makes the other person feel. When you have a conversation on this level, you will even get along much better than if you shared that particular interests. This way, a connection is created between you that's not based on merely sharing the same hobby, but and sharing a similar approach to life in a similar personality that is much more important than the activity that you might or might not have in common. That means when you don't have anything to say on a specific topic, ask questions. If you want to learn more about it as factual questions. And if you want to lead the conversation to a deeper level, asked personal questions and try to find something similar in your life.
15. Physical Contact: Each person has a different attitude to body contact. What kind of an attitude somebody has is defined by their personality, their culture, and experiences. Some people tend to touch others when talking with them and react very well to being touched by others. Some people don't like it as much and might find that uncomfortable. Naturally. There are also people who are somewhere in the middle, the ones who don't shy away from it. They're also not exactly crazy about. Now. You probably also recognize yourself somewhere on that scale. And you also probably know the scenario when two people who have different attitudes about it come across each other. One who likes touching others, and the other one for whom that kind of thing is a nightmare. Well, those people usually don't really turning to best friends. That's why it's crucial to establish a dynamic with the other person that is comfortable for both sides. If you notice that the other person is accustomed to physical contact and if you don't mind it, engage it this way the person will intuitively develop sympathy for you and the two of you will develop trust to each other much faster. However, if you're talking to a complete stranger, be a bit careful with it. For example, when you approach someone, you can give them a light touch on the elbow. And this is great because the elbow is not an intimate zone. And even if the person actually doesn't like biting contact, a touch on the elbow won't bother them that much. But if the person doesn't reciprocate soon, if they don't also touch you, maybe you shouldn't initiate it anymore. If yes, then you can perhaps also touched them on the forearm, shoulder, or even on their hand. But the same still grows if they at some point stop doing it, you should also stop doing it. Always, be careful not to overdo it. And if you notice that the other person doesn't like you at all, then you will win their trust by respecting their personal space and by not initiating any significant physical contact. If you yourself are not very keen on body context, you should also not force yourself to do it in order for someone else to like you. If you find it unpleasant, the younger person should respect that. In that case, you can maintain your personal space. Should someone constantly keep invading your space and coming closer to you. You can express it, you can say it. Perhaps even in a funny way, you can say something like, hey, don't take this the wrong way, but I kind of really like personal space, you know. So thank you very much. It goes without saying that our attitude to physical touch, the rise depending on what kind of mood we're in and also how much we like the person that we're talking to. But the main thing is that the dynamic between you and your conversation partner should be pleasant for the both of you. If both of you like to touch while you talk, do it because it is a very powerful means of communication that helps you instantly get along with someone. If one of you doesn't like it, however, the other one should respect that.
16. Why Giving Is Better Than Taking: At the beginning of this course, we talked about how you shouldn't attend events and meet people just with the intention of getting something out of it for yourself. Now we're going even a step further. When you're in a conversation with somebody, don't look for a way of how this person can be useful to you, but how you can be useful to them. You want to build a good, mutually supportive relationship with this person. Well then, don't wait for this person to do something for you, but take the initiative and do something for them. Now I'm not saying you should give them your product or service for free. I'm talking about little things here. For instance, if they have a YouTube channel or an Instagram page, follow it or share it on your profile. If you know a book that your new acquaintance might like, send them a link to it as a recommendation. And if you know somebody who might help them out or if you think that these two people should definitely get to know each other for any reason whatsoever. Connect them, introduce them to each other. These little friendly gestures immediately foster your relationship with that person. It doesn't cost you a thing and you brought them so value. So this person sees right away that it's good to know you. And that goes especially for dead last gesture I mentioned connecting people that gives you more charisma and you are perceived as more important. The second advantage is that this person will probably also be glad to do something for you. That doesn't apply to all people though. Some people are givers, some are takers, and some people are so-called matchers. Matchers are called that way because they only give after they've received something, when they don't receive anything, they also don't give anything. But that's why the best thing to do is take the initiative in the beginning and be a giver. If you encounter another giver, the two of you will support each other. If you encounter a matcher and you do something nice for them, they will also do the same for you. And if you encounter a taker and do them a favor, maybe they won't do the same thing for you, but at least you will know where you stand. But I guarantee you that there are so many nice people out there. And if you try to support and be helpful to the people you meet, you will develop real long-term relationships and in the end, you will also receive a tremendous lot. That's why you should always give more than you take.
17. Insider Tip: Bragging Modestly: Many of us like to impress people. There's nothing wrong with it. That's not a bad characteristic. It's a personality trait that actually pushes us further and thanks to which we keep out doing ourselves. However, there is a big difference between the impressing and bragging being a dagger. It is a questionable trait. So what is the difference and how can you show yourself in the best light without being a braggart or being conceited. Let's first take a look at what being conceited or being a show off exactly means in the first place. What defines concede at big headed people? Most of all that they love to talk about themselves, their successes and their qualities. They go into great detail telling everybody when they did or achieved, even if nobody really asked. And as a consequence, they fail completely. They end up not being admired with actually avoided. Now, it's important to say that the complete opposite, being entirely modest and not talking about your successes or qualities at all also won't get you far. If you don't show the people how cool are great you are, it's not likely that they will see it or asked about it, especially when you're talking to someone that you just met for the first time. If you don't show your value, you will often be overlooked and underrated. The best thing you can do is what I like to call bragging modestly. What I mean is the following. Instead of telling all the interesting things about yourself directly, you can casually mentioned them and then let the other person asks you to tell them more. You can do that when telling a story or an anecdote, or as a little remark, or as part of your reaction to what the other person says. For example, your conversation partner says that day like sailing. And you say to that, or really the business developer in my first startup loved sailing. He always told me about it and it sounded fantastic, so much fun. So this way, you told the other person that you had the startup of your own, which is a really cool thing. Without bragging about it. If they're interested, they will probably ask about it. They might say something like, oh, you have your own startup, is it's still active. What was it about? And then you can tell them more about to give away information about yourself in this way makes your unbelievably more interesting. People don't get an image of you served on a platter, but they get to gradually discover you. Talking to you becomes like a game. And people just loved that. In short, show yourself in the best light possible. Tell people about your interesting qualities, successes or fun facts. But in a subtle way, instead of directly telling about him, casually mentioned them here and there and lead the people, asked about them. So don't present yourself, but let yourself be discovered.
18. Business Cards - Don't Be This Guy!: Nowadays there are numerous possibilities that replace business cards and are also much more ecologically friendly. However, many people still use business cards and that's also fine. We are used to them and they can also be very convincing when trying to win customers if you give them a beautiful or originally designed business card. But when handling business cards, there are a lot of things that you can do wrong and completely ruined the impression. Maybe you've already met someone who gives around their cards, like fliers. As soon as you ask them what their name is or what they do, they instantly trust their card into your hand. Then it doesn't matter at all how beautiful or cool the car does. Because you can see on their behavior that this is not a very important or influential person. People might assume that the more cards to hand down, the more likely it is that someone will later get in touch. But more often than not, the exact opposite. If you give away your cards so easily. First of all, you can come across as desperate because you absolutely want to stay in touch, whatever 1. Second of all, it also seems unrealistic and salesy because it's more important to you to present yourself then to get to know the other person. That's why people won't see you as a valuable contact. You seem like a person who wants to prove themselves to everyone. That's why you shouldn't be very generous with your cards. Remember, the most interesting things are always a bit exclusive. Give your card either when the other person asks Who forward or if the other person agrees to get in touch with you. You can also simply give them your card at the end of the conversation when you say goodbye and if you wanted to stay in touch. But whatever the case, do not give people your card right away. At the beginning of a conversation. You'll be saving your reputation, some money and also the nature. Otherwise, you can always ask for the other person's business card, even if you're right at the beginning of your career and the other person is more advanced in, there's you can always politely ask, Could I have your card, please? After all, it is much more important to get the contact data others than give away your own. If you have to e-mail address or the number of the other person, you can contact them and then they will also have yours the other way around. It's all left up to them and you have no control over. So the conclusion is, don't be too generous with your business cards. That will make you more interesting. Don't give your card to the other person right away when meeting them, but only when there is a reason to do so.
19. "Exit Strategy": Back when I first started going to networking events, I would often start a conversation with someone and then end up spending the entire evening with this one person. Even if I actually didn't really like the conversation. That was because I somehow thought or felt that the only polite way or time to end the conversation is when you are going home. Now, apart from being entirely silly, that was also very unproductive because I would then end up getting to know very few people, one or perhaps two people in an evening. And not to mention that I had very little fun if I didn't happen to like this person. The problem was that the introvert in me was uncomfortable and ending a conversation without a solid reason. I mean, what should I say? Hey, I don't feel like talking to you anymore. Good luck with that. That's how i then developed some exit strategies for myself. In the beginning, I would always find some reason, almost an excuse to end the conversation. I would say, sorry, I've got to go to the bathroom or I'm going to get myself another drink. Then I would go to the bathroom or go get myself another drink. And on the way back, I would kind of spontaneously start a conversation with somebody else. The problem with that was that then I had to really go to the bathroom or go get myself a drink. So if I wanted to meet ten people, I would have had to get five drinks and go to the bathroom five times in the same evening. Which is absurd. But what I noticed was that in most cases the other person, more or less also wanted to end the conversation and go talk to other people. So when I said that, I'm going away, that would usually say, hey, let's exchange contact data if we don't see each other anymore. And then we said goodbye. If we came across a gender again that same evening, we was great, but that was it. So that made me more confident and I developed a more honest approach. If at some point I don't feel like having a conversation anymore or if I wish to go and meet other people first, I tried to communicate that implicitly. I talk less and less. I don't start any new topics. And then when the conversation gets a bit thinner, I put on a big smile and say, hey, it was great meeting you. I think I'm going to mingle around a bit now. We exchange contacts if we want to, of course, and I usually say see around, that is so much more convenient, honest, and still completely polite and appropriate. Mostly it's also Mutual because the other person also wants to meet more people than just me. So you can do that as well. When you find yourself in a similar situation, you can use those exit strategies or develop your own, or you can simply end the conversation directly. The bottom line is, when you get into a conversation with someone at an event, you don't have to talk to them all until you go home. When you want to end the conversation, you can simply thank them for the nice chat and say that you're going to mingle a bit. If that is still a bit uncomfortable for you. You can also say that you need to go use the bathroom or go get yourself a drink. But in most cases, there is really no need for that.
20. Follow-Up: Let's say you attended a conference yesterday and you met some interesting people. You had some exciting conversations. You exchange business cards are added each other on LinkedIn or in some other social network. And that's it. You never hear from this person again. They never hear from you again. You go to other events. Maybe one day you running to them accidentally. Maybe you don't, but perhaps you need something from them at some point and you want to get in touch with that person. However, if it's already been a couple of months and if you haven't heard from each other or hadn't seen each other since it can happen that this person doesn't even remember you anymore. That's not good. That's why I warmly recommend to you with every person that you meet and that you initially get along well with. Do a short follow-up the day after you meet them. Now, what does that mean? If you exchanged contact data, get in touch with that person, right the next day. It doesn't have to be anything big. Simply send them an email or a message on the channel where you connected. You can write something like this. Hey, Philip, it was really cool meeting here yesterday. I hope to see you again soon, perhaps at some other Conference. Take care. If you can also add an inside joke that you develop together, that's even better. Another great thing to do is if you can send the person something you guys talked about. For instance, the name of a book you recommended them, or it may be the link to a video that you guys talked about. And perhaps even better than that, is if you can connect the person with someone else. For instance, you can write this. Hey Jessica, this is the profile of the colleague I told you about. Like I said, I think she might help you out with your project. A follow-up like this is extremely important because this is the moment when a relationship begins, then it's not that you just encountered each other ones, but when this little message, now you become acquaintances. Because a relationship and even being an acquaintances or relationship, and it is a serious of encounters and mutual experiences. This first encountered, the first experience, the day you met each other is the foundation and would have follow up, you start adding onto that foundation. And when you see each other again or hear from each enter again, you keep building on it, you keep adding onto it. But whatever the case, this follow-up is that first real building block that you lay onto that foundation. And what's more, even if you don't see each other again soon or hear from each other. But if you need something from that person in a couple of months or even in a year and you want to get in touch with him, you still have that building block there. What I mean is this, if you want to get in touch with them after it's been awhile, send them a message through that same channel that you use for to follow. In this case, using if they actually forgot, you will see that all messages sent them as a follow-up and then they will remember you. And that's why it's so great to also add an inside joke or something you talked about or to mention where you met, like cool meeting you at the conference yesterday. That way they can remember where they met you and what you talked about and hopefully also how much they liked you. To sum up, strike the iron while it's hot. My friend. After you met someone, send them a short message, right? That it was a pleasure meeting them and if possible, referred to something you talked about or where you met. That way you lay an important building block and start building an actual relationship with this person.
21. Why You Should Celebrate Your Birthdays!: I always make the same recommendation to all the clients that I give soft skills coaching to And then is to celebrate their birthdays. Besides that, it's fun and you should always celebrate your successes throughout the year. And that your birthday is a perfect occasion for that. Celebrating your birthdays is also very good for your network. Why? Because it doesn't only matter to meet new people, approaching people, having an interesting conversation, exchanging contact. That's all just networking. But building relationships is something different. Relationships need to be cared for and cultivated. And how do you do that? By being in touch with those people, by meeting up with them, talking with them, and collecting experiences together. That's how you develop a relationship which can't be fewer, pure friendship, but which can also lead to some kind of cooperation or discovering a new business opportunity or getting the new client thanks to them. A lot of nice things can happen, but only if you take good care of your relationships. There's a reason people like to say out of sight, out of mind. If you're not actively in contact with this person, they're going to think of someone else when they hear about a good opportunity or if they need some kind of a service. That means it's important that you meet with your acquaintances here and they're either getting together for coffee or getting together for lunch. Or sometimes you can also simply send them a message saying something like, hey, I'm going to this event link. Would you maybe like to come along? No effort whatsoever, but you stay in touch and you see each other. Trust me, that doesn't only help you maintain the relationship. That also brings you a whole lot in other ways because you stay up to date on what's going on in their industries, what kind of projects there are, what they're working on, and so on. That will give you ideas. It will help you recognize new opportunities and you can also get feedback on the things you're currently working on. Now, if you know a lot of people, of course, it's difficult to get together with all of them regular. But that's where a birthday party or many kind of a party or any kind of event that you've organized comes in. If you invite all the friends and acquaintances who are important to you, they will all be there in one place. You can chat with everyone and what's best. There will also feel flattered because apparently he liked them so much that you even invited them to your part. Furthermore, when you organize your own party or any kind of event, you have a completely different charisma and status in that room. Then if you were at some kind of event that you didn't organize, here, you are the star. Everyone knows you. You're the reason why they're all here in the first place. And you're the thing that connects everyone. You will feel great and all of them will perceive you as even more interesting and charismatic. In summer. It's not only about meeting new people, but also cultivating relationships with the people. You already know. You do that by seeing them here and there and spending time with them. So don't forget your friends and acquaintances. Meet up with them and also celebrate your birthdays.
22. Don't Be A Networker, Be A Multiplier: Maybe you have a big network by now. Maybe you know a lot of people in your and other industries in your company as well as in others. You have a lot of friends and so on. But in order to take her network to a whole new level and to be a real powerhouse for the people around you. It doesn't suffice to only know people, but you should also connect people. That way. You're not some networker, but you become a multiplier. That's how you build not only a network, but also a community around yourself. That is first of all, a big plus for your contacts because you bring them value. When a person, you know, can help another person, you know, with a project or a job or with their service. It doesn't cost you a thing to put the two of them in touch, but it brings them a whole lot. Second of all, that's good for your relationships because these people are going to be thankful to you. And third of all, they will see you as even more charismatic and they will be glad to know you. And sooner or later, they will probably also introduce you to someone who might be interesting for you. So when you get to know someone, you always think about who you could introduce them to. Of course, you shouldn't force it. But if someone comes to your mind, why not? You can do it online. Simply send into contact data or the LinkedIn profile of one to the other. Or even better in the real world. The three or four of you can get together for lunch or coffee. And you can simply let them exchange ideas and talk. But make sure that you properly introduced them to each other in the beginning and emphasized the connection between them. That is the reason why he wanted for them to meet in the first place. And that is also another reason why I recommend my clients to celebrate their birthdays. When you organize an event of any kind, even if it's just a little company party or birthday party, you have a wonderful opportunity to connect your acquaintances, your friends and business partners among themselves, which brings value to them and also makes their relationships to you even stronger. So I repeat, it's not only important to know a lot of people, but to also connect your colleagues or acquaintances with each other. That's how you bring value to them, but also to yourself.
23. Insider Tip: Dealing With Awkward Situations: There are few things that introverts fear as much as awkward situations. And of course, especially when you are amongst strangers and if you're a slightly nervous, something like that can happen quite easily. For example, an awkward silence when you just smile awkwardly, not knowing what to talk about a failed handshake or when you already said goodbye to someone. And then you realize that you're actually going the same way on the street. But a situation is never awkward in itself. We are the ones who make a situation awkward by being embarrassed about Columbus ag interaction that didn't go the way we would have liked. But every such interaction is also a wonderful chance to come across as even more charming and even to strengthen your relationship with the other person. To start with, your attitude to the so-called awkward situations is important. In other words, there are no awkward situations. Your human, the other person is human, and the two of you are imperfect. An awkward situation is thoroughly human. That's why a little clumsy or unskilled gesture can actually make your charm that allows the other person to identify with you. Nobody can identify with someone who's Perfect. When you internalize that attitude, you will irradiate incredible confidence. And when something awkward does happen, don't act as if nothing happened. That's what the insecure people do. So you do the opposite. Try to acknowledge the situation, preferably through a little funny remark or gesture. That doesn't even have to be super funny. In such situations, people find everything a bit funnier than it really is because they are also looking for an exit out of the situation. So to say, a simple example, you extend your hand to the other person for a handshake. They don't seek it, then they extend. There's but by that time you already pulled yours back and only then you shake hands. You could say something like, well, we sure pull that off really well. Nothing special. A simple lighthearted remark, but it makes the situation a little brighter. When you act like that, people will feel incredibly well in your company. Then they don't have to be perfect all the time and they don't have to put so much effort all the time. They know that even if something clumsy or awkward happens, that's completely fine. Everyone likes being around such a relaxed and confident person. To put it altogether, except the fact that sometimes awkward situations happen and don't run away from them. If you acknowledge such a situation and make a positive funded remark about it, this episode will even come in handy to you because you will come across as even more charming and your relationship with the other person will become even richer.
24. Closing Words: Congratulations, you have completed this video course. I hope you liked it and that you learned a lot or at least some useful stuff from it. But although I can tell you everything about my own social anxiety and how I overcame it. And although I can share all my little tricks with you, I can't make you do the same. But that's actually the most important part of it all. It's about your career and your life. So you're the one who has to take action. The entire knowledge is in vain If you don't apply. I hope I was able to show you that meeting new people is not as difficult as was sometimes imagine it to be. You don't have anything to lose only to when and even if it doesn't always work out the way you'd like to, it's always better to try and even to fail than to look back one day and think, what if I wish you all the best, a lot of success and also luck in everything you do. I would be very happy if you can leave a review for this course. Always feel free to reach out to me. You can easily get in touch through my website, speech phenol.com. Thank you, my friends and see you next time.
Karlo Krznarić, Public Speaking Coach
