Supercharge Your Self-Love

1. Intro: Hello, hello, Welcome to the "Supercharge Your Self-Love" course. In this course, you will learn several techniques to cultivate self-love and greater happiness. My name is D'Yonna, and I have the honor of being your instructor. Throughout life, I've learned many lessons in self-love, as a result of my auto-immune diagnoses,=. My conditions impacted how I felt about myself for many years, but I was able to learn tools that improved my self-image and relationship to my body. Self-love has been a huge factor in getting to where I am today, which is what inspired me to create this course. It can be very challenging to develop self-love in a society that communicates impossible standards. So, as a Certified Professional Coach and an Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, I want to use my skills and experiences to help others feel more empowered in their bodies. In this course, we'll go over various aspects of self-love, as well as values and their effect on self-image. At the end of the course, you will have created an actionable plan to develop your self-love. I'm so, so excited that you're here, and I hope you enjoy the course! 2. What is Self Love?: Hey, hey, welcome to the "Supercharge Your Self-Love" course. I'm so happy that you've enrolled, and I can't wait to get started. Let's get started with understanding what self-love is. In this lesson, I'll be going over the foundational aspects of self-love. Self-love means taking care of your well-being and happiness. It means accepting yourself and being at peace with who you are, regardless of your flaws and imperfections. If you're picking and choosing the parts of yourself that are worthy of love, that's not true self-love. The essence of self-love is loving yourself wholly, the good and the bad, and feeling that you are worthy of receiving it. One other important thing to understand about self-love, is that it's an ongoing journey. As humans, we're constantly evolving. So, remember that as you change, grow, and enter different stages of life, your idea of self-love might take on different forms. "Each and every moment is an opportunity for us to continue the conversation of loving and caring for ourselves. Self-love isn't a destination, or a thing you have. It's a way of being. It is a choice to show up for yourself in a particular way, in any given moment." Said by yours truly. With that being said, let's manage expectations before we dive deeper. No one should expect to be a self-love guru upon finishing this course. No matter how great you are at this practice, there will always be room for improvement. However, you can expect to complete this course having a better idea of what self-love looks like to you, and what you can do to increase it. As you make your way through this course, I'd like for you to trust that you are exactly where you're meant to be in your self-love journey. Self-love grows when we take actions that support ourselves physically, psychologically, and spiritually. This is also really important to note. Some individuals see self-love one dimensionally, but really it's a whole person approach. There is no "right" way to show self-love, as it looks different for each person. In this course, we'll be going over the six essential pillars of self-love. First, we have self-acceptance, which is the act of loving yourself unconditionally, even aspects of herself that you don't like. Second, we have self-care, which is prioritizing the nourishment of your mind, body, and soul. Third is non-identification. Non-identification is all about breaking free of the stories, emotions, and sensations that are defining who you are. Self-compassion is the fourth pillar. Self-compassion means to comfort and care for yourself during times of hardship or perceived failure. Then there's gratitude, which is reframing your way of thinking by focusing on the positive, and focusing on what you do have. Lastly, we have boundaries. Boundaries is the act of setting limits to create a healthy personal space for yourself. You may find that growing your own self-love requires paying more attention to one pillar over another. And that's totally okay, because as I said, self-love looks different to each and every one of us. One person may be great at setting boundaries, but lacking in the gratitude department. The next person might have a strong gratitude muscle, but struggle to create boundaries in their personal relationships. All of these pillars have some sort of overlap. They may seem different at first glance, but they embody similar concepts. There's research to back the concepts that we'll review in this course, and I'm going to review studies throughout. But first, let's go back to the 1900s, where there was a humanistic psychologist known as Carl Rogers. Humanistic psychologists study the whole person and the uniqueness of each individual. Rogers developed a personality theory known as self-concept, which is the organized, consistent set of perceptions and beliefs about oneself. Now, self-concept was broken into three parts. The first part is self-image, which is how you see yourself. These are your physical traits, your social roles, your personal traits, existential statements. The second part of self-concept is self-worth, which is how you value yourself. Confidence, positivity, worrying what others think, accepting yourself, all fuel self-worth. Third part of self-concept is your ideal self. This is the person we want to be. So, how others react to us, how we think we compare it to others, our social roles, how we identify with others, are all things that influence our ideal self. According to Rogers, the feelings and thoughts we have towards ourselves affects our ability to accomplish our goals and reach self-actualization, or in other words, achieve our full potential. As I reviewed Rogers breakdown of self-concept, you may have recognized something. How we see ourselves and value ourselves, sounds a lot like self-love. Although the concept of self-love likely wasn't fleshed out in the 1900s, researchers were already investigating similar concepts. Based on the work of Carl Rogers, one could say that self-love is a means of strengthening self-concept, thus allowing us to accomplish our goals and reach our full potential. So, self-love fuels self-concept, which in turn fuels outward success. Your assignment for this lesson is to complete the "Self-Love Inventory" worksheet. This is going to reveal how you're embodying the different aspects of self-love. Some of your responses might be familiar, while others might be surprising. Please, please, please be completely honest and free of self-judgment as you complete this assignment. The inventory is an opportunity to identify areas that you can focus on in your self-love journey. Keep in mind that anything ranked less than a five means there is room for improvement. 3. Self-Acceptance: Welcome, welcome back. From here on out, we'll be diving deeper into the pillars of self-love. In this lesson, we'll be talking about the first pillar, self-acceptance. Self-acceptance means to love oneself unconditionally, unconditional meaning that there are no limits or conditions to that love. As human beings, we are notorious for liking some parts of ourselves and hating others. But self-acceptance is all about embracing the good and the bad, and fully owning that you're perfectly imperfect. There is a purpose in every season, and those who show self-acceptance fully experience, and appreciate, their evolution. There are two aspects of self-acceptance, non-judgment, and self-forgiveness. Let's start with judgment. So, judgment boils down to right and wrong, positive and negative. It is our idea of the way things are people "should" be. We often make people wrong when they don't show up or behave as we expect. For instance, we might pass judgment on the person that shows up late to dinner, because we think that's rude. Similarly, we make ourselves wrong by holding onto the thoughts of how we "should" be. This triggers feelings of inadequacy and shame. We beat ourselves up constantly, and the more we do it, the more difficult it becomes to lift ourselves up and to move forward. Judgment is all rooted in ego. When you're acting out of ego, you're oftentimes thinking about yourself, your safety, and being in control. To be non-judgmental means to separate yourself from the dualistic thinking of right or wrong, and good or bad. Separating yourself from this thinking involves removing yourself from ego, and connecting with, what I call, your "higher self." Our level of true awareness is directly related to our lack of judging. For a few months, I carried a little journal around with me and whenever I had a judgment, I wrote it down. I kid you not. I would stop on the sidewalk and say, "oh, I have a judgment," take out my little notebook, and jot it down. Now, I had never thought of myself as a judgmental person until I saw this journal and how full it was of criticisms and praises. Every day I was going through making judgments about people, things, and circumstances. The beauty of this exercise was that it raised my awareness. As a result of my increased awareness, I'm able to have a though, identify as a judgment, and instruct myself to let it go and to move forward. This shift allows me to disconnect from ego and connect with my higher self, who sees everything for what it is and lets it be. The second aspect of self-acceptance is self forgiveness. Forgiveness is the ability to release guilt and anger over mistakes that you've made. The thing is, perfection is an illusion. Mistakes are natural part of our human existence. We're all here to evolve into better human beings. So, if you don't do the work to care for yourself during times of imperfection, you're going to have a challenging time feeling good about yourself and embracing who you are. Let's look at how self-judgment transpires, and how it can impact us for a very long time. Now, the process of self- judgment starts with a stimulus. Someone says something to us, someone treats us a certain way, a specific event occurs. Essentially something outside of us happens. As an example, let's work with the stimulus of getting laid off from a job. After the stimulus occurs, we do what we do best. We think. We create a story around the stimulus. Humans are meaning-making machines. We make sense of the world by giving things meaning. This stage is often where you see the first signs of judgment. A potential story, held by someone who has gotten laid off, could be "I'm not good at my job. I got laid off because I wasn't good enough." Following the thought, feelings are experienced. The mind-body connection is something that has been researched quite thoroughly, and it's become widely accepted that your thoughts and feelings affect one another. So naturally, the story that's created is going to trigger feelings. And, because the story is rooted in ego and in judgment, these feelings are most likely going to be low energy. The ego thrives on low-energy emotions, such as fear and anxiety, because these emotions prevent you from taking risks. And the ego wants to keep you safe, it wants to protect you. In this example of getting laid off, feeling that you aren't good enough may cause a lack of confidence. The last part of this process is action. Thoughts influence our feelings, and feelings influence how we act and show up in the world around us. So, how would you expect someone with lack of confidence to show up? Probably not in a way that will get them hired. Their lack of confidence protects them from putting themselves out there, due to the fear of being shamed or rejected. They might second-guess themselves in interviews, or they may not apply for positions because they feel underqualified. It can show itself in many different ways and in various areas of life. However, when the feelings begin to impact the actions taken, a self-perpetuating cycle has started. If you show up with a lack of confidence, you're less likely to get a new job. And not getting a new job emphasizes the fact that you're not good enough, and keeps you stuck in your insecurities. And the cycle continues. And I should really say it doesn't emphasize the fact... it emphasizes the perspective that you're not good enough. Your perspective isn't always true, and it's not always rooted in reality. I'm sure you're wondering how you break out of this process. The key to doing so, is in the "thought" phase. Non-judgment would look like recognizing the thought is rooted in judgment, and reframing it or letting it go. In its highest form, non-judgment looks like not taking the stimulus personally. In the instance of getting laid off, one would intercept the thought of not being good enough and turn it into something more empowering, or acknowledge it as a thought that actually means nothing in the grand scheme of things. The second process we're going to go over is the self-forgiveness process. So, forgiveness is the absence of judgment. Being caught up in right and wrong makes it very difficult to forgive. Forgiveness is the ability to recognize that you've been living in a vicious cycle of right and wrong, tell yourself it's okay, and give yourself permission to move forward guilt-free. The first step of this process is awareness. In order to move forward, you need to have a clear understanding of what it is you're beating yourself up over. For this process, let's use the example of betraying the trust of your partner. The next step is ownership. In other words, take responsibility for your actions. Do not get sucked into the low level energy of feeling like a victim or feeling bad for yourself. Understand what it is you're having a hard time overcoming and take the steps to resolve it. In the case of this example, take responsibility for betraying your partner's trust by having a conversation with them and apologizing. As I said before, as humans, we make mistakes, we make tons of mistakes. So don't go down the rabbit hole of feeling like the only person in the world to make a mistake, have a fluke, whatever you wanna call it. Normalize your feelings by telling herself that it's natural to experience whatever emotion it is you're experiencing. Allow yourself to experience those emotions without getting sucked into them. In regards to this example, the person might feel guilt, anger, and regret for betraying their partner's trust. Now, these are all very common emotions to feel when in this type of situation, and there shouldn't be any judgment for having these emotions. Reframing is the last step of the process. Once you've acknowledged, taken responsibility, and denormalized your feelings, you can then focus on changing your perspective. The greatest freedom is the freedom of choice. You can choose to get sucked into your emotions and to see only the negative, or you can change the filter on your glasses and choose to see the situation from a more uplifting perspective. In this example, the person might choose to see the situation as a growth opportunity for them and to their partner. Maybe this quote unquote "mistake" sparked important conversations that needed to be had. When we look at this process of self-forgiveness, the fact of the matter is, no one in this world has everything figured out. And if they tell you they do, they're probably lying. Even the most successful people make mistakes and have moments of uncertainty. So, holding herself to the standard of not making mistakes is highly unrealistic because mistakes are very important part of the human experience. Mistakes are catalysts for evolution. A 2014 scientific study provided some context around the importance of self-acceptance. The study was conducted on 5,000 people who had to rate themselves on ten habits that influence happiness. Giving was the most practice. Relating was the second most practiced habit. Acceptance, despite its strong correlation to happiness, was practiced the least among the participants. What this study is showing us is that self-acceptance can improve happiness. If you want to be happier, practice self-acceptance. Practice self-acceptance by becoming more aware of your judgments and reframing them, and by forgiving yourself for the mistakes you've made. Before we wrap up this lesson, I have one more thing for you. Most, if not all of you have probably heard the phrase, "as you think, so shall you become." In essence, this phrase means that life stems from your thoughts. Whatever beliefs and thoughts you hold about yourself for a period of time will turn into reality. Thoughts are translated into words, which then become actions, which then become habits, which then become character, which then become a destiny. For this lesson's homework, I want you to download the "14-Day Affirmation Challenge," and get started on the daily exercises. This challenge focuses on the power of our words in helping foster self-acceptance, and a more positive self-image. Words are energy. If they have high energetic frequency, they will raise our individual frequency, and vice versa. Affirmations are something that really helped me during my early struggles with vitiligo. Over time, they'll help you transform your negative thoughts of self-judgment and self-loathing into thoughts that are more empowering. 4. Non-Identification: In this lesson, we'll be discussing non-identification. Non-identification is breaking free of all the things that you've allowed define you. The labels, stories, and emotions we identify with shape our self-image and influence how we treat ourselves. So, it's a very important for you to be selective of what you identify with. Think of each label, story, and emotion that we associate with as the seed we plant within our minds. Depending on the nature of these labels, stories, and emotions, you're either planting flowers or weeds. Now, we all know what weeds do. They prevent growth, they take life away, and then they multiply and to do the same thing on a larger scale. Now that's not what we want. We want to plant flowers, and to create a lively garden that grows and flourishes. In order to do that, we need to be more conscious of the seeds we plant. We need to let go of the things that don't empower us, which is where non- identification comes into play. "Labels can only confine, aspire to be undefinable." Identifying with a label is like putting herself in a box... it restricts you. More specifically, it restricts your ideas of who you really are. If someone identifies with being a failure, at some point they will only be able to see themselves as a failure. Do you see how limiting this is? It's very similar to the self-judgment process we discussed in a previous lesson, in the sense that this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You take on a label, start acting in ways that validate the label, and you begin to identify with the label even more. What happens with these labels is that they begin to form the foundation of your self-concept and self-image. Labels, to a certain extent, are a type of judgment. They are the ideas we have about who we are in the present moment, who we are now. There are four categories of labels that I've narrowed down to: physical, social, personal, and existential. Physical labels relate to the body and anything that can be observed with the senses. An example of physically labeling would be saying that you are ugly. Social labels often relate to our societal roles and our behaviors. For example, being a sister, girlfriend, entrepreneur. You get the point. Then we have personal labels, which describe your personal characteristics. When you tell yourself that you are stubborn, or that you're an empath, you're assigning yourself a personal label. Lastly, we have existential labels, which are definitely a bit more abstract because they're focused on greater purpose and higher powers. An example that I absolutely love is "I am an eternal soul." We all use labels to define ourselves. Some of them are inevitable, like the "social" labels, which society has a lot of influence over. If you birth a child, you're automatically deemed a mother, and there's no way around that. The important thing to remember is to be conscious about the labels you choose, making sure that they are positive and empowering. Labels can come from yourself, or from people and systems outside of you. However, you always have the final choice on whether or not you want to identify with them. So, the key to breaking free of these labels, stories, and emotions that you've let define you is by reframing them. "Reframing" is a word you've heard before. In the last lesson, we spoke about reframing our mistakes in the self- forgiveness process. Now, we're going to chat about reframing stories and emotions. Reframing is a muscle. It only grows stronger if you continue to exercise it. One of the benefits of having a journal that you use to track your judgments, emotions, and stories is that you can later go back and practice reframing. Once you've gotten enough practice and reps, so to speak, reframing becomes second nature and you can do it on-demand. The key to reframing is understanding. You cannot change a story you don't realize you're living in. So the first thing you'll want to do is uncover the story that's running your life narrative, or that aspect of your life. I have found that most stories are related to three different things... First, childhood trauma. That can mean your relationship with your parents, the teachers who told you that you wouldn't amount to anything. Let's work with an example in which someone is struggling to find love. A story around childhood trauma might be, "I was abused, so I'm not worthy." The second influencing factor on stories are the current circumstances. So not having enough time, money support, being too busy. A circumstantial story around inability to find love might be - "I don't have time to find love or a relationship." The last influencing factor on stories is possibility. More specifically, focus on lack, lack of ability to get what you want, the assumption that things won't work out. A possible story around not being able to find love could look like - "I'm too old to find love." So once you get clear on what story has been running your life, most of the heavy lifting has actually been done. Once you get to this point, I want you to take a deep, honest look at where this narrative has gotten you. Is it serving you? Is it true? Is it true that you're not worthy of love because you were abused? No. What's true is that your parents didn't give you love and the way you needed it. But it doesn't mean that you're not worthy of any love. Is it true that I'm too old to find love? Actually, it's not true because love and age have no correlation. And the story of being too old is not serving you because you're not putting yourself out there. This is the stage where you realize just how much your stories have spiraled out of control. The last step in reframing stories is creating a more empowering version that allows you to move forward. In the example we've been working with, a powerful reframe could be - "I'm only as worthy as the love I give." This process is like unpacking a dusty box that's been taking up space in your house, unpacking it, tossing out the things that you don't need, holding onto the things that bring you joy and creating more space for yourself as a result. Next, I want to discuss how you can reframe emotions. Again, this is something we spoke about in a previous lesson. Specifically in regards to the self-forgiveness process, we spoke about normalizing your emotions. This is one of the many ways you can reframe your emotions. In this lesson, I'm going to teach you one subtle change that has made a world of difference for me. And this change is rooted in language because, as you all know, language has an energetic vibration then influences how we show up as individuals. Most people communicate their feelings by stating, "I am sad," "I am angry," "I am anxious," "I am lonely." This is the most disempowering way to communicate your emotions. It implies that you are, in fact, the emotion itself. You are the anger, you are the sadness, the anxiety, the loneliness. By labeling yourself as that emotion, you give it more power over you. So the subtle change I want you to make is instead of saying, "I am," say "I am experiencing" - "I am experiencing sadness," "I am experiencing anxiety," "I am experiencing loneliness." This statement implies that your emotions are an experience. And experiences, good or bad, are moments in time, and they are temporary. This emotion is a temporary part of your human experience. Now, don't resist it. Just let it be, observe it. Ask questions about why you're experiencing it. But don't get attached to either, because it will pass when the time is right and when you're ready. For some people, it might take one hour to pass. For others, it might take one year. But it will pass. Don't turn an unwanted, temporary experience into something permanent by making it your label. I hope this lesson was helpful. What I'd like for you to do is complete the attached worksheet for homework, in which you will reframe one story and one emotion based on the techniques we've reviewed. When doing this exercise, I really want you to find a quiet place where you can focus without distraction. And I want you to be honest with yourself, and connect deeply with your feelings. Seize this opportunity to learn more about yourself. 5. Self-Care: So, the focus of this lesson is going to be self-care. Self-care is the act of nourishing your mind, body, and soul. It is the ability to actively satisfy your needs as a means of preserving your wellness and happiness. Each of us has a self-care battery whose levels fluctuate throughout the day. Most of what we do each day depletes our energy and self-care battery, even if we're doing something that we genuinely enjoy. Running on a depleted battery for a long period of time will eventually result in burnout. That being said, it's essential that we take action to recharge this self-care battery. We recharge by doing things that satisfy our needs and give us something in return. Before we get into the different ways you can show yourself self-care, I want to discuss the "Five Love Languages," a self-help book written by Gary Chapman. This book focuses on helping individuals learn how they express love to their partner. Although the book is focused on relationships, it helps the reader gain awareness of the type of love they like to give and receive. We can all learn something valuable about ourselves from this. As we've discussed this entire course, it is vital for your happiness to give love to yourself. So, the same love you want to give to others, you can actually give to yourself and take it into your own hands. I'm going to go through the five love languages, as described by the author, and paint a picture of what they'd look like if you apply them to yourself as a means of recharging your self-care battery. In other words, you can use your love language to practice self-love. Knowing your love language is half the job done. Within each of these languages, you can think of actions that satisfy various aspects of your well-being. The first self-love language is physical touch, which focuses on doing things that are pleasurable to the body and satisfy your physical well-being. If physical touch is your language, then you'll want to engage in activities relating to your physical body. You might want to get a massage, or take a bubble bath when you're feeling stressed, slip into your cozy pajamas on the weekend, or take a new workout class to clear your head. The second self-love language is acts of service. Acts of service involves completing tasks that are specifically for you and your needs. This might look like preparing healthy meals for yourself, deep cleaning your living space, or seeing a health care professional that will support you in improving your well-being. My personal favorite is scheduling alone time. What a gift it is to have a bit of peace and be in your own company. Third is the receiving gifts language. The people with this self-love language feel more cared for when they're treating themselves to something. These gifts can be material or non-material. If you like to read, maybe it's treating yourself to a new book. If you're an avid traveler, self-care might look like booking a solo vacation. Investing in yourself is another way to express this love language. Perhaps you've been wanting to learn a new skill - treat yourself to a course that helps you get started. Next up, we have quality time. The quality time love language is all about spending time doing the things that you love, being in the places that you love, and being with the people you love. You can give this type of love to yourself by engaging in your hobbies or taking the time to meditate. As someone whose primary love language is quality time, I love being in nature. Going on walks with my dog and laying in the grass with a book are two of my favorite self-care activities. Last, we have the words of affirmation, self-love language. With this love language, one prefers to verbally appreciate or commend themselves. Daily affirmations are a great way to express this self-love language. You can also express words of affirmation through journaling. You can get pretty creative in expressing this love language. For example, decorate a mason jar and each day write something positive about yourself on a piece of paper, fold it, and put it in the jar. At the end of the year, empty the jar and read all of the positive things you wrote about yourself. It's super important to remember that self-care looks different for everyone. For one person, practicing their painting hobby might be a great way to recharge their self-care battery. For another person, making themselves a nice dinner might be ideal. Even two people with the same self-love language can express it differently. Take two people who prefer the physical touch, self-love language. One might prefer to move and take a dance class, while the other might prefer food and cooking themselves a healthy meal. Although both activities cater to the physical body, they look different. Another thing to consider is that your self-love language can change over time. So it's really important to revisit this and reevaluate where you stand with each of the five love languages. Before moving on to the next lesson, I want you to head to the "Five Love Languages" website and take the love language quiz. The results will show the type of love you're most receptive to in relationships. And as we've discussed today, they'll give you a hint of the type of love you might want to give yourself. See you in the next lesson. 6. Self-Care Myths: In this lesson, we're going to chat through some of the most common misconceptions about self-care. This is an incredibly important lesson, because we cannot prioritize self-care successfully until we change our beliefs about it. There are five self-care myths that I believe have the most detrimental impact on how well we show up for ourselves. These myths come up time and time again in my private coaching, group coaching, and workshop engagements. The first myth is that self-care must be earned. This perspective shows up a lot among high-performers, perfectionists, parents, people who have a lot of responsibilities, and/ or people relying on them. Someone who embodies this perspective essentially things of self-care as a reward. It is a reward for your accomplishments, or for after you've done something for others. So, you overwork and run yourself thin, then you give yourself the reward of self-care, which you probably don't even have the energy for at that point. In reality, self-care is a right, not a reward. You're allowed to, and highly encouraged to, take care of yourself at all times. For the person who believes that self-care must be earned, I encourage you to think about how much more you could accomplish if you prioritized it. It can be very challenging to find the balance between work into play. But personally speaking, I know that when I'm not satisfying my needs, I'm less likely to achieve what I set out to do. Myth number two is that self-care is anything soothing. So, my first call out here is that as humans, we have this idea that self-care should feel a certain way. It should feel "good." And these feelings help us make sense of what is truly self-care. The first challenge with this approach is that not all self-care feels "good." We'll chat about this more in a separate lesson. But the key thing to remember here is that sometimes the things we need are not the things that feel good in the moment. The second challenge is that not all soothing activities are good for our well-being. Soothing behavior can be escapist, excessive, and addictive. Case in point, connecting with friends can be a form of self-care. But if these outings always involve heavy intoxication, getting into altercations, and forgetting what happened during the night, it is highly questionable whether or not that's true self-care. Soothing activities do not always give us what we truly need. True self-care is supportive of your growth. It's revitalizing and nourishing to your mind, body, and soul. One of the most common myths I hear about self-care is that it's selfish. I'm going to squash this myth right off the bat. First, taking responsibility for your well-being and happiness is actually very admirable, especially living in a world where people and things are often blamed for lack of happiness. When I was a competitive soccer player, one of my coaches told me to "control the controllables." This was a statement that I realized apply to life off of the soccer field as well. You cannot control what situations life throws at you, what people say and do, how they treat you, but you can control how you treat yourself. Second, self-love opens your heart to giving more. When we constantly give to others without tending to ourselves, we become annoyed, irritated, and resentful. These emotions shift the energy behind our actions, from being selfless to feeling like an obligation. How can you fill another person's cup if yours is empty? The answer is that you can't, because you have nothing to give. When you prioritize filling your own cup, it will eventually start to overflow. People whose cups are overflowing have more to give. They actually want to give more to others because they feel so abundant. Self-love is a means of filling your cup. At the end of the day, prioritizing your self-care can also be seen as selfless. You're taking care of yourself, not just for you, but also so that you can bring your best self to others. Myth number four is that self-care is expensive. Again, this is all dependent on what you believe self-care should look like. If the cost of self-care is getting in the way of you catering to yourself, your perspective of it is probably too narrow. Self-care can be expensive, but it can also be completely free. However, you want to adopt a routine that aligns with your personality, lifestyle, and goals. If you have a self-care habit that is a bit pricey and hard to maintain, I encourage you to brainstorm alternative ways you can meet this need without breaking the bank. Having cheaper, or cost-free, alternatives will make it easier to show yourself consistent self-care. Plus, it's less stressful and anxiety inducing. And our final myth is that self-care takes a lot of energy. If you believe that self-care requires 24 hours of non-stop activities, than no wonder you're struggling to stay consistent, let alone get started. This myth, once again, calls for a shift in perspective. Self-care can be an entire day's worth of activities. In fact, "Self-Care Sunday" is a popular concept where people spend Sundays prioritizing themselves. If that works for you, that's great. However, if it doesn't, know that self-care can also be incorporated into simple daily practices. It could mean spending 30 minutes in solace each morning, reading your book outdoors. Or, dedicating 15 minutes each afternoon to breathwork for anxiety. Showing up for yourself and your needs in small ways, each day, is just as effective as dedicating a whole day to self-care. And most importantly, it might feel more manageable, which will help you gain momentum and consistency. For this lesson, download the worksheet and reflect on what self-care myths you've been led to believe. If there's a myth you're still partial to, answer the questions to gain more clarity. 7. Inappropriate Self-Care: Hey, there. In this lesson, I want to speak about one of the most common self-care mistakes I see people making, and that is inappropriate self-care. Self-care has become heavily glamorized, so much so that it's an incredibly popular Instagram hashtag and is being used to get more "likes." There is this notion that self-care involves lavish spa days, fine dining, manicures and pedicures, and so on. While these acts are super enjoyable, it's also highly questionable how supportive they truly are to your overall well-being. Some of us believe we're practicing self-care, but in reality, we're investing time and energy into acts that aren't truly helping us meet our needs. Let's chat self-care versus self-soothing. Self-care is intended to ensure physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental well-being. It's meant to help you meet your needs. On the other hand, self soothing is intended to de-escalate your emotions, and even help you escape the reality and circumstances that triggered them. It's intended to comfort, distract, and help you get through the moment. Now, with that in mind, there are four types of self-care that don't really work. The first is escapist driven self-care. This is doing things mindlessly with intention of zoning out and disconnecting. A classic example that I think a lot of us can probably relate to is binge-watching Netflix. Research shows that binge-watching TV can actually lead to higher stress, anxiety, and depression. Second is shame driven self-care. This is focused on what you think you quote unquote "should" be doing. Case in point, starting a paleo diet to lose weight might seem like an empowering act of self-care. But, if the action is being driven by the criticism of others, and to fix your body, the quote unquote "self-care" act is driven by shame. Committing to an act that is driven by shame is going to be all the more difficult, because it's not coming from an empowered place. Quick fix driven self-care typically shows up as spa days, face masks, manicures, and pedicures. These are all lovely things that feel great in the short-term, but in the long-term they do not fill your cup. And the last type of ineffective self-care is driven by indulgence. This is ineffective because overindulgence can negatively impact other areas of your life, such as finances, health, relationships, and so on. For example, you can go on a shopping spree because you feel deserving. But, if you know that the money can be spent in a more impactful way to meet your needs, is the shopping spree truly effective self-care? These types of self-care are not nourishing to anyone and can get in the way of cultivating self-love. So, how do you prevent yourself from getting caught in these self-care traps? You ensure you're practicing genuine self care that aligns with your lifestyle, goals, personality, and needs. And you do that through, once again, raising awareness of your self-care intentions. Before you engage in any act of self-care, ask yourself - one, what emotions surround this action? If your self-care act feels dreadful, like an obligation, or like a "should" do, we want to investigate why that is. The second question to ask yourself is - is my intention to nourish, punish, or escape? Again, the purpose of all self-care is to provide nourishment. If you don't feel that, it's a red flag. Third, what would I like to create more space for? This question helps you reconnect with what you need and what you're willing and ready to commit to. Maybe you want to create more space for connection, peace, stability, fun, and so on. Fourth question, will this help my future self? This ensures that your self-care is going to support you in the long-run versus the short-term. And last, which one of my values does this action honor? Your response to this question will indicate if your actions align with what truly matters to you. If your idea of self-care feels gratifying, nourishing, is helping you create more of what you want in your life, is something that your future self will thank you for, and is something that honors the values near and dear to your heart, you are practicing powerful self-care. So, to wrap up this lesson, I want you to think about your go-to self-care act. If you don't have one, thinking about a self-care activity you've been putting off or have done in the past. With that example in mind, head to the course downloads and answer the corresponding questions. 8. Self-Compassion: Hey everyone. In this lesson we'll be going over the fourth pillar of self-love...self-compassion. Self-compassion is comforting and caring for yourself during times of hardship and perceived failure. Studies actually show that the level of self-compassion impacts health behaviors. I am specifically referring to a health psychology study that was conducted in 2015. The study had several hundred emerging adults complete an online survey assessing their health behaviors, self-regulation, and self-compassion. Self-regulation is the capacity to control and regulate your actions. It is considered an important process to nurture for successful health behavior management, and lifelong health. A high capacity for self-regulation means having the ability to resist temptations and distractions, the ability to recover from failed attempts, strong emotional regulation, and the ability to pay attention to (or evaluate) ongoing behavior. The study found that self-compassion promotes positive health behaviors through healthy self-regulation. Self-compassion was positively associated with intentions to engage in health behaviors. In other words, the more self-compassion one had, the greater intention they had to engage in healthy behaviors. The key takeaway of this study was that increasing self-compassion may help promote positive health behaviors. Increasing self-compassion can be done through increasing self-regulatory capacity. Self-compassion is defined as taking a kind, non-judgmental stance towards oneself during times of failure or challenge. This quality includes three-dimensions which can help foster key self-regulatory processes: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Each of these dimensions can help promote positive rather than negative emotional responses to the inevitable challenges and setbacks encountered while trying to engage in health-promoting behaviors, such as maintaining a healthy diet. Failure to meet personal health goals often triggers feelings of shame and guilt. This commonly results in disengagement, rather than persistence, at which point the person is derailed from their goal. Self-compassionate responding involves seeing such failures as part of the human condition, as an aspect of life to be viewed kindly rather than self-judgmentally, and without becoming caught up in the negative feelings that are triggered from failure. In shorts, the more kindness we have towards ourselves, the better we do taking care of our well-being. Research also shows that compassion has a biological impact on the body. Self-compassion is related to happiness and optimism. But what does it actually do to the physical body? Well, when self-compassion is shown, our body releases oxytocin, a hormone that makes us feel safe and calm. When self-compassion is not shown, our body initiates a stress response in which cortisol is released. Cortisol is a stress hormone. What do you feel when in situations with imminent danger? You either run from the danger or you face it - this is called your fight- or-flight response. Cortisol is the hormone that prepares the body to respond to these threatening situations. Increased cortisol results in increased blood pressure and adrenaline. What we can take from this is how self-compassion can prevent the wear and tear on our bodies. Actions that are based in love and tenderness, such as giving yourself a hug, will increase the levels of oxytocin being released in your body and decrease cortisol levels. However, emotional attacks on oneself would trigger a stress response. Previously, we mentioned that the three-dimensions of self-compassion are self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Let's go over those in a bit more detail. Self-kindness means accepting the reality that there is no life free of failure. Simply being nice to yourself decreases feelings of frustration, self-criticism, and suffering. Throughout this course, we've spoken a lot about the power of one's thoughts. I believe that most of the suffering we experience is self-inflicted through our thoughts. Common humanity, or commonality as I've called it here, emphasizes the fact that none of us are really all that special to be the only ones experiencing suffering. Mistakes and failure are a shared experience across us all. If someone tells you that they've never made a mistake, they're lying, because no one plays this game of life perfectly. Hopefully, by understanding that this is a shared experience, you are given some sort of comfort during challenging times. Last, we have mindfulness. As we've mentioned, failure and hardship trigger a lot of strong emotions. Observe these thoughts and emotions with curiosity, instead of judgment. Remember, you are not the emotion itself. You are the thing observing the experience of the emotion. Ride the wave of these emotions without shame or guilt, but makes sure to not get caught up in them and start mistaking them for who you are. To wrap up this lesson, I'm going to leave you with this quote - "if your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete." For this lesson's homework, please think about a situation in which you're struggling to show yourself compassion. I want you to complete the attached worksheet to reflect on how you'd treat a friend in this situation. See you in the next lesson. 9. Gratitude: The topic of today's lesson will be gratitude. Gratitude is being thankful for the different aspects of your life. It focuses on reframing your way of thinking by accentuating the positive. Individuals who are grateful focus on what's working well in their lives. It's a natural human tendency to look at what's not working well, and what's lacking, instead of what you do have and what is going well. Expressing gratitude helps raise your vibrational frequency. By looking at the positive, we feel better as individuals, and more equipped to handle challenges and build strong relationships with others. Let's talk about some ways in which gratitude has changed overall disposition. Those who wrote about gratitude, instead of irritations, were more optimistic and felt better about their lives. Writing and delivering a letter of gratitude to someone who had never been properly thanked for their kindness, helped participants increased their happiness scores. Individuals who took time to express gratitude for their partner, not only felt more positive towards the other person, but also felt more comfortable expressing concerns about their relationship. Managers who remember to say "thank you" to people who work for them, may find that those employees feel motivated to work harder. Have you ever done something nice for another person, and when they express their appreciation for you, you felt inclined to do even more for them? That's how the Universe, God, Spirit, whatever higher entity you believe in, works. More is given to the people that are content and appreciative for what they have. "Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance." What this author is saying here, is that we are each already blessed with so much. In other words, an attitude of gratitude is what breeds abundance. There are so many ways you can boost gratitude. But in today's lesson, I'll go over a few. The first strategy is a gratitude journal. This is one of my favorite ways to express gratitude because it is not time-consuming, you can do it anywhere, and it's a great way to start or finish your day. My first gratitude journal was self-made. It was a little notebook that I wrote three things I was grateful for each day. It literally took three minutes. Eventually, I expanded to a journal with prompts, which I love, because it opens my perspective of gratitude. It encourages me to look at what's working in areas of my life that I wouldn't have otherwise looked at. So in terms of starting a gratitude journal, you can just create your own or get a guided version. The second strategy is volunteering. I'm going to preface this by saying that our journey in life should never be compared to someone else's. So, don't confuse gratitude with comparing what you have to what someone else doesn't. However, when you give time to different populations, your eyes are open to what you take for granted. For example, if you volunteer with children who have lost their parents, you may start to think about how grateful you are to have a relationship with your parents, to spend the holidays with them, to have the opportunity to still create memories with them. By volunteering, you're given reminders of the big and little blessings and life. Last, we have a "thank you" letter. I love this exercise because I think we rarely express our heartfelt, genuine appreciation of others. I think this exercise allows us to dive deeper into the relationships and support system that has had a large impact on our lives. This exercise doesn't have to be in the form of a letter, though I advise it because it allows you to process your thoughts and get them all written down. However, you can simply call the individual and express your appreciation for them. For this lesson, your homework will be to complete the "Attitude of Gratitude" worksheet, which you can download in the course materials. 10. Boundaries: Hey, hey. Today's lesson is all about boundaries. Boundaries are limits we set to create a healthy personal space, that honors our needs and to protects us from toxicity. Boundaries can take on several different forms. There are four types of boundaries that we eat normally set. The first are physical boundaries, which relate to your space and body. Physical boundaries set limits on who can touch you, when, where, and how. This includes everything from sexual boundaries, to wanting space after an argument, An invasion of space or privacy, such as looking through someone's phone or journal, can be considered a violation of physical boundaries. Second, we have mental boundaries, which relate to deciding on your thoughts and values ,and respecting the thoughts and values of others. When persuading someone turns into a shouting match, that can be considered a violation of mental boundaries. Next up are emotional boundaries, which are all about respecting, honoring, and handling feelings in an appropriate manner. And emotional boundary that one might put up in a relationship is not allowing their partner's bad mood to affect them. When someone is in a bad mood, it can be very easy to get sucked into it as well. However, setting an emotional boundary can prevent that. Lastly, we have spiritual boundaries, on which the emphasis is defining your relationship with a higher power. If you have friends or family who have different belief systems, you may set the boundary of them not pushing their beliefs on you. So, what do healthy versus unhealthy boundaries look like? Healthy boundaries come from a place of self-esteem, self-respect, and empowerment. Unhealthy boundary is looked like being a people pleaser and not wanting to step on anyone's toes. Healthy boundaries protect your energy from negativity. Unhealthy boundaries may suck you into negativity, as a result of not expressing your needs or wants. An individual with healthy boundaries is okay when someone doesn't accept them saying "no" in regards to something. However, someone with unhealthy boundaries mike feel disempowered in making and standing by their decisions. They may feel unjustified in saying "no." Healthy boundaries require the acceptance that your needs are different from others. I might need an entire day of alone time to re-energize, but the next person might only need a few hours. Someone with unhealthy boundaries might feel guilt and shame around their needs. They may start to talk themselves into believing that their needs are unreasonable. So, what things should we each keep in mind while establishing healthy boundaries? First, you'll want to be clear, calm, assertive, and respectful when communicating your boundaries. Approaching others with this kind of energy will make them more receptive to your needs and your request. Setting an ultimatum is not an effective way of communicating boundaries. It will cause others to feel threatened, which is exactly what we don't want. Second, refrain from feeling guilty about your boundaries. At the end of the day, your well-being is your responsibility and yours only. Just because your boundaries look a bit different than the boundaries of others, doesn't make them less important. Third, when people react negatively to your boundaries, remember that their reaction is all about them. This individual is likely responding from a place of ego. They're creating a story around your boundary, making it about them, forming a judgment, and getting defensive or offended. When this happens, sit back and observe. Come from a place of understanding, but stand your ground. Awareness is another boundary best practice. We've discussed the importance of awareness in several aspects. When it comes to boundaries, it's vital to be in tune with the things that trigger you, drain you, and make you feel uncomfortable. These triggers are like little clues for boundaries you might want to consider setting. Journaling is another great exercise to use when establishing healthy boundaries. Writing allows us to further process our thoughts. Use journaling to further explore your triggers, the things that aren't working for you, and why. Lastly, we have building a support system. I think this is one of the most underestimated practices in setting healthy boundaries. If you're making a conscious effort to create a healthy personal space, It's so important to be surrounded by people who respect that. Getting resistance from your friends and family can be very draining, and make it hard to create boundaries. Those who truly love you will respect your needs, requests, and desire to create a healthy personal space, regardless of what that looks like in the moment. For homework, I'd like for you to think of an area in your life where you're currently struggling to set boundaries. 11. Understanding Your Values: Welcome to the next lesson. You're doing great so far. In this lesson, we'll be talking about one of my favorite topics - values. In short, values are the principles that people live by. The reason why I love doing values work is because a lot of us go about our lives with limited understanding of what drives us to do what we do. Our values have a tremendous impact on how we act. When we intentionally choose the values we want to live by, it makes it easier for us to show up in a way that we're proud of. As I said previously, values are important because they influence how we live. They are like a compass that guides our actions. Take, for example, two people who have to work a stressful job. The first has the top value of money. The other has the top value of family. When asked to work late hours, how do you think these two individuals will act differently? The one who values money may have no problem putting in the late nights, knowing that it might get them a promotion and raise in the long run. The other individual, who values family, may not take these late nights as well. In fact, they may opt-out of staying late or find a new job that allows them to see their family more often. There are two types of values. Fear-based values, which cause avoidance, and conscious-based values, which drive you to take positive action. If someone stays in a job they hate because they're concerned about not having enough money, stability becomes a fear-based value. If someone leaves a job because they want to build the company of their dreams, fulfillment acts as a conscious-based value. We each have a lot of values, but our core values are a subset of five that you prioritize over the rest. If you know your core values, you will never have another dilemma. You might be wondering what the heck this has to do with self-love. Well, how we live up to our values influences how we feel about ourselves. Let's go back to the person who values family, but their late nights at work are preventing them from honoring this value. After some time, this person will likely start to feel poorly. If our actions are not in alignment with our core values, we're more likely to feel badly about ourselves. On the other hand, when our actions are in alignment with our core values, we feel confident, authentic, and good about ourselves. Now, one of the most common questions I get about values is, what if I don't know what my values are? My answer to that is we each have all the information we need to discover the values we live by. Let me talk you through how this is done. The first step to discovering your values is collecting data. If every action we take is driven by a value, all we have to do is assess our actions. Answer questions to gather intel about who you are. A question I often ask others is to think about a time when they felt happiest, most expansive, and successful. What virtues, behaviors, and qualities were present during this time? The second step is to identify the values present within your answers. For example, if you feel happiest and most expensive when doing volunteer work, maybe fulfillment, community, and connection are values dear to you. That's for you to decide. As I mentioned, we each hold a lot of values. However, some are more important to us than others. The third step in the process is ranking the values you've identified in order of their importance. The last step in the process is to translate your selected value into a guiding principle or motto to live by. For example, if fulfillment is an important value to you, the guiding principle you might create is "do what you love." For this lesson, I want you to go through the "discovering your values" process. Think about a time in your life when you felt most alive, expansive, and successful. What virtues, behaviors, and qualities were present? Identify the values in your answer, rank them in order of importance to you, and translate the top value into a guiding principle that you'll live by. You can use the downloadable worksheet to complete this exercise. 12. Create Your Self-Love Routine: Congratulations on making it to the final lesson of the "Supercharge Your Self-Love" course. Now is where you'll be putting everything you've learned into an actionable plan. In the final lesson of this course, I want you to take everything you've learned about self-love and use it to create a self-love routine for yourself. I recommend revisiting the "Self-Love Inventory" you took in our very first lesson, and using your results to determine what areas of self-love you can strengthen. Think about how you show yourself non-judgment, how you treat yourself when you make mistakes, your self-love language, the labels and stories you give your power up to, how you express gratitude, how you set and honor boundaries, and your values. Use all of this information to develop a self-love routine that benefits you. This worksheet is available to download in the course materials. I'm going to walk you through it briefly, so that you can start getting into action. The first section of the worksheet is where you'll write and track your weekly intentions. For example, maybe every Sunday you are going to do you're healthy meal prep for the week. I recommend committing to a day, and a time, if possible. The next section is your guiding principle, which should reflect one of your core values. This will be your reminder of what to live by for the week. The third section is where you'll check in with your number one need, and brainstorm the resources you need to satisfy it. The next section is where you'll list three items you are grateful for that week. And the final two sections are working on awareness, reframing, and compassion. This is where you'll assess your week and look at where things could have gone better. However, you won't get caught up in what didn't go well. Instead, you'll reframe it into an opportunity, or think of an action you can take to show yourself support. Thank you so, so much for taking this course. I really hope you found value in it. Feel free to visit my website for more free resources and blog articles. If you have any questions about the course content, or would like additional guidance, send me an email or set up a free consultation on my website. And of course, connect with me on social media for more content. I hope that this course has helped you make progress in your self-love journey, and I'm here to offer you additional support if you need it.