Nonverbal Communication: How To Read And Use Body Language To Be More Charismatic And Convincing

1. Course Preview: Do you know that you make the first impression on people even before you open your mouth. This is due to our bodily. Yes. Sometimes we say we our bodies much more than we do with our words. And the problem is, not everyone has talented for it, but luckily, you don't really need talent for it. You can learn how to read people and how to use your body language to be perceived as more charismatic, charming, and confident. That's what we'll do in this course. My name is Carlo, I am a Communication Coach, author, you tuber, and a former actor. Body language has been an essential part of everything I've been doing throughout my career. As a matter of fact, very often body language has been my key to success. So I decided to put everything I've been teaching, researching, and experimenting with all these years into this video course, through numerous examples, you will learn how to act and all kinds of social situations, whether it's about business, making friends, or even flirting. The knowledge you'll gain here will help you read people's body language like a secret agent and know how they feel or what they think without them saying, you'll learn how to assert yourself, how to handle important conversations, how to be more convincing or a better storyteller, how to tell when someone is lying and much more. And of course, we'll also have some fun, if that sounds good. Welcome aboard. But let's get started. 2. Introduction: So you decided to learn more about body language. Let me tell you, that is a good decision. This video course will be your guide through using and interpreting body language. Just to clarify, it's important to differentiate between Sign Language and body language. Sign language is a system that was created intentionally and has to be learned. Sign language consists of hand movements that have specified meanings. So you can use sign language only after being trained in it. On the underside, body language is an organic system. Everybody uses it intuitively from birth. The meaning behind symbols of body language is much more fluent and flexible. However, let's leave definitions for now. In this intro, I'd just like to tell you how this course is structured so you can make the most of it apart from the introductory part and the conclusion, the videos are divided into three chapters. The first chapter are the basics. We'll talk about what communication is in general with body language is, and how it works, as well as the notions of good and bad body language. So this part is important because here we will lay the foundations on which we will built afterwards. The videos into second chapter cover individual areas on the person's body and their body language. We will isolate and study each one of those areas, tried to find some general patterns and principles and go over some gestures that might be specific for them. This will help you both recognize and interpret the body language of others, as well as utilize your own to leave an impression you desire an under people. Finally, the third chapter deals explicitly with interactions between people. Here we will discuss how people act in each other's company. How, where do you sit in the room influences how you're perceived. Different ways of shaking hands and physical contact in general, as well as how to tell if someone is lying to you. Individual videos can vary in length, but they consist of a main part and a summary. As a little help for the most important ideas, there are also bullet points on the screen like this. Well, I'm glad you're here. I hope you'll enjoy this course and always feel free to send me a message if there's something I can do for you. Now, let's get down to work. 3. What is Communication?: Communication is one of those words that everybody uses. Everybody knows what it means, but no one can really explain it. You could think that communication means talking with each other. But how about when a boy misbehaves and his mother doesn't say anything, but just points her finger and gives him a hard look. She communicated a very clear message without saying anything. What's more, we can communicate without even being physically present. If a person comes to a meeting late or doesn't show up at all, they're also communicating something, something that probably won't make the others happy. So what is communication? To put it simply, Communication is an act of conveying information to another person. Mind that when we say information, this doesn't have to mean some strict factual information. Giving someone a simple smile, gives them a piece of information as well. It means that you're in a good mood or that you like them. And this shows us that there are three types of communication. Verbal, non-verbal, and paraverbal. Verbal communication is when we communicate using words. It refers to language. Non-verbal communication refers to body language. This is what we will be dealing with in this video course. Finally, paraverbal communication includes the qualities of our voices. For example, you can say the same sentence in different ways. Excited and friendly. Where were you this weekend or suspicious? Where were you this weekend? You notice that the tone of my voice, my intonation, and even the color of my voice changed. So these are some of the aspects of our voice and they make up paraverbal communication. Now, if you have ever read a single article or watched a single video about body language, you've probably heard that only 7% of communication is verbal. The remaining 93% is non-verbal and paraverbal. Yes, that sounds pretty crazy. And it's actually not completely true. For starters, if you just think about irrationally, this would mean that you can say the most horrible and offensive things to someone, but as long as your smile, they won't mind it. Don't try it. This is actually a misinterpretation of research done in the sixties and seventies where the researchers were trying to assess how much each type of communication influence the likeability and credibility of a person who was telling about their feelings. In other words, the research was much more specific than how it's being interpreted to date. So being a good communicator is not only about mastering body language, it is about combining all three types of communication in order to be authentic to yourself and do what you are trying to achieve or express. But with that said, Baba language is definitely a big part of great and effective communication. It can often be the crucial factor in whether people will perceive you as likeable, trustworthy, and charismatic. Let me put it this way. You can be fantastic wood words, but if your body doesn't support what you're saying, you won't have much success. But if it's the other way around, if you're not really good with words, but your body language is authentic. It shows your friendly intentions and confidence. People will trust you and like you. And luckily, it takes much less talent to master body language than being eloquent. All you need is to put in some work in proper guidance. And that's why you're here. That's why I'm here. So let's keep going. 4. How Body Language Works: Before we can interpret body language and use it consciously, we need to understand how body language works in the first place. Just like words, body language is a means of expression. It is a bridge between our inner world, our feelings and thoughts and things that are in US which other people cannot see, and our outside world, the people around us. Body language is an expression of our inner world. It happens automatically. When you are happy, you don't decide to smile and laugh and stand up straight. You do it subconsciously. The same thing. When you're sad, you just start drooping your shoulders and slouch and frown. And this is also why body language is often seen as more honest and words. Maybe you don't tell anyone that you're feeling sad, but they can tell it from your body. This is one of the reasons why researchers who study communication say that we cannot not communicate. Even if you're completely quiet, if you're not saying anything, your body, the way you're sitting or standing, what you're looking at, even your clothes are constantly sending off information about who you are and how you're feeling. But exactly this can also be a problem. For example, if you're with a client or even your own team and you want to appear confident, but you're actually nervous. Your body will automatically start showing that nervousness. Although you don't want your client or teammates to know you're nervous, you want to appear confident and professional. This is why it's not enough to rely only on using your body language intuitively, if you want to be seen as a charismatic individual, you have to take conscious control of your body language. You have to know what kind of a signal you want to send. If you do product presentations every day, you're not going to feel enthusiastic every day. But if you want to do a good job, you have to be enthusiastic in your delivery every time you give that presentation. And the best thing about it is that using the body language of excitement will actually make you excited, even if you didn't feel like that originally. You see body language works in two ways. From inside towards the outside, meaning it shows your emotions outwards, but also from the outside towards inside. This means that behaving in a certain way will also make you feel that way. And you can do this with a very simple experiment from psychology. You take a pencil and put it into your mouth like this. You see that the pencil forces you to put your lips in the position of smiling. Hold a pencil like that for one minute and try to be negative or said, it is hard to be sad too, while you're smiling, isn't it? It's because your body and your mind are connected in that way. When you're happy, you're smiling. So when you're smiling, your brain thinks that you are happy and it automatically becomes happy. And the very same thing happens with all other emotional states. If your body x confident, you will start feeling more confident. If your body acts depressed, you will start feeling that way. To, to summarize, your body language is a reflection of your inner world. We subconsciously send signals to our environment about ourselves through our bodies. However, it also works the other way around. We can change our emotional states through our body language. This way, using your body language consciously, even when you're alone, will not only improve your social status and charisma, but also your personal happiness. 5. How to Read Body Language: There is one important thing we need to go over before trying to read other people's body language. You know that in verbal languages like English, the same word can have different meanings in different contexts. The most basic example of this as the word models. If someone says, I'm looking for my mouse, that might mean a computer mouse, but maybe they actually have a pet mouse which escaped from its cage. Well, it's a silly example, but you get the point. We interpret the meaning of a word based on what context and what circumstances it's used in. Now, body language is an intuitive, emotional, and subconscious means of communication. So here, this is the case. Even more, the same gesture can have many different meanings. That's why the first rule of interpreting body language is, don't jump to conclusions. Crossing your arms is often associated with negative feelings towards something, but that doesn't always have to be the case. Sometimes the person might feel that the room is cold, so they're trying to warm up their body. They might also be thinking about something. So they tried to take some mental distance from that thing so they can think better. Or maybe they even just don't know what to do with their arms so they crossed them. So how should you interpret it then? The answer is, don't make judgments based on one isolated gesture, but look for several clues that point to the same thing and then make our conclusion. For example, if the person crosses their arms, but their faces lively, their posture is straight, then take your time. Act neutral and observe them some more before making conclusions. But if their arms are crossed and they also crossed her legs, if they have a frown on their face, then it's safe to assume that they're experiencing some kind of negative emotions. And then you can attune yourself and your body language to that insight. I'll repeat. Don't jump to conclusions when reading other people's body language. Don't make judgments based on a single gesture. Look also at other parts of their body and try to see if there are other gestures that either confirm or deny that impression. Only when you have several clues that you can piece together. Can you make a sound assumption as to how that person is feeling or what they are thinking. 6. Good vs Bad Body Language?: When it comes to body language, you must have already heard somewhere that you shouldn't do this when talking with someone or presenting. That is solid advice. But I hope that they didn't tell you that this is bad body language. That's not bad body language. Let me tell you what it is. That is a bad attitude towards body language. When you think about words, there are no good or bad words. Yes, there might be some offensive or impolite words, but they are not bad in themselves. It's the negative emotions when the person uses them that makes them bad. But actually, sometimes we can even use an impolite word in a loving and teasing way. Where were the close friend? The same thing goes for body language. Words of body language are Gestures. This is a gesture, This is a gesture, and also this is a gesture. Now there are some gestures that are considered impolite and offensive as well. But I won't show those right now. But instead of thinking in terms of good and bad gestures thing creditor about effective and ineffective. If this usually means that you are feeling uncomfortable. So if you wish to suddenly let the other person know that you're feeling uncomfortable, then using this gesture is effective. You are using the appropriate gesture to get that message across. But the other way around, if you want to radiate confidence and enthusiasm, then that gesture is ineffective, then you might be better off using some other gesture that we will learn later. So our first classification is effective and ineffective, will make two more categorizations which will help us understand and use body language more easily. The second one is open and closed body language. In my workshops, I always say this, your inside world is your house and your body is the door. So how does that door look like when it's closed? Maybe like this or this or this. All gestures and postures where the body closes or where you hide a part of your body are closed gestures, as opposed to this old gestures and postures where others can see your body are open. The reason why this classification matters is that open body language communicates confidence and builds trust. Thousands of years ago, if someone held their fist closed or kept their hand where you can't see it. They might have had a little knife or a stone and wanted to hurt you. So as the humankind evolved, we learned to this trust closed body language. It is mostly associated either with hiding something or would being defensive because you're creating a barrier. It's like you're protecting yourself. Finally, the last categorization is dominant and submissive body language. This is another thing that stems from our past, but is just as present today. This is also where we can see the most similarities between human and animal body language. For instance, a dog that is trying to be dominant, tries to make itself as big as possible. It tries to look as dangerous as possible. And if it tries to dominate an underdog, you will try to push the other dog down to the ground. However, a dog that is being submissive, for example, when it wants a treat or something from you, that dog sits down, puts two ears behind. It, tries to appear as small and harmless as possible. And as we will see in the next videos, it works just the same way with human body language. So to sum it up, there is no good or bad body language. However, there is effective and ineffective body language, meaning whether you are conveying the intended message or not. There is also open and closed body language where you're either hiding or showing your body to others. Finally, there is dominant and submissive body language where you're either trying to appear big and dangerous or small and harmless. 7. Posture Makes A Person: The first and basic component of body language, the thing that is the easiest to notice is posture. When thinking about non-verbal communication, you can think of it as a painting where the posture is a frame and the gestures and motives are details inside that frame. Just to define it, the posture is the way you carry your body, the way you stand. It's the position of your body in a given moment. As we all know, only too well, a posture is not only a matter of body language, but also a matter of habit and health. We all tend to slouch more and more because we spend so much time sitting, staring at computers and also at our phones. So when you stand like this, it's not only bad for your health, but it also makes you seem less confident. The more upright your posture is, the more confident you appear. An upright posture means simply having your back straight, pulling your shoulders back a bit and sticking your chest. I'll delete. This shows your upper body in its full size. So this is a neutral posture. If you go ahead and stick your chest out even more, it becomes a dominating posture. It can easily be perceived as arrogant. The psychology behind it, if we go back to the old times, the prehistoric times even is this. If you're going around like this, you're leaving your torso exposed. So actually you're vulnerable to an attack. It shows that you are so confident in your dominance that you're not afraid of others. You are not afraid that someone might stab you in the chest. Those were crazy times. I know. The opposite of that is if you hide your chest, you bend a little bit, you push your shoulders forward and your head drops a bit. This signals being submissive, making yourself small and protecting yourself. And these two different postures are also tied with certain emotions. If you observe your body when you're sad or afraid, you see that it goes into that slouching posture on its own. It's like something is drawing you into that position on the other side when you're happy or even when you're angry without thinking, you start standing upright. And in extension, this also correlates to our readiness to do things when you are happy or angry, you have a lot of energy to spend and your body instantly takes this stance where it's easy to do things and move around. On the other hand, when you're sad or afraid, you don't really feel like doing much. You actually feel like curling up in a fetal position. So then it's no wonder that people with upright postures are seen as more capable, charismatic. And what's even more, this posture makes them more ready to act. So they are often seen as leaders. In other words, it's a self-feeding circle and it can either be a vicious circle. You're feeling secure. So you slouch and end up feeling even more insecure or a virtuous circle, you stand up, right? Which makes us see more confident, which makes you feel more confident and ready to act, which will then lead to even more confidence. The choice is yours. But my suggestion is standup, right? Stick your chest out and pull your shoulders back. Don't be arrogant. Let's stand your ground. All in all, standing up straight is seen as a posture of confidence and high energy. It's a posture of action and if pushed even further, posture of dominance, slouching is a posture of low-energy and our bodies automatically slide into that posture when will feel anxious, both have their roles and purposes, but know that your posture further fosters the feelings it's tied to. That's why you should make it a conscious choice and not just an automatic habit. 8. Attraction & Lies - It's in the Eyes: There is something magical about eyes. Eyes are the most prominent part of people's faces. And although they're not always easy to read, they can reveal a lot about a person. Some people claim they can read a person's entire character based on their eyes. Some people claim they can tell if someone is lying or telling the truth based on their eyes. Is this really possible? Well, according to science, there might be some truth in it, and the trick lies in the pupils. Pupils are black circles right in the middle of our eyes. The interesting thing about them is that they can dilate and constrict, meaning become bigger or smaller depending on different factors. The first and simplest factor is light. The main purpose of pupils in the first place is that they let light into the eyes. So if the room is dark to pupils dilate, they expand in order to let more light inside. On the underside. When there is a lot of light around, they constrict or shrink because there is already enough light in the eyes. However, the change of pupil size can also be on the emotional response when you see something that you like or something that makes you excited, your pupils dilate to take in more of that view. On the other hand, when you see something negative or that you don't like, your pupils constrict the blackout that image. And this also goes for seeing a person you like or that you are attracted to. So if you notice that someone's pupils grow when they see you, it might mean they like you. We generally find dilated pupils more attractive. That's why people's pupils on ads are often Photoshop to be bigger. And that's also why if you're going on a date with someone, choosing a location with them or lighting, or meeting in the evening can be a better choice than during daytime or a location with a lot of light. This same mechanism can also be used to tell if a person is lying. Pupils also dilate when your brain starts working harder. I hope you see where this is going. When someone tells the truth, their brain doesn't have to work. They just tell you the information that they have. But when someone lies, they have to come up with a new piece of information before telling it. So while their brain is working harder thinking of something, their pupils dilate, but this is also not something you should use without any caution. The safe way to approach this is to first do something called baseline. What this means is that you ask the person a couple of questions where they have no reason to lie to you, and then observe how their eyes behave when telling the truth. Then you ask the question where you're thinking that they might be lying and observe if their eyes behave any differently than previously. If that's the case, you might want to pursue the matter a bit further because that is an indication that they might be lying. In summary, pay attention to people's pupils. When there is not much light in the room, pupils dilate or grow bigger. And when there's a lot of lights, they constrict or grow smaller. However, dilated pupils can also mean other things. It could mean the person got excited about something. It can mean they like you, but it can also mean they're lying. So observe pupils in the eyes of a person. And soon you'll also be able to tell quite a few things about them based on their eyes. 9. The Subtle Art of Eye Contact: Eye contact is the basis of communication. When someone makes eye contact with you, you feel acknowledged and connected with them. Now, different cultures may have different norms regarding eye contact. For example, in Japan, eye contact can be seen as impolite than aggressive. But we'll focus on the Western culture. Here. Making eye contact is the norm and avoiding it is seen as unusual behavior. As a matter of fact, if you're not making eye contact while talking with someone, they can interpreted as you being annoyed, ignoring them, or being afraid of them. But this is where it gets a bit more complicated. Although making eye contact is the norm, there is also such a thing as too much eye contact. In other words, we make iconic when talking, but we also break it every once in a while, only to make it again. Finding the right balance is often the key to having a pleasant experience for both sides. Do little eye contact can make the person feel ignored and too much can make them feel attacked. As a rule of the thumb, researchers say that in a friendly conversation, you should hold eye contact for about 50% of the time when speaking and 70% of the time when listening. So the person speaking looks away a bit more than the person listening. Eye contact is also very important indicator when it comes to romance. If you notice that a person who's not letting go of your eyes, in other words, if they maintain eye contact for longer than usual, they might be into you. However, if they avoided as much as possible, then it's bad news. Another thing is that you can also tell how people feel about you based on where their gaze lands on your face. It's simple. Looking at someone into triangle area between their eyes and nose is a simple social gays. And this communicates comfort and a friendly relationship. Looking a bit lower between their eyes and mouth is an intimate gaze. If someone is looking at you like that, it often means they are attracted to you, especially if they are looking at your lips. And that is a pretty good hint that they would like to kiss you. On the underside looking upwards. So in the Triangle area between the eyes and the center of the forehead is called the power gaze. This feels a bit aggressive and people do this when they try to dominate the other person. One final piece of advice I have for you when it comes to eye contact is when you are in a group conversation. When you are the one speaking, always make sure to maintain regular eye contact with everyone in the group. In other words, keep switching who you're looking at while you are talking. If one person asks you a question, you might tend to only make eye contact with that particular person, but that makes the others feel left out. So regardless of who asked a question, make eye contact with everyone who's listening to you. It's a subtle thing, but it makes you much more charismatic and it makes others feel good in your company. Let's summarize. Eye contact is the basis of communication into Western culture. In a friendly conversation that person talking usually makes eye contact for about 50% of the time and the person listening 70% of the time. This can VRI, if there is some power play or romance involved. There are three types of gazes. Social gaze, intimate gays, and power gaze. Finally, if you're in a group of people, make eye contact with all of them so that everyone feels involved and engaged. Mastered the subtle art divide contact and you will instantly be more charismatic and charming. 10. How to Recognize Emotions Based on Facial Expressions : The most prominent part of a person's body is their face. The face is how we recognize a person. When you think of a friend or a family member of yours, you think of their face. So we equate a person's face with their identity. This is why being able to read faces and also have good control of the expressions of your own face is of crucial importance. The first thing that comes to our mind when talking about expressions of the face, our emotions. There are six basic human emotions that have been found in every researched culture on earth. Those are joy, sadness, fear, anger, discussed, and surprise. So while different cultures across the globe express many things differently when it comes to these six emotions, people of all cultures make the same facial expressions to show them. When we're happy, we pull the ends of our lips upwards. That is to say, we smile. We can do this both with a closed and open mouth and an open mouth signals and more intense feeling of happiness. Of course, we can also smile voluntarily, even when we're not happy, we can fake a smile. However, there is a difference between a genuine and a fake smile. A genuine smile doesn't activate only the lips, but also the eyes. It activates the muscles around the eyes causing wrinkles to appear on the outer edges of them, slightly closing them. The opposite of a smile is a frown. When we're sad, we slightly stick out the bottom lip or press the lips together, pooling the sides of the lips downwards. The eyebrows are drawn into each other and slightly upwards. As sadness becomes more intense, the lips can even start trembling. You usually see this before a person starts crying. Do you know the same fear has big eyes. It goes like that because when we're afraid or body automatically wants to gain as much information as possible. So it opens the eyes more to see better. And this causes the eyebrows to go up as well, and the forehead becomes wrinkled. The mouth is usually open, but the ellipse may be tensed or drawn back. An expression of surprise is very similar to this, but with less tension around the face, especially less tension in the lips. Anger is characterized by the eyebrows being drawn together. The nostrils are spread apart and the lips are usually pressed together, unless of course, the person is shouting. Finally, we express discussed also by bringing the eyebrows together, by raising the upper lip and building tension in the nose. We're mostly recognize and understand facial expressions intuitively, but not everyone is really good at it, and that is perfectly fine. In that case, you simply have to pay conscious attention to these clues, practice it, and after a certain while, you will undoubtedly be able to tell them automatically just as well. One more time. The six basic human emotions are joy, sadness, fear, anger, disgust, and surprise. All studied cultures on Earth expressed in with the same facial expressions. You can probably already tell them intuitively by the, if you don't simply use these guidelines to recognize them more easily. 11. Nuances of Facial Expressions: Of course, our faces are able to express much more than just the basic six expressions. And this means it would be absurd to try to list all possible facial expressions. But let's go over some of the most common ones. And when you understand more about them, you'll also develop a better understanding for everything in between. Let's start with the eyebrows. The eyebrows have a little interplay with our eyes. When we want to take in more information, we raise our eyebrows. So looking at people's eyebrows can help you tell when they are really curious or interested in what you're telling them. When you're talking with someone, the moment that you notice that little eyebrow raise when they say really, that's the moment, you know, you got them curious. That's the moment you ignited a little spark and then you just have to keep building up that fire. Of course, there's also the little flirtatious eyebrow raise. But don't do that when you're really trying to flirt. It's actually more funny than really flirtatious. Another gesture that can be very playful is winking. A wink can imply a little secret between two people, and can also be an attempted flirting, which I again, one really recommend. Mind that winking at someone can be seen as patronizing as if you're treating a child. So always use it carefully. A common thing would eyes is that you'll often see people squinting when trying to focus on thinking. This can be seen as an act of trying to see something more clearly, as if trying to see something into distance. It can also mean the person is trying to block out unnecessary visual information to see an image in their head more clearly. Maybe they even close their eyes completely when thinking. The nose is a relatively passive part of the face, apart from wrinkling up here and there, it doesn't contribute much to body language. But we'd already has a very important function, namely breathing. So what more can you ask of it? However, lips are very expressive. We use our lips and mouth to take in food. So on the one side, they are crucial to our survival. On the other side, we use them to produce language to express ourselves. So in extension, the lips show a lot about how we feel about things that are served to us, so to say. And can also show things that we feel but don't want to say. Some common expressions are, for instance, a half smile. This can often be seen as mischievous bolt or if pushed even further, slightly evil. So don't do that if you want to communicate genuine friendliness. But if you're going for a bad boy or a bad girl, look, that's what you're looking for. Now. Although puckering up your lips, which is pressing them together and outwards, is a symbol for a kiss. Pressing them together an inwards can be a sign of frustration. If you look at it, it's as if the person is angry about something and they're trying hard not to say it, but to keep it inside, then there's Dalit bite, biting your own lip can also be a sign of tension and frustration. It suggests that there is some angering the person, but they're not lending it out on someone else, but on themselves. It looks like they're stopping these angry words from leaving their mouth. However, it can just as well be an indicator of central energy. As a matter of fact, it's when a person will often do before they kiss someone. One final gesture we'll cover is sticking out your tongue. And this is of course a gesture, mostly children do. But understanding how it works will help you understand more about facial expressions in general, when you're a baby and apparent puts a piece of broccoli into your mouth. You're probably don't like the taste of it. So what do you do? You stick out your tongue to get rid of it. In this very same way, a child or person sticks out their tongue to show that they reject what someone is telling them. So it's no wonder that this gesture then grew to be seen as disobedient, impolite, and cheeky. That's exactly why using it in a friendly setting can make it seem cute or even flirtatious. So these are some examples of facial gestures. However, your goal should never be to learn them by heart. I hope that explaining these gestures helps you understand the underlying principles behind them. When you get a good grip on that, you will be able to understand almost any gesture and then you will master body language. 12. There's More to Head Nodding Than You Think: Even though there's not that many movements you can do with your head and neck. There are still a couple of important gestures worth mentioning here. Naturally, we express agreement by nodding the head and disagreement by shaking the head. When we're listening to someone speaking, we nod our heads as a confirmation that we're listening and that we agree with them. What few people know, however, is that the speed of nodding also says something. When a person who's listening to you is nodding their head relatively slowly, it means that they are paying attention and that they are interested. However, if there nodding their head pretty quickly, it means they already got the point that they're not so interested or that they have something to say and can wait for them to have a turn to speak. In other words, it's like saying, okay, I got it. Let me speak now. Use this knowledge to recognize when to continue speaking and when to give the word to the other person. Next step, raising or lowering your head is also a matter of dominance and submission. Raising your head makes you appear bigger and it sticks out your chin. The chin is a very vulnerable part of the head. So sticking it out shows that you're not afraid of a 100 person on the other side. Lowering your head is the sign of obedience and subordination. It's what people used to do in front of a king or when praying. But the most interesting thing is tilting your head to the side. And this is a sign of trust, agreement and vulnerability. And this also has roots in the animal world. Doing this exposes your neck, which is the most vulnerable part of the body. So on the subconscious level, it tells the other person, I trust that you won't hurt me and I'm making myself vulnerable to you. This is why some people also do that one flirting, because it immediately builds intimacy. To recap, in the western culture, nodding your head means yes and shaking it means no. How often someone who's nodding while they're listening shows if they want to speak or continue listening. Raising her head is a gesture of dominance and lowering it is a gesture of submission. Finally, tilting your head to the side creates intimacy and trust as it subconsciously shows vulnerability. 13. When Hands Meet Face: Once you learn about individual parts of the body and their languages, it's time to combine them. But don't worry, it's not that complicated. We often have the urge to touch parts of our face when feeling certain emotions. When you observe these gestures for awhile, you will start seeing certain patterns. And the reasons why people do that in the first place. For example, the face palm, no one ever does dead when they're happy or excited. It's a sign of despair. And the reason we do that is because we don't like the situation. So we cover our eyes in order not to see it, to run away from it. Of course, it's only symbolical, but that's how our subconscious works. Research has said that the very same principle works for touching your ears or the area around them. If you see that the person you're talking to is touching their ears a lot or playing with them. It might mean that they don't like what they're hearing. So in that case, you might want to change the subject or ask them a question, ask them what they think. So this way, you can address their concerns right on the spot. Covering the mouth can also mean the same, like a baby that doesn't want to eat broccoli. This person doesn't want what you're serving them. It can also mean that they have some concerns that they are not saying, but keeping it to themselves. So again, that is a great opportunity to ask them about their opinion. If a person keeps a hand around or near their mouth or generally touches that area of the face a lot while speaking. That can also be an indicator of line. Just think of a child who tells a lie or says something they shouldn't have said, what does that child do? They covered their mouth right away. When we grow up, our gestures become more refined, but we still have that urge to do that. Additionally, touching your forehead is in most cases, a clear expression of shame. It's a closed gesture because it suggests hiding your face away from people. And that's exactly what we feel like when we're awkward or ashamed, we wish to disappear. So this little gesture is a symbolical attempts of that. Next, we've got touching your chin and leaning on your hand. The interesting thing about this is that it can mean completely opposite things. It could mean great interest or complete boredom. So how can you tell? Well, look at these two images, what is the difference? You can see that on the left one, the hand is touching the side of the face and the person is completely leaning on the hand. If the hand wasn't there, their face would fall onto the disc. You can clearly tell that this person is so bored that they're almost asleep. On the other one, the head is touching the middle of the chin and the head is standing on its own. The hand wasn't there, the head would still be standing upright. All of this clearly indicates that this person is interested in what they're hearing. One less gesture that we'll take is touching your Nick. This can simply mean the person is hot, but also that they are uncomfortable. When we feel anxious or uncomfortable, we might feel the need to get more air or the clothes we're wearing might get itchy. So we automatically pulled the collar or scratch. So if you see someone doing that, ask them how they're doing or if there's anything you can do for them, even if they don't ask for anything, trust me, they will appreciate you asking and they'll feel like you understand it. Let's draw a conclusion here. Seeing that the face and hands are among the most expressive parts of the body there, interplay can tell a lot about a person. Touching your face is often associated with unpleasant feelings, being unhappy with what you're hearing or seeing, and even lying. Touching your chin can be an expression of interests, but also of border. So the lesson is be aware of how and when you touch your face, the rule of the thumb is simply not to touch it if there's no real reason for it. Also, pay attention to what others do. And sometimes they will even feel like you're read their mind. 14. What To Do With Your Arms: The more you learn about nonverbal communication, the more attention you start paying to it. And soon you find yourself having one very big problem. Oftentimes, you don't know what to do with your arms. That's why we'll analyze some arm positions and see what kind of impressions day leave on the people around us. The position everyone knows is crossed arms. This is very common. It's an instinctive reaction when we feel anxious, defensive, when we want to gain some distance, or simply when we're cold. It's a closed gesture because it creates a barrier between you and your environment. So that's why it's not recommended to do that when you're trying to be friendly, positive, and open. So for example, when you're having a difficult conversation with someone, you might feel the urge to cross your arms, but if you do that, that will only fuel the negative energy that's already there. And that's why it's better to resist that urge and keep your arms open. That way the conversation is more likely to get resolved in a positive way. On the other hand, if the other person crosses their arms, ask them how they feel or what they think about the topic. A little trick you can also do is to give them something to hold. If you're in a business meeting that can be a handout with additional information. So this way, they will have to break that position and will automatically create an open position from which they will be more receptive. A variation of this is the so-called cell hug. When you open your hands and grab your upper arms, it looks like you're giving yourself a hug. And there is a lot of psychology behind this that offers us another great lesson about how body language works. When we feel sad or hurt, we would like someone to give us a hug. Children most people were used to their parents hugging them when they were sad or in pain. So we internalize this and now we give ourselves a hug when we feel that way. A less defensive version of this as dropping your arms and putting your hands together. As you can see, this leaves your chest open so you see more receptive to the other person. It is however, a very static position. In other words, it doesn't make you seem like the most outgoing person in the room. The way you mostly see me here is holding my arms and hands like this. I like this when speaking because I can put my hands together and hold them there, but also freely gesture with them. I personally recommend this when giving a presentation. A position opposite of crossing your arms is putting your hands behind your back. This is very open, but it can make you look like a general or a soldier. And there's also a lot of logic behind it. By putting your hands behind your back, you're leaving your chest completely exposed, which again shows that you're not afraid. Mind that it can also leave a subtle impression like you're hiding something because people can't see your hands. Now, if you watch carefully, you can sometimes see people also holding their hands behind the back like this or like this. This might also have some connotations from childhood, like holding your hand away your parent would, or even trying to stop yourself from doing something. However, with very subtle gestures like this, be careful not to read too much into them and overinterpret them. Made only serve as a hint, but as always, never make a conclusion based on a single gesture. If you watch sports, you must have seen this position often holding your arms that Kimball, it's a comfortable position to rest your arms, but there is also something more to it. By holding your arms like that, you make yourself appear bigger, which again brings us to battling for dominance. Now you see why athletes use it so much. And also angry moms. I personally love holding my hands in my pockets. It leaves a very casual impression and adjust feels good. However, in some more formal settings and around formal people, it can be considered rude. So I'd say do it around friends, but be careful about it at work, around supervisors or older people. And of course, when you really don't know what to do with your arms and hands, There's always the easy solution. Simply hold something in a bar, hold a glass, you know, an office holder pin can go wrong with it. You'll feel good. You'll look at the bottom line is our arms and hands are not there only to hold and lift things. They have communication purposes just as well. Different arms and hands positions make you leave different impressions and people, they can make the people around you and yourself feel different. So be conscious about how you hold your arms and use this knowledge to also decipher people around you. 15. The Magic of Hands: With due respect to all other body parts, hands are simply something special. The hands are the key element in performing most of the actions we do, and especially those that are unique to us humans, we have the best control over our hands and we can do very precise things with them. The hands are an extension of our will and also of our personality. With that said, it's understandable that hands play an extremely important role in body language. The hands say a lot when they're static and even more when they're moving. That is to say actively gesturing. In the video where we talked about the language of arms, we already discussed some hand positions when standing. So first, let's quickly go over a few hand positions. When sitting. After that, we'll discuss types of hand gestures and how we can categorize them to understand them better. When you're sitting at a desk or a table where you hold your hands shows how engaged you are or how much authority you project. Remember, the hands are an extension of your will and your control. So if you're keeping your hands below the table, it suggests that you have nothing to say. Maybe that you don't have the authority to say anything, or maybe you're even hiding something when holding your hands on the table. How much space you occupy shows how dominant you are trying to be. Now before we get to exact positions of your hands, let's just discuss one very important thing that you might be doing without even knowing that is fiddling. When we get nervous, a lot of energy is produced, which has to be spent. So unconsciously, sometimes we start playing with things lying around or even with our own hands. But this only shows your nervousness and can even make us nervous, especially if you are the leader or supervisor. How should you hold your hands? The simplest approach is to let the palms faced a table or interlock your fingers. You might be thinking, hey, but what about open and closed positions? If people can see your palms, Isn't that a closed position? Yes, technically it is. But sitting like this would be absurd. So when it comes to hands, open, refers more often to gestures and the tendency of your gestures. And that's where the real action is. Using open hand gestures means that people can see your palms while you're gesturing. So you might keep your hands on the desk, lay this, but once you start talking, you open your hands more and then bring them back here and then here again and so on. A question, I often get at my workshops and from my clients is how much you should gesture. Some people gesture a lot and some almost don't do it at all. It has to do with culture, with your personality, and also with the type of impression you want to leap. Using few gestures, shows calmness, discipline, and rationality. Gesturing a lot shows passion, energy, and enthusiasm. So, for starters, go with your natural tendency. But also think about how you want to be perceived and you'll find the right balance for you. Another aspect you might want to consider is how big or how wide your gestures are. There is a difference between talking like this or talking like this. To give us a starting point, let me introduce you to the so-called gesture frame. It's an imaginary frame with its upper border in the height of your chin, the sides into line with your shoulders, and the lower border in the height of your hips. On average, most gestures take place inside this frame. If your hands go outside of the frame, your gestures are relatively wide. They go even further inside the frame. They are pretty narrow. So as you can already see, why gestures have the tendency of dominating. They take up space, they grab people's attention, and they show confidence. If you overuse them, perhaps even too much confidence. Narrow gestures on the other side show timid. This sensitivity, precision, or even secrecy. Using this all the time makes you seem rather shy. Now, you might have a natural tendency to use one or the other type of gestures, but to be the most effective, you should ideally mixed them up a little bit. If you always gesture the same way, people get used to it and it loses its effectiveness. But when you throw in something out of the ordinary, you grab people's attention again. So make sure to keep surprising them every once in a while. The last distinction will make is in the nature of the movements. In music, there are two important terms, legato and staccato. They describe if musical notes are played together, so they immediately follow one another. This is called legato, or if they are clearly cut, separated by short intervals of silence. This is staccato. I hope you see the connection here. Legato gestures are prolonged movements with several motions combine into one. They are associated with elegance, with artistic notions or with processes. For example, when you say things like Welcome to our hotel, or we need to develop the idea a bit further. Conversely, staccato gestures are short and have one clear motion. These are associated with structure, decisiveness, and Action. An example of this as saying, would develop in January, we're test in February, we launch in March. Although everyone knows it never really works out that way. Again, you might have the habit of doing one more than the other, but make sure to play with both in order for your body language to be interesting and engaging. Ultimately, always remember this. The reason why we gesture in the first place is because we humans are visual beings. We often think in images and when we see things, we also understand them better. So our hands accompany the words we say with our voice to illustrate them and give them even more layers of meaning. Gesturing is actually painting with your hands. So always think about what kind of an image you want to paint. All in all, hands. Show a lot about the person where you hold your hands, in what position, how much you move them and how you move them shows how engaged you are, how confident or shy you are, and also what type of a person you are. In order to be engaging and interesting, mix up different types of gestures every once in a while. Those can be opened and closed gestures, wide and narrow, legato and staccato, or simply mix up the frequency of gestures. Finally, remember to gestures, illustrate our words. Gesturing is nothing else than painting with your hands. 16. Common Hand Gestures: Hands are extremely expressive. The fact that there are so many moving parts and atomically speaking, the risks, the fingers and then of course, each finger has several joints. All of this makes countless movements, gestures, positions, and all kinds of combinations possible. Let's start with number one. The index finger. Pointing a finger in the air is a sign of authority. This is something angry parents do. So it shows that the madder is important, but it also symbolizes a threat. Exactly because of this, it quantitates imposing authority and confrontation. If you do it to someone your own age and status, it can be pretty arrogant. Admittedly, you do see me using this gesture occasionally, but notice that my finger is never completely stiff and prominent. I try to make the gesture a little softer and more indirect. This way you know that I'm making an important point without feeling attacked. However, when you really want to emphasize something, you might get the urge to point a finger in the air, but it might be more effective if you do a little variation of it. Put the index finger and the thumb together and then do the same motion. It will give your words that same force and emphasis, but without the condescending and aggressive connotations. It's similar when pointing a finger at other people. For example, when giving out tasks among the team, it's a red or aggressive gesture. Even if you're trying to assert authority, always think twice before using that. Usually there's a better way of doing that. This goal was even more to pointing at someone with your palm facing downwards. For instance, saying, you will write the report, you will contact the clients. This is a pure attempt at being dominant and commanding. It's as if you're pushing the person down. Compare this with the palm facing upwards. You will write the report, you will contact the clients. This is drastically more friendly and inviting. This is giving an order. This is giving a gift. Of course, all of this as different when you use these gestures playfully and add other more friendly gestures. Student, for example, pointing a finger, smiling and winking like this. That communicates something like You're right or good point. But back to gifts. What might you do when you are about to receive a gift for rub your hands? And this gesture is almost a bit comical and it suggests profit. However, when speaking with a prospective client, even though your intention might be to make them feel like you'll both be making a profit. Big careful with his gesture because it mostly suggests that the person rubbing their hands will make money and the other side can actually feel like being ripped off. If you are at least a little familiar with German politics, you've probably seen this gesture. The German politician angular Morocco is famous for doing that. It's called steep link and it's an expression of power. So you can often see people in positions of authority doing them. If you're talking with your supervisor and seed them doing this, it can be a hint that they won't accept your request or idea on the other side, if you're in a leadership position, and this can be a good gesture to establish authority. But if you want to build trust and sympathy, you should probably try something else. Additionally, you can also notice a bouncing steeple motion like this. And this can be an indicator of the person losing their patients, especially if they're doing it quickly. And what happens when you completely lose your patients, your resort to the fist. A clenched fist is a symbol of energy, of revolution, solidarity, rage, aggression. And that's just another example of the beauty of body language. One very simple hand position can mean so many different things depending on how it's used. In the end, these are only a few of the endless possible hand gestures. So use these as a starting point and experiment with your hands. See what kind of gesture so you can do when analyzed them. How did they make you feel and how can they be perceived by others? How can you combine them with other gestures are motions to completely change their meaning. Play with them, and then use that experience to become an extraordinary nonverbal communicator. 17. Don't Forget About Legs!: There is a saying that goes, We do not walk on our legs, but on our will. This is definitely true. But interestingly enough, our will often gets expressed more clearly to our hands. Then our links. Here's a little biology for you. The further away a body part is from the brain, the longer it takes for a signal from the brain to travel to that body part. This is why we have more conscious control and we think more about our hands then about our links. At the same time, legs are a very big part of our bodies. So since they occupy so much visual space, especially when sitting, they play a big role in the overall impression we're leaving. Now, add these two facts together and see what you get. You may be focusing a lot to preserve confident and calm body expression of your torso, your hands, and your arms. But you may neglect your links so your legs subconsciously start showing that you're actually quite nervous. And since they are so prominent, they completely ruined the calm impression that you're trying to leave to start with. Very similar to arms. Legs also have opened and closed positions. This is open and crossing your legs is closed. Notice, however, that crossing your legs is not as defensive as crossing your arms is it's still somewhat closed, but not as much. It can also be seen as elegant, professional, or relaxed when you lean back as well, or even as a position of power when paired with matching gestures. A variation of this is bringing your foot up to your knee and putting the leg into a perpendicular position. This is somewhat more bold or assertive, even slightly rebellious. If there is no desk and people are sitting close to you, it can even be somewhat aggressive, especially if your shoes are not exactly clean. With that said, it's not a negative gesture, but be aware of its connotations and position your upper body parts accordingly. For instance, doing this with your arms like that makes us seem arrogant. However, being somewhat more moderate with your hands like this makes the overall impression a bit milder and yet still confident and assertive. As you probably know, how wide your spread your legs is also an expression of assertiveness. The more you spread them, the more you're trying to dominate the environment. And at some point, it is outright arrogant as it also has sexual connotations. On the other side, completely pressing your links together makes you appear very timid and shy. So it's best to find that degree you feel comfortable with, and that leaves your intended impression. But let's go back to the beginning. We mentioned nervous says how the legs show nervousness in most cases by bouncing like this. Listening to someone who's frantically bouncing their leg is, first of all, distracting. It should be noted that it's not necessarily a sign of nervousness. It simply shows that the person has a lot of energy at the moment. So they might actually be excited or they might be bored. But whenever to KAIST in most situations or in meetings where you want to appear calm and confident, this little gesture is slightly chipping away at that impression. So if you have the habit of doing that, try to make yourself aware of it. Every once in a while, write yourself a little reminder on your meeting notes, a little symbol that only you understand every time when you see that symbol on your notes, make a mental check and see if your leg is bouncing, if it is stopping. So after a while of doing that, the dose occasional chicks, you will have rooted out that hat. Let's summarize, just like with arms, legs also have opened and closed gestures, as well as dominant and submissive gestures. If your legs are visible, be aware, did they also contribute to the energy you're radiating? So pay attention to them. If you have a habit of bouncing your leg, know that it makes you seem nervous. If you want to stop it, make a habit of making little mental chicks every once in a while. 18. How To Read People's Intentions From Their Feet: When you look at the human body, you see that the feet are the point that's the furthest away from the head. What does that tell you? The distance to the brain is the longest. So they are the body part that we have the least conscious control of. And that's why you can often learn very much just by observing people's feet, feed bring us from point a to point B. When we want to go somewhere, it starts with the first step, the movement starts with the feet. So feed often reveal our intentions without our knowing. If you look at two people standing together and talking and you see that the foot of one person is pointing towards the exit. This is a hint that the person actually wants to leave. If you see this in your conversation partner, you might be holding them up. Maybe they're in a hurry and wanted to leave. Another thing you can see on people's feet is if they like someone more than they like others. Usually, we turned towards the person we're focused on and that manifests itself in our feet pointing towards that person. If you see two men and one woman standing together, and you see that the feat of both men are pointing towards the woman, but not towards each other. It's apparent that the woman is the center of attention. When you want to make everyone feel engaged and involved in the conversation. Point your feet outwards and not only towards one person. This same dynamic can also help you when networking, especially when you see two people already talking with each other and wonder if it would be okay to go and join them. If you notice that the feet of the people point directly to each other, just like it's shown in this drawing. These two people are very concentrated on each other and probably don't want other people joining them, especially not a stranger. But if two people are standing and an angle or even diagonally to each other as well as if their feet are pointing outwards, just like in this drawing. They are open for utters. You're most likely Welcome to approach them. The same thing can help you see when you're welcome after you join that group of people in a conversation, if they opened their feet to welcome you, so to say, so that their feet form a V-shaped, you're welcome in that group. Following the same logic, makes sure to do that yourself when someone else joins your group. Generally speaking, it is more common for women to face each other directly with feet pointing to each other and for men to stand diagonally from each other. As a matter of fact, for men, facing each other directly can be perceived as confrontational. When it's a man and a woman facing each other directly can be a signal of romantic interests or of a more intense conversation while standing diagonally shows a more relaxed or friendly situation. All things considered feet often show our intentions and preferences, even without us knowing. They can show where a person wishes to go, who they like or even who they don't like. Make feet an active part of your body language to influence people around you and observe dares to learn more about them. 19. How Seating Arrangements Influence Status and Dominance: A lot of our interactions with other people happen while sitting. This can be in the meeting room, in a restaurant, at our own dining table, or on a couch in the living room. Now, we've already touched upon some sitting postures that can be seen as trying to be dominant or on the other side, being reserved and shy. Now let's talk about some more subtle stuff. Leaning in versus leaning back. Leaning in and your chair is a sign of engagement. When you are telling something and the people listening to you start leaning in, it means that they are interested and that they're paying full attention to you. It's simple. They want to hear you well and they are mentally present. Their mind is in what you are talking about. So their body is trying to come as close as possible to it. Physically, leaning back can be a sign of being relaxed, a good sign, but also of being disinterested. Not such a good sign. If you see that someone is leaning back and you want to engage them a bit more, you can put something like a handout on their desk or simply asked him a question. But now we come to perhaps the most exciting thing in this context, sitting arrangements in the room. It's common knowledge that the head of a table is the most prominent position. This is one of the two ends of the table. And this is usually where a chairman or a boss at a business meeting sits or a host of apart. In addition, the closer someones sits next to this place, the more important they will be perceived, even if they have the same status as the other people in the room. But there is even more to it. Most often, a room will be arranged in a way that someone's back will be against the wall and someone's back against a door. If you want to be seen as more influential and dominant, which seed should you take? Take the seat with your back facing the wall? And this gives you an overview of the room. Whenever someone enters or leaves the room, you immediately see that the other person would have to turn around to see what's going on behind. Very often, this will make the other person feel like you're the one in charge of the conversation. Another thing you might want to consider is where the seats are from each other, sitting directly across from each other can be somewhat confrontational. What we see is what we think about. So if we're facing each other, we're focused exclusively on each other. Often much better than that is to sit diagonally from each other. This creates a more collaborative, more constructive atmosphere. This way we are closer to each other. We can still see each other. And there's also this whole area of open view that fosters our minds to see a bigger picture and consider more things in the discussion. Finally, sitting on the same side of the table is the most open and friendly arrangement. We can completely see each other, were very close and were facing the same direction. This way, the focus is not so much on each other, but rather on whatever we are working on. So keep these connotations in mind and see which seating arrangement is the most constructive for a particular situation. For example, for a negotiation or a job interview, a diagonal arrangement might be the best one for working on a project together. You might want to sit next to each other. All in all people's postures when sitting as well as seating arrangements. Say a whole lot about the people in the room, their engagement in the situation, and the distribution of power among them. Having this knowledge will allow you to choose where you sit carefully and also take a more conscious approach when you're the one organizing a business meeting, a friendly gathering, or even the date. 20. The Power of Mirroring: Mirroring is one of the most intriguing phenomena in body language. In a nutshell, mirroring is when two people speak or even just sit next to each other and subconsciously get into the same posture or use the same gestures to people in a meeting, might hold their arms and hands in exact same position. Two people on a date might both be leaning in towards each other. And then when one of them leans back, the other one might do it as well. Almost instantly observed people, or even better observe yourself when talking with someone you like. And you'll start noticing this more and more. Humans and animals like similarities when someone is similar to us, whether in how they look, what they wear or how they act. We perceive them as harmless. It's a remnant of the old tried mentality. So when two or more people like each other and feeling agreement, they imitate each other's body language. It's as if they are in sync with each other. They think the same and their bodies behave the same. If one of the people has a higher status in the group, however, then in most cases, the body language of others will imitate that person's body language. You can often see this in business meetings when other people look at the boss and try to go along with how they're acting, whether they're upset about something or happy about it. So now that you've become aware of this, the question is, how can you use this principle for your and other people's benefit? First of all, if you feel that someone is trying to convince you of something which you don't agree with. In other words, if they're trying to sell you something, you know, need, use this mechanism to defend yourself. Don't mirror their body language. Stay in your own domain, so to say, if you start sinking in with them, your body will slowly start agreeing with them and your mind will soon follow. On the other hand, when you need to have a delicate conversation with somebody or if you're trying to be persuasive. If you are trying to sell something, mirror their body language. If they are leaning back in their seat, lean back as well. If they're using quick energetic gestures, used them as well. If they're talking slowly, then you should talk slowly as well. But don't get me wrong, whatever the case, never overdo it. Mirroring is not imitating someone's every move during that would be very unnatural and the other person might even feel like you're making fun of them. It's a subtle thing. It's about reflecting the general nature or tendency of their movements and their manner. And the key to success is taking a little bit from them and mirroring that and mixing it with your own energy and mannerisms to get them to mirror you. This is how you get them to sink in with your body language. When they do that, you get them to agree with you on unintuitive physical level. And that makes way for them to also agree with you on the conscious mental level. In other words, you first when their heart, and then you'll win their mind. Let's repeat. Mirroring is when people subconsciously assumed the same posture or do the same gestures as someone else. It's a very powerful mechanism of body language. It can show you if someone likes you and agrees with you, but you can also use it intentionally to make someone understand your point of view better and to be more convincing. 21. Personal Space: Interestingly enough, when we talk about body language, it doesn't only include our bodies, but also the space around our bodies. There is something called personal space. This refers to an area around the person. If you're into science fiction or fantasy, you can imagine it as a force field around the person. We considered this space our own, and we don't want it to be invaded. When you are intimate with someone, they come close to you and you willingly let them into that space. But if someone comes very close to you, although you don't want that, then you feel intensely violated. How big someone's personal space is, depends highly on their culture. People in warmer countries, like the South Americas, Spain, or in the Middle East, usually take less personal space. So when they talk, they come very close to each other and often also touch each other. On the other hand, people in a bit colder countries, like the Scandinavian countries, to UK and some parts of the US, they considered their personal space a bit bigger, which also means less physical contact. This can often create a misunderstanding between people of different cultures. An English person might think that a Spanish person is trying to seduce them, not knowing that. That's actually how they talk to everyone. On the other hand, the Spanish person might think that their English conversation partner hates them because they're standing so far away from them. Of course, this is only a generalization. Every person is different. And personal space also has a lot to do with someone's personality. But in general, personal space can variety from as little as ten inches to a full arm's length. The important thing is that you pay attention to the people's personal space and respected. If you notice that the person you're talking to is slightly leaning away from your Takes a little step back. Don't lean in even further and stay where you are because they are apparently trying to create a little distance to win back their personal space. If on the other side someone is invading your space, you can do the same. And if they keep invading it, you can make a little lighthearted joke about it. For instance, no, please stay where you are because from here I can see you better. Notes that eye contact also plays a big role in proximity and personal space. If we are not making eye contact, coming close to someone doesn't feel as personal in an elevator. We don't mind standing right next to somebody because we're both facing forward, but we would never come that close to a complete stranger while we were facing each other. Finally, proximity is also a big indicator of romantic affinity. If someone is entering your space every once in a while, for instance, leaning in your direction when they're laughing or gesturing very close to you while speaking, they might be flirting with you. It's a gradual development. First, you get more and more used to being in each other's personal space, then the physical touch gets more and more common. And from there on, well, I'll stop there too rounded. A personal space is an area around the person that they considered their own, and no one should enter that space unless they implicitly or explicitly allow it. The size of personal space can variety based on someone's personality and culture. It's important to recognize how much space a person likes to have and respected, as well as claim your own space. 22. Physical Contact: Physical contact can be a confusing topic for many people. But let's try to break it down so we can understand it better and use it properly. Physical contact is most of all, a way of building trust and intimacy between people. It goes very closely together with sexual intimacy, but not exclusively. There are central but also non-central types of body contact. This is reflected, first of all, in the how, how you touch someone. For example, your romantic partner might gently caress your arm, but the good friend would be more likely to give you a tap on the arm. Second of all, an even more important is the where some zones on your body are more intimate than others. In the Western culture, the intimate zones are the head, including the face and neck, as well as the, well, they're called private parts for a reason. These zones are a taboo. Generally, it's socially inappropriate to touch anyone, not even your partner on these zones without their consent. And as for the rest of the body, the closer a body part is to one of these zones, the more intimate it is. For example, touching someone on their knee is perhaps not completely intimate. Everything above the knee should be reserved for that special someone. The third aspect we might consider is also the duration and frequency, or how long and how often. The longer a touch lasts. Well, the more it suggests. For example, if somebody gives you a slight tap on your knee, it's a little friendly gesture. But if they do it every once in a while, you should decide if you like it and allow it, or if you're might want to distance yourself a bit. The same goes for putting their hand on your knee and just keeping it there. A little side note here is how you can tell when to end a hug. When you hug somebody and they just keep their arms on your back, they are enjoying the hug. But if they start tapping you on the back, it actually means that they've had enough and they'd like to let go. Now, dominance and status also play a certain role in this context. Touching someone is either a sign of being equal in status or the person initiating physical contact as being of higher status. Think for instance, of a teacher, it might not be so uncommon for a teacher to put a hand on the student's shoulder. But a student putting a hand on the teacher shoulder would be somewhat of a taboo. But whatever the case, my suggestion is to avoid any unnecessary physical contact in formal situations, especially with people of a different gender, to avoid sending any signals that might be perceived in a wrong way. Ultimately, how inclined a person is to touching others and being touched while speaking with others is dependent. Their culture and also their personality. Extroverted people, as well as people from warmer countries are more open to it. Whereas introverts are people from colder countries where also more personal space is common, might want to avoid it. That's why the rule of thumb is, if you wish, initiate little physical contact, for instance, touched the person on their elbow. The elbow is a great place to start because it's on the outside. It's not very intimate, but still significant. Then you'll see how they respond. If they returned a Dutch, maybe they touch you on the arm or the shoulder, then feel free to do more of it. Don't overdo it. Always pay attention to how they are responding to it. But that's a good first time. If they don't respond, respect their personal space, and don't initiate any further body contact. Let's summarize. Physical contact is a sign of warmth and intimacy. It can be central and non-central. That depends on how you touch someone, where, how often, and how long. Status also plays a big role in a sense of the person of higher status is more common to initiate physical contact, although it's not always recommended, the most important thing is to find the dynamic with the other person that is comfortable for both sides. 23. Avoid These Manipulation Tricks When Shaking Hands!: Shaking hands is into Western culture, the most basic form of physical contact. It is a ritual of greeting, agreement, and trust. Building trust is how this custom started in the first place. In the past, people would shake each other's hand to check if the other head, a dagger or some hidden weapons. However, as simple as the gesture is, in theory, there are many different ways you can perform a handshake and practice. Men are sometimes very proud of their strong and firm handshakes, but that often brings more damaged than benefits. Damaged not only to the other person's hand, but also to their reputation. This is not to say that a weak handshake is good eater. A person with the lose handshake is often perceived as feeble and even as deceitful. So regardless of your gender, make sure to have a firm handshake to get a solid grip on the other person's hand, but not too much. If you wish to practice, simply grip your own hand and see how much feels right? A sweaty hand in a handshake is also not very pleasant. So if you happen to get sweaty palms when nervous, there's an easy solution. Put a paper tissue into your right pocket. So before you expect to shake hands with someone, put your hand in the pocket and wipe it on the tissue. Now we get to the most interesting part. Shaking hands can also be an attempt at assertiveness and domination. Of course, squeezing someone's hand till they cries and obvious attempt had nonverbal domination. But there are also more subtle ways. Just like with hand gestures, with palms facing down, offering a handshake with the palm facing down is an indirect domination and tip. They are instantly trying to put you in a position below themselves. What you can do if someone offers you a handshake like that is to take their hand and likely turn it into the neutral vertical position. However, if you see right away that their hand is pretty stiff, you probably won't be able to do it without force, which will then make you look aggressive. In that case. Take their hand with both of your hands. In that case, even if the hands stay in the horizontal position, yours will be the one on top. Conversely, offering a handshake with the palm facing upwards is a gesture of submissiveness. If someone does that, perhaps they see you as more important than themselves. But they might also be trying to make you feel important on purpose. For instance, if they're trying to sell you something. A handshake with two hands is in general an expression of warmth and closeness. It's like a hug with hands. Sometimes you can see that in formal situations where two people feel very close to each other, but where a hug might be socially inappropriate. Again, this can also be used in order to make someone feel familiar with you, even if you're a complete strangers. As in trying to sell you something similar to this is touching a person's elbow or shoulder during the handshake. It's another expression of closeness. And the higher up you touch their arm, the more intimate it is. So a touch on the shoulder is more intimate than the touch on the elbow. And summary, shaking hands is deeply ingrained in our culture. It's a ritual of trust and it plays a big part in creating a first impression. So make sure your handshakes are on point. Find the ideal degree of pressure by pressing your own hand. When offering a handshake, make sure that your hand is in a vertical position. A hand with the palm facing down is an attempt at domination, and the palm facing up symbolizes submissiveness. Finally, a handshake with two hands or without touching the other person's elbow or shoulder is an expression of warmth and closeness. 24. How To Tell If Someone Is Lying To You: Some people are better at telling when someone is lying to them than others. But often people who are good at it can't really tell you why or how they do it. Very often. It's an intuitive thing, a matter of having a feeling for it. But as you can guess, since we're covering it in this course, the secret lies in the body language. And many people say that if someone is not looking at you in the eyes while they're speaking, they are probably lying. But what about people who always avoid eye contact no matter what they are talking about? And by the way, I also met some people who can lie to you while looking at your directly in the eyes. Another indication of lying that you might have heard about is when people covered their mouth, as we already discussed in another video, this is something we do in our childhood because we feel guilty about telling a lie. But unexperienced liar will know this and they will simply refrain themselves from doing it. One further popular hand of lying is if the person scratches their nose or ears, allot, generally when we're lying, we might get a rush of energy because of the excitement or fear. A rush of energy is biologically speaking, actually a rush of blood into the head. All of this blood that suddenly they're often causes our nose or ears to itch. So that could be a more reliable clue, but still not completely foolproof. What if they just have a random itch? Here's the most reliable way to tell if someone is lying. Look for unusual behavior. If you know the person from before, you already know how they usually act. Do they usually maintain eye contact or not? Do they use their hands a lot when speaking or not? Do they generally speak fast or slow? Do they often play with our ears or scratched their nose are not. The way they usually act, is their baseline. So if they start doing something different from how they usually behave, if they stray from that baseline, there might be a reason to work. So if a friend of yours generally doesn't make much eye contact, but all of a sudden they start really staring into your eyes. That is suspicious. On the other hand, if you don't know the person, you might want to ask them a few neutral questions to see how they usually Act, to establish a baseline, and then see if they behave in a different when they say something that might be alive. The reason behind this is that when we're lying will get nervous, but try to act natural. So we start overthinking about how we're acting and end up behaving differently than how we naturally do. It's like these things that are usually on autopilot. For instance, eye contact, gesturing how you stand and so on, are all of a sudden in your full control and you can't remember how they were when they were on autopilot. This is why some people can intuitively tell when somebody's lying, especially parents, their subconscious notices that something is different, but they can't name it. This gives them that feeling of suspicion. And let's assume that the other person is not telling the truth. In summary, there is no ultimate universal sign of line. The safest procedure is to draw a baseline of someone's behavior, how they usually act when speaking. And then compare how they act when they say something that could be alive. If they behave differently, that is a hint that what you're hearing is not necessarily true. 25. Beware Cultural Differences: As I already mentioned several times throughout this video course, body language and culture are very closely connected. Everything we covered in this video course is most of all applicable to the western culture. Now, this doesn't include only the countries of the western side of the earth, but also all other countries and places where people have a similar culture and behave similarly. However, if you find yourself traveling to another country or another continent, always do your due diligence research how people behave in that country, how much personal space they prefer to have, how they deal with eye contact, how they greet each other, and also what individual gestures couldn't have specific meanings. The ladder can vary from country to country, even if their cultures are generally very similar. One hand gesture, for example, this means victory in some countries, but it's also a pretty big insult and some other ones. So let me just give you that input to be better safe than sorry, when you're traveling to another country, do some research about body language in that culture. This way you won't get yourself in any unpleasant situations and you will even impress the people there. 26. Closing Words: Well, congratulations, you made it. You can bleed it. This video course. I hope you had a good time and that you learned a lot. As you have seen, body language is not at all that complicated. Once you understand the basics and general principles of how it works, you quickly develop a good ability to recognize patterns and learn more about people just based on their nonverbal gestures. But the important thing is that you don't just finish this course and never think about it again. If you really want to become good at it, you have to observe people around. You pay attention to how people act when they talk with you. And also pay close attention to how you act among other people. In the beginning, it is a very conscious process. You are completely aware of your body. You are consciously analyzing everyone else. But the good thing is, the more you learn and think about it, the better also your intuition becomes. So after a while it becomes an automatic process. If you like this course, I would be very happy if you could leave a review. So other people can find this course more easily and it can help more people in case you wish to get weekly tips and tricks on how to further develop your soft skills. Make sure to subscribe to my YouTube channel. You can simply find it by searching for speech phenol on YouTube. There you can also find some funny videos like comedy sketches. If you wish to expand your knowledge even further in other areas of soft skills and public speaking checkout, my utter video courses for everything else, feel free to reach out to me through my website, speech phenol.com. Thank you for your time. And as always, I wish you all the best in everything you do and hope to see you again. They care.