The Essentials of Body Language | Simon Yared | Skillshare

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

    • 1.



    • 2.

      The Basics


    • 3.

      Hand Gestures


    • 4.

      The Smile


    • 5.

      Arm Gestures


    • 6.

      Cultural Differences


    • 7.

      Hand and Thumb Gestures


    • 8.

      Deciphering deceit signals


    • 9.

      Eyes - part 1


    • 10.

      Eyes - part 2


    • 11.

      Personal space


    • 12.

      Leg positions and gestures


    • 13.

      13 most common gestures you will see daily


    • 14.

      Mirroring - How we build rapport


    • 15.

      The secret signals of cigarettes. glasses and make-up


    • 16.

      How the body points to where the mind wants to go


    • 17.

      Ownership, territory and height signals


    • 18.

      Seating arrangements where to sit, and why


    • 19.

      Interviews, power plays and office politics


    • 20.



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About This Class

Body language is defined as the non-verbal communication between two individuals or a group of individuals through physical behaviors such as limb movements, facial expressions, eye movements, other bodily gestures and postures.
Today, the term has assumed so much importance and prominence in all spheres of life that without a positive body language, none of us can survive in the professional arena, personal lives, and in the world, in general.
Body language comes into picture not only during normal conversations, but also during formal discussions, interviews, group discussions, panel meetings, etc. Proper body language not only conveys the right message to the recipient, but also attracts or repels the recipient.

As a trained psychologist, I’ll teach you in this class how to correctly decipher body language messages, how to recognize lies and deceit from non-verbal cues and how to use positive body language to your advantage in your everyday life.

Meet Your Teacher

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Simon Yared

Attorney-at-law/psychologist/home cook


Simon is an attorney-at-law with a Master of Law in Private and Business Law (Banking and Capital Markets) from Saint Joseph University at the end of which he submitted a thesis relating to the international competence of the Lebanese courts in bankruptcy issues. Simon has more than 16 years' experience in Civil and Business law in general and more specifically in corporate law and contracts law.

Simon completed as well a bachelor degree in industrial psychology.

However, his true passion lies in the kitchen as a home cook, where he has gathered through the years lots and lots of traditional Lebanese family recipes and gained precious experience and knowledge in the culinary arts and especially in Lebanese, Levantine and Middle Eastern cuisine. 

See full profile

Level: All Levels

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1. Introduction: Hello, My name is Simon and I'm a trained psychologist with more than 12 years experience. And I'll be teaching you in this class the essentials of body language. Body language is defined as the nonverbal communication between two individuals or a group of individuals through physical behaviors such as limb movements, facial expressions, eye movements, other bodily gestures and postures. Today, the term has assumed so much importance and prominence in all spheres of life that without a positive body language, none of us can survive in the professional arena, personal lives, and in the world in general, body language is of the utmost importance in this highly competitive world, the corporate sector values good body language a lot and any sign of bad body language can break deals even leading to loss of network for people. As for interpersonal relationships, negative body language can give way to a lot of misinterpretation and misunderstandings. Maintaining a body posture and absurd, but the movements that are offensive to the other person can ruin a relationship. For instance, you need to understand the emotions and mood of the other person and need to customize your behavior accordingly. It's evident than that body language is very important in all forms of communication. It helps to break the barrier of unfamiliarity and helps to form a better connection with the recipient of a message. I'll teach you in this class how to correctly decipher body language messages, how to recognize lies and deceit from non-verbal cues, and how to use positive body language to your advantage in your everyday life. This class, in fact, can be helpful to anyone and everyone. We would all benefit from becoming more aware of nonverbal messages. And more specifically, this class could be very helpful to law enforcement, public speakers, negotiators and mediators, salespeople and brokers, and anyone in close contact with the public. We will start by learning the basics of body language. And then we will try to understand how each of our body parts can influence our body language and non-verbal messages to our interlocutors. Starting with the hand, arm, and some gestures than how our eyes and smiles can talk. Then how our feet and legs can convey how we're feeling will also learn how to attract attention, how to detect lies and deceit, and to address listeners in public speaking. And of course, we will see how cultural differences can influence our body language. At the end of this class, you will be able to use positive body language to your advantage to better convey your message. Avoid negative body language in order to minimize the chances of misunderstanding. And with a bit of training how to recognize signs of deceit, stalling, and lies in your interlocutors. As a project, I invite you to sit in a public area, such as an airport, a bus or train station, or simply a model and observe people and their interactions. Try to read them, try to figure out their emotions through their body language. And keep tabs on the advancement of your abilities. And if you're up for it, share with us your experiences. So stay tuned for our first lesson. 2. The Basics: Hello and welcome to our first lesson, the basics of body language. Let's begin by presenting the concept of body language. Body language can be defined as the conscious and unconscious movements and postures by which attitudes and feelings are communicated. In other words, it is a type of a non-verbal communication in which physical behaviors, as opposed to words, are used to express or convey the information. Such behavior includes facial expressions and body posture, gestures, eye movements, touch, and the use of space. But the language exists in both animals and humans. Anthropologically speaking, the ability to read a person's attitudes and thoughts by their behavior was the original communication system used by humans before spoken language evolved. However, surprisingly, it is only relatively recently that we have started to study about the language on a large-scale, mainly from the sixties. And still today. Most people believe that speech remains our main form of communication. Historically, speech has been part of our communication repertoire between 2 million and 500 thousand years ago. Before then, but the language and sounds made in the throat were the main forms of conveying emotions and feelings. And that is still the case today. But because we focus on the words people speak, most of us are largely uninformed about body language, let alone its importance in our lives. Modern studies of facial expressions and body language are largely influenced by Charles Darwin's, The Expression of Emotions in Man, Man, and Animals, published in 1872. And many of Darwin's ideas and observations have since been validated by researchers around the world. Through the years. Researchers have noted and recorded almost a million non-verbal cues and signals. Studies made by Albert Mehrabian in the fifties have found that the total impact of a message is about 7% verbal, meaning words only, and 38% vocal, including tone of voice, inflection, and other sounds, and 55 percent nonverbal. Other studies have even found that up to 65 percent of, of a face-to-face communication is done non-verbally. So we can't help but think here about the famous expression that most women have used at least once in their lifetime. It's not what you said, but how you set it. This is not to say that words are not important, but that words are used primarily for conveying information. While body language is used for conveying the message, for negotiating interpersonal attitudes. And in some cases, is used as a substitute for words altogether. For example, when we say quote on quote, if looks could kill, it means that we can convey a very clear message without opening our mouth. The fascinating thing is that we are rarely aware that postures, movements and gestures can tell one story while our voice may be telling another. So how does body language work? Well, simply put, body language is an outward reflection of a person's emotional condition. Each gesture or movement can point to an emotion a person may be feeling at a certain time. For example, a person who is feeling fearful or defensive might fold their arms or cross their legs or both. In order to be able to decrypt body language messages, we have to be able to understand a person's emotional condition while listening to what they are saying and taking into consideration the circumstances under which they are saying it. This allows you to separate fact from fiction and reality from fantasy. As I mentioned, some, if not most people are remarkably unaware of body language signals and their impact, whether when they are at the sending or receiving end. For example, research has shown that most politicians will unconsciously use their hands to reveal the relative sizes of issues that they are speaking about. And often their hand gestures were at odds with their spoken words. Unsurprisingly, women are found to be better at reading non-verbal cues. In fact, when we call someone perceptive or intuitive, we are unknowingly referring to the ability to read another person's body language and to compare these cues with verbal signals. In other words, when we say that we have a hunch or a gut feeling that someone has told us alive. We usually mean that their body language and the spoken words don't agree. Overall, women are far more perceptive than men. And this has given rise to what is commonly referred to as women's intuition. Women have an innate ability to pick up and decipher nonverbal signals, as well as having an accurate I for small details. And this has been scientifically proven through a study by psychologists at Harvard University. And that showed that women are far more aware of body language than men. The research consistent in showing short films without sound of a man and woman communicating. And the subjects were asked to explain what was happening by reading the couples expressions. The research showed that women read the situation accurately 87 percent of the time, while men scored only 42% accuracy. Furthermore, female intuition is particularly evident in women who have raised children. Because for the first few years, the mother relies almost solidly on the nonverbal channel to communicate with the child. And this is why women are often more perceptive negotiators than men because they practice reading signals early. Also, men who have raised children have noticeably scored much better than those without children. And it almost as well as the women who have raised children. Scientifically speaking, MRI scans show that women have between 14 and 16 areas of the brain that evaluate other's behavior. Whereas men have only four to six areas, which explains why women are far better at communicating with and evaluating people and ignore Italy. This is how fortune tellers and psychics can amaze people who are unaware of the importance of body language. Now, you might ask, are these nonverbal cues inborn or learned culturally and through imitation learning. While we will see throughout this class that while most of them are innate, some differ from one culture to another. Indeed, evidence has been collected from observation of people born blind, who therefore could not have learned nonverbal signals through a visual channel. And from also observing the gestural behavior of many different cultures around the world. And from studying the behavior of our nearest anthropological relatives, the apes and monkeys. The findings of this research indicates that some gestures fall into each category. For example, most primate babies are born with that immediate ability to suck, showing that this is either inborn or genetic. German scientists found that the smiling expressions of children born deaf and blind occur independently of learning or copying, which means that this must also be inborn gestures, acumen, Friesen, and solvents, and supported some of Darwin's original beliefs about inborn gestures. When they studied the facial expressions of people from five wildly different cultures, they found that each culture use the same basic facial gestures to show emotion, which led them to the conclusion. These gestures must also be inborn. Culture differences are many, but the basic body language signals are the same everywhere. And debate still exists as to whether some gestures are culturally learned or become habitual, or are even genetic. For example, most men put on a coat right arm first. Most women, however, put it on left arm first. This shows that men use their left brain hemisphere for this action. While women use the right hemisphere. When a man passes a woman in a crowded street, he usually turned his body towards her as he passes. However, instinctively turned to her body away from him to protect her breasts. Is this an inborn female reaction? Or has she learned to do this by unconsciously watching other females? Most of the basic communication signals are the same all over the world. When people are happy, they smile, when they are sad or angry. They from or scoured. Nodding the head is almost universally used to indicate yes or affirmation. It appears to be a form of head lowering and it's probably an inborn gesture because it's also used by people born blind. Shaking the head from side to side to indicate no negation is also universal and appears to be a gesture learned in infancy. When a baby has had enough milk, it turns its head from side to side to reject its mother's breast. When the young child has had enough to eat. He shakes his head also from side-to-side to stop any attempt to spoon-feed him. And in this way, he quickly learned to use the handshaking gesture to show this agreement or a negative attitude. The evolutionary origin of some gestures can be traced to our primitive animal past. Smiling, for example, is a threat gesture for most carnivorous animals. But for primates, it is done in conjunction with non-threatening gestures to show submission. Bearing the teeth and nostril flaring on derived from the act of attacking. And our primitive signals used by other primates. Sneering is used by animals to warn others that if necessary, they use their teeth to attack or defend. For humans, this gesture still appears even though humans won't usually attack when their teeth. Nostril flaring allows more air to oxygenate the body in preparation for fight or flight. And in the primate world, it tells others that backup support is needed to deal with an imminent threat. In the human world, sneering is caused by anger, irritation when a person feels on your physical or emotional threat or fields that something is not right. Speaking about universals gestures, we can mention shoulder shrugging, which is a universal gesture that is used to show that a person doesn't know or doesn't understand what you are saying. It's a multiple gesture cluster that has three main parts. Exposed palms to show nothing is being concealed in the hands. Hands, shoulders to protect the throat from attack and raise the brow, which is a universal submissive upgrading. The aim of this course is to teach how to accurately decipher body language and to read nonverbal cues. And during the course of this class, you will notice the recurrence of three rules. One, a solitary gesture can be misleading. Gestures should be read in clusters. For example. Scratching the head can mean a number of things. Sweating, uncertainty, dandruff fleas, forgetfulness, or lying. Depending on the other gestures that occur at the same time. Like any spoken language, body language has words, sentences, and punctuation. Each gesture is like a single word, and one word may have several different meanings. For example, in English, the word mine as a possessive adjective. For example, the blue car is mine, but mine is also a noun. It can refer to the place where minerals are dug out of the earth. A mine or a landmine also refers to a bomb that is buried underground. It's only when you put a word into a sentence with other words that you can fully understand its meaning. Gestures come in sentences called clusters, and invariably reveal the truth about a person's feelings or attitudes about the language cluster, just like a verbal sentence, needs at least three words in it before you can accurately define each of the words. The perceptive person is the one who can read the body language sentences and accurately match them against the person's verbal sentences. Number two, when there is incongruence between what a person is saying and what their body language is relaying. You should rely more on the nonverbal message if you so for example, a politician speaking confidently but with his arms tightly folded across his chest in a defensive position, and chin down in a critical hostile position while telling his audience how receptive and open to the ideas of the opposition. They would most probably be lying. Observation of gesture clusters and incongruence of the verbal and body language channels are the keys, therefore, to accurately interpreting attitudes through body language. Third rule, contexts or gestures should be considered in the context in which they occur. Building on the last example, if say someone was sitting at a bus terminal with his arms and legs tightly crossed and chin down. And it was a cold winter's day. It would most likely mean that he was called, not defensive. If, however, the person use the same gestures while you are sitting across a table from him trying to sell him an idea, product, or service. It could be correctly interpreted as meaning that the person was feeling negative or rejecting your offer. Reading body language is difficult and oppositely, misreading can be easy, especially when we are facing an adult. Adults can control their nonverbal cues relatively valid, as opposed to children. For example, if a child were to tell a lie, he or she would most probably immediately cover their mouth with one or even both hands. Throughout our life, these gestures become less pronounced, more subtly. When a teenager tells a lie, the hand is brought to the mouth in a similar way to a five-year-old. But instead of the obvious, hence lab in gesture over the mouth, the finger grabs lightly around it. Now when an adult tells the life, if his brains instructs his hand to cover his mouth in an attempt to block the deceitful words, just as it did for the five-year-old and a teenager. But at the last moment, the hand is pulled away from the face and the nose touch gesture results. This is simply an adult's version of the mouth covering gesture that was used in childhood. Now for the obvious question that most of you are asking yourselves, can we fake it? While the answer is yes and no? Some gestures can be controlled or even faked. But the lack of congruence that is likely to occur between the main gestures, the body's micro signals and the spoken words will most frequently give you away. For example, open palms are associated with honesty. But when the faker holds his palms out and smiles at you as he tells a lie. His micro gestures give him away. His pupils may contract, one eyebrow may lift, or the corner of his mouth may twitch. And these signals contradict the open palm gesture and a sincere smile. The result is that the receivers, especially women, tend not to believe what they hear. Many politicians are experts in faking body language in order to get the voters to believe what they are saying. Politicians who can successfully do this are said to have charisma. And the best way to become a good reader is to practice in a crowded area where people meet and interact. As you get better at it, you become more acutely aware of how others tried to dominate and manipulate. It brings the realization that others are also doing the same to us. And most importantly, it teaches us to be more sensitive to other people's feelings and emotions. 3. Hand Gestures: The hands and our opposable thumbs have been the most important tools in human evolution. And there are more connections between the brain and our hands than between any other body parts. Yet, we rarely consider how our hands behave and the way we shake hands when we meet someone, even though those first few hand pumps establish whether dominance, submission, or power plays will take place. Throughout history, the open palm has been associated with truth, honesty, allegiance, and submission. Many odds are still taken with the palm of the hand over the heart. And the poem is held in the air when somebody is giving evidence in a court of law. The Bible is held in the left hand and the right palm held up for the members of the court to view one of the most valuable clues to discovering whether someone is being open and honest or not is to watch for public displays, just as a dog will expose its throat to show submission or surrender to the victor. Humans use their pumps to display in a similar way that they are unarmed and therefore not a threat. Unknowingly unconsciously. When people want to be open or honest, they will often hold one or both palms out to the other person and say something like, I didn't do it. I'm sorry if I upset you, I'm telling you the truth. Sometimes this gesture is accompanied with a shoulder shrug. When someone begins to open up or be truthful, they will likely exposed all or part of their pumps to the other person. Like most body language signal, this is completely unconscious. It's a gesture that gives you an intuitive feeling or a hunch that the other person is telling the truth. Or possibly when children are lying or concealing something. And seeing, as I mentioned before, that they cannot control their nonverbal gesture at all. They'll often hide their palms behind the back. Similarly, a man who wants to conceal his whereabouts after a night out, for example, he will hide his bones and his pockets or in an arms crossed position when he tries to explain this to his partner. However, the hidden pumps may give the woman and intuitive feeling that her man is not telling the truth. A woman who is trying to hide something, on the other hand, will try to avoid the subject or talk about a range of unrelated topics while doing various other activities at the same time. Instead of hiding her ponds like men do when people are being opened in explaining their reasons, they use their hands and flash the pons. Whereas someone who isn't telling the truth as likely to give the same verbal responses, but conceal their hands. So keeping their hands in their pockets as a favorite ploy of men who don't want to participate in a conversation. The bombs were originally like the vocal cords of body language because they did more talking than any other body part. And putting them away was like keeping one's mouth shut. The bottom gestures are one of the most famous body language gestures, and therefore are one of the most used artificially in order to deceive. So it is best to be careful of these gestures and not to build our reading solely on them. And other words, don't give them too much credit and rather read them in tandem with other body language clusters. Now, you might ask, so if I tell a lie and keep my palms visible, will people be more likely to believe me? Well, the answer is yes. But sometimes also known because if you tell an outright lie with your palms exposed, you might still appear insincere to a perceptive person or someone used to deciphering body language. Because many of the other gestures That should also be visible when displaying honesty are absent. And the negative gestures use during lying will appear and will be incongruent with the open pumps. Con, artists and professional liars are people who have developed the special art of making their nonverbal signals complement their verbalize, the more effectively the professional con artists can use the body language of honesty when telling a lie, the better he is at his job. On the other hand, it is possible to appear more open and credible by practicing open palm gestures when communicating with others. I'm not saying this for the seed purposes. I'm not telling you to lie and deceive people. But some honest, genuine people might have difficulty expressing themselves and conveying the truthful message. And using the Open button technique might be of some help. Interestingly, as the open palm gestures become habitual, the tendency to tell untruths, to tell lies will diminish. Most people find it difficult to lie when their palms are exposed because of the law of cause and effect. If a person is being opened, they'll expose the pumps. But just having their palms exposed makes it difficult for the person to tell a convincing line. This is because gestures and emotions are directly linked to each other. If you feel defensive, for example, you are likely to cross your arms across your chest. But if you simply cross your arms, you will begin to experience defensive feelings. And if you are talking with your palms exposed, it puts even more pressure on the other person to be truthful to. In other words, open palms can help to suppress some of the false information others made them and encourage them to be more open with you. One of the least noticed but most powerful, but the signals is given by the human palm when giving someone directions or commands, and in handshaking when used in a certain way, pardon power, let's call it, invests its user with the power of silent authority. There are three main palm command gestures. The palm up position, the palm down, and the palm closed in finger-pointing position. The differences of the three positions are shown in this example. Let's say that you ask someone to pick up something and get it to another location, okay? We'll assume that you use the same tone of voice, the same words and facial expressions in each example, and that you change only the position of your bump. The palm facing up is used as a submissive, non-threatening gesture, reminiscent of the bleeding gesture of 38 beggars. And from an evolutionary perspective, shows the person holds no weapons. So the person being asked to move the item, not feel that they are being pressured into it, they are not being commanded and are unlikely to feel threatened by your request. If you want someone to talk, you can use the palm up as a handover gesture to let them know you expect them to talk and that you're ready to listen. Now when the poem is turned to face downwards, you will project immediate authority. The other person will sense that you've given them an order, a command to move the item, and may begin to feel antagonistic towards you depending on your relationship with them or the position you have with them in work environment, for example, let's say the other person was someone of equal status. He might resist upon down a request and would be more likely to comply if you use the palm up position. If the person is your subordinate, the palm down gesture is seen as acceptable because you have the authority to do it, to use it. When couple walk hand in hand, the dominant partner, For example, walk slightly in front with his hand or her hand in the above position, palm facing backwards while the other has his or her palm facing forward. This simple little position immediately reveals to an observer who wears the pants, like we say in that family. Now the bomb closed finger pointed, where the pointed finger is used like a symbolic club with which the speaker figuratively beats his listeners into submission subconsciously, it evokes very negative feelings in others because it precedes, let's say a right over arm low, a primal move that most primates use in physical attack, symbolically, the palm closed finger-pointing gesture is one of the most annoying gestures anyone can use while speaking, particularly when it beats time to the speaker's words. And in some countries such as Malaysia, the Philippines, finger-pointing and the person is an insult. And this gesture is only used to point at animals. Malaysians will use their thumb to point to people or to give directions. Now let's talk about another very interesting body language message. That is the handshake and the different handshake styles. Shaking hands is a relic of our ancient past. Whenever primitive tribes met under friendly conditions, they would hold their arms out with their palms exposed. Like we said before, to show that no weapons were being held or considered. The modern form of this ancient ritual is the interlocking and shaking of the palms and was originally used in the nineteenth-century to seal commercial transactions between men of equal status. Even now, when you strike a deal with someone, you shake their hand. Handshaking has become widespread as a form of greeting, but only in the last 100 years or so and has always remained in the male domain until recent times. In most Western and European countries today, it is performed both on initial greeting and on departure. In all business contacts and increasingly at parties, social events by both men and women, although it is a generally accepted custom to shake hands when meeting a person for the first time. There are some circumstances in which it may not be appropriate for you to initiate the handshake, considering that a handshake is a sign of trust and welcome, it is important to ask yourself several questions before you initiate the hunching. Uh, my welcome. Is this person happy to meet me or am I forcing myself onto them? For example, door-to-door sales people, brokers are taught that if they initiate a handshake with a customer on whom they call unannounced or uninvited, it can produce a negative result as the buyer may not want to welcome them and feels forced to shake their hands. Under these circumstances, salespeople are advised that it's better to wait for the other person to initiate the handshake. And if it's not forthcoming, uses small head nod as a greeting. In some countries, shaking hands with a woman, for example, is still an uncertain practice. For example, in many Muslim countries, it would be considered rude to do so. Instead, a small head nod is acceptable. But it's now been found that women who initiate a firm handshake are rated in most places as more open-minded and make better first impressions. So considering what was already been said about the impact of the palm up, pawn down gestures. Let's explore the irrelevant in Handshake. In Roman times, leaders we would meet and greet each other with what amounted to a standing version of modern arm wrestling. If one leader was stronger than the other, his hand would finish above the others hand in what became known as the upper hand position. Now let's assume that you have just met someone for the first time and you greet each other with the handshake. One of three basic attitudes does some cautiously transmitted. One, dominance. He's trying to dominate me. I better be cautious to submission. I can dominate this person. He'll do what I want. And three, equality, I feel comfortable with this person. These attitudes are sent and received without us being aware of them. But they can have an immediate impact on the outcome of any meeting. Let's start with dominance. Dominance is transmitted by turning your hand so that your palm faces down. In the handshake. Your barn doesn't have to face directly down, but it's the upper hand and communicates that you want to take control of the encounter. In a study conducted in the seventies on 350 successful senior management executive, 89 percent of whom were men. Findings revealed that not only did almost all of them initiate the handshake, 88% of males and 31 percent of females also use the dominant handshake position. So power and control issues are generally less important to women, which probably accounts for why only one in three women attempted the upper hand. Richer. Results also showed that some women will give men a soft handshake in some social contacts to imply submissiveness. This is a way of highlighting their femininity and implying that domination of her may be possible. In a business context, however, this approach can be detrimental. It can be disastrous for a woman because men will give attention to her feminine qualities and not take her seriously. Women who display high femininity in business meetings are not taken seriously by other businessmen and women. Despite the fact that it's now fashionable and politically correct to say that everyone is the same, but this is the truth. This doesn't mean a woman in business needs to act in a masculine way. Of course, she's simply needs to avoid signals of femaleness, Let's say, such as soft handshakes, short skirts and high heels if she wants equal the credibility. The second handshake, the opposite of the dominant handshake is to offer your hand with your palm facing upwards. Symbolically giving the other person the upper hand, like a dog, exposing its throat to a superior dog. This can be effective if you want to give the other person control or allow them to feel that they are in charge of the situation. If, for example, you are making an apology while the palm up handshake can communicate the submissive attitude. There are sometimes other circumstances to consider. As we have seen, a person with arthritis in their hands would be forced to give you a lamp handshake because of their condition. And this makes it easy to turn the palm into the submission position. People who use their hands in their professions such as surgeons, artists, musicians may also give you a limp handshake purely to protect their hands. So again, the gesture clusters they use following their handshake will give further clues for your assessment of them. A submissive person will use more submissive gestures and a dominant person will use more assertive gestures. Now you'll ask me if I want neither a dominant nor a submissive. Handshake, what should I do? How do I create a quantity? Well, when two dominant people shake hands as symbolic power struggle takes place as each person attempts to turn the others palm into the submissive position. The result is a vise like handshake with both pumps remaining in the vertical position. And this creates a feeling of equality and mutual respect because neither is prepared to give end to the other. If you ask how to give a good first impression through your Handshake, there are actually two key ingredients for creating a good report enhancing. First, make sure that yours and the other person's palms are in the vertical position, as we said, so that no one is dominant or submissive. Secondly, apply the same pressure you receive. This means that if on a firm firmly scale of one to ten, you handshake register seven, but the other person is only five. You'll need to back off 20 percent in strength. If they're grep is a nine and use as a seven, you will need to increase your grip by 20 percent. If you were meeting a group of 10 people, you'd probably need to make several adjustments of angle and intensity to create a feeling of report with each and everyone and to stay on an equal footing with each person. Also keep in mind that the average male hand can exert around twice the power of the average female hand. So allowances must be made for this. Don't go crushing a woman's hand and think that this will give a good first impression of you. Remember that the handshake evolved as a gesture to say hello or goodbye or to seal an agreement. So it always needs to be warm, friendly, and positive. Now, for an interesting piece of advice, when you meet a power player, the palm down thrust is reminiscent of the Nazi salute and is the most aggressive of all handshakes because it gives the receiver little chance of establishing an equal relationship. This handshake is typical of the overbearing dominant person who always initiates it. And they're stiff arm, palm facing downwards, force at the receiver into the submissive position. And actually, honestly there's nothing more annoying than this. So what you can do, instead of trying to turn the other person's pan back up, which can be both difficult and obvious. You can step forward with your left foot as you reach to shake hands. Then step forward with your right leg, moving across in front of the person and into their personal space. Finally, bring your left leg across. Alright, one, to complete the maneuver and shake the person's hand. This tactic allows you to straighten the handshake or even to turn it over into the submissive position. It feels as if you're walking across in front of them and is the equivalent of winning an arm wrestling. But it also allows you to take control by invading this person's personal space. But let's, let's be honest, this is a difficult maneuver to execute, especially that most people are right footed and are therefore at a disadvantage when they receive a dominant handshake because they have little room to move and it allows the other person to dominate. So analyze your own approach to shaking hands and notice whether you step forward on your left or right foot when you extend your arm 22 to shake hands. So practice tapping into a handshake with your left foot and you will find it easier to deal with the power player who will try to control it. Another simpler technique is the hand on top. When a power player presents you with the palm down thrust, respond with your hand in the palm up position. Then put your left hand over the right to form a double hamburger and straighten the handshake. This switches the power from him to you and is a much simpler way of dealing with the situation and is much easier for women to use. Now, if you feel the power player is purposefully trying to intimidate you, and they do it regularly, then grasp their hand on top and then shake it. This can shop a power player. So you need to be selective when using it and do it only as a last resort. Now, going back to the two-handed handshake, keep in mind that it does not always mean that someone is maneuvering in order to get the upper hand with a power play. The double handler is a corporate favorite. The world over. This has delivered with direct eye contact, a candidate reassuring smile, and a confident loud. The repetition of the receivers firstname, often accompanied by an earnest inquiry about the receivers current state of health. This handshake increases the amount of physical contact given by the initiator and gives control over the receiver by restricting his right-hand, sometimes called the politicians handshake. The initiator of the double handler tries to give the impression that he is trustworthy and honest. But when it's used on a person who's just met, it can have the reverse effect, leaving the receiver feeding suspicious of the initiators intentions. The double-header is like a miniature hug and is acceptable only in circumstances where a hug could also be acceptable. 90 percent for humans are born with the ability to throw the right arm in front of the body, known as an overarching blue. For basic self-defense. The double hinder, the district, this defense capability, which is why it should never be used in greetings where a personnel bond does not exist with the other person. It should be used only where an emotional bond. Already exists, such as when meeting an old friend. In these circumstances, self-defense is not an issue. So the handshake is perceived as January. The intention of any two-handed handshake is to try to show sincerity, trust, and depth of feeding for the receiver to significant elements should be noticed. Firstly, the left hand is used to communicate the depth of feeling the initiator wants to convey. And this is relative to the distance the initiator is left hand is placed up the receiver's right arm. So it's like an intention to embrace and the initiator is left-hand, is used like a thermometer of intimacy. The further up the receivers arm it's placed, the more intimacy the initiator is attempting to show. The initiator is both attempting to show an intimate connection with the receiver while at the same time attempting to control the movement. For example, the elbow grasp conveys more intimacy and control than the wrist hold. And the shoulder hold conveys more than the upper arm grip. Secondly, the initiators left-hand is an invasion of the receiver is personal space. In general, the wrist hold and the elbow grasp, or acceptable only where one person feels close to the other. And in these cases, the initiators left-hand enters only the outer edge of the receivers person in space, the shoulder hold and upper arm grip, shore close intimacy and may even result in a hug. So unless the intimate feelings are mutual or the initiator doesn't have a good reason for using, using a double handed handshake, the receiver will probably be suspicious and mistrust the initiators intentions. So in summary, if you don't have some sort of personal bond with the other person, don't choose any double hamburger. And if the person who gives you one doesn't have a personal connection with you, look for their hidden agenda. It's common to see politicians in greeting voters using double handed handshakes and business people doing it to clients without realizing that it can be business or political suicide, putting people off site. So in conclusion, I would like to name some types of off-putting handshakes that you should try to avoid at all costs. First, Let's call it the wet fish. Meaning what? Sweaty hands most people as associate this with weak character to the vice or bone crusher handshake, which is the trademark of the overly aggressive personality, who without warning seizes the early advantage and attempts to the moralize his opponent by grinding has not held to a smooth paste. Also keep in mind that in Asian and African cultures, a limp handshake is the norm and a firm handshake can be seen as extremely offensive. Three, the fingertip and ramp, it shows a lack of self-confidence for the stiff arm thrust, also used by aggressive types. Five, the rancher, meaning attempting to drag the receiver into the initiator is territory. This is interpreted as either being insecure and trying to overcompensate or the initiator is trying to control the receiver by pulling them of balance. Six, the pump. This one is actually funny. It's when the pumper grabs the hand of the Pompeii and commences and energetic and rhythmic series of rapid vertical strokes. So in conclusion, for this lesson, Let's say that few people have any idea how they come across to others in initial meetings. Despite the fact that most of us are aware that the first few minutes of that meeting can make or break a relationship. Take the time to practice handshake styles with your friends and colleagues. And you can quickly learn how to deliver a positive handshake every time. Keeping the palms had vertical and matching the other person's grip is usually the best, the best politic to adopt. 5. Arm Gestures: We will be talking in this lesson about arm gestures. Let's start by arm barrier signals. One of the main functions for our arms is protection. We hide behind a barrier, and it's a normal response. We learn at an early age to protect ourselves. As children. We hit behind maybe our parents, but also solid objects such as tables, chairs, furniture. Whenever we found ourselves in a threatening situation. As we grew older, this hiding behavior became more sophisticated. And by the age of about six or 71, it was deemed unacceptable as unacceptable behavior to hide behind solid objects. We learned to fold our arms tightly across our chests whenever a threatening situation arose. Later on, during our teens, we learned to make the crust arms gesture less obvious by relaxing our arms a little and combining the gesture with crossed legs. As we grow older, the arm crossing gesture can evolve to the point where we tried to make it even less obvious to others by folding one or both arms across the chest, a barrier is formed, that is, an unconscious attempt to block out what we perceive as being a threat or undesirable circumstances. The arms folded across the heart and lungs regions to protect these vital organs from being injured. Meaning that it's likely that arm crossing gestures are inborn rather than learned. Monkeys and chimps also do it to protect themselves from a frontal attack. One thing is certain. When a person has a nervous, negative, or defensive attitude, it's very likely he or she will fold his or her arms firmly on his or her, just showing that he or she feels threatened. Now, why crossed arms can be detrimental? Research conducted in the United States in the crossed arms gesture has shown some worrying results. A group of volunteers was asked to attend a series of lectures. And each student was instructed to keep his legs on, crossed arms unfolded and to take a casual, relaxed sitting position. At the end of the lectures, each Jordan was tested on their retention and knowledge of the subject matter and their attitude towards the lecture was recorded. A second group of volunteers was put through the same process. But these volunteers were instructed to keep their arms tightly folded across their chests throughout the lectures. The results showed that the group with the Folded Arms had learned and retained 38% less than the group that kept its arms unfolded. The second group also had a more critical opinion of the lectures. End of the lecture, meaning that when you fold your arms, your credibility dramatically reduces. These tests reveal that one, a listener folds his or her arms. Not only does they have more negative thoughts about the speaker, but they also pay less attention to what's being said. Some people would say yes, but I'm just comfortable that way, claiming that they habitually cross their arms because it's comfortable while any gesture will feel comfortable when you have the corresponding attitude. That is, if you have a negative, defensive or nervous attitude, folded arms would feel comfortable. If you having fun with friends, folded arms will feel wrong. Remember that with all body language, the meaning of the message is also in the receiver, as well as the sender. You may feel comfortable with your arms crossed and you're back. And next different. But study, studies have shown that others reactions to these gestures is negative. So the lesson here is clear. Avoid crossing your arms under any circumstances unless your intention is to show others that you don't agree or don't want to participate. You may feel on crossing is simply comfortable, but the others will think you're not approachable. Now let's see a different arm signals. Let's start with crossed arms on chest. Both arms, as you see in the picture, are folded together across the chest as an attempt to put a barrier between the person and someone or something they don't like. There are many unfolding positions and we'll discuss here the most common ones that you're likely to see in everyday life. Crossed arms on chest is universal and is decoded with the same defensive or negative meaning almost everywhere in the world. It is commonly seen amongst strangers in public meetings, in queues or cafeteria lines and innovators, or anywhere that people feel uncertain or insecure. Studies show how most people will take an arms folded position when they disagree with what they are hearing. Many speakers fail to communicate their message to their audience because they haven't seen the crossed arms position of their listeners. But experienced speakers know that this gesture means good. Icebreaker is needed to move their audience into a more receptive position, in a more open position that will change the attitude from negative to positive. So when you see someone take the arms crossed position, it's reasonable to assume that you may have said something with which they disagree. It may be pointless continuing your same line of argument, even though the person could be verbally agreeing with you. The fact is that body language is more honest than words. As long as someone holds and arms folded position, a negative attitude will persist. Your objective should be to try to work out why they cross their arms and to try to move the person into a more receptive position. The attitude causes the gesture to occur and maintaining the gesture forces the attitude to remain. So what's the solution? A simple but effective way of breaking the arms folded position is to give the listener something told or give them something to do. Giving them a pen book brochure sample, which forces them to unfold their arms and lean forward. This moves them into a more open position and therefore, a more open attitude. Asking someone to lean forward to look at a visual presentation can also be an effective means of opening the arms for the position. You could also lean forward with your palms up and say, I can see you have a question. What would you like to know? What's your opinion? You then sit or lean back to indicate that it's their turn to speak. Using your palms, your non-verbally tell them that you would like them to be open and honest because that's what you're being. Negotiators are often taught that it's usually safe or not to proceed with the presentation of an idea until the prospects reason for folding his arms is uncovered. More often than not, buyers have hidden objections that most negotiators never discovered because they missed seeing the buyers arms folded cluster signaling that he or she was feeling negative about something. Now, reinforced on crossing. This is a step forward in the defensiveness. If a person has clenched fists as well as a full arm cross, this cluster called fists clenched on crossed, shows hostility as well as defensiveness. If it's combined with a tight lips, smile or clenched teeth and red face, a verbal or even physical attack could happen. A conciliatory approach is needed in this situation to discover what is causing it. If there isn't, is not already apparent. This person has an aggressive attacking attitude and you should be careful. Now, arm gripping the double. Our grip is characterized by the person's hands tightly gripping the upper arms to reinforce themselves and avoid exposure of the front of the body. Sometimes the arms can be gripped so tight that the fingers are knuckles can turn white as blood circulation is cut-off. It's a person's way of converting themselves with a form of self hugging. On gripping is commonly seen in doctors and dentists, waiting rooms, or with first-time travellers. Who are waiting for lift-off, it shows a negative, restrained attitudes. Now keep in mind that status can influence unfolding gestures. This ability or type can make his superiority felt by not folding their arms. Saying, in effect, that I'm not afraid. So I'll keep my buddy open and vulnerable. Let's say, for example, that at the company's social function, the general manager is introduced to several new employees after having written them with a pond down handshake. As we've seen in a previous lesson. He stands back from them, maybe a yard way emitter re, with his hands by his side, behind his back in palm empowered position, showing superiority or with one or both hands in his pockets, showing non involvement. He rarely falls his arms across his chest so as not to show the slightest hint of nervousness. Conversely, after shaking hands with the boss, the new employees may take full or partial arm crossing positions because of their apprehension about being in the presence of the company's top person. Both the general manager and the new employees feel comfortable with their respective gesture clusters as each signaling their status relative to the other. But what happens when the general manager meets a young, up and coming male who is also a superior type and who may even signal that he is as important as the general manager. The likely outcome is that after the to give each other a dominant handshake, the younger executive may take an arm full gesture, but with both thumbs pointing upwards. As you can see in the picture. This gesture has the arms crossed plus both thumbs up, showing that he's feeling cool and in controlling. As he talks, he gestures with his thumbs to emphasize the point that he's making. So the thumbs-up gesture is a way of showing others. We have a self-confident attitude and the Folded Arms still gives a feeling of protection. Furthermore, someone who is feeling defensive, but also submissive at the same time, will sit in a symmetrical position, which means one side of their body is a perfect mirror of the other. They display tense muscle tone and look as if they expect to be maybe attacked. Whereas a person who is feeling defensive and dominant will take an asymmetrical pose That is one side of the body. It doesn't mirror the other. Also, when you're presenting your case to someone, and the thumbs up arms crossed appears towards the end of your presentation. And his clustered with other positive gestures and signals, you can move comfortably into asking the person for a commitment or the concession that you are looking for. On the other hand, if at the close of the presentation, the other person takes the fists, clenched, arms crossed position, and has a poker face. You can be inviting trouble by attempting to get a yes. It would be better to ask questions to try to uncover the person's objections. When someone says no to a proposal, it can become difficult to change their mind without looking as if you add recipe. The ability to read body language allows you to see and negative decision before it is verbalized and gives you time to take an alternative course of action. When you can see an OH, coming before it is said, you can try a different approach. On a side note, people carrying weapons or reading armor seldom use on gestures because their weapons or Armor provides sufficient buddy protection. For example, police officers who waved guns ready cross their arms unless they are standing guard and they normally use the fists clenched position to communicate clearly that nobody is permitted to pass where they are standing. Now let's go to another gesture. Hugging yourself. When we're children or parents or carers embraced or helped us when we faced distressing or 10 circumstances. As adults, we often attempt to recreate those same comforting feelings when we find ourselves in stressful situations. Rather than take a full arm cross gesture, which can tell everyone we are faithful. Women often substitute subtler version, a partial arm cross, where one arms wings across the body to hold or touch the other arm to form the barrier. And it looks as if she is hugging herself. Partial arm barriers are often seen in meetings where a person may be a stranger to the group or is lacking in self-confidence. And you woman, taking this position is in a tense situation and will usually claim she's just being comfortable. Men use a partial on barrier known as holding hands with yourself. And it's commonly used by men who stand in front of a crowd to, for example, receive an award or give a speech, also known as the broken, broken zipper position. It makes men feel secure because he can protect his crown jewels and can avoid the consequences of receiving a nasty frontal blow. And it's the same position maintained in a line at a soup kitchen or to receive social security benefits. And it reveals their dejected, vulnerable feelings. It increases the feeling of having someone else hold your hand. Anecdotally, adult Hitler used it regularly in public to mask the sexual inadequacy he felt because of having only one testicle. And it's possible that evolution shorten man's arms to allow them to take this protective position. Because when our closest primate cousins, that chimpanzees assume the same position, their hands cross at their needs. Humans make a point of hiding the areas they think are the weakest or most vulnerable. So people who are continually exposed to others, such as royalty, politicians, television personalities, movie stars usually don't want their audiences to detect. They are nervous or unsure of themselves. So they prefer to project a cool, calm, controlled attitudes, one on display. But their anxiety or apprehension leaks out in disguised forms. Such as I'm crossing, as in all arm cross gestures. One arm swings across in front of the body towards the other arm. But instead of the arms crossing, one hand touches or holds on to a handbag, a bracelet, a watch, Cufflink, or objects on or near the other arm. Once again, the barrier is formed and the secure feeding is achieved. For example, men wearing cufflinks are often seen adjusting them as they cross a room or a dance floor where they are in full view of others and anxious or self-conscious man will also be seen adjusting the band on his watch, checking the contents of his wallet, clasping or rubbing his hands together, playing with a button on his cough, or using any gesture that lets his arms cross in front of his body, protecting him. A favorite of insecure businessman is walking into a business meeting holding a briefcase or folder in front of the body to the trained observer. These gestures are a giveaway because they achieve no real purpose except as an attempt to disguise nervousness. Women's use of disgust and barriers is less noticeable than men. Because women can grasp onto things like handbags, purses, if they become self-conscious or unsecured of themselves. One of the most common versions of creating a subtle barrier is to hold a glass or cup with two hands. You need only one hand to hold the glass. But two hands allow the insecure person form an almost unnoticeable arm barrier. These types of gestures are used by almost everyone and few of us are aware that we're doing them. Now let's talk about the coffee cup barrier. Offering a refreshment during a negotiation is an excellent strategy for gauging how the other person is receiving you offer where a person places their cup immediately after they take a drink is a strong indicator of whether or not they are convinced or open to what you are seeing. Someone who is feeling hesitant, unsecured or negative about what they are hearing will place the cup to the opposite side of their body to form the single arm barrier. When they are accepting of what they are hearing. The place the cup on the side of the body showing an open or accepting attitude. Let's discuss now, aren't touching touching a person with you ever left hand while shaking hands with your right hand, can create a powerful result. As we have seen in the lesson discussing handshakes. Also touching someone lightly on the elbow for not longer than three seconds can have a persuasive effect. Skillful elbow touching can give you up to three times the chance of getting what you want. There are three reasons this technique works. First, the elbow is considered a public space and is far away from intimate parts of the body. Second, touching a stranger is not considered acceptable in most countries. So it's like it creates an impression on that person. And third, a light 3 second elbow touch creates a momentary bond between two people. But keep in mind that here, there is a cultural naught to take into consideration. The elbow touch works better in places where frequent touching is not the cultural norm. So the more British or German your heritage, actually, the less likely you are to touch others, and therefore, the more successful and elbow touch will be on your. Overall. It is found that women were four times more likely to touch other women than men to touch another man. In many places, touching a stranger above or below the elbow did not produce the same positive results as with directly touching the album. And an often receive negative reactions. Meaning touching above or below the elbow. And touching for more than three seconds also received a negative response with the person suddenly looking down at your hand to see what you are doing. So when you next meet someone new and new shake hands, extend your left arm and give a light touch on the elbow or hand. As you shake. Repeat their name to confirm you heard that correctly and watch the reaction. Not only does it make that person feel important, it lets you remember the name through repetition. Elbow at Hampton chin. When done discreetly, grabs attention, reinforces a command, underlines a concept, increases your influence over others, makes you more memorable and creates positive impressions on everyone. In conclusion, it makes no difference how you look at it. Any crossing of the arms in front of the body is seen as negative. And the message is as much in the mind of the receiver as the sender. Even if you fold your arms, because for example, you have a back ache and observer will still unconsciously perceive you as close to their ideas. So make a decision to practice not crossing your arms. And in the following lessons, we will show you what to do to project a more positive confidence image. 6. Cultural Differences: Let's consider and this lesson, the cultural differences. As discussed in lesson three, facial expressions and smiles register the same meanings to people almost everywhere. Paul Ekman of the University of California, San Francisco, showed photographs of the emotions of happiness, anger, fear, sadness, disgust, enterprise to people in 25 different cultures. And found that in every case, the majority in each country agreed about the pictures that showed happiness, sadness, and disgust. There was agreement by the majority in 20 out of 21 countries for the surprise expressions, for fear on 19 out of 21 agreed, and for anger, 18 of 21 agreed. The only significant cultural difference was with the Japanese culture that described the fear photograph as to price. The fact that expressions are inborn and humans was also demonstrated by Dr. Linda cameras from the DePaul University in Chicago. She measured Japanese and American infants facial response using the Facial Action Coding System created by Oster and Rubinstein in 1991. This system allowed researchers to record separate and catalog infant facial expressions. And they found that both Japanese and American infants displayed exactly the same emotional expressions. So far in this course, we have concentrated on body language that is generally common. Most parts of the world, the Middle East culture and differences exist mainly in relation to territorial space. I contact, touch frequency, and insult gestures. The regions that have the greatest number of different local signals are Arab countries, parts of Asia, and Japan. We will try to cover in this lesson the basic things that you're unlikely to see abroad. Let's start with great indifferences. Handshaking has become the norm in most countries as a greeting gesture. But we can still find some differences from one place to another. The British, Australians, New Zealanders, Germans, and Americans will usually shake hands on meeting and again on departure. Most European cultures will shake hands with each other several times a day. And some French have been noted to shake hands for up to 30 minutes a day. On the other hand, engine, Asian and Arabic cultures may continue to hold your hand when the handshake has ended, Germans and French give one or two firm pumps followed by short hold. Whereas the British and give three to five pumps compared with an American's 5. 27 bumps to the Americans. The Germans were the single pump seem distant to the Germans. However, the Americans pump hands as if they are blowing up and airbags. When it comes to greeting with the cheek kiss, the Scandinavians are happy with a single case. The French mostly prefer a2 or four. While the Dutch, Belgians and Arabs go for a triple kissed, the Australians and New Zealanders and Americans are continually confused about grading cases and bumped noses as they fumbled their way through a single back. The Brits either avoid guessing altogether by standing back or we'll go with the European double kiss. When Italians talk, they keep their hands held high as a way of holding the floor and conversation. What seems like affection, arm touching, joining an Italian conversation is nothing more than a way of stopping the listener from raising his hands and taking the floor. So to interrupt an Italian, You must grab his hands in mid air and hold them down. As a comparison, the Germans and British look as if they are physically paralyzed when they talk. They are daunted when trying to converse with Italians and French and rarely get an opportunity to speak French, use their forearms and hence when they taught, whereas Italians use the entire arms and bodies and the Brits and Germans stand at attention. Now, when it comes to doing international business or even just traveling, we must always try to be sensitive to other people's culture. Most foreign cultures do not expect you to learn their language, but are extremely impressed by the traveler who has taken the time to learn and use local body language customs. This stack them that you respect their culture. For example, one area where handshakes, kissing, and hugs have not become established as Japan, where such bodily contact is considered inappropriate. Japanese people bow. On first meeting. The person with the highest status, bowing the list and the one with the least status bar in the most. On first meeting, business cards are exchanged. Each person assesses the other status and appropriate bowing follows. The Japanese way of listening to someone, involves a repertoire of smiling ions and polite noises, which have no direct equivalent in other languages. The idea here is to encourage you to keep on talking, but this is often misinterpreted by Westerners and Europeans as agreement. The head naught is an almost universal sign for yes, except for the Bulgarians who uses this gesture to signify know, and the Japanese, as we said, who use it for politeness. If you say something that the Japanese doesn't agree with, he'll say yes or high in Japanese to keep you talking. Japanese yes. Usually means Yes, I heard you not Yes, I agree with you. For example, if you say to a Japanese person, you don't agree, do you? He will not his head and say yes. Even though him he may not agree. In the Japanese contacts. It means yes, you are correct. I don't agree. And the same goes with some Arabic dialects, Lebanese, for example, where they also, in such a situation say yes, meaning I agree that I do not agree. The Japanese are concerned with saving face and have developed a set of rules to prevent things going wrong. To try to avoid saying no or asking questions. When the answer might be a no. The closest a Japanese, we'll get to saying the word no is it's very difficult. Or I will give this a positive study when they really mean, let's forget the whole thing and go on. Now let's talk about nose blowing and spitting. Europeans and Westerners blow their nose, noses into a handkerchief or tissue. While Asians and Japanese spirit or Snort. And each culture is appalled by what they see as the others inappropriate behavior. This dramatic cultural difference is the result actually of the spread of tuberculosis in past centuries. In Europe, governments instructed people to blow their nose to avoid further spreading the disease. This is why Westerners react so strongly to spitting. Spitting person could spread tuberculosis around. So people were alarmed by that prospect. If tuberculosis had been, had been a problem in Eastern countries, the cultural reaction would be the same. And as Westerners, as a result, the Japanese are appalled when someone produces a handler ship, blows their nose into it and puts it back in their pocket, pairs or updates live. Japanese are unimpressed at the English custom of men wearing a handkerchief over there, Jacket, stop pocket. This is the equivalent of proudly dangling roll of toilet paper from the pocket, ready for action. Asians believe correctly that it is a healthier option to spit, but it is a habit that is repulsive to Westerners and Europeans. Now, let's see the three most common cross-cultural gestures. Let's examine the culture interpretations and implications of three common hand gestures. The RNC, the thumbs up, and the V sign. Let's start with during this gesture, as you can see in the picture, was popularized in the United States during the early 19th century by the newspapers that we're starting a crazy or using initials to shorten common phrases. There are many different views about what the initials okay. Originally stood for. Some believe it stood for all correct. Which was regularly misspelled as oil, correct. While others say that it means the opposite of knockout, that is K0. And another popular theory is that it's an abbreviation of old kinda hook. From the birthplace of a nineteenth-century American president called Martin Van Buren, who use the initials, okay, as a campaign slogan. It's obvious that the ring itself represents the letter o and the ok. signal, though, okay, meaning is common to all English-speaking countries. And its meaning has spread fast everywhere due to the american television and movies. But it has other origins and meanings in certain places. So you have to be careful, for example, in France and Belgium, some Arab countries also, it means the row or nothing. In Japan, it means money, or it can mean money. If you're doing business in Japan and you make this sign for okay, a Japanese may think you're asking for a bribe for more money. In some Mediterranean countries, it's an orifice signal often used to infer that a man is a homosexual. Show a Greek man the Okay Signal. And he may think you're inferring you or he is game, while a Turk might think you're calling him an arsenal. In Arab countries, it is used as either a threat signal as an obscenity or as an obscenity, or even as a 0, as I previously said, in the fifties, for example, before he became president, Richard Nixon visited Latin America on a goodwill tour to try to patch upstream relations with the locals. As he stepped out of his plane, he showed the waiting crowds, the American okay. Signal and was stunned as they began booing him and hissing at him, being unaware of local body language customs. Nixon's Okay Signal had been read as a big insult. So if you travel internationally, the safest rule is to always ask the locals to show you their insult signals to avoid any possible embarrassing circumstances. Now, let's talk about the thumbs up in places that have strong British influence such as Australia, the United States, South Africa, Singapore, New Zealand. The thumbs-up gesture has three minutes. It is commonly used by hitchhikers who are summing a left. It's an okay signal. And when the thumb is jerk chocolate upwards, it becomes an insult. In some countries such as Greece, the thumb is thrust forward and it's, and it's main meaning is get stuffed. When Europeans count from one to five, they use the sums up to me in one, the index finger becomes two, whereas most English-speaking people count one on the index finger and the two on the middle finger. In this case, the thumb from Bob will represent the number five being the most powerful digit on the hand. The thumb is used as a sign of power and can be seen protruding from pockets, West Coast and on lipids. The thumb is also used in combination with other gestures as a power of superiority signal, or in situations where people tried to get us under the quote unquote, the thumb is referred to in this expression. Because of its physical power. Thirdly, the V sign. This sign is common in Australia, New Zealand, and Great Britain and carries and appears interpretation. It's an insult. Winston Churchill, however, popularized the V for victory, signed during the Second World War. But his two-finger version was done with the palm facing out, whereas the palm faces towards the speaker. For the obscene insult version. The origin of the V sign as an insult can be traced back centuries to the English archers who use these two fingers to file the arrows. It was considered the ultimate degradation for a skilled archer to be captured. And rather than be executed, have his true shorting fingers removed. The two-fingered resign quickly became used as a golden signal in battle by the British to show their enemies. I've still got my shooting fingers. In parts of Europe, however, the part facing inversion still means victory. So an English man who uses it to tell a German appears, could leave the German thinking he had won a prize. This signal now also means the number two in some parts of Europe and the Middle East. And if the insulted European, Let's say it was a bartender has response could be to give an English man, American, or Australian, to a max of beer, Dutch or not to touch. That is the question. Whether or not someone will be offended by being touched during conversation depends on the culture. For example, the French and Italians love to continually touch as they talk. While the British prefer not to touch at any time, unless it's on a sports field in front of a large audience. Intimate embracing by British, Australian, and New Zealand sportsman is copied from South American and continental sportsman who embrace and kiss each other after a role as code and continue this intimate behavior in the dressing rooms. But the moment the Australians, Brits and Q is leave the field at two hertz to the hands off or else policy. Dr. Ken Cooper also studied touch frequencies in a number of countries and recorded the following results for touches per hour. Puerto Rico. A 180, yes, 110, Florida to London, 0. So here's a small guide to know whether to touch or not to touch. In conclusion, people interact positively, no matter the context, whether it's a business or social 1, with people who made them feel comfortable. And it comes down to sincerity and good manners. So when entering a foreign country, concentrate on reducing the broadness of your body language until you have the opportunity to observe the locals. Cultural misinterpretations can produce embarrassing results. And a person's background should always be considered before jumping to conclusions about the meaning of his or her body language and gestures, if you regularly travel internationally, we recommend Roger Acts tells, gestures, those and taboos of body language around the world. Excel identified over 70000 different physical signs and customers globally and shows you how to do business in most cultures. 7. Hand and Thumb Gestures: Let's talk in this lesson about hand thumb gestures. A human hand has 27 small bones, including a paddle shaped bones in the wrist, list together by a network of ligaments, dozens of tiny muscles to move the joints. Scientists have noted that there are more nerve connections between the hands and the brain than between any other parts of the body. Meaning that the gestures and positions we take with our hands will give us powerful insights into our emotional states. And because our hands are usually held in front of our body, these signals are easy to see, and most of us have several trademark hand positions that we continually use. For example, mentioned Napoleon, and everyone will describe a man with his hand tucked into his waist coast, with his thumb pointing upwards and will probably volunteer a theory about why he did. These include that he had a stomach ulcer, he was winding his watch. He had a skin disease that in his era it was impolite to put your hands in your pockets. He had breast cancer. He had a deformed hand. He had a perfume sachet, and his vest that hits snuff occasionally. He was playing with himself. And that painters don't like to pay intense. But the real story is that in 1738, well before Napoleon's birth, crosswalk, Dave along published a book of genteel behavior describing his posture. And he said, quote, The handheld n was a common stands for men of breathing and manly boldness, tempered with modesty and goats. So when Napoleon saw the painting, he said to the artist, you have understood me, my dear david, quote unquote. So it was a gesture to convey status. And in fact, the history books show that Napoleon did not have this gesture in his regular repertoire. In fact, he didn't even sit for the famous painting that feature that the artist painted him from memory and added the gesture. But the notoriety of this hand gesture highlights how the artist, Jacques-Louis David understood the authority that the position of the hand and thumb would project. For thousands of years. The level of status people held in society would determine the priority order in which they could hold the floor been speaking. The more power or authority you had, the more others would be compelled to stay silent when you spoke. For example, Roman history shows that a low-status person could be executed for interrupting Julius Caesar. Today, most people live in societies where freedom of speech flourishes and usually anyone who wants to put forward an opinion can do so in Britain, Australia, and the United States. Even permissible to interrupt the president or prime minister with your opinion or to give a condescending slow hand club has happened to Prime Minister Tony Blair in 2003. During a television discussion on the iraqi crisis. In many countries, the hands have taken on the role of punctuation marks to regulate turn talking in conversation. The hands raised gesture has been borrowed from the Italians and French, who are the biggest users of hand talking. But it is still rarely seen in England, were waving your hands about when you speak as seen as inappropriate or poor style. In Italy, however, the order of talking is simply the person with his hands raised has the floor and thus the talking. The listener will have his hands down or male in his back. So the trick is to try to get your hands in the air if you want to get a word in. And this can be done either by looking way and then raising them or by touching the other person's arm to suppress their hands as you raise yours. Many people assume that when Italian stock, they are being friendly or intimate because they continually touch each other. But in fact, each is attempting to restrict the other's hands and take the floor. In this lesson, we'll evaluate some of the most common hand and some gestures that are in widespread use. Let's start by saying that watching how a person summarizes a discussion, given both points of view can reveal whether they have a bias one way or another. They usually hold one hand, palm up and articulate each point and then give the opposing points. On the other hand, Right-handed people reserve their favorite point of view for the right-hand and left-handers favor their left. Using hand gestures, grabs, attention, increases the impact of communication and helps individuals retain more of the information they are hearing. And the University of Manchester in England and Jeffrey BT and intimate Laughlin conducted a study where volunteers listen to stories featuring cartoon characters, such as Roger Rabbit, 3D pie, and Sylvester the cat. For some listeners, a narrator added hand gestures, such as moving the hands up and down quickly to show running. A waving movement, to demonstrate a hell drying and arms wide apart to show a fat opera singer. When the listeners were tested, ten minutes later, those who had seen the hand gestures had up to a third higher response when recalling the details of the stories, demonstrating the dramatic effect hand gestures have on our recall ability. So let's see the 15 of the most common hand gestures that you're likely to see every day. And we'll discuss what to do about them. Rubbing the pumps to them. Loving the palms together is a way in which people communicate positive expectation. The dice thrower rubs the dice between his palms as a sign of his positive expectancy of winning. The master of ceremonies rubs his palms together and says to his audience, we have been looking forward to hearing our next speaker. And the excited salespersons trots into the sales manager's office, rubs his palms together and says excitedly, we've just received a big order. However, the waiter who comes to your table at the end of the evening rubbing his palms together and asking anything else is non-verbally telling you that he has expectancy of a good tip. The speed at which a person rubs their palms together. Signal is who he thinks will receive the positive benefits. Say for example, you want to buy a home and you visit an estate agent. After describing the property, the agent rubs his palms together quickly and says, I've got just the right house for you. And this way, the agent has signaled that he expects the results to be to your benefit. But how would you feel if he rubbed his palms together very slowly as he told you that he had the ideal property hit seems needed or devious and you get the feeling that he expected the results benefit him, not you. Since people are taught to use the palindrome gesture when scribing products or services to prospective buyers. And to use a fast hand action to avoid putting buyers on the defensive when a buyer quickly rubs his palms together and says, let's see what you have to offer. It signals that he's expecting to see something good and might buy. Always remember context. A person who rubs his palms together briskly while standing and bus terminal on a cold day may not necessarily be doing it because he's expecting a bus. He does it because his hands are simply called thumb and finger up. Rubbing the thumb against the index finger or fingertips is commonly used as a money expectancy gesture. Its symbolism is that of rubbing a coin between the thumb and finger tips. It is often used by the street vendor who says, I can save you 40 percent. Or by the person who says to his friend, can you lend me 50 pounds? This gesture should be avoided at all times by any professional person who deals with clients because it carries negative associations about money. Hence, clenched together. At first. This gesture can seem to signal confidence as some people who use it often also smile, like observing a negotiator inscribing the deal he has just lost. He may not only take the hands clenched position, but his fingers may start to turn white as if they were welding together. The hands clenched gesture shows a restraint, anxious or negative attitude. Research into the hands clenched position by negotiation experts Nierenberg and colleagues showed that it was also a frustration gesture when used during a negotiation. Signaling that the person who was holding back and negative or anxious attitude, it was a possession assumed by a person who felt they were either not convincing the other person or thought they were losing the negotiation. The hands clenched gesture has three main positions. Hence, clenched in front of the face, hands clenched, resting on the desk or on the lab, and one standing hands clenched in front of the crutch. It was discovered that there is a correlation between the height at which the hands are held and the degree of the person's frustration. In other words, a person would be more difficult to deal with when the hands are hand high, as in a center position than they would be in a lower position. Like you see in the illustrations. As with all negative gestures, you need to take action to unlock the person's fingers by offering them a drink or asking them to hold something. Or the negative attitude will remain in the same way it does with any arm crossed position. Now the steeple, so far, we've emphasized that gestures come in clusters, like words in a sentence, and that they must be interpreted in the context in which you observe them. Stippling can be an exception to these rules. As it often occurs in isolation. The fingers of one hand lightly press against those of the other hand to form a church steeple and will sometimes rock back and forth like a spider doing push-ups on the manner. We find that the steeple was frequently used in superior subordinate interaction, and that it indicates a confident or self-assured attitude. Superiors often use this gesture position when they give instructions and advice to subordinates. And it's particularly common among politicians. Accountants, lawyers, managers, meaning people who are confident, superior types. And they often use this gesture. And by doing so, they signal day confident attitude. Those who use this gesture sometimes convert the steeple into a praying gesture in an attempt to appear godlike. As a general rule, the steeple should be avoided when you want to be persuasive or when the other person's confidence, as it can sometimes be read as Magnus or adolescence. If you want to look as if you are confident and have all the right answers than the stipple position will do it for you. So picture the scene. You're playing chess and it's your turn to move. You move your hand over the chessboard and rest your finger on a chess piece, indicating you intend to move that piece. You then notice your opponent sitting back and making the steeple gesture. Your opponent has just told you non-verbally that he feels confident about your move. So your best strategy is not to make it. You next touch another chest piece and see your opponent assume the hands clenched gesture or arms crossed position secondary him that he doesn't like your potential move. So you should make it. The steeple has two main versions. The raised, steepen, the position of an assumed when the stapler is giving his opinions or ideas, or is doing the talking. And the lowered steeple, which is normally used when the stapler is listening rather than speaking. Women tend to use the lowered steepen position more often than the race steeper. When the rest of the people as taken with the head tilted back, the person takes on an air of smoothness or arrogance. Although the steeple gesture as a positive signal, it can be used in either positive or negative circumstances and maybe misinterpreted. For example, let's say you are presenting an idea to someone and have seen them using several positive gestures during the presentation, such as open ponds, leaning forward, head up, nodding, and so on. Let's say that towards the end of your presentation, the other person begins to steeple. If the steeple follows a series of other positive gestures and appears when you show the other person the solution to his problem, it's likely you've been given the go-ahead to ask for the order. On the other hand, if the steeple gesture follows a series of negative gestures, such as unfolding, leg crossing, looking away, had to face gestures. He may be confident that he won't say yes to the offer or that he can get rid of you. In both these cases, the steeple register is confidence mat one has positive results and the other negative consequences. The gestures preceding the steeple are the key to the outcome. So in summary, your hands always in front of you, revealing your emotions and attitudes. Many body language gestures can be difficult to learn, but hand gestures can be practiced and rehearsed to a point where you can have fairly good control over where your hands are and what they are doing. When you learn to read hand gestures, you looked more confident, feel more successful, and when more than chess games. So let's carry on with the rest of the arm gestures. Let's talk about the face platter. The face platter is not a negative gesture. It's a positive one used in courtship. And it's used mainly by women who want to attract a man's attention. A woman will place one hand on top of the other and present her face to a man as if it was on a bladder for him to admire. So if you are going to use flattery, this gesture and gives the green light for it. Holding hands behind the back. The Duke of Edinburgh and several other male members of the British Royal Family are noted for the habit of walking with a hand up, chin out, and one hand holding the other hand behind the back. This gesture is common among leaders. Royalty and is used by the policemen patrolling the bit, the headmaster walking around the school playground, senior military personnel, and anyone in a position of authority. The emotions attached to this gesture are superiority, confidence, and power. The person exposes their vulnerable stomach, heart, crutch, and throat in his subconscious act of fearlessness. Our experience shows that if you take this position when you are in a high-stress situation, such as being interviewed by newspaper reporters, are waiting outside the dentist surgery, you'll begin to feel confident and even authoritative as a result of the law of cause and effect. Work with law enforcement officers shows that officers who don't wear firearms use this position regularly and often a rock back and forth on the balls of the feet when standing to gain additional height. Police officers who were firearms seldom use this gesture. But if herding to let the arms hang by their side or to have their thumbs tucked into the belt. The firearm gives the officer sufficient power. That bomb in bound behind the back is no more necessary display of authority. The hand gripping rest, gesture communicates a different emotion to palm embalm behind the back. It's a signal of frustration and an attempt at self-control. One hand grips the other wrist or arm tightly behind the back as if in an attempt by one arm to prevent the other from striking out. And the higher up on grips the opposite on, the more frustrated or angry the person is likely to be. In the illustration, the person is showing a greater attempt at self-control then in the previous picture, because his hand is gripping the upper arm. Just the rest. This gesture shows the origin of the expression. Get a good grip on yourself. Wrist and arm gripping behind the back can often be observed outside the courtroom. When warring parties are face-to-face. In salespeople standing in the customer's reception area and in patients waiting for a doctor. It's an attempt to disguise nervousness or self restraint. And if you catch yourself doing it, changed to the palm in bone behind the back and you will begin to feel more confident and in control. Now for the sum displays, as mentioned earlier, thumbs denotes a periodicity. In Polymer history, the thumbs represents strength of character and the ego and body language signals involving the thumbs also show self-important attitudes. Thumbs are used to display dominance, assertiveness, or sometimes aggressive attitudes. Some gestures are secondary gestures and are usually part of a cluster. Some displays are positive signals, often used in the typical pose of the cool individually, who uses them to show superiority? A man will use protruding thumbs around women to whom he is attracted, and people who were high status. Or prestige clothing also display their thumbs. You will rarely see a low-status individual, such as a vagrant doing it from these players also often drop on the balls of their feet to give the impression of extra height. This gesture is common to men and women who feel they are in a superior position to others. It's one of Prince Charles regular gestures and reveals the in-control attitude he feels at the time. In work environment, the boss will walk around the office in this position. And when the boss is a way, the person who is next in line, next in charge, will walk around using it, but none of the subordinates would dare to use it in front of the bus. Thumb displays can become obvious when a person gives a contradictory verbal message. Take for example, the lawyer who turns to the judy and in a soft voice says, in my humble opinion, ladies and gentlemen, et cetera, et cetera, while displaying his thumbs and tilting back his head to look down his nose. And this can make the jewelry field than the lawyer is being insincere or pompous. If a lawyer wanted to appear humble, he would approach the jury with his coat open, with open palms and stooped forward to appear smaller. Thumbs sometimes protrude from the back pockets as if the person is trying to hide their dominant attitude. Women were readily seen using some place until the sixties, when they began to wear trousers and take on more authoritative roles in society. Now, the arms folded with thumbs pointing upwards is another common term cluster. This is a double signal showing a defensive or negative attitude, the folded arms plus a superior attitude revealed by the thumbs. The person using this cluster usually gestures with his thumbs when he talks and drugs on the both of his feet, one standing. The thumb can also be used as a signal of ridicule or disrespect when it is used to point at another person. For example, the husband who leans across to his friend, points towards his wife with his thumb and says, she always next is inviting an argument with her. In this case, the shaking thumb is used as a pointer to a reticular. Consequently, thumb pointing is irritating to most women, particularly what a man does it. The thumb shaking gesture is not common among women, although they sometimes use gesture to point at people they don't like. So in summary, the thumbs have been used as a sign of power, authority for thousands of years. In Roman times. The thumb held up or down meant life or death to a gladiator, even without any training. Others intuitively decode some signals and seem to understand the meaning. So you now are in a position not only to decode thumb signs, but to train yourself how to use them. 8. Deciphering deceit signals: This lesson is actually one of the most interesting and most important of this class. And we will be talking about deciphering lies and deceit signals in general. Now, if you told the absolute truth to everyone you interacted with, what would be the result? If you said the exact words going through your mind as you thought them, what consequences would this brink? For example, if you say to your boss with morning boss, you talented slob to your mother-in-law. It's nice to see you again. You interfering, negative or bad. One a woman asks, does this just make me look fat? What is your answer? If you're a man and you know what's good for you, you'd say she looked good. But you might have been thinking that just doesn't make you look fat. It's all the cake and ice cream you in that makes you look fat. If you told everyone the complete truth at all time, you'd not only end up lonely, you might even finish up in, in, in hospital or prison. Lining is the oil that quizzes our interactions with others and lets us maintain friendly social relationships. These are called white lines, because the goal is to make others feel comfortable instead of telling them the cold, hard truth. And research shows that social liars are more popular than those who continually telling the truth. Even though we know the social layer is lying to us. Now, malicious lies, however, are where one person deliberately sets out to deceive another for personnel benefit. The least dependable signs of lying are the ones over which a person has the most control, such as words. Because a person can rehearse their lives. And the most reliable clues to lying are the gestures a person makes automatically, because they have little or no control over them. These responses are most likely to happen during lives because they are emotionally the most important things to the liar. Robert Feldman at the University of Massachusetts in Amherst, studied 121 couples as they had a conversation with the third person. 1 third of the participants were told to appear likable, while another third were instructed to seem competent, and the rest were asked just to be themselves. All participants were then asked to watch the video of themselves and identify, analyze. They had told joining the conversation, no matter how big or small. Some lines were white lines, such as saying they liked someone when they really didn't. While other lives were more extreme, such as falsely claiming to be the star of a rock band. Overall, Feldman found that 62% of his participants told an average of two to three lies every 10 minutes. James Patterson, author of the day America, told the truth, interviewed over 200 thousand Americans and found that 91 percent lied regularly, both at home and at work. So how can you tell when someone is like stalling or simply thinking and over recognition of deceit. Procrastination, boil them and evaluation gestures can be some of the most important observation skills you can learn. And in this lesson, you learned the body language signals that give people away. Let's start with dealing with lying and deceit. The three wise monkeys shown in the pictures symbolize those who hear no even see no evil and speak no evil. They are simple hand to pay. Gestures formed the basis of the human deceit. Gestures and simple terms. When we see, speak and hear lies or deceit, we are likely to attempt to cover our mouth, eyes, or ears with our hands. People who hear bad news or witnessed a horrific accident will often cover their entire face or their hands to symbolically stop themselves from seeing or hearing the awful news. This was the gesture that is most observed worldwide when people heard about a catastrophe, such as an earthquake, a terrorist attack, or any other kinds of capitalism's. As we've already discussed, children often use hand to face gestures openly when they lie. If the child tells a lie, he will often cover his mouth with one or both hands in an attempt to stop the deceitful words from coming out. If he doesn't want to listen to or reprimanded parent, he simply covers his ears with his hands to block out the noise. When he or she sees something, he or she doesn't want to look at. The child covers the eyes with their hands or arms. And as they become older, these hand to face gestures become quicker and less obvious, but they still occur when the child is like covering up or witness witnessing the seeds. These gestures are also associated with doubt, uncertainty, or exaggeration. And many researchers were conducted on the gestures of lying individuals. And all of them showed a greater frequency of hand to face gestures when the subjects were like. Men and women also both increase their number of gulps of saliva when lying. But this is usually noticeable only with men as they have an enlarged Adam's apple. In this lesson, we'll be also analyzing gestures in isolation and discussing them individually. But this is not how they usually occur. They are part of a larger gesture cluster and should be studied in the same way as words in a sentence. That is, how each word is relevant to other words and the overall context in which they are used. When someone uses a hand to face gesture, doesn't always mean that he or she is lying. It does indicate, however, that the person could be holding back information and further observation of other gesture clusters can confirm or deny your suspicions. It's important that you avoid interpreting a simple hand to face gesture in isolation. While there is no single guaranteed movement, facial expression, or to which that confirms someone is telling a lie. There are several clusters you can learn to recognize, which will dramatically increase your chances of spotting alive. How the face reveals the truth. The face is used more than any other part of the body to cover up lice. We use miles, nods, winks in an attempt to cover up. But unfortunately for us, our body signals tell the truth. And there is a lack of congruence between our body gestures and facial signals. Our attitudes and emotions are continually revealed on our faces and we are completely unaware of it. Most of the time. When we're going to try to conceal alignment or a certain thought flashes into our mind. It can be shown for a split second. On our face. We usually interpret someone's quick no, such as an edge, or that when they rest their hand on their face, they are deeply interested in us without ever suspecting that we're boring them to death. For example, a man was filmed discussing how well he got on with his mother-in-law each time he mentioned her name, the left side of his face raised in a momentary sneer. That lasted only a split-second motto as volume about how he really felt. We already discussed that women are better at reading emotions and therefore they are better at manipulating others with an appropriate line. This straight is seen in baby girls who cry in sympathy with other babies and can then cause other babies to cry by simply bursting into tears at when. Sandy, the olecranon, PhD, author of mind-reading, conducted a five month study into how we like and also concluded that women are far better liars than men. She found that women tell more complicated lies than men. Whereas mental symbolized such as, I missed the bus or my mobile phone battery was flat. That's why I couldn't call you. She also found that attractive people are more believed than unattractive ones, explaining why leaders such as JFK and Bill Clinton were able to get away with as much as they did. Unlike what most people think, lying is not easy. Even if we do it all the time. Chances are our interlocutors. More often than not, we'll know deep down that we are lying. Folk wisdom says that when someone is lying, they smile more than usual. But research shows that the opposite is true. They smile less. The difficulty with lying is that the subconscious mind acts automatically and independently of our verbal light. So our body language gives us a way. This is why people who rarely tell lies are easily caught. Regardless of how convincing they may sound, the moment they began to lie, their body sends out contradictory signals. And these give us a feeling that they're not being truthfully joining the lie, the subconscious mind sends out nervous energy, which appears as a gesture that can contradict what was said. Professional liars, such as politicians, lawyers, actors, and television announcers, have a refined their body gestures to the point where it becomes difficult to see the light and people fall for it. They do it in one of two ways. First, the practice, what feels like the right gesture when they tell the lie. But this only works when they have practiced telling a lot of lies over long periods of time. Second, they can reduce their gesturing so that they don't use any positive or negative gestures or aligned. But that's also hard to do. Try this simple test. Tell a deliberate lie to someone face-to-face, and make a conscious effort to suppress all body gestures. Even when you made your body gestures are consciously suppressed. Numerous small micro gestures will still be transmitted. These include facial, muscular twitching, dilation and contraction of pupils, sweating, flushed cheeks, eye blinking rate increasing from ten blinks per minute to as many as 50 blinks per minute. And many other micro signals that indicate deceit. Research using slow motion cameras shows that these micro gestures can occur within a split second. And it's only people such as professional interviewers, law enforcement, police officers, interrogators, and the very perceptive who can read them. It's obvious than that to be able to live successfully, you need to have your body hidden or out of sight. Interrogation involves placing the person on a chair in the open or placing them under lights with their buddy in full view of the interrogators. The lies are much easier to see under those circumstances. So lying is easier if you're sitting behind the desk where your body is partially hidden or peering over a fence or from behind a closed door. The best way to lie is over the telephone. Now let's see the most common lying gestures. Let's start with the mouth cover. The hand, covers the mouth as the brain subconsciously instructed to try to suppress the deceitful words that are being sent. Sometimes, this gesture might only be several fingers over the mouth, or even a closed fist, but its meaning remains the same. Some people tried to disguise the mouth cover gesture by giving a fake cough. When actors play gangsters or criminals, they often use this gesture when discussing criminal activities with other gangsters or when being interrogated by the police, so that the audience knows they're being secretive or dishonest. If the person who is speaking uses this gesture, it indicates that they could be like if they cover their mouth while you are speaking. It can show they might feel that you are hiding something. One of the most unsettling sites at a conference when you can see that your audience, if you're speaking, is using this gesture while you're speaking, a speaker should stop and ask, would someone like to ask a question? Or I can see some people disagree. Let's take questions. This allows the audience's objections to be brought into the open, giving the speaker the opportunity to qualify statements and answering questions just as they would do if they had their arms crossed. The mouth cover may appear as innocuous as the SH, gesture, where one finger is placed vertically over the lips. This gesture would likely have been used by the person's mother or father when he was a child. As an adult, the person uses it in an attempt to tell themselves not to say something and they're feeding. The point is that it alerts you to something that is being withheld. Second, the nose touch. Sometimes the nose touch can be several quick rubs below the nose, or it may be one quick touch, almost imperceptible. Women perform this gesture would smallest strokes than men. And the important thing to remember here is that this type of action or should be read in clusters and in context. And the person can simply have allergy, hay fever, or a cold. No stretching actually has a scientific explanation. Scientists at the smell and taste Treatment and Research Foundation and Chicago found that when you lie, chemicals known as catecholamines are released, causing tissue inside the nose to swell. They use special imaging cameras that show blood flow in the body to reveal that intentional lying also causes an increase in blood pressure. This technology indicates that the human nose actually expands with blood during lying and is known as the Pinocchio effect. Increased blood pressure inflates the nose and causes the nerve endings and the nose to tingle, resulting in a brisk rubbing action to the nose with the hand to satisfy the H. You can see this running with the naked eye and of course, but this is what appears to cause the nose touch gesture. The same phenomenon occurs when a person is upset, anxious, or angry. So at this point, you might ask, what if it's really an itchy nose? Well, as I said, line gestures should be read as part of a cluster, meaning that the nose touch will readily come along. And secondly, the edge of a person's nose is normally satisfied by a deliberate rubbing or scratching action, as opposed light strokes of the nose touch, gesture. And each is usually an isolated, repetitive gesture and is incongruent or out of context with the person's overall conversation as what the mouth cover, the nose touch can be used both by the speaker to disguise their own deceit and by the listener who doubt the speaker's words. Now let's go higher. The IRA. When a child doesn't want to look at something, he or she will cover the eyes with one or both hands. When an adult doesn't want to look at something distasteful, the higher-up is likely to occur. The IRR is the brain's attempt to block out the DCT. Doubts, distasteful thing that it sees, or to avoid having to look at the face of the person who is being lied to. Men usually rub their eyes vigorously. And if it's a big lie, they usually look away. Women who are usually subtler than men are less likely to use the Arab. Instead. They will use moral gentle touching motions just below the eye. They also avoid a listeners gaze by looking away. The ear grab. Imagine you tell someone, it only costs $900 and the person grabs the image, looks away to the side and says, it looks like a good deal to me. This is a symbolic attempt by the listener to quote unquote here, no, even trying to block the words they are hearing by putting the hand around or over the ear or tugging at the ear lobe. This is the adult version of the hands over both ears gesture used by the child who wants to blot out his or her parents, who represents. Other variations of the ear grab include rubbing the back of the ear. The finger drill where the fingertip is screwed back and forth inside the ER. Also pulling at the ear lobe or bending the entire ear forward to cover the ear hole. The ear grab can also be a signal that the person has heard enough or may want to speak. As with the nose touch, the IRA is used by a person who is experiencing anxiety. The next scratch, the index finger, usually of the writing hand, scratches the side of the neck below the ear lobe. This gesture is a signal of doubt or uncertainty and is characteristic of the person who. Doesn't agree with what you, I think it's very noticeable when the verbal language contradicts it. For example, when the person says something like, I can understand how you feel, but the neck scratch indicates that they want the color point. Desmond Morris, the famous author in human sociobiology, was one of the first to discover that lies cause a tingling sensation in the delicate facial and neck tissues, and a rub or scratch was the required to satisfy it. This not only accounts for why people who are uncertain will scratch their neck. It presents a good explanation as to why some people use the color pull when they lie and suspect they have been caught out. In fact, increased blood pressure from the deceit causes wet to form on the neck when the deceiver fields that you suspect he's not telling the truth. It also occurs when a person is feeling angry or frustrated and it needs to pull the color away from his neck in an attempt to let the cool air circulates. When you see someone use this gesture asked, Could you repeat that please? Or could you clarify that point place. This can cause the would-be deceiver to give the lie away. Fingers in the mouth. This is an unconscious attempt by a person to revert to the security of the child's sucking on his mother's breast and occurs when a person feels on refresher. A young child substitutes his thumb or a blanket for her mother's breast. And as an adult, he puts his fingers to his mouth and sucks on cigarettes, pipes, pens, glasses, and trimming them. Most hand to mouth gestures can be connected to lying or deception. But the fingers in mouth gesture is an outward indication of an inner need for reassurance. So giving the person guarantees and assurances is a smart positive move. Now, let's jump to evaluation and procrastination gestures. A good speaker is said to be one who instinctively knows when his audience is interested in what he's saying. And can also tell you when his listeners have had enough. Every presenter knows the empty feeling that results when he or she are giving a presentation to someone who says very little and just sits there watching. Fortunately, there are a number of hand to cheek and hand gestures that can be used as a thermometer to test how well the speaker is doing. Let's start with boredom, the gesture for boredom. When the listener begins to use his hand to support his head. It is a signal that boredom has set in and his supporting hand is an attempt to hold his head up to stop himself from falling asleep. The degree of the listeners boredom is related to the extent to which his arm and hand are supporting the head. It usually begins with the chin being supported by the thumb. And then by the fist as interest wanes. And then extreme lack of interests is shown when the head, the full head, is fully supported by the hand and drumming the fingers on the table and continual tapping of the feet on the floor are often misinterpreted by professional speakers as boredom signal. But in fact, the signal inpatients. If you are addressing a group of people and CVs signals, a strategic move must be made to get the finger drummer or foot dapper involved in the conversation to avoid his negative effect on the other listeners. Audience that displays boredom and impatient signals together is telling the speaker that it's time for him to end. The speed of the finger or foot that is related to the extent of the persons in patients. The faster the tabs, the more impatient the listener is becoming. As for the evaluation gestures, evaluation is shown by a closed hand resting on the chin or cheek, often with the index finger pointing upwards. When the person begins to lose interest, but still want to appear interested. For courtesy sake, the position will alter so that the heel of the palm supports the head as boredom sets in a middle, managers often use this gesture to feign interest to the company president who is giving a dull, boring speech. Unfortunately for them, however, as soon as the hand begins to support the head in any way, it gives the game away. And the President is likely to feel that some of the managers are being insincere or using false flattery because genuine interest is shown when the hand lightly rests on the cheek and is not used as Hat support. When the index finger points vertically up the cheek and the thumb, suppose the chin, the listener is having negative or critical thoughts about the speaker or, or his subjects. And sometimes the index finger may rub or pull at the eye as the negative thoughts continue. This gesture is often mistaken as a signal of interest, but the supporting thumb under the chin tells the truth about the critical attitude. Holding a gesture cluster affects a person's attitude. So the longer a person holds it, the longer the critical attitude will remain. This gesture cluster is a signal that immediate action is required by the speaker, either by involving the listener in what he's saying or by ending the encounter. A simple move, such as handling something to the listener to alter his boss can cause a change in attitude. Change stroking. The next time you have the opportunity to present an idea to a group of people. Watch them carefully as you give you idea. And you may notice that most will bring one hand up to their face and use an evaluation gesture. When you come to the end of your presentation and ask the group to give opinions or suggestions about your ideas. The evaluation gestures will usually stop and chin stroking gesture begins. This stroke is the signal that the listener is going through the decision-making process. When you've asked the listeners for a day decision and they start stroking, their next gestures will signal whether the decision is negative or positive. Your best strategy is to stay quiet and watch the next gestures which will indicate the decision reached. For example, if the chin stroke followed by crossed arms and legs and the person sits back in their chair. It's a fair bet to add that the answer will be No. This gives you an early opportunity to resell the benefits of your idea before the other person verbalize the NO and makes it harder to reach agreement. If however, the stroke is followed by leaning forward with arms open or picking up your proposal or sample to look at it. Chances are you have a yes coming and you can proceed as if you have an agreement. As for the stalling clusters, someone who wears glasses sometimes follows an evaluation cluster by taking off the glasses and putting one arm of the frame in the mouth instead of using the chin stroke when making their decision. A cigarette smoker will take a puff of smoke. When a person puts a band or a finger in their mouth. After you've asked for a decision, it's a signal that they are untrue and reassurances or needed. The object in the mouth allows them to stall and not feel any urgency in giving an immediate response. Sometimes boredom, evaluation and decision-making gestures come in combinations, each showing different elements of the person's attitude. Head and neck rubbing. When we are angry, frustrated, or scared. There is a biological reaction that happens. That consists in the reaction of the tiny arrector pili on the neck, often called goosebumps. This reaction causes the tingling feeling your experience on the back of your neck when you feel frustrated or fearfully, you'll usually rub your hand over the area to satisfy the sensation. Let's assume, for example, that you asked someone to do a small favor for you, and then they had forgotten to do it. When you ask them for the result, the slab, either their forehead or back of the neck as if they were symbolically beating themselves. Although slapping of the head is used to communicate forgetfulness, it's important to watch whether they slap the forehead or neck. If they slap the forehead, they signal that they are not intimidated by a you're mentioning their forgetfulness. They are not bothered by it. However one, they slap the back of the neck to satisfy the raised erector pili muscles. However, it tells you that you are literally a pain in the neck for mentioning this disfavor. And Gerard Nierenberg of the negotiation Institute in New York found that those who arbitrarily rub the back of the neck have a tendency to be negative or critical. Whereas those who habitually rubbed their foreheads to non verbalized and Arab tend to be more open and easy going. In conclusion, for this lesson, Let's say that acquiring the ability to interpret him to face gestures accurately in a given set of circumstances, takes time and observation. When a person uses any of the hand to face gestures discussed in this lesson, it's reasonable to assume a negative thought has entered their mind. Now the question is, what is the negative thought? It could be doubt, deceit, uncertainty, exaggeration, apprehension, or outright lying. The real skill is the ability to interpret which negative is the correct one. This can best be done by an analysis of the gestures preceding the hand to face gesture and interpreting it in context. 9. Eyes - part 1: Now on a small psi naught, Let's talk about how to grab a man's attention. When a woman wants to get a man's attention across a room, she will meet his gaze, hold it for two to three seconds, then look away. And now this gaze is long enough for her to send him a message of interests and potential submission. And experiment by Monica Moore, PhD of websites University, showed that most men are not hardwired to read a woman's first gaze signal. So she usually needs to repeat it three times before the average man picks up on it. Four times, four really slow men and 50 or more times for the especially thick. When she finally gets his attention, she will often use a small version of the eyebrow flash. That is a small subtle eye widening gesture that tells him that signal was intended for him. Now, going back to the subject which was covered in a previous lesson. So as we said earlier, many people associate lying. We're looking away. And a series of experiments was held where participants were told to tell a series of lights to others and recorded interviews. Then viewers were asked to judge who was lying, who wasn't, what was discovered was contrary to popular belief about layers. Approximately only 30 percent of the liars constantly looked away when the light and the viewers spotted these lies around 80 percent of the time with women having a better catch rate than men. The other 70% of the layers maintain strong eye contact with the victim, assuming, and they were less likely to get caught if they did the opposite of what people expected. Which is looking away, they were right. Like catching job to an average of 25 percent with men scoring a dismal 15 percent success and women 35. So the average is 25. Women's more intuitive brains were better than men's in detecting a voice changes, pupil dilation, and other cues that gave the liar away. This shows that gays alone is not a reliable signal of lying and you need to observe other gestures as well. When a person's gaze misuse for more than two-thirds of the time. It can mean one of two things. First, he finds you interesting or appealing, in which case, he'll also have dilated pupils. Or second, his hostile towards you and could be issuing a challenge, in which case, the pupils will be constructed. As mentioned, women are good at deciphering pupil signals and can differentiate interests from aggregation. But men are significantly worse at doing it. This is why the average man can't tell if a woman is about to give him a kiss or a slap in the face. Now for a piece of advice on how to avoid being attacked or abused. Most primates avert, then gaze to show submission. If an ape is going to display aggression or is likely to attack, it will lock eyes into its victim. To avoid being attacked, the victim will look away and try to make itself appears smaller. Scientific evidence shows that submission behavior appears to be hardwired into primate brains for survival reasons. The under attack we make ourselves appears smaller by a hunching our shoulders, pulling our arms in close to the body, pressing our knees together and locking our ankles under a chair, dropping our chin to the chest to protect the throat and averting our gaze by looking away. These gestures activate an off switch in the brain of the aggressor and the attack can be avoided. And this is an ideal position to take if you are represented by a superior when you actually deserve their agreement. But on the other hand, it would be that three mental against a random street attack from a person who is, let's say walking past a group of possible assailants in the street. It will secondary fear. And this can contribute to inciting and adapt. If you walk upright with larger movements, swinging your arms and legs and having your front open, you will project that you could defend yourself if necessary, and so are likely to be attacked. Another gesture that can be helpful is the sideways glance. The sideways glance is used to communicate interest, uncertainty, or hostility. When it's combined with slightly raised eyebrows or a smile, it communicates interest and is frequently used as a courtship signal and mostly by, by women. It's clustered with downturn eyebrows, furrowed brow, or the corners of the mouth downturned. It signals a suspicious, hostile, or critical attitudes. Let's talk about extended blinking. A normal, relaxed blinking rate is six to eight blinks per minute, and the eyes are closed for only about 1 tenth of a second. People under pressure, for instance, when they are lying, are likely to dramatically increase their blinking. Great extended blinking is an unconscious attempt by the person's brain to block you from their site because they've become bored or this interested or feel they're superior to you. It's as if the brain can no longer tolerate dealing with you. So the eyes shut for two to three seconds or longer to wipe you from site and remain closed as the person momentarily removes you from their mind. Superior types. May also tilt their head back to give you a long look, commonly known as looking down once knows. This is also done, done by a person who feels that their importance is not being noticed. This is mainly a Western cultural gesture and a speciality of English people who feel they are upper-class. If you see this happening during a conversation, it's a signal that you're not doing well and that a new tactic is needed. If you believe the person is simply arrogant, try this. When they've closed their eyes for the third or fourth time. Quickly step a base to your left or right, one day islands, left again, it gives the illusion that you've disappeared and materialized in another place. And this can really rattled. If the person also starts snowing, you can safely assume that your communication has failed. When the eyes dot from side to side. It can look as if the person is checking out the activity in the room. But the reality is that the brain is searching for escape routes, just as happens with monkeys and apes, and revealing a person's insecurity about what is happening. So when you are with a particularly boring individual, your natural urge is to look away for escape routes. But because most of us are aware that looking away shows a lack of interest or impolite and signals our desire to escape. We look more at the boring individual and use a tight lips might to feigned interests. This behavior parallels what layers are doing when they increase their eye contact to appear convincing. Now about the geography of the phase, meaning, where do we look when we're talking to someone? The geographical area of a person's face and body that you gaze upon can also dramatically affect the outcome of a face-to-face encounter. When you're finished with this lesson, try out the techniques we discuss without warning anyone and you will experience the powerful effect these skills can have. It takes about a week of practice for these AI techniques to become a normal part of your communication skills. And there are three basic types of gazing. The social gaze, the intimate gaze, and the power gaze. The social gaze. Experiments into gazing revealed that during social encounters, the gazers eyes look at a triangular area, as shown in the picture on the other person's face, between the eyes and the mouth for about 90 percent of the time. This is the area of the face will look at in a non-threatening environment, the other person will understand, will perceive that you are not aggressive. The intimate gaze. When people approach each other from a distance, they look quickly, uh, between the other person's face. And lower body to establish what the sex of the person is. And then a second time to determine a level of interest in. This case is across the eyes and below the chin to lower parts of the person's body. And Close Encounters is the triangular area between the eyes and the chest. And for distant Gazing as from the eyes to the groin or below. Men and women use this gaze to show interest in each other. And those who are interested, well returned against. We usually give two quick glances and then look at their face. And despite most people's strong denial about it, a hidden cameras showed that everyone does it. So as we said earlier, a woman's wider ranging peripheral vision, however, allows her to check out a man's body from head to toe without getting caught. However, male tunnel vision is why a man will move his gaze up and down a woman's body and a very obvious way. This is also the reason why men are constantly accused of ogling women's bodies at close range, but women are ready accused of the same, even though research shows that women do more of it than men, It's not that men are bigger, uglier than women. Men's tunnel vision means they get caught constantly. And thirdly, the power gaze. Imagine that the person has a third eye in the center of the forehead. And look in a triangular area between the persons three ice. The impact this has on the other person really has to be experienced to be believed. Not only does it change the atmosphere to very serious, it can stop a bore dead in their tracks by keeping your gaze directed and this area, you keep the screws firmly on them. So never use this in friendly or romantic encounters. But it works a treat on the person who you want to intimidate or on the person who simply own shut up. So the power step, let's continue with the power step. If you have soft, weak, or wimpy eyes, practice using the power step to give yourself more authority. And when you are under attack from someone trying not to blink while maintaining eye contact. When you look at the attacker, narrow your eyelids and focus closely on the person. This is what predatory animals do just before they strike their prey. When you pan your eyes from one person when attacker to another, without blinking, it has an unnerving effect on anyone who watches it or watches you doing it. And to do this, move your eyeballs first and then let you had follow, but your shoulders should remain steady. The power stair was used by Arnold Schwarzenegger as the terminator. And can strike fear into the hearts of, would be intimidated. When someone looks from side-to-side or won't look as in the eye when they talk, our trust in their credibility diminishes dramatically. Even though they may be doing it because of China's not because of giftedness. For example, a politician who constantly flex his eyes between the reporters and the cameras when being interviewed, will look shifty. His popularity will decrease. And by training simply to look at only the reporter or one reporter and he grew ignore the cameras, their credibility will increase. Now, for an interesting piece of advice about interviews, many people are taught that in a job interview, you should maintain strong eye contact with the other person and keep it up until you are seated. This actually creates problems for both the interviewer and the interviewee because it's contrary to the process we like to go through and we meet someone new. A man wants to check out a woman's body, hair lags, and overall presentation. If she maintains eye contact, it restricts this process. So his left trying to steal glances at her during the interview without getting caught. And so he becomes distracted from the actual job of interviewing. Some women are disappointed that supposedly equal world men still do this, but hidden cameras show in fact, that this is a fact of business life or whether we like it or not. And video cameras also revealed that women interviewers go through the same evaluation process, both the male and female interviewees. So it's not exclusively done by males, but women's white peripheral vision, like we said, means they rarely get caught. Women are also more critical than men of female interviewees whose appearance doesn't stack up. Women look at the male candidates, hair length, close, design and coordination decreases in his trousers and China and issues. Most men are completely unaware that woman, women look at the condition of the back of his shoes as he walks out. So what's the solution? When you go for an interview, shake hands, and then give the interviewer to 23 second frame of uninterrupted time for them to complete the process of looking you over. That is a natural procedure that cannot be avoided anyway. So give them the time to do it. Look down to open your briefcase or folder, or to arrange any papers you might need. Turn to hang up your coat or move your chair in closing. And then lookup, get this, get this out of the way at the beginning of the interview. And in filming sales interviews, we found that not only did the interviews. Felt better for the salespeople who use the strategy. It added up to a better outcome in sales results. Now, let's talk about the person's eye movements and what they can reveal. A person's eye movements can reveal what the mind is focused in on by telling you whether they are remembering something they have seen, heard, smelled, tasted, or touched. This technique is a development of American psychologists grinder and Bender and is known as neuro linguistic programming or NLP. In simple terms, if a person is remembering something that they saw, the eyes will move, approach. If they are recalling something they heard. They look to the side until their head as if listening. If they are recalling a feeling or an emotion that they look down to the right. When a person is mentally talking to themselves, they look down and to the left. The difficulty is that these eye movements can occur in a fraction of a second and come in clusters, making it harder to read life. A videotape replay how VR can let you see discrepancies between what a person says and what they really think. And 35 percent of people prefer the visual information channel. And we'll use phrases such as, I see what you mean. Can you look into that? That's perfectly crisp, clear. Can you show me that, et cetera? And you will get their attention by showing them photos, charts, and graphs, and asking if they get the picture. 25 percent. Prefer the auditory channel and use words such as that rings a bell. I hear you. That doesn't sound right, et cetera. And that they want to be in tune with you. The other 40 percent prefer the feelings channel. And we'll say things like, uh, like, let's kick that idea around. Our department needs a shot in the arm. I can't quite grasp what you are saying. They love to test, drive things and be involved in a demonstration so that they can grasp the idea. And LB is a remarkable discovery and a powerful communications tool that should be addressed as a separate subject. If you're interested with suggest you follow up by reading the work by grinder and Bundler. Now, how to hold eye contact with an audience, a fewer speaker in a conference. A technique was developed for keeping an audience's attention and letting them feel involved. So in groups of up to 50 people, it's possible to meet the gaze of each individual. In larger groups, however, you usually stand further back. So a different approach is needed by pegging a real or imaginary point or person at each corner of the group. And one in the center. You stand at a distance of ten meters from the front row. Approximately 20 people in a group of up to 50 will feel you are looking at them individually as you speak. And so you can create an intimate report and intimate bonds with most of your audience. Also, how to present visual information. When you are giving a visual presentation using books, charts, graphs, or a laptop, it's important to know how to control where the other person is looking. Research shows that of the information relate to the brain. In visual presentations, 83 percent comes via the ice, 11 percent via the ears, and 6% only through the other senses. So the Watson study in the United States found that the retention of verbal presentations was only 10 percent in January. This means that a verbal presentation requires frequent repetition of key points to be effective. And by comparison, the retention rate of combined verbal and visual presentations is 50 percent. This means you will achieve a 400 percent increase in efficiency through the use of visual aids. Or the study also found that using visual aids cuts the average business meeting time from 25, 0.7 minutes to 18.6 minutes. So a 28 percent time saving. So what to do to keep control of where a person is looking? Use a pen to point to the presentation and at the same time, verbalize what he says. Next, lift the pen from the presentation and hold it between his eyes and your eyes. This has the magnetic effect of lifting his head so that now he is looking at you and he sees and hears what you are saying. Achieving maximum absorption, your message. Keep the palm of your hand open when you are speaking. We also found that women hold more direct eye contact than men during presentations, especially when they are not talking. When women are talking, however, they avert their eyes more than men. Do. Men stair more at women than vice versa, and men give less direct eye contact when listening to other men then when listening to women. In summary of this long lesson, when you direct your gaze or where you direct your gaze has a powerful impact on the outcome of a face to face in contact. If you were a manager who was going to represent a subordinate or apparent recommending a child, which gaze would you use? If you use social gazing, listing would be taking out a few words. And regardless of how loud or threatening, you might try to sound, social gazing or weaken your words. But intimate gazing could either intimidate or embarrassment. Power gazing, however, has a powerful effect on the receiver and tells them, you mean business. Also, what men describe as the common look that women use relates to a sideways glance, dilated pupils, and intimate gazing. If a woman wants to play how to get, she needs to avoid using an intimate gaze and use social gazing instead. But most men miss a lot of January. To use a power gaze during coating would leave a man or woman labeled as cold or unfriendly. When you use an intimate gaze on a potential partner, however, you give the game away. And women are experts at sending and receiving this case. But unfortunately, most men are not. When men use the intimate gaze. It's usually blatantly obvious to women. And men are generally unaware of having been given an intimate gaze by a woman, much to the frustration of the woman who gave it. 10. Eyes - part 2: Let's consider in this lesson the language of the ice. Throughout history, we've been preoccupied with the eyes and their effects on human behavior. I conduct, regulates conversation and gives cues of dominance. Like when we say He looked down his nose at me, or forms the basis for suspecting a liar. Like when we say look me in the eye, when you say that, we spend much of our face to face time looking at the other person's face. So I signals are a vital part of being able to read a person's attitudes and thoughts. When people meet for the first time, they make a series of quick judgments about each other based largely on what they see. We use phrases such as, she looked daggers at him. He had that gleam in his eye. She has big baby eyes. He has shifty eyes. She has inviting eyes. She gave him a look to kill him. She gave an icy stare. He gave me the evil eye, et cetera. We also say a person has punished eyes, bedroom eyes, hard, angry, blank, private, sad, happy, defined, called jealous, unforgiving and piercing eyes. When we use all these phrases, we are unwittingly referring to the size of the person's pupils and to the engaged behavior. The eyes can be the most revealing, an accurate of all human communication signals because they are a focal point on the body and the pupils work independently of conscious control. The dilating pupils. In given light conditions, your pupils will dilate or contract as your attitude and mood change from positive to negative and vice versa. Once someone becomes excited, the pupils can dilate to up to four times the original size. Conversely, an angry negative mood causes the pupils to contract to what is commonly known as beady little eyes or snake eyes. Lighter eyes can look more attractive because it's easier to see the dilation taking place. God has the former head of the Department of Psychology at the University of Chicago, as a pioneer of the studies of puppy geometry. And he found that pupil size is affected by one's general state of arousal. In general, pupil size increases when people view something that stimulates them, has found that the pupils of both heterosexual men and women dilate when viewing pin-ups of the opposite sex and constrict when viewing same-sex been ups. Similar findings have also been obtained when people were asked. To look at pleasant or unpleasant pictures, including foods, political figures, a disabled child, or worsens, or when listening to music has also found that increases in pupil size are positively correlated with mental activity associated with problem-solving. Reaching the maximum dilation as a person arrives at the solution. This research was applied to the business world. And researchers demonstrated how people rate models in photographs as more attractive. If the photo has been altered to make the pupil area look larger. This was actually an effective way to increase the sales of any product that used a close up of the face, such as women's cosmetics, hair products, and cloning. The eyes are a key signal also in courtship. And the purpose of eye makeup is to emphasize I display. If a woman is attracted to a man, she will unknowingly dilator pupils at him. And he is likely to decode the signal correctly without also knowing it. This is why romantic encounters are most successful in dimly lit places. Because everyone's pupils dilate in the dark and create the impression that couples are interested in each other. One, lovers gaze deep into each other's eyes. They are unknowingly looking for pupil dilation signals and each becomes excited by the dilation of the pupils. And research has shown that when pornographic films are shown to men, the pupils can dilate to almost three times the size. Most woman's pupils and gave the greatest dilation when looking at pictures. Mothers and babies. Young babies and children have larger pupils than adults. And baby's pupils constantly dilate when adults are present in an attempt to look as appealing as possible and therefore receive constant attach. And this is why the best selling children's toys always have oversized pupils. Research also shows that pupil dilation has a reciprocal effect on the person who sees the dilated pupils. Men, looking at pictures of women were dilated pupils showed greater pupil dilation. Then when they looked at pictures of women with constricted pupils, has conducted a pupil response experiment by showing five pictures to respondents. A naked male, a naked female, a baby, a mother and baby, and a landscape. Predictably man's pupils dilated most at the naked female. Gay men dilated most at the naked male. But women's pupils dilated most at the picture of the mother and baby, with the naked male picture coming in. Second, tests conducted with an expert card players show that fewer games were won by the experts. When they opponents or dark glasses. For example, if an opponent was dealt four aces in a game of poker, his rapid pupil dilation could be unconsciously detected by the expert who would sense that he should not bet. On the next hand, dark glasses worn by the opponents eliminated pupil signals and as a result, the experts one fewer hands than usual. And a pupil decoding was used historically by the ancient Chinese gem traders who watched for the pupil dilation of their buyers when negotiating prices. And centuries ago, prostitutes put drops of belladonna, a tincture containing atropine into their eyes to dilate the pupils and to make themselves appear more desirable and old cliches as look at the person in the eye and when you talk to them. But it's better to practice looking them in the pupil, as the pupils will tell you their real feelings. As usual, women are better at it. Dr. Simon Baron-Cohen at Cambridge University conducted some tests where subjects were shown photographs in which only a narrow strip of the face across both eyes was visibly. The subjects were asked to choose between mental states expressed in the photographs, such as friendly, relaxed, hostile, and worried, and attitudes such as desire for you and desire for someone else. Statistically, pure guesswork would result in half the answers being correct. But men's average score was 19 out of 25, while women score and much better, 22 out of 25. This test shows that both sexes have a greater ability to decode I signals than body signals. And that women are better at it than men. Scientists don't yet know how this information is sent or decoded. They simply know that you can do it. That's why autistic people who are nearly all males scored the lowest. Autistic brains lack the ability to read people's body language. And this is one reason why autistic people have difficulty in forming social relationships, even though many have very high IQs. On a side note, humans are the only primates that have whites of the eye, known as the sclera. Apes eyes are completely dark. The white of the eye evolved as a communication aid to allow humans to see where other people are looking. Because direction is linked to emotional states. And women's brains have more hard wiring than men's to read emotions. And one consequence of this is that women have more white of the eye than men and apes lack II whites. Which means that they pray, don't know where the ape is looking or whether they have been spotted, giving the AICPA greater chance of hunting success. Now let's, let's talk about the eyebrow flash. This gesture is a long distance hello, which has been used everywhere since ancient times. The eyebrow flash is universal and is also used by monkeys and apes as a social greetings signal, confirming that it's an innate inborn gesture. The eyebrows rise rapidly for a split second and then drop again. And its purpose is to draw attention to the face so that clear signals can be exchanged. The only culture that doesn't use it is the Japanese where it's considered improper or impolite and has definite sexual connotations. This is an unconscious signal that acknowledges the other person's presence. And it's probably linked to the fear reaction of being surprised. That's like saying, I'm surprised and afraid of you. Which translate to I acknowledge you and I am not threatening. We don't eyebrow flash strangers we pass in the street or people we don't like. And people who don't give the eyebrow flash on initial greeting are perceived as potentially aggressive. So try this simple test and you'll discover firsthand the power of the eyebrow flash. Sit in the lobby of the hotel and eyebrow flash, everyone who goes past, you will see that not only do others returned the flesh and smile, many will come over and begin to talk to you. The golden rule is always eyebrow flash people you like or those you want to like you. Now let's stop for a second about lowering the eyebrows. And I, widening. Lowering the eyebrows is how humans show dominance or aggression towards others. Whereas raising the eyebrows shows submission, getting and getting. Found that several species of apes and monkeys use exactly the same gestures for the same purpose. They also found that people who intentionally raise their eyebrows are perceived as submissive by both humans and apes. And that those who lowered them are perceived as aggressive. That's why women unconsciously widen their eyes by raising their eyebrows and islands to create the baby face appearance of a small infant. This has a powerful effect on men by releasing hormones into the brain, which stimulate the desire to protect and defend females. Women block and redraw the eyebrows higher up the forehead to appear more submissive. Because on a subconscious level, at least they know it appeals to men. If men trim their eyebrows, they do it from the top of the eyebrow down to make their eyes appear narrower and more authoritative. And John Kennedy had what are known as medially downturn eyebrows, which gave his face a permanently concerned look that appealed to voters. If he'd had a big bushy eyebrows like actor James Cagney, he would have had a less powerful impact on the electorate. Now let's see a gaze behavior. And where should we look? It's only when you see eye-to-eye at is said with another person that a real basis for communication can be established. While some people can make us feel comfortable when they talk to us, others make us feel ill at ease, and some seem untrustworthy. Initially, this has to do with the length of time that they look at us or with how long they hold our gaze as they speak. Michael Argyle, who is a pioneer of social psychology and nonverbal communication skills in Britain, found that when Westerners and European stop, their average gaze time is 61%, consisting of 41% gaze time on talking, 75 percent when listening, and 31 mutual gazing. He also recorded the average gaze length to be 2.95 seconds, and the length of a mutual gaze was 1.18 seconds. They found that the amount of eye contact in a typical conversation ranges from 25 percent to a 100 percent depending on who's talking and what culture different. When we talk, we maintain 40 to 60 percent eye contact with an average of 80 percent eye contact when listening. The notable exception to this rule is Japan. And some Asian and South American cultures were extended. Eye contact is seen as aggressive or disrespectfully. The Japanese tend to look away or at your throat, which can be disconcerting for culturally inexperienced Westerners, europeans, Argyle found that when person a, let's say likes person be, he will look at him a lot. This causes B to think that a likes him. So b would like a return. In other words, in most cultures to build a good report with another person, your gaze should meet. There's about 60 to 70 percent of the time. This will also cause them to begin to like you. It's not surprising therefore that the nervous, timid person who meets our gaze less than 1 third of the time israeli trusted. This is also why in negotiations, dark tinted glasses should be avoided. As they make others feel you are either staring at them or trying to avoid them. And as with most body language and gestures, the length of time that one person gazes at another can be culturally determined. Always be sure to consider cultural circumstances before jumping into conclusions. The safest rule when traveling to places such as Japan is two meter the gaze time of your hosts. When two people meet and make eye contact for the first time, it's usually the person who is subordinate who looks away first. This means that not looking away becomes a subtle way to deliver a challenge or show this agreement when someone gives the opinion or point of view where the status of the other person is higher. However, for example, if that person is your boss, you can send a clear message of this agreement by holding their gaze for only a several seconds longer than would be usually acceptable. But it's not a good idea to do this regularly with your boss. 11. Personal space: We'll be talking in this lesson about personal space. A lot of books and articles have been written about the staking out and guarding of territories by animals, birds, fish, and primates. But it's only in recent years. And that it has been discovered that also humans have territories. And when you understand the implications of this, you can gain enormous insights into human behavior. Yours included. And you'll discover that the face-to-face reactions of others can be predicted. American anthropologist Edward Hall was one of the pioneers in the study of men spatial needs. And in the early 1960s, he, in the word proxemics and his research into this field lead to new understanding about our relationships with each other. Geographically. African tree is a territory staked out by clearly defined boundaries and sometimes protected by armies. Within each country, there are usually smaller territories in the form of states and counties. And within these are even smaller territories called cities, towns. Suburbs containing many streets that in themselves represent a closed territory to those who live there. And at a smaller scale even, let's take, for example, the movies. Cinema. It's the arm rest where we do silent battle with strangers who tried to claim it. So the inhabitants of each territory share and intangible allegiance to it and have been known to turn to savagery and killing in order to protect it. A territory is also an area or space. It turns out around a person that he or she claims as their own, as if it were an extension of their body. Each person has his own personal territory, which includes the area that exists around his possessions. Also, such as the home, which is bounded by fancies, the inside of his motor vehicle, his own bedroom or personal check. And as Dr. Hall discovered, a defined as space around his body. This lesson, we'll deal mainly with the implications of this airspace. How people react when it is invaded, and the importance of sometimes keeping an arm's length relationship. So most animals have a certain airspace around their bodies that they claim as the personal space. How far the space extends depends mainly on how crowded were the conditions in which that animal was raised and the local population density. So personal territory can expand or contract depending on the local circumstances. The lion, for example, raised in the African savanna, may have a territorial space with a radius of 50 kilometers or more, depending on the density of the lion population in that area. And it marks its territory by urinating and defecating around the boundaries. On the other hand, a lion raised in captivity with other lions may have a personnel space of only several yard, several meters, which is the direct result of crowded conditions. And like most animals, each human has his own personal portable air bubble, which he carries around with him. It's size is also dependent on the density of the population and the place where he grew up. Personal space is therefore culturally, culturally determined. Where some cultures, such as the Japanese are accustomed, accustomed to crowding. Others prefer the wide open spaces and like you to keep your distance. Also, a child raised in a large family of several siblings will need a much smaller personal space than an only child. The research shows that people in prisons appear to have larger personal space needs than most of the community, which results in the prisoners being constantly aggressive when approached by others. And solitary confinement were no others are in the prisoner's personal space. Always has a calming effect. Violence from passengers on aircrafts and on airplanes increased during the 1990s, when the airlines started backing people close together in the seats to compensate for revenue loss as a result of price discounting. So we'll now discuss the radius of that air bubble around suburban middle-class people living in places such as Australia, New Zealand, and Great Britain, North America, USA and Canada, Northern Europe, Scandinavia, and anywhere a culture, let's say is westernized. Also such, such as Singapore or Guam, the country in which you personally live, may have larger or smaller territories than those we discussed here, and they will be proportionately the same as the ones we discussed here. The children have learned the spacing by age 12, and it can be broken down into four distinct zone distances. The first one is the intimate zone, which is between 618 inches or 15 to 45 centimeters. And of all the zone distances, this is by far the most important one. And it is this zone that a person, gods as if it were himself, and only those who are emotionally close to us are permitted to enter. These include a lover's, parents, children, close friends, relatives, and even pets. And there is a sub zone that extends up to six inches or 15 centimeters from the body that can be entered only during intimate physical contact. This is the close intimate zone. The second zone is called the personal zone, and it's between 18 inches and 48 inches or 46 centimeters too. One meters and 20 centimeters. This is the distance that we stand from others at cocktail parties, office parties, social functions, and friendly gatherings. The third zone is called the social zone. And it's between four and 12 feet, 122 centimetres to 3.6 meters. We stand at this distance from strangers, let's let say, from the lumber or carpenter doing some repairs in our home. The postman, the local shopkeeper, the new employee at at work, and people whom we don't know very well. The fourth zone as the public zone, and it's over two L fit or say opponent six meters. And whenever we address a large group of people, this is the comfortable distance at which we choose to stand. And keep in mind that all these distances tend to reduce a little between two women and increase between two men. Now for the practical applications of these zones are intimate zone, which is the personal one between 15 and 45 centimeters, is normally entered by another person for one of two reasons. First, the intruder is a close relative or friend, or she or he may be making sexual advances. Secondly, the intruder is hostile and maybe about to attack. While we will tolerate strangers moving within our personal and social zones. The intrusion of a stranger into our intimate zone causes physiological damages or changes at least to take place within our bodies. The heart pumps faster, adrenaline pours into the bloodstream and blood is pumped to the brain and the muscles as physical preparations for a possible fight or flight situation made. This means that putting your arm in a friendly way around someone you've just met may result in that person feeling negative towards you. And even though they may smile and appear to enjoy it in order not to offend you. If you want people to feel comfortable around you, the golden rule is to keep your distance. If you meet an acquaintance or a friend you haven't seen in awhile, then invading the personal zone for a handshake, or even the intimate zone for a quick hug, might be acceptable or accepted without negative feelings, but keep that hug short and loose. The more intimate our relationship is with other people, the closer, the closer they will permit us to move within their zones. For example, a new work employee may initially feel that the other staff members are called towards him, but they are only keeping him at the social zone until they know him better. As he or she becomes better known to them, the distance between them decreases until eventually he or she is permitted to move within their personnel zones. And in some cases, the intimate zones. In general, as I yes. Add, women stand slightly closer to one another. Face each other more and touch more than men do with other men. The distance that two people keep their hips apart when they embrace reveals actually clues about the relationship between them. Lovers press the torsos against each other and move within each other's close, intimate zones. This differs from the case received from a stranger on New Year's Eve, let's say, or from your friends, spouse, et cetera. All of whom keep their pelvic area at least six inches, 15 centimeters away from you. Now, crowding at concerts, cinemas in trains or buses results in unavoidable intrusion into other people's intimate zones. And people's reactions are fascinating to watch. There is a like a, like a list of unwritten rules that most cultures follow rigidly when faced with the crop. That situation, such as a packed elevator in a line at a sandwich shop or on public transport. So here are the common rules that we see afterwards. There will be no talking to anyone, including a person, you know, otherwise, uncontrollable, nervous laughter ensues. Avoid eye contact with others at all time. Maintain a poker face. No emotion is permitted to be shown. If you have a book or a newspaper, pretend to be deeply engrossed in it. Embedded crowds. Nobody movement is allowed. And at all times you must watch the floor number if you're in an elevator change. This behavior is called masking and is common everywhere around the world. It's simply each person's attempt to hide their emotions from others by wearing a neutral mask. We often hear people say that people on buses and trains, et cetera, are miserable, unhappy, despondent. This also works for anyone who travels to work in the rush hour on public transport. These labels are used to describe the blank expression. Let's look on the faces of the travelers. But in fact, this is a message judgment on the part of the observer. What the observer sees, in fact, is a group of people masking, adhering to the rules that apply to the unavoidable invasion of their intimate zones in a crowded public place. Notice how you behave next time you go along to a crowded cinema. As you choose a seed that is surrounded by a sea of unknown faces. Notice how like a pre-programmed robot, you will begin to obey the unwritten rules of masking in a crowded public place. As you compete for territorial rights to the arm rest with a stranger beside you. You will begin to realize why those who often go to a crowded cinema alone do not take their seats until the lights are out and the film begins. And this is why, if you have ever traveled alone in an airplane, you have prayed that the seat next to you remains empty. And why? When you get to your seat and there is someone already sitting next to it, they will give you this, this nervous smile that clearly shows that they are thinking, Oh God, why, why did he or she have to come sit next to me? Whether we are in a crowded lift, elevator, cinema, bus or airplane, people around us become like non persons. That is that they don't exist as far as far as we're concerned. And so we don't respond as if we were being attacked. If someone inadvertently encroaches on our territory, even if we're not happy about it. Now let's consider why mobs become angry. And angry. Mob or group of protesters fighting for a mutual purpose does not react in the same way as an individual does when his or her territory are invaded, is invaded. In fact, something very different occurs. As the density of the crowd increases. Each individual has less personal space and starts to feel hostile, which is why as the size of the mob increases, it becomes angrier and uglier, and fights may break out. So the police tries to break up the crowd so that each person can regain their own personal space and become calmer. It's only in recent years that governments and town planners began to understand the effect that high density housing projects have depriving individuals of their very important personal territory. The consequences of high density living and overcrowding were seen in a study of the deer population on James islands and island about two kilometers away of the coast of Maryland. And she's a big bait bay in the United States. Many of the deer were dying in large numbers, despite the fact that at the time there was plenty of food and predators were not evident and infection was not present. Similar studies in earlier years with rats and rabbits riveted the same trend. And further investigation showed that the deer had died as a result of overactive adrenal glands, resulting from the stress caused by the degradation of each year's personal territory as the population grew, as it increased. The adrenal glands play an important part in the regulation of growth, reproduction, and the level of the body's defenses. The physiological reaction to the stress of overpopulation had caused the deaths, not the starvation nor infection or aggression from others. But the overpopulation. And studies on shark attacks have shown that most shark attacks. At least a very large number of them were motivated not by the desire for an easy meal, but rather by a defensive reaction to a human who has encroached on the sharks territory. This is why areas that have the highest human population density also have the highest crime and violence rates. Interrogators, US territorial invasion techniques to break down the resistance of criminals being questioned. They see the criminal on an armless, a fixed share in an open area of the room and encroach into his intimate and close intimate zones when asking questions, the remaining there until he answers. It often takes only a short while for this territorial harassment to break down the criminals resistance. Let's consider now the spacing, the rituals. When a person claims a space or an area amongst strangers, such as a seat at the cinema, a place at the conference table, or a towel hook at the health club. They do that in a predictable way. And they usually look for the widest space available between two others and claim the area in the center, the cinema. They will choose a seed that is halfway between the end of row and where the nearest person is sitting at the health club, they choose the towel hook that is in the largest available space, midway between two other towels or midway between the nearest towel and the end of the wreck. The purpose of this ritual is to avoid offending the other people by being either too close or too far away from them. At the cinema. If you choose a seat more than halfway between the end of the row and the nearest other person. That other person may feel offended if you are too far away from him. Or he may feel intimidated or things that you are weird by sitting too close. The main purpose of this space in ritual is to maintain harmony and it appears to be a learned behavior. An exception to this rule is the spacing that occurs in public toilet blocks. It was found that people choose the toilets about 90 percent of the time and if they are occupied, the Midway principle is used. Men always tried to avoid standing beside the strangers at a public urinals for obvious reasons. Try this simple test. Next time you eat or someone at your restaurant. Unspoken territorial rules state that a restaurant table is divided equally down the middle. And the staff carefully places the salt, pepper, sugar, flowers, and other accessories equally on the center line. As the meal progresses, suddenly, move the salt cellar across to the other person's side than the paper flowers and so on. Before long, this subtle in territorial invasion will cause a reaction. In your lunch mates. They either sit back to regain their space or start pushing everything back to the center. Now let's see the cultural factors affecting zone distances. Complications can happen when cultures with different space needs come together. Many Southern Europeans have an intimate distance of only eight to 11 inches or 2213 centimeters. And in some places it's even less, which can sometimes cause discomfort when dealing with people from cultures that are used to a larger personal space. Mediterranean people also use more eye contact and touch than others. Moving into the intimate zone of the opposite sex as a way of showing interest in that person, as it is commonly called an advance. If the advance into the intimate zone is rejected, the other person will step backwards to reclaim their space. If, however the advance is accepted, the other person holds their ground and allows the intruder to remain. To measure a man's level of interest in a woman, you will see the woman either step into his intimate zone and then step back out again. If you're interested, this accuse him to step into her space whenever he makes a point. And the illustration here shows the negative reaction of a woman on whose territory man is encroaching. She leans backwards, attempting to keep a comfortable distance. However, the man may be from a culture with a smaller personal zone and he is moving forward to a distance that is comfortable for him. But the woman may interpret this as a sexual move. As mentioned, the amount of personal space someone means is relative to the population density where they live. People raised in sparsely populated rural areas, for example, need more personnel space than those raised in densely populated cities. And watching how far a person extends his arm to shake hands and gives a clue to whether it is from a large city or a country area. City dwellers typically have their private 18 inch or 46 centimeter bubble. This is also the measured distance between rest and torso when they reach to shake hands. This allows the hands to meet on neutral territory. But people raised in a country down with a small population may have a space bubble of up to one meter or 36 inches or more even. And this is the average measure distance from the rest to the body. When the country person shakes hands. Rural people tend to stand with their feet firmly planted on the ground and lean forward to meet your handshake. Whereas a city dweller will step forward to Grigio. People raised in remote areas can have an even larger personal space needs. Which could be as wide as 18 feet or six meters. They often prefer not to shake hands anyway. But would you rather stand at a distance and wave? Now, let's talk about the relation between territory and ownership. Property that a person owns or space he regularly uses constitutes a private territory. And just as with his personal bubble, they will fight to defend it. The person's home office and even car represents such a territory. Each having clearly marked boundaries in the form of walls, gates, fences, and doors. Each territory may have several subcategories. For example, in home, a person's private territory, maybe their kitchen, and they object to anyone invading it when they're using it. A businessman has his favorite place at the conference table. For example, diners have even their favorite seat in a cafe, and moms and dads have their favorite chairs at home. These areas are usually marked either by leaving personal possession on or around that area and by frequent use of it. For those of you familiar with the American series, The Big Bang Theory, you would now be thinking about Sheldon Cooper, the character Sheldon Cooper and his spot, which he put in a state of eternal depths. The cafe diner may even go so far as to carve his initials into his place at the table, and the businessman marks his territory at the conference table was things such as a personal folder, pens, books, piece of clothing that is spread around his 18 inch or 46 centimeter intimate zone boiling. So studies carried out by Desmond Morris into seating positions in libraries showed that leaving a book or personal objects on the library desk reserved that place for an average of 77 minutes, leaving a jacket over a chair, reserved it for two hours. At home, a family member might mark his or her favorite chair by leaving a personal object, such as a handbag or magazine on or near it to show their claim and ownership of the space. If the boss of the House asks a visitor to be seated and the person innocently sits in the wrong chair. The boss can become agitated about this invasion of his or her territory and be put on the defensive. A simple question such as, which share is yours can avoid the negative results of making such a territorial error. Now about the course and the car territory, people driving a car can react in a way that's often completely unlike the normal social territorial behavior. A motor vehicle seems to have a magnifying effect on the size of a person's personal space. In some cases, this territory is magnified up to 10 times the normal size. So the driver feels that they have a claim to an area of 25 to 30 feet or eight to ten meters in front of and behind the car. One another driver cuts in front of them or tailgate them. Even if it wasn't dangerous, the driver may go through a physiological change, becoming angry and even attacking the other diver in what is known as road rage. So compare this to the situation that occurs when the same person is stepping into a left an elevator, and another person's steps in front of them invite invading their personal territory. The reaction in those circumstances is normally apologetic and they allow the other person to go first, which is dramatically different from what happens when the same person cuts in front of them on the open road? For some people, the car becomes like a protective cocoon in which they can hide from the outside world. As they drive slowly beside the curb, almost in the gutter, they can be as big a hazard on the road as the driver with the expanded personnel space. Italians, for instance, when they're smaller, spatial needs, are often accused of being taking Gators and pushing on the motorways because they are closer than is culturally accepted elsewhere. So in summary, others will invite or reject you depending on the respect that you have for their personal space. And this is why the happy go lucky person who slops everyone he meets on the back or continually touches people during a conversation, is secretly disliked by everyone. Many factors can affect the spatial distance a person takes in relation to others. So it is wise to consider every criterion before making a judgment about why a person is keeping a certain distance. 12. Leg positions and gestures: We will talk in this lesson about lack positions and gestures. And the farther away from the brain and body part is positioned, the less awareness we have of what it is doing. For example, most people are aware of their face and what expressions and gestures they are displaying. And we can even practice some expressions to put on a brave face or give a disapproving look, to grin and bear it as we say, or look happy. One grandma gives us ugly underwear again for our birthday. After our face, we are less aware of our arms and hence then our chest and stomach. And we are least aware of our legs and almost oblivious to our feet. This means that the legs and feet are an important source of information about someone's attitude. Because most people are unaware of what they are doing with them and never consider faking gestures with them in the way they would face a person who can look composed and in control while the foot is repetitively tapping or making short jabs in the air and revealing their frustration at not being able to escape. The way people swing their arms when they walk in gives us insight into their personality or what they want you to believe that they are like. When young, healthy, vibrant people walk, they walk faster than older people, which results in their arms swinging higher in front and behind and can even make it look as if they are marching. This is partly due to the additional speed and greater muscle flexibility. As a consequence of this, the army much evolved as an exaggerated walk to portray the effect that the marches are youthful and vigorous. This same work has been adopted by many politicians and public figures who want to make you think to send you a message that they have enough vitality. That is why striding is a popular gates with many politicians. So in an experiment conducted with managers who were instructed to lie convincingly in a series of stages interviews, it was found that the managers, regardless of gender, dramatically increased the unconscious number of foot movements they made when they were lying. Managers used fake facial expressions and tried to control their hands while lying, but almost all were unaware of what the feet and legs were doing. These results were verified by psychologist Paul Ekman, who discovered that not only do people increase their lower body movements when they lie, but observers have greater success exposing a person's life when they can see the lines entire body. This explains why many business executives feel comfortable only one sitting behind a desk with a solid front where their lower body is hidden. Glass topped tables cause us more stress than solid tables. As our legs are in full view. And so we don't feel as if we are in full control. So what is the purpose of the legs? The legs evolved in humans to serve two purposes. To move forward, to get food and to run away from danger. Because the human brain is hardwired for these two objectives to go towards what we want and move away from what we don't want. The way a person uses their legs and feet reveals where they want to go. In other words, they show a person's commitment to living or staying in a conversation. Open or uncrossed leg positions show an open or a dominant attitude while crossed positions reveal closed attitudes or uncertainty. A woman, say, who is not interested in a man will afford her arms on her chest and crossed her legs way from him, giving him the no-go body language while an interested woman would open herself time. So what are the four main standing positions? The first one is at attention. This is a formal position that shows a neutral attitude with no commitment to stay or to go. In male, female encounters, it is used more by women than men as it effectively keeps the legs together like a no command signal. Schoolchildren use it when talking to a teacher, to the principal. Junior officers use it when talking to senior officers. People meeting royalty or the president do it and employees use it when talking to the manager, to the boss. The legs apart position. As mentioned earlier, this is predominantly a male gesture and it's like a standing crunch display. The crutch display layer plants both feet firmly on the ground, making a clear statement that he has no intention of leaving. It's used as a dominant signal by men because it highlights the genitals giving the crotch disc player a mature looking attitude. Male participants at sports matches can be seen standing around with each other in this position at halftime and giving their crotch a continual adjustment. These adjustments have nothing to do with the itching. They allow males to highlight their masculinity and show solidarity as a team by all performing the same actions. The foot forward. So the body weight is lifted to one hip, which leaves the front foot pointing forward. Paintings during the Middle Ages often showed high-status men standing in the foot forward position as it allowed them to display their fine hosiery shoes and reaches. This has a valuable clue to a person's immediate intentions because we point our lead foot in the direction our mind would like us to go. And this stance looks as if the person is beginning to what. In a group situation, we point our lead foot at the most interesting or attractive person. But when we want to live, we point our feet at the nearest exit, the leg cross. The next time you attend the meeting with men and women, you will notice some groups of people standing with their arms and legs crossed. Look more closely. And you'll also see that they are standing at a greater distance from each other than the customary social distance that we have seen in the previous lesson. If they are wearing coats or jackets, they are likely to be buttoned. This is how most people stand when they are amongst people who they don't know well, if you interact with them, you would find that one or all of them are unfamiliar with others in the group. While open legs can show openness and dominance, crossed legs shows a closed, submissive defensive attitude, as they symbolically deny any access to the genitals. For a woman. Positions like the scissors and the single leg cross sent two messages. One that she intends to stay not live, and to that access is denied. When a man does it, it also shows in stay but wants to be sure you don't kick him where it hurts. Open legs, display masculinity. Closed legs. Protect masculinity. If his with men he feels are inferior to him, the crotch display will appear and feels right if he is with superior males. However, this gesture makes him look competitive and he feels vulnerable. Studies show that people who lack confidence also take lack cross positions. So imagine now that you noticed another group of people standing with arms, unfolded, bonds, visible coats on buttoned, relaxed appearance and leaning back on one leg with the other pointing towards others in the group. All are gesturing with their hands and moving in and out of each other's personal space. Closer investigation would reveal that these people are friends who are known personally to each other. The first group of people with the closed arms and legs may have relaxed facial expressions and conversation that sounds free and easy. But the folded arms and legs tell us that they are not as relaxed or confident with each other as they are trying to appear. So try this. Join a group where, you know no one and stand with your arms and legs tightly crossed. And where a serious expression, one by one, the other group members will cross their arms and legs and remain in that position until you, the stranger would leave. Walk away and watch how one-by-one, the members of that group assume the original open poses once again. So crossing the legs not only reveals negative or defensive emotions, it makes a person appear insecure and causes others to react accordingly. So the eternal question, defensive, cold, or just comfortable. Some people will claim that they are not defensive or feeling insecure when they cross their arms or legs, but do it because they are cold or they are comfortable this way. When someone wants to warm his hands, her hands, they will thrust them under their armpits rather than tucking them under the elbows, as is the case with the defensive on crust. Secondly, when a person feels cold, they may use a type of body hug. And when the legs are crossed, they are usually straight, stiff, and pressed hard against each other, as opposed to the more relaxed posture of the defensive stance or position. People who habitually cross their arms and legs prefer to say that they are called rather than admit that they could be nervous, anxious, or defensive, others simply say they are comfortable. And that's probably true. When someone feels defensive or insecure, crossed arms and legs feel comfortable because it matches that emotional state. So how we move from closed to open, as people begin to feel more comfortable in a group and get to know others, they move through a series of movements, taking them from the defensive crossed arms and legs position to the relaxed open position. This standing opening up procedure follows the same sequence everywhere. It begins with the closed position, arms and legs crossed like in this illustration, as they begin to feel comfortable with each other and rapport, it builds their legs on cross first and their feet are placed together in the attention position. Next. They aren't folded on top in the arm cross comes out and the palm is occasionally flashed when speaking, matters eventually not used as a barrier. Instead, it may hold the outside of the other arm in a single arm barrier. Both arms unfold next and one arm gestures or maybe placed on top of the hip or in the Pocket. Finally, one person takes the foot forward position, showing acceptance of the other person. Let's talk about the position known as the European leg cross. One leg is crossed neatly over the other, with 70% of people crossing left overwrite. This is the normal cross-legged position used by Europeans, Asians, and British people. When a person crosses both legs and arms, they have emotionally withdrawn from the conversation. And it can be futile to try to be convincing when they sit like this. In business contexts. We have found that people sitting like this doc in shorthand Sadducees reject more proposals and can recall less detail of what was discussed than those who sit with their arms and legs in an open position. For the American figure for this position is a seated version of a crutch display as it highlights the genitals and is used by American males or any cultures that are becoming Americanized, such as the use of Singapore, Japan, Philippines, et cetera. It shows that an argumentative or competitive attitude exists. Monkeys and chimps also use gentle displays when they are being aggressive. Because a good display can avoid the damage that could be inflicted from a real physical fights. With all primates. The male with the most impressive display is seen by others as the winner. Places like Australia and New Zealand use both European leg crossing and the figure for and for a piece of trivia during the Second World War, the Nazis kept a look out for the figure for, as anyone using it was clearly not German or American or had spent time in the USA. The figure for still uncommon in Britain and Europe in general, among older people, but is now seen in diverse cultures, such as Russia, Japan, Sardinia, Malta, some of the Arab countries among the younger generations who are addicted to American films and television and meddling when they see men who set like this are not only perceived as being more dominant, they are also seen as relaxed and youthful. But again, keep in mind that in parts of the Middle East and Asia, the figure 4 is seen as an insult or at least inappropriate because it shows the sole of the shoe. And that's the part that walks in dirt. Women who wear trousers or genes can sometimes be seen sitting in the figure for position, but they usually do it only around other women, not men, as they don't want to appear too masculine or to signal sexual availability. And studies also show that people make most of their final decision to do something when both feet are on the ground. So the figure 4 is not conducive to asking someone to make a decision. Now, a variation of that figure, known as figure four, with leg clamped. Not only does this person have a competitive attitude, they lock the figure four into a permanent position using one or both hands as a clamp. This is a sign of the tough minded, stubborn individually rejects any opinion other than their own. So if you're trying to persuade someone who sits in the defensive arms and legs crossed position to reveal how threatened they felt by what they thought you would say or what you did say in indeed, you should attempt to get them to uncross before continuing. If you have something to show, invite them to sit beside you or give them things to do or to hold so that they lean forward to, for example, write notes or hold brochures and samples. Offering tea or coffee also works well as it makes it hard for a person to cross their arms and legs without burning themselves. As for the ankle lock, the male version of it is often combined with clenched fists resting on the knees or with the hands tightly gripping the arms of the chair as a seated crutch display. Like you can see in the picture. The female version, very slightly. The knees are held together. The feed may be to one side and the hands rest side-by-side or one on top of the other, resting on the upper legs. When an interviewee locks his ankles, he is mentally biting his lip. The gesture shows that he's holding back and negative emotion, uncertainty or, or fear. The feet. Usually withdrawn under the chair, showing that the person also has a withdrawn attitude. When people are involved in a conversation, they put their feet into the conversation. The lawyer will tell you, for example, that defendants who sat outside the courtroom just prior to hearing to hearing were three times more likely than the plaintiffs to have the ankles tightly locked under the chairs as they tried to control their emotional state. And dental patients locked their ankles as soon as they sit in the dental chair to have most people who are being interviewed. My law enforcement and government bodies such as the police, customs, the Tax Office lot their ankles at the beginning of the interviews. But as much fear as add-on guilt. Nierenberg and found that when one party locked his ankles during a negotiation, It's often men that he was holding back a valuable concession. They found that by using a questioning techniques, they could often encourage him to unlock his ankles and then therefore revealed a concession. In the initial stages of studying the ankle lock, it was found that asking questions was reasonably successful. We're talking about 32 percent of the time in getting interviewees to relax and unlocking the ankles. So it was discovered however, that if an interviewer walks around to the interviewees side of the desk and sits beside him, removing the desk as a band here. The interview we would often relaxed and unlock his ankles. And the conversation would take on an open, more personally don't. Women who wear miniskirts cross their legs and ankles for obvious necessary reasons. So through years of habits, however, many older women still sit in this position, which can not only make them feel your strain, but others are likely to unconsciously read it as negative and react towards these women with caution. Some people will still acclaim. They sit in the ankle lock position or for that matter, any negative arm and leg position because they feel comfortable as usual. If you are in this category, remember that any arm or a leg position will feel comfortable when you hold a defensive, negative, or reserved attitude. A negative gesture can increase or prolong a negative attitude. And other people will read you as being apprehensive, defensive, or a non participant unconsciously or unknowingly. So practice using positive open gestures. This will improve your self-confidence and others will perceive you in a more positive way. Now for the leg twine, like you can see in the picture, this gesture is almost exclusively used by women and is a trademark of shy and timid women. The top of one foot locks around the other leg to reinforce and insecure attitude and shows she has retreated into her shell despite how relaxed her upper body may appear, a warm, friendly, low-key approach is needed if you eventually hope to change her reservations. The parallel legs position. So because of the bone configuration of female legs and hips, and most men can't sit like this, so it becomes a bowl full psi, a secondary sign of femininity. And not surprisingly, over 86 percent of male participants in leg rating surveys voted that this position was the most attractive female sitting position. One leg presses against the other and give the legs a healthier and more youthful look, which appeals to men from a reproductive standpoint. This is the position taught to women in department and modeling classes. One last thing about the position of the feet. When we are interested in either a conversation or a person, we put one foot forward to shorten the distance between us and that person. If we are reticent or not interested, however, we put our feet back, usually under a chair if seated. In this scene in this picture, the man is trying to show interest in the woman by using typical male courtship body language, foot forward, legs apart, crutch display, and arms played to try to enlarge his overall perceived size and take up more space. The woman is also using typical female no-go body language, legs together, but if facing away, arms folded and minimizing the amount of space she occupies. So he's probably wasting his time. In conclusion, our feet tell others where we want to go and who we do or don't. Like. If you are a woman, avoid crossing your legs when you are sitting with businessmen, unless you are wearing an airline jazz, or at least one that is below the knee line. Because studies show that the more leg woman shows, the last man can remember the content of what she says. The rule here is simple. For social contexts, exposed, crossed legs are fine. But don't do it in business. If you're a man dealing with the Women in Business, the same rule applies. Keep your knees together. 13. 13 most common gestures you will see daily: Let's talk in this lesson about the 13 most common gestures that you see. The people rarely think consciously about the effect of many of the seemingly simple non-verbal things that they do. For example, 11 percent has another. Most observers silently assume that the back patting that occurs towards the end of the HCG is a gesture of affection and that the air because it's made, the sound made on the side of someone's cheeks is also affection. The reality is that the bat is used in the same way professional wrestlers use it to tell the other person to end the hock and break the clench. If you are really not too keen about hugging someone, but are forced into it because the people had a view that you're likely to begin back patting in the air even before the heart begins. The air case would its accompanying sound is given as a displacement of a real gas that we don't want to give either. This lesson covers some of the most common head gestures and body language clusters. And that you are likely to see in your day-to-day dealings with others. Let's start with the head nod. In most cultures, the head nod is used to signify yes, agreement. It's a stunted form of borrowing. The person symbolically goes to bow but stops short, resulting in a non Boeing is a submissive gesture. So the head nod shows we are going along with the other person's point of view. And research conducted with people who were born deaf, dumb, unblind shows that they also use this gesture to signify. Yes. So it appears to be an inborn gesture of submission. As often, there are cultural factors to take into consideration. In India, the head is dropped from side-to-side called the head wobble. This signal, yes, rather than the head nodding. This is confusing for Westerners and Europeans who use this gesture to communicate, maybe, maybe not. And we've already said in Japan had nodding doesn't necessarily mean yes, I agree. But it usually means yes, I hear you. In Arab countries, they use a single upward head movement, which means no. Why the Bulgarians use the common no gesture to manias. Now, why you should learn to not, most people have never considered the power of head nodding as a persuasion. To. Research shows that people will talk three to four times more than usual when the listener not their head using groups of three nodes at regular intervals, the speed of the node signals the patients or lack thereof, of the listener. Slow nodding communicates that the listener is interested in what the speaker is saying. So. Give slow, deliberate clusters of three head nods when the other person is making a point, fast nodding tells the speaker you've heard enough or that you want them to finish and give you a turn to speak. There are two powerful uses of the head node, but the language is an unconscious outward reflection of inner feelings. So if you feel positive or affirmative, you had will begin to NADH as you speak. Conversely, if you simply start nodding your head intentionally, you will begin to experience positive feelings. In other words, positive feelings caused the head to nod. And the reverse is also true. Nodding the head causes positive feelings. It's cause and effect. Again, head nodding is also very contagious. If someone nods their head at you, you will usually not too, even if you don't necessarily agree with what they are saying. Head nodding is an excellent tool for creating report, getting agreement and cooperation. By finishing each sentence with a verbal affirmation such as, isn't it, wouldn't you? Isn't that true or fair enough? And with the speaker and listener both nodding their heads, the listener experiences positive feelings, which creates a greater likelihood of getting them to agree with you. And after you've asked a question and the listener gives his answer, nod your head during his answer. When he finishes speaking, continue to nod your head another five times at the rate of about one node per second. Usually by the time you have countered two for the listener will begin speaking again and give you more information. And as long as you're not and stay silent with your hand on your chin. In an evaluation position, There's no pressure on you to speak. And you want to come across like an interrogator. When you listen, put your hand on your chin and give it a light strokes. Because as previously stated, research shows that this encourages others to keep talking. Now, for the handshake, research also indicates that the handshake, usually meaning no, may also be an inborn action. And evolutionary biologists believe that it's the first gesture that humans learn. This theory says that one of the newborn baby has had enough milk. It shakes its head from side to side to reject the mother's breast. Similarly, a child who has had enough to eat uses the Hatch Act to reject attempts to spoon feed him more. When someone is trying to convince you, watch if they use the handshake gesture while saying they agree. The person who says, I can see your point of view or it sounds good, or will definitely do that while shaking his head from side to side. Might sound convincing or convinced, but the handshake gesture signals a negative attitude and you would be well advised to be skeptical about it. No woman believes a man who says, I love you. Why shaking his head. Now, concerning the basic head positions. Let's start with the head up. There are three basic head positions. The first is with head up. And is the position taken by the person who has a neutral attitude about what is being said. The head remains still. And the conversation may be punctuated by occasional small months. And to Sheikh, evaluation gestures are often used with this position. When the hand is lifted high, would the chin jutting forward as signals superiority, fearlessness, or arrogance? The person intentionally exposes the throat and the gain additional heights, which allows them to look down their nose at you. Large chins are the result of high testosterone levels, which is why chain jotting is associated with power and aggression. The hat tilde, tilting the head to the side as a submission signal because it exposes the throat and neck and makes the person looks smaller and less threatening. It's probable origin is in the baby resting its head on its parent's shoulder and chest. And the submissive, non-threatening meaning it conveys, seems to be unconsciously understood by most people, especially women. Charles Darwin was one of the first to note that the humans, as well as animals, especially dogs, their head to one side when they become interested in something. If you are giving a presentation or delivering a speech, make a point of looking for this gesture among your audience. When you see an audience tilting their heads and leaning forward using hand to chin evaluation gestures. You're getting the point across. When you listen to others use the head tilt and the head nods and the listener will begin to feel trusting towards you because you appear non-threatening. Thirdly, they had done when the chin is down, the signals that a negative, judgmental or aggressive attitude exists. Critical evaluation clusters are normally made with the head down and until the person's had lifts or tilts, you can have a problem. Professional presenters and trainers are often confronted by audiences who are seated with their heads down and arms folded on their chests. Experienced conference speakers and presenters will take action to involve the audience and get participation before they begin the presentation. This is intended to get the audience's heads up to get involvement. If the speakers tactic is successful, the audiences next head position will be the habitat for the headshot. Raising the shoulders and pulling the head down between them, Let's person protect the vulnerable neck and throat from injury. It's the cluster used when a person hears a loud bang behind them, or if they think something will fall on them. When it's used in a personal or business context. It implies a submissive apology which detracts from any encounter where you are trying to appear confident. When someone walks past others who are talking. My reinterview, or listening to a speaker or taking a picture. They pull their head down, turn the shoulders in, and try to appear smaller and less significant. This is known as the head doc, and it is also used by subordinates. Approaching superiors and reveals the status and power play between individuals. Five, picking imaginary lint. When a person disapproves of the opinions or attitudes of others, but doesn't want to say anything. Displacement gestures are likely to occur. That is, apparently innocent body language. Gestures that reveal withheld opinion. Picking imaginary pieces of length from one's own clothing is one such gesture. The speaker usually looks down and away from others while performing the seemingly minor irrelevant action. This is a common signal of disapproval and is a good sign that this person doesn't like what's being said, even if they sound that they are agreeing with everything. So in this situation, opera poems and say, what do you think about this? Or I can see that you have some thoughts on this. Would you mind telling me what they are? Sit back, arms apart, pons visible, and wait for the answer. If the person says he is in agreement with you but continues to pick the imaginary length. You may need to take an even more direct approach to discover the hidden objections. Now, how we show that you are ready for action to appear bigger for fighting or courting rituals. Birds will fluff their feathers. Fish can expand their body size by sucking in water. And cats and dogs make the infer standard and the hairless human, however, no longer has a thick pelts to expand to make himself look more imposing, one is fearful or anxious. So when we describe a scary movie, we often say, it made my hair stand on end. If we become angry with someone, we say he made the hackles on my neck rise. And when we are smitten with someone and they can give us goosebumps. All these are the body's mechanical reactions to circumstances in which we attempt to make ourselves appear larger and are caused by the arrector pili muscles on the skin, which attempt to make our nonexistent pellet stand up. Modern humans, however, have invented a gesture to help them achieve a bigger physical presence. The hands on hips and gesture, hands on hips is used by the child arguing with his or her parents. The athlete waiting for the event to begin, the boxer waiting for the about to start. And males who want to issue a non-verbal challenge to other males who enter the territory. In each instance, the person takes the hands on hips pose, and this is a universal gesture. Use to communicate that the person is ready for assertive action. It lets the person take up more space and has the threat value of the pointer, the elbows. That act as weapons, preventing others from approaching or passing. The arms being half raised, show readiness for attack. And this is the position taken by cowboys in a gunfight. Even one hand on the hip will send the intended message. Particularly when it's pointed at the intended victim. It's used everywhere and in the Philippines and Malaysia. It carries the even stronger message of Angular or outrage, also known as the readiness gesture. That is, the person is ready for assertive action. It's basic meaning carries a subtly aggressive attitude everywhere. It has also been called the achiever stance, related to the goal directed person who is ready to tackle the objectives or is ready to take action on something like the stance of Superman. Men often use this gesture around women to display an assertive male attitude. It's important to consider the context and other body language immediately preceding the hands on hips pose in order to make an accurate assessment of the person's attitude. For example, is the coat open and pushed back on the hips or isn't buttoned one the aggressor poses taken, closed quote, readiness shows frustration, whereas coat, open and push back is directly aggressive because the person is openly exposing their front in a display of fearlessness. This position is further reinforced by placing the feet evenly apart on the ground or by adding clenched fists to the gesture cluster. Let's talk about the cowboy stance. Thumb stacked into the belt or into the tops of the pockets, frames the genital area, and is a display. Use mainly my men to show a sexually aggressive attitude. It is the most common gesture used in television Westerns to show viewers the validity of the gunslinger. Apes used the same gesture, but without, without belt or trousers. This gesture has others. I am, I can dominate, which is why it's regular for men on the problem. And he man talking to a woman while he's standing like this, with dilated pupils and one foot pointing towards her is easily read by most women. It's one of the gestures that gives the game away for most men. And they unwittingly declared to her what's on their mind. The next illustration shows two men sizing each other up using the characteristic hands on hips and thumbs in Belt gestures. Considering that they are both turned at an angle away from each other and the lower half of their bodies appear relaxed. It's reasonable to assume that they are unconsciously evaluating each other and that confrontation is unlikely. The conversation may sound casual or family, but a relaxed atmosphere won't exist. Onto their hands. On hips, gestures are jumped and open gestures or head tilting are used. If these two men were directly facing each other with their feet planted firmly on the ground and legs apart. A fight could be likely. The legs spread. This is almost entirely a male gesture and is also seen among apes who are trying to establish authority over other apes rather than risk injury by fighting. They spread their legs and one with the biggest display is seen as the most dominant. And so it is with male humans. Even though it's usually done unconsciously, it sends a powerful message. If one man does the legs spread, the others usually mirror to maintain status. But it has very negative effects when a man uses it in front of women, especially in a business context. Many women respond by crossing their legs and arms, which immediately puts them on the defensive. So the advice for men here is cleared. Keep your legs together in business meetings. If you're a woman who is constantly confronted by a crutch displaying mail. Don't react when he does it. It can work against you only if you respond defensively. Instead, try maybe talking to his crotch. It can teach a valuable lesson as well as to cause writers laughter when used at the right time, like over the arm of the chair. This is mainly done also by men because it also uses the legs spread. It not only signifies the man's ownership of the church, it also signals that he has an informal, aggressive attitude. It's common to see two male friends laughing and joking with each other while sitting this way. But let's consider its impact in different circumstances. Let's say an employee has a personal problem and goes to ask his boss for advice. As the employee explains, he leans forward in the chair, his hands on his needs, his head down or the dejected expression and voice, Lord, the boss listens, sitting motionless, then leans back in his chair and puts one leg over the arm. The boss's attitude has now changed to a lack of concern or indifference. In other words, he has little concerned for the employee or his problem. And he may even feel that his time is being wasted with a story. So what was the boss indifferent about? He may have considered the employee's problem, decided that it's not much of a problem anyway, and became disinterested. He may even tell his employee not to worry and that the problem was simply go away. So as long as the bosses leg stays over the arm of the chair, his indifference, attitude will persist. When the employee leaves the office, the bus breathe, a sigh of relief. Says to himself, thank heavens he's gone and takes his length of the arm of the chair. The leg over the arm of the chair can be annoying when it occurs during negotiations. And it's vital to make that person change position. Because the longer he stays in it, the longer he will have an indifferent or aggressive attitude. And easy way to do this is to ask him to lean across and look at something. Now what about straddling a chair? Historically, centuries ago, Men used shields to protect themselves from the spears and clubs of the enemy. And today, civilized men uses whatever they have at their disposal to symbolize the same protective behavior when they are under physical or verbal attack. This includes standing behind OR gates, doorway, fans, desk, or the open door of his motor vehicle and struggling also a chair. The back of the chair acts as a shield to protect the body and can transform a person into an aggressive, dominant personality. Men also have their legs spread in wide crotch display. Adding male assertion to the position. Most stragglers are dominant types who will try to take control of others when they become bored with the conversation. And the back of the chair serves as good protection from any, quote, unquote, attack by other members of the group. The straggler is often discreet and can slip into the straddle position almost unnoticed. The easiest way to disarm the strategy is to stand up and sit behind him, making him feel vulnerable to attack and forcing him to change his position. This can work well in a group situation because the Flagler will have his back exposed and this comparison to change to another position. And what to do if the Radler is in a swivel chair, it's pointless to try to reason with a crutch display man on a swivel chair. So the best defense is non-verbal. Conduct. Your conversation, standing up and looking down on the straggler and move into his personal space. This is unnerving for him and he can even fall backwards of his chair in an attempt to move away. Next time you have a straggler coming to visit, you, be sure to see them on a fixture, has arms to stop him from taking his favorite position and when he can straddle, his usual next move is to use the catapult. The catapult is a seated version of the hands on hips pose, except the hands are behind the head. Would the elbows menacingly pointed out? Again, it's almost entirely a male gesture used to intimidate others, or it infers an overly relaxed attitude. This gesture is typical of professionals such as lawyers, accountants, managers, politicians, people who are feeling superior, dominant, confident about something. If we could read this person's mind, he wouldn't be saying things like, I have all the answers. Everything's under control. Maybe one day you'll be smarter than me. Management personnel regularly use it and newly appointed male managers suddenly began to use it, despite the fact that they rarely used it prior to their promotion. It's also used by the know-it-all type individuals and it intimidates most people, is the trademark gesture of men who like you to realize just how knowledgeable they are. It can also be used as a territorial sign to show that the person has staked a claim to that particular area. It's usually clustered with a figure for leg position or crushed display, which shows that this person, not only face period, but also likely, is likely to argue or try to dominate. There are several ways you can deal with this. Depending on the circumstances. You can lean forward with palms up and say, I can see that, you know about this. Would you care to comment, then sit back and wait for an answer? You could play something just out of reach and ask, have you seen this forcing that person to lean forward? If you are a man, copying the gesture can be simple way to handle the catapult. Because Marilyn create equality. If you're a woman and a man, does this, continue the conversation, standing up, this forces the catapulted to change position so he can continue the conversation. When he stops to catapult, then sit down again. If he does it again, stand up. This is a good way of training others not to try to intimidate you. On the other hand, if the person using the catapult is your superior and is representing you, you will intimidate him by copying this gesture. For example, 2 equals, we'll use the catapult in each other's presence to show equality and agreement. But if a school boy does it, it would infuriate the school principal. Now let's talk about gestures that show readiness. One of the most valuable gestures a negotiator can learn to recognize is seated readiness when you are presenting a proposal. For example, if the other person were to take this gesture at the end of the presentation and the interview had gone well up to that point, you could ask for agreement and would be likely to get it. The starter is position. Readiness. Gestures that signal a desire to conclude the meeting include leaning forward with both hands on both knees or leaning forward with both hands gripping the chair as if they were at the start of a race. If either of these occurred during a conversation, it would be wise for you to take the lead and resell your idea to change direction or terminate the conversation. So in summary, the body language signals covered in this lesson are fairly easy to observe. Because most involve big gestures. Not only is it important to understand the significance of these signals, it's vital to good communication that you eliminate any negative gestures from your own repertoire. And practice using the things that will give you positive results. 14. Mirroring - How we build rapport: Let's talk in this lesson about mirroring and how we can use it to build a positive report. When we meet others for the first time, we need to assess quickly whether they are positive or negative towards us, just as most other animals do for survival reasons. We do this by scanning the other person's body to see if they will move or gesture the same way we do in what is known as mirroring. We matter each other's body language as a way of bonding, being accepted and creating report. But we are usually oblivious to the fact that we are doing it. In ancient times, mirroring was also a social device which helped our ancestors fit in successfully with larger groups. It's also a leftover from a primitive method of learning which involves imitation. One of the most noticeable forms of meddling is yawning. One person starts it. And sets of everyone. Robert provide found that yawning is so contagious. You don't even need to see another person neon the site of a wide open mouth is enough to do it. It was once thought that the purpose of yawning was to oxygenate the body, but we know now It's a form of mirroring that serves to create reports with others and avoid aggression, just as it also does for monkeys and chimpanzees. Non-verbally. Mirroring says, Look at me, I am the same as U, and therefore, I feel the same way, share the same attitudes, and therefore, I am not aggressive towards you. This is why people at a rock concert, for example, will jump to their feet and applaud simultaneously or give a Mexican wave to another. The synchronicity of the crowd promotes a secure feeding in the participants, like the feeling that we fit in. Similarly, people in an angry mob will mirror aggressive attitudes. And this explains why many usually count people can lose their cool in such a situation. The urge to matter is also the basis on which a ACU works. In a cube, people willingly cooperate with people they have never met and will never see again obeying an unwritten set of Behavioral drools while waiting for anything from a bus to an art gallery in a bank, or even side-by-side in a war. Professor Joseph Heinrich from the University of Michigan found that the urges to mentor others are hard-wired into the brain because cooperation leads to more food, better health, and economic growth for communities. It also offers an explanation as to why societies that are highly disciplined in middlings such as the British, Germans and ancient Romans, successfully dominated the world for many years. Metering makes others feel at ease, comfortable. And it's such a powerful rapport building tool that slow motion video research reveals that it even extends to simultaneous blinking, nostril flaring, eyebrow raising an evil pupil dilation, which has a remarkable as these micro gestures cannot be consciously controlled or, or, and therefore imitated. Studies into synchronous body language behavior show that people who feel similar emotions or are on the same wavelength and are likely to be experiencing airport will also begin to match each other's body language and expressions. A being in sync to bond with another person begins early in the womb when our body functions and hard bits match the rhythm of our mother. So modelling is a state to which we are naturally inclined. And when a couple are in the early stages of courtship, It's common to see them behave with synchronous movements almost as if they are dancing. For example, when a woman takes a multiple of food, the man wipes the corner of his mouth, or he begins a sentence and she finishes it for him. When a person says the vibes are right on that they feel right, they are comfortable around another person. They are unknowingly referring to mirroring and synchronous behavior. For example, at a restaurant, one person can be reluctant to eat or drink alone for fear of being out of sync with the others. And when it comes to ordering the meal, each may check with the others before ordering, asking What are you having as they tried to mirror their meals also, this is one of the reasons why playing background music during the date is so effective. Because the music gets a couple to beat and tap in time to the other. And since music gives you a bit, it facilitates synchronicity by both people following that same bit. Let's talk about mirroring on a cellular level. Famous American heart surgeon, dr. Mehmet US, reported some remarkable findings from heart recipients. He found that as with most other body organs, the heart appears to retain cellular memories. And this allows some patients to experience some of the emotions experienced by the heart donor. Even more remarkably, he found some recipients also assume the same gestures and posture of the donor, even though they have never seen or met the donor. His conclusion was that it appears that the heart cells, in short, the recipients brains to take on the donor's body language. And conversely, people suffering from disorders such as autism have no ability to mirror or match the behavior of others, which makes it difficult for two-way communication with others. The same goes for junk people whose gestures are out of sync with their words, making it impossible for any muttering to occur. And because of the phenomenon of cause and effect, if you intentionally assume certain body language positions, you will begin to experience the emotions associated with these gestures. This is something that we have spoken about several times already. For example, if you feel confident, you may unconsciously assume the steeple gesture to reflect your confidence. But if you intentionally steeple, you will not only begin to feel more confident, others will perceive that you are confident. This then becomes a powerful way to create a report with others by intentionally matching their body language and posture. As we often have seen, there are differences between men and women. Also, when it comes to Maloney, Jeffrey BT at the University of Manchester, found that a woman is instinctively four times more likely to matter. Another woman than a man is two meter another man. He also found that women mirror man's body language too. But men are reluctant tomorrow, a woman's gesture and posture, unless he is in courtship mode. When a woman says, she can see, quote unquote, that someone doesn't agree with the group opinion. She is actually seeing the disagreement. She's picked up that someone's body language is out of sync with group opinion. And they are showing their disagreement by not mirroring the groups body language. How women can see this agreement, anger, lying, or feeling hurt has always been a source of amazement to most men. It's because most men's brains are simply not well equipped to read the fine details of other's body language and don't consciously notice mirroring discrepancies. Men and women's brains are simply programmed differently to express emotions through facial expressions and body language. Typically, a woman can use an average of six main facial expressions in attentive listening period to reflect and then give feedback about the speaker's emotions. Her face will mirror the emotions being expressed by the speaker to someone watches it can look as if the events being discussed are happening to both women. A woman reads the meaning of what is being said through the speaker's voice tone and his emotional condition, through his body language. This is exactly why a man needs to do to capture a woman's attention and to keep her interested and listening. But Most men are daunted by the prospect of using facial feedback while listening. But in reality, it pays big dividends for the man who becomes good at it. Some memorization thing, I'm a feminist, but research with these techniques show that when a man mirrors a women's, woman's facial expressions as she talks, she will describe him as getting intelligent, interesting, and therefore, more attractive. Men, on the other hand, can make fewer than a third of the facial expressions that woman can make. Men usually hold expressionless faces, especially in public, because. Maybe of the evolutionary need to withhold emotion to stave off possible attacks from strangers and to appear to be in control of their emotions. This is why most men look as if they are statutes when they listen. This emotionless mask that men wear while listening allows them to feel in control of the situation. But it does not at all mean that men don't experience emotions. Brain scans revealed, in fact, that men can feel emotions as strongly as women, but they simply avoid showing it publicly. So what to do about this? If you're a woman? The key to mirroring immense behavior is in understanding that he doesn't use his face to signal his attitude. He uses his body. Most women find it difficult to middle and expressionless man, but with males, this is not required. If you're a woman, it means that you need just to reduce your facial expressions so that you don't come across as overwhelming or intimidating. And most importantly, do not matter what you think he might be feeding. That can be disastrous if you've got it wrong. And you may be described as unfocused, dizzy, scatterbrained. Women in business listen with a more serious phase, are described by men as more intelligent, astute, and sensibility. On a side note, when two people live together for a long time and have a good working relationship, they often begin to look alike. This is because they are constantly mirroring each other's facial expressions, which over time builds muscle definition in the same areas of the face. Even couples who don't look facially similar can appear similar in a photograph because they use the same smile. In 2000 psychologists, dr. John Gottman of the University of Washington in Seattle and his colleagues discovered that managers are more likely to fail when one partner not only does not mirror the others expressions of happiness, but instead chose expressions of contempt. This opposite behavior affects the smiling partner, even when they are not consciously aware of what is happening. So as an experiment, the next time you attend a social function or go to a place where people meet and interact. Notice the number of people who have taken die. Identical gestures and posture of the person with whom they are talking. Mirroring is the way one person tells another that he or she is an agreement with his or her ideas and attitudes. One is non-verbally saying to the other. As you can see, I think the same as the person with the highest status often makes the first move and the others copy, usually in pecking order. Take for example, these illustrations. They are, since they are mattering, it's reasonable to assume that they are discussing a topic on which they have close or similar thoughts and feelings. If one uses an evaluation gesture or stands on the other foot, the other, we'll copy. One puts a hand in his pocket. The other copies, again, mirroring will continue for as long as the two are in agreement. Mirroring also happens among friends or between people of the same status. And it is common to see married couples walk, stands it and move in identical ways. Albert shuffling found that people who are strangers studiously avoid holding matter positions. Also, intonation, voice, inflection, speed of speaking, and even accents also synchronize joining the mirroring process to further establish a mutual attitudes and Bill report. This is known as pacing. And it can almost seem as if the two people are singing in June. You will often see a speaker beating time with his hands while the listener matches the rhythm with head nods. As a relationship grows over time, the meddling of the main body language positions become less as each person begins to anticipate the others attitudes. So it's like we're going a step forward, step over, over, just mirroring and vocal pacing with the other person becomes a main medium for maintaining report. So never speak at a faster rate than the other person. Studies reveal that others described feeling pressured when someone speaks more quickly than they do. A person's speed of speech shows the rate at which their brain can continuously analyze information. So speak at the same rate or slightly slower than the other person and mirror the inflection and intonation. Pacing is critical when attempting to make appointments by telephone because a voice is your only communication medium. Now hi, how to use this to intentionally create a report? The significance of mirroring is one of the most important body language lessons you can learn. Because it's a clear way in which others tell us that they agree with us or lap like us. It's also a way for us to tell others. We like them by simply mirroring their body language. If a boss wants to develop a report and create a relaxed atmosphere with a nervous employee, they could copy the employees posture to achieve this end. Similarly, an up and coming employee may be seen copying his bosses gestures in our attempt to show agreement when the boss is giving his opinion. Using this knowledge, it's possible to influence others by mirroring their positive gestures and posture. This has the effect of putting the other person in a receptive, relaxed frame of mind because they can see that you understand their point of view. But of course, when someone is exhibiting negative body language clusters such as crossed arms and legs do not imitate their body language because this will further accentuate their defensiveness. On the contrary, try using gestures that show your openness and understanding such as open bumps and head nodding while they explain their misgivings to you. So evidently before you mirror someone's body language, you must take into consideration your relationship. That person, Let's say for example, the junior employee of a corporation has asked for a pay rise and is called into the manager's office. So the employee enters the manager's office. The manager asks him to sit down and the manager assumes the catapult with a figure for showing the employee a superior dominant attitude. But to what would happen if the junior then copies the managers dominant body language while discussing the potential salary rise. Even if the employees talk was on a subordinate London, the manager could feel a fronted by the employees body language and not only the rays, but even his job could be in jeopardy. Mirroring is also effective for intimidating or disarming superior types who tried to intimidate, to take control. People like doctors, lawyers, managers are notorious for using superiority body language clusters around people they consider inferior. By mirroring you can disconcert them and forced a change of position. But obviously, don't do this to your boss. On another related matter. Research shows that when the leader of a group assumes certain gestures and positions, kubernetes will copy, usually in packing order. Leaders also tend to be the first of a group to walk through a doorway and they like to sit on the end of a sofa, table or bench rather than in the center. When a group of executives walks into a room, the person with the highest status usually goes first one, executives are seated in the boardroom. The boss usually sits on the head of the table, often furthest from the door. If the boss sits in the catapult position, his subordinates are likely to copy in order of their importance within the group. You can see this in a meeting where people take science, others by mirroring their body language. The importance of this is that it lets you see who will vote with you and who will vote against you. Also, mirroring is a good strategy to use if you are part of a presentation team, decide in advance that when the team spokesperson makes a gesture or takes a posture when speaking, the entire team will manage. This. Not only gives you a team the powerful appearance of being cohesive, it can frighten the competitors who suspect something is up, even though they can't quite figure out what's happening. When presenting ideas, products, services to couples. Watching who mirrors home reveals where the ultimate power or final decision-making ability lies. If the woman who makes the initial movements, however small, such as crossing her feet, placing her fingers, or using a critical evaluation cluster. And the man copies, there is little point in asking him for a decision. He doesn't have the authority to make it. So in conclusion, mirroring some, someone's body language makes them feel accepted and creates a bond. And is a phenomenon that occurs naturally between friends and people of equal status. A positively, we make a point of not mirroring those we don't like or strangers such as those riding with us in an elevator or standing in the queue at a shop or at the, at the movies, mirroring the other person's body language and speech patterns as one of the most powerful ways to build report quickly. In a new meeting with someone, mirror, they're sitting position, posture, but the angle, gestures, expressions, and tone of voice. Before long they sought to feel that there's something about your day like they describe you as easy to be with. This is because they see themselves reflected in you. A word of warning, however, don't do this too early in an encounter as many people have become in the last years aware of metering strategies. When someone takes a position, you have one of three choices. Ignore it, do something else, or mattered it. Mirroring, pays big dividends, but never mirrored a person's negative signals. 15. The secret signals of cigarettes. glasses and make-up: We'll be talking in this lesson about the signals given by cigarettes, glasses, and makeup. Studies have shown that most smoking has less to do with nicotine addiction and more to do with the need for reassurance. It's one of the displacement activities that people use in today's high pressure society to release the tensions that build up from social and business encounters. For example, most people experience in her attention while waiting for an important job interview or an important meeting. While a smoker might cover up his anxiety by sneaking out for a smoke, non-smokers perform other rituals such as grooming, gum, chewing, nail-biting, finger and foot tapping, Cufflink, adjusting, head scratching, playing with something, or in general, fidgeting and other gestures that tell us they need reassurance. Jewelry is also popular for exactly the same reason. It has high fundal value and allows its owner to displace their insecurity, fear in patients, or lack of confidence on to them. Studies now show a clear relationship between whether an infant was breastfed and its likelihood of becoming a smoker as an adult. And it was found that babies who were largely bottle-fed represent the majority of adults smokers. And the heaviest smokers. While the longer a baby was breastfed, the less chance there was that they would become a smoker. It seems that breastfed babies receive comfort and bonding from the breast that is unattainable from a bottle. The consequence being that the bottle fed babies as adults continue to search for comfort by sucking things. Smokers use their cigarettes for the same reason as the child who sucks his blanket or thumb. And not only were smokers, three times more likely to have been thumb suckers as children. They have also been shown to be more neurotic than non-smokers and to experience oral fixations such as sucking the arm of their glasses, nail-biting, pen munching, lip biting and pencil joint. Clearly, many designers, including the urge to suck and feel secure, we're satisfied in breastfed babies, but not in bottle-fed babies. There are two types of smokers, addicted smokers and social smokers. Studies show that a smaller, quicker puffs on a cigarette stimulate the brain and giving a heightened level of awareness. Whereas longer, slower puffs act as a sedative. Addicted smokers are dependent on the sedative effects of nicotine to help them deal with stress. And they take longer, deeper puffs. And we'll also smoke alone. Social smokers usually smoke only in the presence of others or in social gatherings. And when drinking. This means that this smoking is a social display to create certain impressions on others. In social smoking from the time the cigarette is lit until it's extinguished, it's being smoked for only 20 percent of the time in shorter, quicker buffs, as we said. While the other 80 percent is devoted to a series of special body language, gestures, and rituals. A study conducted by Andy parents of the University of East London reports that 80 percent of smokers say they feel less stressed when they smoke. However, results have shown that stress levels increase as the smoker develop a regular smoking habit. Pyruvate also found that stopping smoking actually leads to a reduction of stress. Science now shows that smoking is not an aid for mood controlling. Because nicotine dependency, heightened stress levels. The supposed relaxing effect of smoking only reflects the reversal of the tension and irritability that develops during a smoker's nicotine depletion. In other words, the smoke is mood is normal during smoking and stressed when not smoking. That means that for a smoker to feel normal, the smoker must always have a lit cigarette and their mouth. Furthermore, when smokers quit smoking, they gradually become less stressed over time. Smoking reflects the reversal effect of the tension and stress caused by the lack of nicotine and the blood. Studies also show poor moons occurred during the first few weeks after quitting, but there is a dramatic improvement once the nicotine is completely gone from the body. Reducing craving for the job and the stress that results from it. Now, even though smoking is now banned in many places and contexts, it's still an advantage to understand the connection between smoking body language signals and a person's attitude. Smoking gestures play an important part in assessing emotional states, as they are usually performed in a predictable, ritualistic manner that can give important clues to the smoker state of mind and to what they are trying to achieve. The cigarette ritual involves tapping, twisting, flicking, waving, and other mini gestures indicating that the person is experiencing more attention than may be normal. As usual, there are some differences between men and women. When women smoke, they will often hold the signal that high the wrist, bent back in arrest displayed gesture, leaving the front of the body open. When men smoke, they keep the wrist straight to avoid looking effeminate and job their cigarette hand down to the chest level after they buff, keeping the front of the body protected at all times. Twice as many women smoke as men. And both sexes take the same number of puffs per segment, but men hold the smoke in their lungs longer, making them more susceptible to lung cancer than women. Men will often use the pen tool hold when smoking, especially if they are trying to be secretive, keeping the second hidden inside upon. This gesture is commonly used in the movies by actors who play it off nice and who are acting sneaky or suspicious. Now let's consider smoking as a sexual display. Films and media advertising have always performed smoking Sxy. Smoking is another opportunity to emphasize our sex differences. That allows a woman to use risk displays and open her body to amend. And it allows the cigarette to be used like a phallic symbol. A man can highlight his masculinity by holding the cigarette secretly and seductively. Previous generations use a seductive smoking ritual as an acceptable form of courtship. Or the man offering to light a woman Cigarette. Why she touched his hand and held his gaze longer than usual as she thanked her. How to spot a positive or a negative decision through smoke rituals. Whether a person has a positive or negative attitude toward his circumstances is actually revealed by the direction in which his MOOC is exhaled, whether it's up or down. We are assuming here that the smoker is not blowing the smoke upwards to avoid offending others. And that they could have blown the smoke in either direction. A person who is feeding positive, superior or confident about what they see or hear when blow the smoke and an upward direction most of the time. Conversely, a person in a negative, secretive, or suspicious frame of mind will blow the smoke down. Most of the time, blow, blowing down and from the corner of the mouth indicates an even more negative or secretive attitude. They also appears to be a relationship between how positive or negative the person fields and the speed at which he exhales the smoke, the faster the smoke is blown upwards, the more superior or confident, the faster it is blown down, the more negative. He feels. If a smoker is playing cards and is dealt a good hand, he's likely to blow the smoke upwards, whereas a forehand may cause him to blow it downwards. While some CarPlay is use a poker face when playing cards as a way of not showing anybody signals that may give them away. Other players like to be actors and use misleading multilanguage to allow the other players into a false sense of security. If, for example, a poker player was dealt four of a kind and he wanted to bluff the other players. He could throw the cards face down on the table and discussed curves, cross his arms and put on a nonverbal display, indicating has been dealt a poor hand. But then he quietly sits back and draws on his cigarette and blows the smoke upwards. And then he steeples. It would be unwise for the other place to now back on the next hand, as they would probably lose. Observation of smoking gestures in selling situations shows that when smokers are asked to by those who have already reached a positive decision will blow the smoke upwards. Whereas those who have decided not to buy blow-up downwards. Studies showed that smokers to significantly longer. To reach a decision in a negotiation than non-smokers. And that the smoking ritual is performed most often joining the tense moments of the negotiations. Smokers, it seems, are able to stall decision-making by diverting the attention to the smoking process. So if you want to quicker decisions from smokers negotiate and a room that displays a large non-smoking signal or sign. Now, let's talk about cigars. Cigars have always been used as a means of displaying superiority because of the cost and size. The big-time business executive, the gang leader, and those in high status positions are often portrayed as smoking cigars. Cigars as you are used to celebrate a victory or achievement, such as the birth of a baby, a wedding, clinching a business deal, and winning the lottery. It's not surprising that most of the smoke exhaled devising are smokers, is blown upwards. Most smokers smoke their cigarettes down to a certain length before extinguishing it in an ashtray. Women tend to slowly stop the cigarette out, while men are likely to crush it with the thumb. If the smoker lights a cigarette and suddenly extinguishes it earlier than he normally would. He has signaled his decision to terminate the conversation. Watching for this termination signal can allow you to take control or to close the conversation, making it appear that it was your idea to add things. Now about glasses, how to read glasses. Almost every artificial aids a person uses and give them an opportunity to perform a number of revealing gestures. And this is certainly the case with those who wear eyeglasses. One of the most common gestures as placing one arm of the frame in the mouth. And as Desmond Morris pointed out, the act of putting objects against the lips or in the mouth is a momentary attempt by the person to relive the security they experienced as a baby at their mother's breast. This means that the glasses, arm in mouth gesture is essentially a reassurance gesture. On a side note, if you wear glasses, you are perceived by others as being more studious, an intelligent. Particularly in the early stages of a meeting. In one study, people pictured wearing glasses were judged by respondents as being 14 IQ points more intelligent compared to when they were not wearing them. This effect lasted less than five minutes, however. So you would be wise to consider wearing them only for short interviews. And the intelligent look is reduced. Of course, if you wear glasses with oversized lenses, Elton John style colored frames, or a designer class glasses. What distracting initials on the frame? Wearing glasses that are one size larger than the face can make the younger people look older, more studious, and more authoritative. In a study using pictures of people's faces, it was found that when you add glasses to a face in a business context, respondents describe that person as to just intelligent, conservative, educated, and sincere. And the heavier the frame on the glasses, the more frequently these descriptions were likely to be used. And it made little different whether the face was male or female. This could be because the leaders of business, We're who wear glasses use heavier frames. So in a business environment, glasses are a statement of power. Frameless, small or spindly frames convey a powerless image and say that you are more interested in fashion than business. And the reverse holds true in social contexts. But in these situations you are selling yourself as a friend or maybe not, not, not as a business partner. So we advise people in positions of power to wear stronger frames to make cities points such as reading a financial budget and frameless ties when conveying a nice guy, quote unquote image, or being one of the boys. Now stalling tactics, as with cigarette smoking, the glasses, arm in the mouth action can be used to stall or delay a decision and negotiating. It has been found that this gesture appears most frequently at the close of the session when the person has been asked for the decision, continually taking the glasses off and cleaning the lenses is another method used my glass glasses wearers to gain time for a decision. When this gesture is seen immediately after a decision has been asked for, silence is the best tactic. The gestures that follow glasses, arm in mouth, signal the person's intention and allow an alert negotiator to respond accordingly. For example, if the person puts the glasses back on, this often means that he wants to see the facts again, folding the glasses and putting them away, seconds and intention to terminate the conversation and throwing the glasses onto the desk is symbolically rejecting the proposal. Now about peering over the glasses. Actors in films using peering over the glasses, or use peering over the glasses to portray, for example, a critical or judgmental person, such as a teacher in a public school. Often the person would be when would be wearing reading glasses and find it more convenient to look over the top rather than removing them to look at the other person. But whoever is on the receiving end of this look may feel as though they are being judged or scrutinized. The habit of looking over the glasses can be very costly mistake, because the listener may respond to the slope with negatives, such as negative attitudes, gestures such as folded arms, crossed legs, and an argumentative attitude. If you add glasses, remove them when speaking and put them back on to lessen. This, not only relaxes the other person, but allows you to have control of the conversation. The listener quickly becomes conditioned that when you take your glasses off, you're taking the floor and when you put them back on its history to talk about contact lenses. Contact lenses can make your pupils appear dilated and moist and can also reflect lights. This, this can give you a softer, more central appearance, which is fine for social contexts, but can be negative in business. Especially for women. A woman can find yourself trying her best to persuade or businessman to buy her ideas while it is mesmerized by the central effects of contact lenses and doesn't hear words. She says, also, tinted glasses and sunglasses are not acceptable in business contexts and arouse suspicion in social environments. When you want to convey that you see things clearly and precisely. You must have clear glass frames. Keep sunglasses and tinted lenses for outdoors. As for wearing glasses on behead, people who wear a dark sunglasses during meetings are seen as suspicious, secretive, and insecure. While those who wear them on their head are perceived to be relaxed, youthful, casual. This is because they give the wearer the appearance that they have two huge eyes were dilated pupils on the top of their heads. This mimics the nonthreatening effect that, that babies and cuddly toys with baited large pupils have on us. Now let's talk about the power of glasses and makeup. Wearing makeup definitely adds to perceived credibility, especially for women in business. And to demonstrate this hypothesis, a simple experiment was conducted in which for similar looking female assistance were hired to help sell products. At the seminar, each woman was given her own separate merchandise table and all. We're just in similar clothing. One assistant wore glasses and makeup. The second wore glasses and no makeup. The third had makeup and no glasses. And the fourth had neither makeup, no glasses. Customers would approach the table and talk with us distance about the programs, spending an average discussion time of between 46 minutes. When the customers left the tables, they were asked to recall information about each woman's personality and appearance, and to choose adjectives from a list that best described each woman. The woman wearing both makeup and glasses was described as confident, intelligent, sophisticated, and the most outgoing some female customers. So her as confident but also called arrogant and or conceited, indicating they may have seen her as a possible competitor because the men never saw her this way. The assistant who wore makeup and no glasses, received good ratings on appearance and personal presentation, but lower on personal skills, such as listening and building report. In another experiment for a television show, nine women were asked to turn up for a series of interviews with both male and female interviewers. For half the interviews, each woman wore lipstick, but they did not wear it to the other half. The interviewer is attitudes. After the experiment quickly became clear. The women wearing red lipstick and using larger LEP displays were seen as more interested in themselves and in men's attention. While women with reduced lip displays and a muted or pastel colors were seen as more career-oriented and business like. The women with no lipstick were seen as more serious about work. So the bottom line here is clear makeup and gives a woman a more intelligent, confident as axial image. And the combination of glasses and make up in business has the most positive and measurable impact on observers. So having a pair of non correctable glasses could be an excellent strategy for business meetings. And now concerning briefcase signals, the size of a briefcase is actually linked to perceptions of the status of its owner. Those who carry large, bulging briefcases are thought to do all the work and probably take work home because they are poor time managers and workaholics. Slim brief cases say that the owner is only concerned with the bottom line and therefore has more status. Always carry a briefcase to one side, preferably in your left hand, which allows you to shake hands smoothly with your right hand without fumbling. If you're a woman, never carry a briefcase and handbag at the same time, you will be perceived as less business-like and more disorganized and never use a brief case as a barrier between you and another person. Now as a conclusion, regardless of what type of object or thing we choose to handle, where or smoke, there are special signals and rituals we display without awareness. The more of these objects we use, the more we know our intentions and emotions. Learning how to read these signals gives you a second set of body language cues to observe. 16. How the body points to where the mind wants to go: We will talk in this lesson about how the bunny points to where the mind wants us to go. Have you ever been talking with someone and have the feeding they would rather be elsewhere than with you anywhere else. Other than we do. Even though they seem to be enjoying your company. A still photograph of that scene would probably reveal two things. First, the person's had turned towards you and facial signals such as smiling and nodding are evident. And second, the person's body and feet are pointing away from you, either towards another person or towards an exit. So the direction in which a person points their body or fit is a signal of where they would prefer to be going. This illustration shows two men talking in a doorway. The man on the left is trying to hold the other man's attention, but his listener wants to continue on the direction his body is pointing. Although, although his head is turned to acknowledge the other man's presence, It's only when the man on the right turns his body towards the other that a mutual interesting conversation can take place. So in any face-to-face meeting, when one person has decided to end the conversation or wants to leave, he will turn his body or feet to point towards the nearest exit. If this was a conversation involving you, it's a signal that you should do something to get the person involved and interested or else terminate the conversation on your terms, allowing you to maintain control. Now let's talk about body angles and what they say. First, open positions. We stated earlier that the distance between people is related to their degree of interests or intimacy. The angle at which people orient their bodies also gives non-verbal clues to their attitudes and relationships. Most animals, if they want to fight with another animal, will signal this by approaching had on. If the other animal accepts the challenge, it will reciprocate by also standing head-on. The same applies to humans if, however, the animal wants to check out the other animal at close range but does not intend to attack it. It will approach, hide on just as friendly dogs do from the side. And so it is with the humans, a speaker who takes a strong attitude to his listener. Why? While standing straight and facing them directly is perceived as aggressive. The speaker who delivers exactly the same message, but point his buddy away from the listener, is seen as confident and goal-oriented, but not as aggressive. To avoid being seen as aggressive. We stand with our body's angled at 45 degrees to each other during friendly encounters to form an angle of 90 degrees, as you can see in the picture. So the picture shows two men with their body's angled towards an imaginary third to form a triangle shape. The angle formed indicates that a non-aggressive conversation is probably taking place. And they are also displaying similar status by burning the formation of the triangle. Invites a third person to join in the conversation. If a fourth person is accepted into the group, a square is formed. And for a fifth or sixth person, either a circle or two new triangles are phones. In confined spaces like elevators, crowded muscles, and Underground trains, where it's not possible to turn your body away from strangers to a 45 degree angle. We turn our heads to the angle instead. As for closed positions, when two people want intimacy, their body angle changes from 45 degrees to 0 degrees. That is, they face each other. A man or woman who wants to monopolize a person's attention, uses this position, as well as other courtship gestures. When they make their play, a man will not only put his body towards the woman, he also closes the distance between them as he moves into her intimate zone. To accept his approach, she need only orient her body angle 200 degrees and allow him to enter her space. The distance between two people standing in a closed position is usually less than in the open formation. In addition to courtship displays, both may mirror each other's gestures and increase eye contact if they are both interested. The closed position can also be used between people who are hostile towards each other in order to issue a challenge. And research has shown that men fear attack from the front and are more wary of a frontal approach. While women fear attack from behind and are wary of approaches from the rear. So never stand front on with a male you have just met. He perceives this as aggression from a man and sexual interests from a woman. If you are male, it's acceptable to approach a woman from the front. Eventually you can angle yourself to 45 degrees. Now, what we do to exclude others. This illustration shows the 45-degree open position taken by the first two people, which invites a third person to join in the conversation. If a third person wants to join the other, the two others who are standing in a closed position, he'll be invited only one, the other two angle their bodies to form the triangle. If the third person is not accepted, the others will hold the closed position and turn only their heads towards him as a sign of recognition. Out of politeness, they will probably give tight lips miles. A conversation between three people may begin in the open triangle position, but eventually through people may take the closed position to exclude the third person. This group formation is a clear signal to the third person that you should leave the group to avoid embarrassment. Now, about the seated body pointing, crossing the knees towards another person shows a sign of interest in acceptance of that person. If the other person also becomes interested, he will cross knees towards the first-person. As the two people become more involved with each other, they begin to mirror each other's movements and gestures. And the picture, the man and woman to the left have formed a closed position that excludes all others, such as the man on the right. The only way in which the man on the right could participate in the conversation would be to move a chair to a position in front of the couple and attempt to form a triangle or take some other action to break the closed formation. But for now, they'd like him to take a long walk. Now, foot pointing. Not only do the feet serve as pointers indicating the direction in which a person's mind is going. They also point at people who will find the most interesting or attractive. Imagine you're at a social function and you notice a group of three men and one woman. The conversation seems to be dominated by the man and the woman is just listening. Then you notice that the men all have their front foot pointing towards the woman. With this simple non-verbal cue. The men are each telling the woman that they're interested in hard. On a subconscious level, she sees the foot gestures and is likely to stay with the group for as long as she is receiving this attention. As you can see, she's standing with both feet to the other in a neutral position and could eventually 0.1 foot towards the man she finds the most interesting. So in conclusion, few people ever consider the effect that body and footprinting play in influencing the attitudes and the responses of others. If you want to make others feel comfortable, use the 45-degree open position. And when you need to exert pressure, use the direct, but the point, the 45 degree position allows the other person to think and act independently without feeling pressured. Also never approach men directly from the front or women from behind. This body pointing skills take a little practice to master, but they can become like second nature before long. In your day-to-day encounters with others. Foot pointing, body pointing and positive gesture clusters such as open arms, visible palms, leaning forward, head tilting and smiling can make it easy for others not only to enjoy your company, but to be influenced by your point of views. 17. Ownership, territory and height signals: In this lesson, we will talk about ownership, territory and hide signals within, against other people or objects to show a territorial claim to that person or object. Leaning against something can also be used as a method of dominance or intimidation. If the object being linked on belongs to someone else. For example, if you are going to take a photograph of a friend and his new car, boat, or personal belonging, it's likely that he he'd lean against his new possession or puts his foot on it or an arm around it. When he touches the property, it becomes an extension of his body. And this is how he shows others that it belongs to him. Lovers hold hands and put their arms around each other in public to show competitors they have a claim over that person. The business executive puts his feet on his desk or leans against his office doorway to show his claim to that office and its furnishings. A woman, thus imaginary pieces of land from the shoulder of her husband or puts her hand on his shoulder, or just to tell other women that he's taken. And easy way to intimidate someone, or at least to rattle them, is to lean against, sit on, or use their possessions without their permission. In addition to the obvious abuse of another's territorial possessions, such as sitting at his desk or borrowing his car without asking. There are many other subtle intimidation techniques. One is to lean against the doorway in another person's office, or to sit in his chair. A person calling on a stranger or an acquaintance home should ask, which is used before. He says because sitting in the wrong chair intimidates it's owner and puts him offsite. Some people are habitual doorway leaners and go through life intimidating everyone from first introduction, these people are well advised to practice and upright stance with pumps visible to create a favorable impression on others. Others for up to 90 percent of their opinion about us in the first four minutes. And you never get a second chance to make a first impression. If the bosses chair has no arms, which is unlikely. And that is usually a feature of the Visitors chair. He may be seen with one or both feet on the desk. If his superior enters the office, it's unlikely that the boss who is now the subordinate, would continue to use such an obvious territorial ownership gesture, but instead would resort to more subtle versions, such as putting his foot on the bottom jaw of his desk. Or if there are no drawings and the desk placing his foot hard against the side of the desk to stake his claim to it. Now, let's consider buddy lowering and status. Historically, raising or lowering the height of your body in front of another person has been used as a means of establishing superior subordinate relationships. We'll refer to a member of royalty as your highness. Whereas individuals who commit unsavory acts are called low, low down or low-lifes. No one wants to be described as shortsighted or be looked down on or fall short of the targets. The protest rally speaker stands on a soapbox to be higher than everyone else. The judge sits higher than the rest of the court. The Olympic gold medal winner stands higher than the other medal winners. Those who live in a penthouse command more authority than those who live at ground-level. Some cultures divide the social classes into the upper class and lower class. Superior people can sometimes get on their horses, rise to the occasion, put themselves on a pedestal, or become high and mighty. Even in religion and mythology, gods live in Valhalla, on Mount Olympus, or in heaven above, symbolizing highness. Whereas hell is pictured as the underworld. And everyone understands the significance of standing to speak, any meeting to gain controlling. Most women courtesy when they meet royalty, and men incline their heads or remove their hats, making themselves appear smaller than the royal person. The modern solute as a relic actually of the act of removing a hat to make oneself appear shorter. The person symbolically goes to remove their head and the solute is the modern result. Today's headless man can still be seen giving a simple tap to the forehead when they meet a woman as a relic of the head, doffing ancestors habits. Despite what it may be politically correct to believe about height. Studies convincingly show that a person's height can have an impact on several areas of that person's life. For example, Dr. Bruce Ellis had of Experimental Psychology at the University of Canterbury in New Zealand, found that taller men have greater reproductive success than shorter man. Not only because increased testosterone levels are linked to tallness, but also because women, Jews, men who are taller than they are as partners, taller men are seen as more protective and can pass this advantage on through their genes. Men prefer shorter women because it gives them the apparent height advantage. So the shorter you are, the more likely it is that you will be interrupted by men. And through the Institute of Management, they recorded the height and salaries of 2566 managers at company director level. And they found that every inch of height above the company norm added almost $1000 to that person's salary package. Regardless of whether the person was man or woman. And research in the United States showed that height is also linked to financial success. On Wall Street, every inch of height added $600 to each person's bottom-line. The same correlation has even been found in government departments and universities who supposedly promote people based on their competence level and equality, not the height. One American study showed that told people not only got the best jobs in American firms, they received higher starting salaries, those over six feet to 1.9 meters and got 12% more than those under six feet or 1 85 meters. Now, why do some people seem taller on TV? People who are perceived as tall also do better in politics. On television. On-screen people are only six inches tall, 15 centimeters. So we are left subconsciously to decide how tall the person really is, the height we decide they are, and the amount of power we give them is directly related to the power and authority of their presentation. This is why so many short actors, politicians, and personalities do so well on television. They simply act toward pioneering research by Wilson in 1968 found that one student addressed other students. He would be seen as five feet, 8.5 inches, meaning 1.75 meters tall by the other students. When the same student was introduced as a professor, the audience perceive them as six feet, three inches, or 1.9 meters, or a powerful performance or an impressive title both lead to you being perceived as tall. But the height has also downsides. It's being told is not always abolish. While told people often command more respect than short people. Height can also be detrimental to some aspects of one-to-one communication. For example, when you need to talk on the same level, have an eye to eye discussion with another person. And do not want to be perceived as too big for your butt's. In Britain. Philip heinously, a six feet, eight inches or two meter tall chemical salesperson, form the total person's club to promote the practical medical and social needs of the taller members of society. He found that his height was threatening to his customers. They felt imposed upon and could not concentrate on what he had to say. He discovered that when he gave a presentation in a seated position, not only that the atmosphere become more conducive to good communication, the removal of his physical threat also increased his bottom-line savings by a whooping 62 percent. Also, body lowering can sometimes raise status. There are some circumstances in which lowering your body can be a dominant signal. And this happens when you slouch down and make yourself comfortable in an easy chair in another person's home while the owner is standing. It's the complete in formality on the other person's territory that communicates the dominant or aggressive attitude. A person will always be superior and protective. Of his own or on his own territory, especially in his own home. And so practicing submissive gestures and behavior is effective for getting the person onsite with you. Now, how to Blackett angry people? How to calm down angry people. It's possible to avoid intimidating others by consciously making yourself appear smaller in relation to them. Let's examine the body language of the situation in which you have committed a minor driving offence, such as failing to stop at a stop sign, not giving way or spinning, and you are pulled over by the police. In these circumstances, the officer may regard you as an adversity, as an opponent as he approaches your vehicle. And most drivers reaction is to remain in the car while the window down and make excuses or denied the orphans. The body language and negatives of this are as follows. One, the officer is forced to leave his territory, meaning his patrol car, and come across to your territory, which is your vehicle. Second, assuming that you are, in fact guilty, your excuses may represent an attack to the officer. Three, by remaining in your car, you create a barrier between yourself and the police officer. Considering that under these circumstances, the police officer is in the superior position to this behavior serves only to make things go from bad to worse and your chances of getting a ticket or increased. Instead, try to do this. One. Immediately, get out of your car, your territory, and go forward to the police officers car histories. And this way, he is not inconvenienced by having to live his space. But, and this is, I cannot stress how important this is. Don't try this approach in the United States. We're getting out of your car and rushing towards an officer may result in you getting shot. Or not, not only United States, in anywhere where you should stay in your car. Second, stoop your body over so that you are smaller than M. Three, lower your own status by telling the officer how irresponsible you've been and raise his status by thanking him for pointing out your mistake and telling him that you realize how difficult has job must be. Having to deal with fools like yourself for whether your palms out in trembling voice, if that is possible as him not to give you a ticket. If you're a female and the officer is made, smile a lot. Blink your eyes repeatedly and talk in a higher pitch voice. If you are a man, just take the ticket unpaid. This behavior shows the police officer that you are not a threat and encourages him to take the role of a representing pirate parents. In which case he may decide to give you a stern warning and tell you to be on your way. Instead of giving you a ticket. When this technique is used as directed, it can save you from being booked in up to 50 percent of instances where a police car pulls you over. The same technique can be used to call an, an angry customer. Is returning faulty goods to a retail store and wants to complain about something. In this case, a store counter represents a barrier between the store staff and the customer. Control of an angry customer would be difficult if the staff remained on their side of the counter and creates a you versus me approach, which can make the customer even angrier. If the staff member moves around to the customer site of the counter with his buddies tripped over an bombs visible and uses the same technique that we talked about with the police officer. It can usually plaque it or calm down an angry person. Staying behind the desk or counter can raise anger levels. Now for some strategies to gain perceived height, if you are a shorter person, there are several strategies you can employ to neutralize the power of Tokyo people who set out to intimidate you. This is important, especially if you are a woman, because women are on average two inches or five centimeters shorter than men, on average. Setup a space where you can control the environment by having chairs of varying heights and ask told people to sit on the lower chairs, sitting neutralizes height and sitting the tall people on a low sulfur diminishes their perceived power. Sitting at opposite ends of the table. Also even things up as does leaning in someone's office doorway to talk while they are seated. Talking in a public space, such as a bar or in a crowded restaurant, or in a car or a plane also limits the tactics of taller associates. If someone is overbearing or standing over you while you are sitting and get up and walk over to a window and gaze outside as you discuss an issue. You will look as if you are giving deep consideration to the discussion. And the bigger person can't have height advantage when you are looking at them. Finally, acting assertively can also minimize height differences. These strategies will put you head and shoulders above the height intimidated and let you stand tall. Among those who tried to get one up over. In conclusion, a height differences have a significant impact on relationships. But height and power are often just perceptions. Shorter people can increase the perceived height and are more likely to be remembered as taller when they were not colored clothing. Pinstripe suits, trouser suits, software, more muted makeup for women, and full-size chronograph watches. The smaller the watch size, the last cloud a person is perceived to have. Standing erect, sitting up straight, and walking tall are ways of giving yourself a confident appearance. And because of the law of cause and effect, you will feel more confident when you do these things. 18. Seating arrangements where to sit, and why: We will talk in this lesson about seating arrangements, where to sit and y, wherever you sit in relation to other people is an effective way of obtaining cooperation from them. Aspects of their attitude towards you can also be revealed in the sitting position they take relative to you. The first major study in sitting positions was conducted by psychologist Robert Sommer from the University of California, who analyzed a cross-section of students and children in public and social situations such as bars and restaurants. In his book, nonverbal communication and human interaction, Mark Knapp from the University of Vermont, noted that although there is a general formula for interpretation of seating positions, the environment may have an effect on the position chosen. Research conducted with middle-class people shown that sitting positions in public bars can vary from the seating positions taken in high-class restaurants, the direction the seats are facing, and the distance between tables can also have a distorting influence on seeding behavior. For example, intimate couples referred to sit side-by-side wherever possible. But in crowded restaurants where the tables are close together, this is not possible and the couples are forced to sit opposite each other in what is normally a defensive position. Keeping that in mind will now present the main seating choices we have in a variety of circumstances at work and socially. Let's take the table test. Let's assume that you are going to sit at a rectangular table with person a and that you are Person B. Which seating position would you choose in the following circumstances? One, you will interview someone for a job in a small friendly company. Two, you are going to help someone complete an assignment. Three, you are going to play chess against someone for your in a public library and don't want any involvement. Look at the next illustration and make your choices. Here are your most likely answers. For the first one, you took B1, the corner position to conduct the interview. As this allows you to see the person clearly without seeming competitive or aggressive, as you might be in B3 or too familiar in B2. Second, you sat in position B to the co-operative position to help with the assignment. Because this is where we sit to give help or built rapid. In the third choice, you chose position B3 to play chess against the person. This is called the competitive defensive position and is the one we choose to compete against an adversary because it lets us have a full view of the face and what they're doing. And the fourth question for the option. Finally, you use the diagonal position before in the library to communicate your independence or non involvement. So let's check each choice more in detail. The corner position B1. Position is used by people who are engaged in a friendly casual conversation. It allows for good eye contact and the opportunity to use numerous gestures and to observe the gestures of the other person. Also, the corner of the desk provides a partial barrier in case one person begins to feel threatened. And this position avoid territorial division of the table. This is the most successful strategic position from which person B can deliver a presentation. Assuming that person a is the audience, by simply moving the chair to position B1, as seen in the picture, you can relieve a dense atmosphere and increase the chances of a positive outcome. Now for the co-operative position B2, when two people are thinking alike or both working on a task together, this position often occurs. We found that 55 percent of people chose this position as the most cooperative or intuitively target when asked to work jointly, work with another person, It's one of the best positions for presenting your case and having it accepted because it allows good eye contact and the opportunity for mirroring. The trick is, however, for B to be able to move into this position without a feeling as if his territory has been invaded. This is also a successful position to take. One in third person is introduced into the negotiation by b. Say for example, that a salesperson was having a second interview with a client and the salesperson introduces a technical expert. The following strategy will work with. The technical expert is seated in position c, opposite customer. A. The salesperson sits at either B2 or the cooperative, or B1, the corner position. And this allows the salesperson to be quote unquote, on the client side and to ask the technician questions on behalf of the client. This position is known as siding with the opposition. 3, the competitive defensive position, the B3. And this arrangement, competitors face each other just like Western gunslinger, sitting across the table from a person can create a defensive, competitive atmosphere and can lead to each party taking a firm stand on a his point of view because the table becomes a solid barrier between both parties. In business scenarios, 56 percent of respondents saw this as a competitive position. But in social situations such as restaurants, 35 percent. So it as conversational, It's the most commonly observed the restaurant sitting position on the dating scene. But this is mainly because waiters see people at tables. This way. It works with a couple in restaurant because it allows good eye contact. Why certainly highlighting January differences by being opposite in a work environment, however, in this position is taken by people who are either competing with each other. Or if one is rapidly amending the other. It can also be used by a to establish a superior subordinate role when it's used on a statutory. So why some bosses are disliked? In this perspective, we found that in business scenarios, people speak in shorter sentences from the competitive defensive position and can recall less of what was said and are more likely to argue. Aj White conducted an experiment in doctors offices that showed that the presence or absence of a desk had a significantly effect on whether a patient was at ease or not. Only 10 percent of patients, we're perceived to be at ease when the doctor's desk was present and the doctor sat behind it. This figure increased to 55 percent when the desk was absent. In an experiment conducted in the 90s, where they asked 234 senior managers and 1257 lower or middle managers to sketch the furniture arrangement they preferred to have in their offices. When relocating to a new building. A foil, 76 percent of the senior managers, meaning 185, draw a sketch placing their desks between themselves and their subordinates. Only 50 percent of the lower managers, 64, the number did this. And male managers were twice as likely as females to put the desk between them and others. The most interesting finding was how other staff members perceive the managers who did not have their desk placed like a barrier. These managers were actually described by their staff as more fair-minded mode prepared to listen to their ideas about criticism and less likely to show favouritism to others. Sitting directly opposite others can create bad vibes. If B is seeking to persuade, the competitive position reduces the chance of a successful negotiation unless b is deliberately sitting opposite as part of a pre-planned strategy. For example, it may be that a is a manager who has to represent employee B. And the competitive position can add weight to the represent. On the other hand, if B wants to make a field superior, began deliberately sit directly opposite a. If we are on A's territory. Whatever business you're in, if it involves dealing with people, you are in the influencing business and your objective should always be to see the other person's point of view, okay? To put them at ease and to make him feel right about dealing with you. And the competitive position does not lead to that end. More cooperation will be gained from the corner and cooperative positions, then we'll ever be achieved from the competitive position. Conversations are significantly shorter and more pointed in the competitive position. Now the fourth position, the independent physician before this is taken by people when they don't want any interaction with each other. It occurs between strangers in places such as libraries, park, Mencius, restaurants. And is the position we refer to when we say we are diametrically opposed to an idea to 42 percent of respondents. The message is conveyed was a lack of interest and it was led by some as showing indifference or even hostility. This position should be avoided when open discussions between people or your goal. So as we said, a rectangular tables create a competitive or defensive relationship between people because each person has equal space, equal frontage, and separate edges. It, Let's have everyone take a position, quote unquote, on a given subject and allows more direct eye contact across the table. Square tables are ideal for having short to the point conversations or for creating superior or subordinate relationships. Most cooperation comes from the person seated beside you, and the one on the right tends to be more cooperative than the one on the left. And historically the right-hand man is more favored and others subconsciously credit the right-hand person with having more power than the one sitting on the left side. Most resistance from the person seated directly opposite in the gunslinger position. And 14 people are seated. Everyone has someone sitting opposite. Now the king Arthur's concepts, King Arthur, use the roundtable as an attempt to give each of his knights and equal amount of authority and status. A roundtable creates an atmosphere of relaxed in formality and is ideal for promoting discussion among people who are of equal status. As each person can claim the same amount of table territory. The circle itself has become a worldwide symbol of unity and strength. And simply sitting in a circle promotes the same effect. However, if the status of one person is higher than the others in the group, it completely alters the dynamics of group power. The king, for example, held the most power, and this meant that the knights seated on either side of him were silently and granted the next highest amount of power, the one on his right having more than the one on his left, as we said, the power than diminished relative to the distance that each night was seated away from the king. The night seated directly opposite King Arthur in this example was an effect in the competitive defensive position and was likely to be the one to give the most trouble. 68% of respondents saw the person sitting directly opposite them on Roundtable as the one most likely to argue or be competitive. 56 percent also said that sitting opposite could be used to show non involvement or lack of interest, as in a public library. Sitting directly beside another person, 71 percent said they were either having a friendly conversation or cooperating. Many of today's business executives use rectangular, square and roundtables. The rectangular desk, which is usually the word desk, is used for business activity, brief conversations represents, and so on. The roundtable, often a coffee table with a wraparound seating or lower chairs is used to create an informal, relaxed atmosphere or to persuade. It's also often found in families that practice democracy or don't have a dominant palette. How to keep two people involved? Let's assume that you, Person C are going to talk with person a and B, and that you are all sitting in a triangular position at around David. Assume that a is talkative and asks many questions and that person B remains silent throughout. When a asks you a question, how can you answer him and carry on a conversation without making me feel excluded? Use the simple but effective inclusion technique. When a asks the question, look at him as you begin to answer, then turn your head towards B, then back to a, then B again until you make your final statement. Looking finally at a sense, he's the one who asked the question. As you finish your sentence. This technique, Let's be filled involved in the conversation and is particularly useful if you need to have, be onside with you. Now about rectangular both tables. On a rectangular table, it seems to be a cross cultural norm. That position a has always commanded the most influence, even when all people at the table are of equal status. In a meeting of people of equal status, the person sitting at position a will have the most influence, assuming that he doesn't have back to the door. If a is back, was facing the door, the person seated at B would be the most influential and would be in strong competition with a stroke back and hook, set up some experimental jury deliberations, which revealed that the person sitting at the head position was chosen significantly more often as the leader. Particularly if that person was perceived as being from a high economic class, assuming that a was in the best power position, person B has the next most authority. Then D, then C. Positions a and B are perceived as being task-oriented, While position D is seen as being occupied by an emotional leader who is concerned about group relationships and getting people to participate. This information makes it possible to influence power plays at meetings by placing name badges on the seats, stating where do you want each person to sit. This gives you a degree of control over what happens in the meeting. Now, sitting positions in schools, researchers at the University of Oregon determined that people can retain up to three times more information about things they see in the right visual field than they do in their left. The study suggests that you are likely to have a battery signed to face when you are presenting information to others. According to this research, you better site is your left because it's in the other person's right visual field. If you are asked to address an audience at anytime, whether in school, at university or in a conference. It's important to understand how an audience receives and retains information. First, never tell the audience you feel nervous or over AWT. They will start looking for nervous body language and we'll be sure to find it. They never suspect you're nervous unless you tell them. Second, Use confidence gestures as you speak, even if you feel in terrified. Use steeple gestures, open and closed palm positions. Occasionally protruding thumbs and keep your arms unfolded. Avoid pointing at the audience. Avoid arm crossing, face touching, and lectern gripping. Studies show that people who sit in the front row learn and retain more than others in the audience. Partially because those in the front row are keener. Others to learn, and they show more attention to the speaker. People who sit in the front rows Learn More, participate more, and are more enthusiastic. Those in the middle sections are the next most attentive and ask the most questions as the middle section is considered a safe area surrounded by others, the side areas and back are the least responsive and attentive. When you send to the audience left, meaning the right side of the stage, your information will have a stronger effect on the right brain hemispheres of your audience brains, which is the emotional side. In most people, standing on the audience, right, meaning the left side of the stage impacts the audience left-brain hemisphere. This is why an audience would laugh more and left longer when you use humor and stand to the left side of the stage and they respond better to emotional, please and stories when you deliver them from the right side of the stage. Comedians have known this for decades and they know that make them laugh from the left and cry from the right. Now getting a decision over denture, bearing in mind what has already been said about the human territories and the use of square, rectangular, and roundtables. Let's consider the dynamics of going to a restaurant for a meal. But where your objective is to get a favorable response to a proposition. If you are going to do business over dinner, it's wise strategy to complete most of the conversation before the food arrives. Once everyone starts eating, the conversation can come to a standstill. And after you've eaten, the stomach takes blood away from the brain to have digestion, making it harder for people to think clearly. So getting a decision in your favor is easier when the other person is relaxed and his defensive barriers have been lowered. To achieve this end, a few simple rules need to be followed. First, whether you are diamond at home or at a restaurant, have the other person's sitting with his back to a solid wall or screen. Research shows that respiration, heart rate, brainwave frequencies, and blood pressure rapidly increase when a person sits with his back to an open space, particularly when others are moving about. Tension is further increased if the person's back is towards an open-door or a window at ground level. So this is a good position to see it. Someone who you want to unnerve or rattling. Next, the lights should be dimmed and muffled. Background music should be played. To relax the census, it would be best to use a round table and to have the other person's view of other people obscured by a screen or large green plant. If you want a captive audience, It's far easier to obtain a favorable decision under these circumstances, then it will ever be in restaurants that have bright lighting, tables and chairs placed in open areas and the bending of plates, knives and forks. In conclusion, sitting positions should not be accidentally placing certain people in specific positions can affect the outcome of a meeting. The next time you go to a meeting with anyone, ask yourself, who is the person you want to influence most, and where is the best position to sit to achieve this coup is likely to want to argue or oppose. If there's no appointed leader who has claimed a sitting position to give themselves the most power. If you want control, where did you sit? The answers to these questions will not only give you a powerful edge, they will prevent others from trying to dominate or control the meeting. 19. Interviews, power plays and office politics: We will talk in this last lesson about interviews. Power plays an office politics. Most job interviews are non-productive because studies show a strong correlation between how much the interviewer likes the interviewee and whether or not they get the job. In the end, most of the factual information that comes from the severe from the curriculum vitaes. The real stuff about the candidate that is a good indicator of performance is forgotten. What is remembered is the impression the candidate made on the interviewer. Professor Frank beneficiary of the University of Toledo. Analyze the performances of job applicants of rice, ages and backgrounds. Joining 20-minute interviews in which the interviewers were asked to rate each candidate on attributes such as ambition, intelligence, and competence. Then a group of observers were asked to watch video footage of just the first 15 seconds of each interview. The results showed that the observers first impressions in 15 seconds almost parallel the impressions of the interviewers. This study gives us further convincing evidence that should definitely not get a second chance to make a good first impression that your approach, handshake, and overall body language are the key factors in deciding the outcome. So what are the nine golden keys or rules to making great first impressions? Let's assume you're going to an interview and you want to make the best first impression, keep in mind that others form up to 90 percent of their opinion about you in the first four minutes. And that 60 to 80 percent of the impact you will make is nonverbal. Here are the nine golden rules to getting it right. The first time in an interview, one in the reception area. Remove your outerwear, your jacket, and give it to the receptionist. If possible. Avoid entering an office with your arms full of clutter that can make you fumble and look inapt. Always stand in the reception area. Never said, receptionists will insist you take a seat out of politeness. And because when you do your out of sight and they no longer have to deal with you. So stand with your hand in hand behind your back, which shows confidence and slowly rock back and forth on your feet, showing that you are confident and controlled or use the steeple gesture. This body language is a constant reminder that you are still there and waiting. Second, and the entry, your entry tells others how you expect to be treated. When the receptionist has given you the green light to enter, walk in without hesitation. Do not stand in the doorway like a naughty school, school child waiting to see the headmaster or the principal. When you walk through the door of the person's office, maintain the same speed. People who lack confidence change gears and perform a small shuffle as they enter. Three, the approach, even if the person is on the phone, rummaging through a drawer or whatever they are doing, work in directly. Confidently with a smooth motion, put down your briefcase, folder or whatever is in your hands, shake the person's hand and immediately take a seat. Let the other person C that you are accustomed to working confidently into offices, and that you don't expect to be kept waiting. People who walked slowly or takes more strides conveyed that they have plenty of time on their hands, are not interested. What they are doing or have nothing else to do. This is fine for red-eyed millionaires, but not for anyone who wants to convey power, authority, or capability. Influential people, and those who command attention, walking briskly at a medium pace with medium length strikes. For the handshake. Keep your palm straight and return the pressure you receive. Let the other person decide when to end the handshake. Step to the left of a rectangular desk, if possible, as you approach to avoid being given a palm down handshake, never shake directly across a desk, use a person's name twice in the first 15 seconds, and never taught for more than 30 seconds at a time. Five. When you sit, if you are compelled to sit in a chair directly facing the other person, turn it away 45 degrees from the person to avoid being stuck in the quote, unquote represent position. If you can't angle the chair than angle your body instead, six seating areas. If you're invited to sit in an informal area of the person's office, such as at an informal coffee table. This is a positive sign because 95 percent business rejections are delivered from behind the desk. Never sit on a low sofa that sinks so low it makes you look like a giant pair of legs topped by a small hand. If necessary, sit upright on the edge so you can control your body language and gestures. And the angle your body to 45 degrees away from the person. Seven, your gestures. People who are cool, calm, collected, and in control of the emotions. You use clear on complicated deliberate movements. High-status individuals use fewer gestures than low status individuals. This is an ancient negotiating employ people with power don't have to move much. Keep in mind that Eastern Europeans and gesture more from the elbow down than Westerners. And Southern Europeans. Gesture more with the entire arms and shoulders mirror the other person's gestures and expressions when appropriate. Eight, distance respect the other person's personal space, which will be largest in the opening minutes of the meeting. If you move to close, the person will respond by sitting back, leaning away, or using a repetitive gestures such as jumping the fingers. As a rule, you can move closer to familiar people, but further back from new ones. Men generally move closer to women they work with, while women generally move further back when they bought with men, work closer to those of similar age and further back from significantly older or younger ones. Nine-year exit. Pack your things calmly and deliberately, not in a frenzy as if you're running away, shake hands if possible, turn and walk out. If the door was closed when you entered, then close it behind you as you leave. People always watch you from behind as you leave. So if you're a man and make sure you have shined the back of your shoes. This is an area many men neglect and women are critical of this. When a woman decides to leave, she will point her foot towards the door and begin to adjust the back of her clothing and hair so that she makes a good review impression as pseudopods, hidden cameras showed that if you're a woman, others study, you read as you depart, whether we like it or not, that's the truth. When you get to the door turnaround slowly and smile because it's far better that they recall your smiling face than your rear-end. Now what to do when someone keeps you waiting? If someone keeps you waiting for more than 20 minutes, it shows either they're disorganized or it could be a form of power play. Keeping someone waiting is an effective way, in fact, of reducing their status and enhancing the status of the person who is making them wait. This same effect can be seen when people are waiting in line at a restaurant or cinema. Everyone assumes that the weight is going to be worthwhile. Otherwise, why would we all be waiting? So always take a book, a PDA, laptop, office work, anything which shows that you are too busy and are not prepared to be inconvenienced when the person who has kept you waiting comes out to meet you. Let them speak first, lift your head slowly from your work and read them, then back up smoothly and confidently. Another good strategy when made to it is to take out some financial papers and a calculator and do some calculations. When they call for USA. I'll be ready in a moment and just finish these calculations. Or you could make all your mobile phone calls. The clear message you are sending is that you are a very busy person and are not being inconvenienced or rattled by their organization, especially if that was their goal. So if you suspect the other person is playing a power game, arrange for an urgent call to be put through to you during the meeting. Take the core loudly and make yourself heard. Maybe act as if representing someone. Hang up the phone, apologize for the interruption, and continue as if nothing had happened. If the other person takes a phone call during the meeting or a third person enters and begin what seems like a long conversation. Take out your phone or some paperwork and begin to read. This, gives them privacy and demonstrate that you don't waste your time. If you feel the person is doing these things intentionally. Take out your own mobile phone and make some several important follow-up calls about the important ventures you were discussing earlier. So at this point, let's ask ourselves, can we fake it till we make it? If you avoid hand to face gestures and always talk using openness signals, does this mean you can tell some lies and get away with it? Well, not necessarily. Because if you use open positions when you know you're lying, your palms are likely to sweat. Your cheeks made which and your pupils constrict. The most competent liars. Those who can go into their acting role and act as if they actually believed the line. And a professional actor who can do this better than anyone else is presented with an Oscar. While we are not suggesting you tell lies, there is powerful evidence that if you practice the positive skills we've mentioned throughout this class, they will become like second nature to you and serve you well for the rest of your life. Scientists approved the fake it till you make it concept using tests on birds. In many bird species, the more dominant bird is, the darker it's plumage will be darker color and births are first in line for food and mates. And researchers took a number of lighter, weaker birds and their plumage dark so that these birds would be lying, quote unquote, to the other birds that they were, that they were the dominant. But the result was that the layer birds were attacked by the real dominant birds. Because the layers, we're still displaying week and submissive body language. In the next tests, the weaker birds, both male and female, were not only died, but also injected with testosterone hormones to make them act dominating. This time, the liar succeeded as they began strutting around, acting in confidence superior ways, which completely fooled the real dominant birds. This demonstrates that you need to cast yourself into a believable role in an interview and mentally practice in advance how you will behave if you want others to take you seriously. So here are seven simple strategies for giving you the extra edge. One, stand up for meetings, conduct all short-term decision-making meetings. Standing up. Studies show that standing conversations are significantly shorter than sitting ones. And the person who conducts a standing meeting is perceived as having higher status than those who sit. Standing whenever others enter your workspace is also an excellent time-saver. So consider having no visitor's chairs in your own working area. Standing decisions are quick and to the point, and others don't waste your time with social chatter and questions such as, how has your life, How's your family, etc. Second, set competitors with their backs to the door. As previously discussed. Studies revealed that when our backs outwards and open space will become stressed, blood pressure increases. Our heart beats faster. Our brain wave output increases, and we breathe more quickly as our body readies itself for a possible real attack. This is an excellent position in which to place your opponents. Three, keep your fingers together. People who give their fingers closed when they talk with their hands and keep their hands below chin level. Command the most attention. Using open fingers and having your hands held above the chin is perceived as less powerful for Keep your elbows out. When you sit on a chair, Keep your elbows out or on the arms of the chair. Submissive, timid individuals keep the elbows in to protect themselves and are perceived as fearful. Five US power words. A study at the University of California showed that the most persuasive words in spoken language, our discovery guarantee, love proven results, save easy health, money, new safety, and you. So practice using these words six, islam briefcase. A slim brief case with the combination lock is carried by an important person who is concerned only with the bottom line details. Large, bulky, brief cases are carried by those who do all the work and are perceived as not being sufficiently organized to get the things done on time. Seven, watch the coat buttons. Analysis of videotape confrontations, for example, between unions and corporations show a higher frequency of agreement is reached when people have their coats unbuttoned. People who cross their arms on their chest often do it with their jacket buttoned and are therefore more negative. When a person suddenly on buttons, they're jacket in a meeting, you can reasonably assume that they have also just open their mind. So a small summary. Before you go to an important interview or meeting, sit quietly for five minutes and mentally practicing yourself doing these things and doing them well. When your mind sees them clearly, your body will be able to carry them out and others will react accordingly. Now, a small word about office power politics. Have you ever been for a job interview and felt overwhelmed or helpless when you set in the Visitors chair where the interviewer seems so big and overwhelming and you felt small and insignificant. It is likely that the interviewer had cunningly arranged his office furnishings to raise his own status and power. And in so doing, lower yours. Certain strategies, using chairs and seating arrangements can create this atmosphere in an office. And there are three factors in raising perceived status and power using chairs. Size of the chair and its accessories, the height of the chair from the floor, and the location of the chair relative to the other person. Won chess eyes and accessories. The height of the back of the chair raises or lowers a person status. The higher the back of the chair, the more power and status the person sitting in it is perceived to have kings, queens, popes, and other high-status people may have the back of the throne or official chair as high as eight feet or more, 2.5 meters or more to show their status relative to everyone else. And the senior executive has a high backed leather chair and his Visitors chair has a low mag. How much power would the queen or the Pope have if they were always sitting on a small piano stool. Also swivel chairs and have more power and status than fixed chairs, allowing the user freedom of movement when they are placed on under pressure. Fixed chairs allow little or no movement. And this lack of movement is compensated by the city's use of body gestures that reveal the attitudes and feelings. Chance with arm rests, Those that lean back and those that have wheels have even more power. Second, chaired height, the acquisition of power using height was covered in a previous lesson. But it's worth noting that status is gained if your chair is adjusted higher of the floor than the other person's. Some executives are known for sitting on high backed chairs that are adjusted for maximum height while their visitors sit opposite in the defensive position on a sofa or a chair that is so low that their eyes are level with executives desk. Chair location, as mentioned in the lesson on seating arrangements, most power is exerted on a visitor when his chair is placed directly opposite in the competitive position. A common power play is to place the Visitors chair as far away as possible from the executives desk into the social or public territory zone, which further reduces the visitors status. Now, how to switch table territories? When two people sit directly opposite each other across a table, they unconsciously divided into two equal territories. Each claims have as his own territory and will reject the other, encroaching upon it. Like we have said in the example about the table at a restaurant with the salt and pepper, etc. They will be occasions, however, when it may be difficult or inappropriate to take the corner position to present your case. Let's assume that you have a folder, book, quotation, or sample to present to another person who is sitting behind a rectangular desk. And your objective is to get into the best position for presenting first, place the article on the table. And they will either lean forward and look at it. Take it over to the side or push it back into your territory. If they lean forward to take it, but doesn't pick it up, you're compelled to deliver your presentation from YOU set because that person doesn't want you on their side of the desk. If this happens, angle your body away at 45 degrees to present your case. If the person takes it into their site, however, this gives you the opportunity to ask permission to enter their territory and take either the corner or co-operative position. If however, the person pushes it back towards you, then stay on your site. Never encroach on the other persons that Italy, unless you have been given verbal or nonverbal permission to do so, or you will put them off site. Now about a seated body pointing. Take the following situation. You're a supervisor and are about to come council, a subordinate whose work performance is not up to scratch. You feel that you will need to use direct questions that require direct answers. And this may put the subordinate under pressure. At times. You will also need to show the subordinate compassion. And from time to time that you agree with their thoughts or actions. Leaving aside interview on questioning techniques for the following illustrations, consider the following points. One, the counseling session will be in your office. To the subordinate will be seated on a chair with fixed legs and no arms. One that causes him or her to use body gestures and postures that will give you an understanding of their attitudes. And 3, you'll be sitting on a swivel chair that has arms letting you eliminate some of your own gestures and allowing you to move around. There are three main angular positions you can use. As with the standing triangular position, sitting 45 degrees gives an informal, relaxed attitude to the meeting and is a good opening position for a counseling session. In this position, opening a session using a 45-degree and calories saying keeps things relaxed. You can show non verbal agreement with the subordinate from this position by mirroring their movements and gesture. As in the open standing position, their bodies point to a third to form a triangle, which can show agreement by turning your chair to point your body directly at someone. You nonverbally tell them that you want direct answers to direct questions. When you position your body 45 degrees away from the other person, you take the pressure of the interview. This is an excellent position from which to ask delicate or embarrassing questions, encouraging more open answers, personal answers to your questions without them feeling as if they are being pressured. So in summary, the thing about interviews, power plays, and office politics is that you can anticipate them and even plan your own in advance. So practice what we said in this lesson and turn interviews and meetings to advantage. 20. Outro: Thank you for taking part in this class. I really hope you liked it, and I hope it will make it easier for you to read nonverbal cues and in turn, help you build better relationships, whether at a professional, social, or personal level. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask me. I will also add some articles in the resources section for those of you who might be interested in some reading material.