Transcripts
1. Introduction: Achieving goals is
really exciting. To be able to see something on paper and then see
it in real life, it's like, Oh my gosh, I am so powerful. [MUSIC] I'm Nedra Tawwab, I'm a therapist, content
creator, and author. I love this work because I
enjoy helping other people. I want to help us grow. I want to help us break
patterns that keep us stuck. I want to help people
discover more of themselves. In this class, you
will learn how to re-imagine your goals. It's important to set goals
for yourself because it puts you on the path to create
the life that you want. One of the biggest
reasons that we aren't achieving our goals is
because of our mindset, the self-talk that we're having, and sometimes we're not
setting realistic goals. We are going to talk about
shifting your mindset. We will talk through
how we get stuck, how to get unstuck, and how to create goals
that we want to achieve. It's not easy to make
some of these changes, but I have a workbook
where through each lesson, you'll have an activity
that you can complete to apply the concepts
we're talking about. To take this class, the only thing you
need is an open mind. You get the permission
to mess up, try again, repeat, but
keep on practicing. At the end of this class, I hope that you'll
have the tools to create whatever
life that you want. Go ahead and download
the workbook, grab a pen, and
let's get started.
2. Connect to Your Confidence: One of the things
that has knocked me off of the course of having a goal or a resolution is not believing that I
can achieve that thing. Lack of confidence
kills our will, it kills our desire
to even try anything. It's the voice in
our head saying, "You're not good enough, you can't do it." With confidence, even if you're
not 100 percent capable, you will still try, you will still talk to
yourself in a gentle way to push yourself along the
path of getting things done. This past year, I set some
really big goals for myself, and because I had those
really big goals, it actually made me work
harder to achieve them. If I would've said, I can't do this or this is not possible, I wouldn't have the
things that I do now because I wouldn't
have even tried. Confidence is so important
to give you the energy and the courage to
actually follow through on the
goals that you set. Here's a few reasons why we
struggle with confidence. I would say the number 1 reason is we're looking for
outside validation. We are looking for someone to say you are
making the right choice, this is a great fit for you, but the person who
knows best is you. Even if people don't
validate or say, "Yes, this is a great
opportunity," you can still try it if it's something
that feels good for you. I would say the second
reason that we struggle with confidence is
because we've heard things that have torn us down. Whether it's the voice
from friends or family or teachers or whoever
that have told you, you cannot do certain things
or you're not good at them. Sometimes just saying something like you're clumsy or you're not good at this gives you the idea forever
that you're clumsy, you're not good at
whatever sport. Because you've heard
these stories about you, it will knock you off track
from even being able to try. It's important to try and
see if this is true or not. Confidence is a practice. There are times where we feel confident and we can
boldly do something, and there are times
where we have to give ourselves a pep talk. There are some things that
you may be very confident in, and other things that
you have to have some full confidence
and just try it anyway, and hopefully with practice, you'll start to feel better. I remember when I
first started driving, I was terrible, I was so afraid to do anything. I was like, "Oh my gosh," like, "What about this
car next to me?" But with practice, I feel
more comfortable driving. I didn't have the
confidence, now I do. If we think about
any situation in our life when we were
beginning something, when we were in the
starting phases of it, we all had to practice
to gain the confidence. This is a great time
for you to download the workbook if you
haven't done so already, because we're about to get
into our first exercise. In this exercise, we'll be talking about some
really tough questions. Question 1, what does
confidence look like to you? For me, confidence looks like trying and
talking myself through those difficult moments because there are times where I'm like, "Oh my gosh, what is this like?" But I can still do
it knowing that, I can breath through it, I can speak to myself gently, and I can phone a friend or family member if it
gets really tough, but just doing it gives me
the confidence to keep going. So for me, confidence is trying. How would you rate
your confidence? It's important to know
what work you have to do. Knowing, if you are
high or low in a area, gives you a good measuring
tool for improvement. If you have more confidence, I wonder how your
life would change. Would you post more
on social media? Would you wear a bikini? Would you spend more
time with your friends? What would look
different in your life? It's so important to
know those areas where confidence is holding you back from living
the life you want. The most important thing
about taking any class is applying the concepts to
your real everyday life. Please take the
exercises serious, look at the answers,
reflect on them. Think about how you can put
some new things into action. Join me in the next lessons. Spoiler alert, we'll be talking about just how normal you are. [MUSIC]
3. Normalize Your Experiences: One of my favorite therapeutic
techniques is normalizing. As a therapist, my job is to listen to people share about
their internal world. In a day, if seven
people sit on my couch, seven people have had some
of the same thoughts. It's so amazing to me each
time that the person is like, "You're going to
think this is weird. You probably think I'm
crazy," and I'm like, "Wow, I've heard this like
five times today." That happens because
we're not having these conversations about
what we're thinking about. We're not having
these conversations around how normal it is
to maybe feel nervous, or to maybe lack confidence, or to maybe dislike a coworker or whatever
those things are. We don't have those
conversations. Some of the things I hear about a lot is the feeling of guilt. For some reason, we
want to erase it. We think no one else feels it, but we feel guilty
about so many things. We could feel guilty about
practicing self-care. We could feel guilty
about setting a goal when there are so
many other things to do. Or what will happen are
in our relationships, when we start to have
these bigger goals, it's normal to worry about the what-ifs when we're stepping into something
that is different. It is normal to be afraid
to try new things. I've heard that kids are the easiest to convince
to try something new because they don't have
all of these fears and all of this history of
things that could happen. But as adults, it can be really challenging because
we've heard stories, we have all of these
insight and perspective, and it stops us from just trying new things to
see if it works for us. It is normal to struggle
to stay consistent. It is really hard
to break habits. I know that because I am
a recovering nail-biter. It is one of the
hardest habits to break because I always
have my hands with me. Just having my hands,
it's a trigger. [LAUGHTER] It's like look at these hands, I should bite them. It's really hard to stop habits even when it could be
a good thing for us. You are more normal
than you think. In these exercises, you will be able to normalize and think about some of these things
that you do that you feel are abnormal that are
actually pretty normal. Grab your workbook
and let's move on to the exercise
for this lesson. List number 1, I want you to think
about what things you're embarrassed about or the things that you don't like
about yourself. We have to embrace the
positive and the negative. We're not going to be 100
percent in all areas. It's not possible. Embracing that I am not great at this thing and I
may not get better at it, or I am not the
best in this area, or I feel really embarrassed about doing this thing could
be a good thing for you. Then saying that these are
the things where I excel, these are the things
that I do well, I do often, some of them may
be big or small, but they are still
accomplishments. Often as adults, we forget to talk about how proud we are. When we're little kids, we're running around
like doing anything. Even if we put our
sweater on by ourselves, it's like, "Oh my
gosh, look at me. I did this thing." As adults, we've
completely lost that. We feel like everything
is so routine, so normal, and it is an accomplishment to just get through
the day sometimes. It's an accomplishment to get
home from work sometimes. Just noting these things
that you do that you might feel are mundane or you might feel like everybody's doing it, write down whatever you can think of that you
could be proud of. Getting some perspective on the things you're
embarrassed about, the things you're
proud of is healing. I've noticed that when
people say things, they also think about those
things in a different way. It's like something is
released when we talk. It's the weight of everything. Often when we're holding it in, it's like this pressure
and when you release it, it's like a sigh of relief. It's such an important
part of feeling connected and making those
real changes in your life. When seeking advice, go to
the green flag friends first, the people who have
your best interests, the people who say
positive things, the people who correct you in
a very loving and kind way. Go to the person that
you trust to give you honest feedback about
your situation. That is the person who can
help you move the needle for. This is the person
who can help you with highlighting some of the things that you're
working on and some of the things that maybe
you need to improve. If you're having
mental health issues, friends are not mental
health counselors. Even if they are, "Hi, I'm a friend," you may
still need a therapist. It's so important that we're not putting everything
on your friend. If there are higher
level issues or if you need to talk about something
in a different way, that will be a wonderful
time to seek therapy. Before we move on
to the next lesson, I want to leave you with
this: that you are human, which means that you
are not perfect. I practice being an
imperfectionist and giving myself grace when I make
mistakes because I will. When I make mistakes, I try to be compassionate
with myself. This helps me to be
compassionate with other people because
I know I'm human, you are human, other
folks are human, and we do things not always
to the best of our abilities, not always in the best way. When we do, how do we
give ourselves grace? How do we embrace ourselves
and say you're not a terrible person even if you didn't get
this thing right? That's part of learning
how to start over. Even though your normal, you're imperfect,
you'll make mistakes. There are some
things that you're doing that you no
longer want to do. There are some things
that you want to change. In the next lesson, we will dive into some of the
patterns that's keeping you stuck and some of the things
that you want to work on. [MUSIC]
4. Understand Your Patterns: To move forward, we have to know what has been
keeping us stuck, what hasn't worked, and
what we need to change. Patterns are a way
for us to think about the places that we have rested in that we need
to move away from. In this lesson, we will get to the bottom of those habits
that are keeping you stuck. We'll talk about the history of your patterns and how
to move through them. One, we have to recognize them. That is the first step to
moving through a pattern. Two, we have to decide what
we want to do differently. I have noticed patterns
sometimes when I keep getting the same result. When we get the same
result over and over, it is potentially because
we are stuck in a pattern. So just recognizing that something is not
working and there's a history of something not working can be very
life changing. Doing things because
we've always done them one way does not
mean that we need to continue in that same way; it could be something
that we need to change. In this class, our main objective is to do something
different this year, not have the same ways and routines in which we've created
goals or set resolutions, but to do something
completely different. Even looking at
the patterns from previous years or from earlier goals that
you may have had, can really help you shift what you're able
to do right now. Everything [inaudible]
happens in waves, so whenever you get off
track with your goal to think about what led
you to that space, what chain of events happened that disrupted
the goal for you? What pattern where
you experiencing? It's so important to
figure out what hasn't worked and what needs to be
done differently this time. In this lesson, we will talk about how you spend your time, your emotional state, and
your personal narratives. Those are the three areas
that typically keep us stuck in patterns and
repeating patterns. In the workbook for this lesson, I want you to look at
the first exercise, where we talk about how
you spend your time, write down exactly
what you're dealing, and for what length of time. Exploring how you
spend your time is so important because there
are so many things we do throughout the day that steals these moments of time
that we don't even notice. You will be surprised
how much time you spend having conversations
on social media, shopping, or all of
these things that we do, but keeping track
of it will help you understand how you're
spending your time. In step 2, I invite
you to think about, are you okay with how
you spend your time? I am an early riser
and I get the most out of my days when I wake up and I want
to stretch, I read, I journal, sometimes
I create content, and now I've been
trying to throw my morning workout into
this hour-and-a-half. I've noticed that if I get up and I scroll
for a little bit, it takes away from
these other things that I really enjoy
doing that feel me up. I like social media too, but it's not what I want to do the first
thing in the morning. In the second part
of this exercise, I want you to recognize how you're feeling
throughout the day. We're not typically
conscious of how we feel. We only tap into it when it's something that we
don't want to feel. Very rarely are we just like, let me do a temperature check. How am I feeling in this moment? Just noticing your feelings is a very powerful strategy to help you break up
some of those patterns. If you feel disappointed
in your behavior, that's a wonderful way for
you to understand that wow, there's something that
I need to change here. Treat your feelings as data. Don't label them as good or bad, as strong or weak, but just as feelings; they are all important. Anxiety is good. If you were in the woods
and a bear was chasing you, I am so excited that
you feel anxious, you need that to
keep running faster. It's not a bad thing. We need all of the
emotions at some point. It's okay to express them. What is it telling you? What can you change? But use your emotions as data, not as stopping points. Triggers are a
wonderful place to figure out what needs
to be corrected, what boundaries need to be set, what life changes we can make. Once you learn what
your triggers are, think about how that can
translate into life changes. If you recognize that in
the middle of the day, your boss typically calls with a last minute request
and you get angry, perhaps that is a
space for you to say, I need to ask for more time to complete projects or at
least a little more warning. Again, the feelings are data, the triggers are data, so what do you need to do in life to maybe change up
what is triggering you? You don't have to feel any
different way about it. You don't have to feel
less this or more that, but what you can do is really work on changing
the things that you can to have a better life and to maybe experience
less of something. Your personal narrative is the stories that you tell
yourself about yourself, is the moments when you say, I am not this, I am that, and perhaps
some of that is true. A large chunk of that I find is things that
people have told us, is things that maybe we
didn't do well one time. I'm often surprised at the
amount of people who say, I can't cook, and they've tried cooking
a handful of times. I assure you when I started
cooking, I was terrible. With practice, I got better. So if I would have
chased the narrative, I'm a terrible cook, I would have never found out that I can make
a lemon meringue pie. I have a saying that anything
you believe you can't do, you can't do it. One common story that
I hear people say is, I can't make friends, and it really gets in the way
of a person making friends. I think it impacts your
ability to be open, it impacts your
ability to even see the people who are trying to be your friend because
in your head is like, I can't, I'm not willing to. It impacts everything. Your story needs to be
in line with the goal. You can't have the goal without having a
story to match it. I want you to take a
moment to write down the three stories that
you tell yourself. It could be about anything, but what are three
things that are on repeat in your brain
about your abilities, your talents, which
you can and can't do? Write those things down. The thing about stories is
that they need to be explored. What is your proof that
this is even a real thing? Where did this come from? How is this impacting
your life currently? Is it a story you want
to continue to tail? Is it a story that
needs a new punchline? Is it a story that
you want to modify? From these exercises, my hope is that you're
able to apply a new way of conceptualizing some
of your stories that you start to challenge those stories and think about if you want to continue
to repeat them; is it something that has any
use in your life anymore? Now that we've explored the stories that you
tell yourselves, in the next lesson, we will talk about how to
craft your personal creed. [MUSIC]
5. Craft Your Creed: In this lesson, we'll be talking about crafting your creed. Values are a way for us to really shape our relationships, our behaviors, the way
we think about things. If my value is I want to make the best
decision for myself, I want to have healthy
relationships, that value determines
so much of your life. So being clear about the values really help
you shape what's next. Living in a more
value-driven way helps you to be more authentic. Sometimes I think we do these things because
they sound good, they look good on paper, it's what others expect of us. Sometimes I find that when
we are trying to live up to someone else's expectations,
we really struggle. But when you truly
live for yourself, when you truly define
your life on your terms, you're able to feel
better about yourself, you're able to naturally
have confidence. In this lesson, we're
going to dig deep. We're going to really get
into what your values are and how to explore the values and apply
them to your life. In the first step
of this exercise, what we're going to
do is look back at the last 10 years of your life and consider what you wanted and what you actually achieved. As adults, we think of being
proud of ourselves and being excited for ourselves is overindulging and joy,
which is impossible. Sometimes as we're seeing
people be proud of themselves, we even feel something
like, "Oh my gosh, they're bragging," and it's
actually a healthy thing. When someone achieves
something big or small, figure out a way to compliment
them and then think about the things that you could say to yourself that you may think, "Oh my gosh, I'm so proud
of myself for doing this." In the next part of the lesson, what haven't you accomplished? If you say that this
is really important to you and you
haven't achieved it, I would wonder, is this really something
that you want to do or is this something
that just sounds good? Is this something that
is coming from you, or is it coming from society? Is it coming from some other relationship that you should be doing this thing? If there has been
a pattern of you not achieving this
value in your life, it is a sign that maybe you
need to reassess the value or at least reassess the behaviors
attached to the value. On the next part
of this exercise, there's an opportunity
for you to explore who you want to be, what you want to do, and what you want to have. Just thinking about life
in this list kind of way can give you some
ideas about what's next. I think that when you don't
know any of these things, we're just moving through
life in this fog. This exercise is to help
you gain some clarity. I want you to think about
what you want to be. For example, I want to
be a tender parent. For other people, that might
look like, "Oh my gosh, she's a pushover,"
but I want my kids to always come to me
and cry and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, what's going on?" I want to be that person. So I'm fine with the backlash because my value
is being tender. In this area, it's always
best to speak in the present, not I am not, I want to be, I will do. It is best to say I am. I am this thing. I am a tender parent. Just because you say I am, does not mean that you
will be this thing. Manifesting is not magical. That's why we have this
do area for you to think about not only who you are, but what can you do
to be more of that, to be like this thing that
you're saying you want to do. This is the goal part. This is I will do blank. I am doing blank. How do you invite these new experiences into your life by changing
the behavior? I am hugging my kids. I am being there when they
want to talk about emotions. I am validating those emotions. I am giving them
a space to share. Exploring what you want is a wonderful way for you to
work towards something. At the beginning of the year, so many people get
into vision boards. Vision boards is a really
wonderful way for you to have these pictures
of what you want. Healthy relationship
spelled out, it's a car, it's a four-bedroom house,
it's more vacations. But just being able to look at these things in different areas hopefully will
dictate your actions. In this next exercise, we're going to list
five ideas that your friends and family
might be most supportive of. An example of that might be
getting eight hours of sleep. Everybody wants you to rest, so maybe that's one of the goals that you can
write in that space. Next, we're going to write
down five ideas that your friends and loved
ones would call crazy. That might be going to
Bora Bora for a month. Writing down those
really big things that other people might
consider out of reach, or dangerous, or
crazy or whatever, you're actually
setting yourself up for success because you already know that there may be some commentary to get
in the way of your goal. But because you anticipated it, hopefully, you can
push through it. Our goals are personal. So the pushback is not something that you
should take offense to because what a person
is saying is this is something that I don't
think is possible for me. Therefore, I don't think
it's possible for you. They are saying that this
seems so big you can't do it. Neither of you know the truth. [LAUGHTER] We don't
know what's possible. Sometimes the things that
we want aren't too big. They may seem too big for us, but maybe they are not. Give yourself the
gift of possibility. The work that you're
doing here is personal. It is a personal journey. It is a personal process. You are setting your
own expectations, you are considering your goals, you are creating your values. As you're moving through
these exercises, it's important that you
clear the voices of others from your head and really
think about being limitless. This is about saying you can. This is about giving yourself
permission to do something. Clear the static. Join me in the next
lesson where we will start to clear the
mental clutter, release some of
those expectations that are no longer working, and start the process of
building realistic goals. [MUSIC]
6. Purge to Progress: In this lesson, we'll talk about purging some of the goals
that have not worked for you, and considering things that
you actually want to do now. It's so important to refresh
the list to give rid of old things and things that
you notice just lingering. The ongoing to-do list
will keep you up at night, you will literally dream
about doing things. I don't know about you,
but I've certainly had those dreams where I wake up
and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, I forgot to do this," or
I wake up early because I know I have to do
a lot the next day. So to-do list do impact, one, our sleep, but also our mental
and our emotional health. I've noticed that there
are things on my list that just stay on my list and
that gives me the idea that, "Hey, I don't want
to do these things." In this first exercise, let's think about all of the projects and the
goals that you have. Let's start building
these list so we can start to break down
what to do next. This is your invitation
to write it all down, to get everything out, consider what big or small
things you want to do, plan to do what
projects you have, so take this time to write through your list of
projects and goals. Now this is the fun part, because we are going to look at this list and start crossing out some of these
goals and getting to a healthier space
with creating goals. Let's take a look at your goal, and I want you to consider
these five questions. Question number one, do I
really want to do this? If the answer is no, cross it off the list. Do you need to do this? If the answer is
no, cross it off. When you think about this thing, do you feel energized? If the answer is
no, cross it off. Does thinking about this thing
leave you feeling drained? If the answer is yes, cross it off the list. The last question is, why do I want to do this? If you don't have
an answer for that, cross it off the list. There may be some things on
your list that you find for all of those questions
it's like cross it off, but there are certainly things that we are obligated to do. If you are struggling with
some of those things, this is an invitation for
you to revisit your values. To think about why this
thing might be important. You could have
struggled with question five and say maybe
it's not important, but really think about how this goal aligns
with your values. This exercise is important because sometimes we
are doing busy work. If we were in school,
it's like writing the letter A over and over. That's what we're doing
with our to-do list, we're carrying this thing
from one day to the next, we're having this goal over and over and it's
not being achieved. Perhaps it's because we
no longer need the goal, we don't even want the goal, we don't even feel
confident about the goal, we've changed our mind about it. Perhaps, it's something
I need to delegate, so my laundry has to be done. Do I need to be the
person to do the laundry? Maybe I do want to
start a podcast. Do I need to be the
producer for the podcast? Really thinking about how to delegate some of the things that we want to do or have to do can really help
us achieve the goal. Because sometimes it's
not that the goal is bad, it's just that we have to do so much stuff to
get to the goal, and some of the things
that we need to do are not within our skill set. Getting rid of the
extra baggage or the goals that you're not
really interested in, gives you the space to do the things that you
actually want to do. In this class, we have
talked about patterns, mindset, changing your story. I want you to know that that was super intentional because it is challenging to set
goals and this is the difference
between your goals this year and previous years. Now you know the work that's required to really commit
and achieve goals. There are so many
steps before we get to this place where we can
actually set the goal, and that's where
we're going next. This is a time for you to think about all of the
work we've done, go back and look at those
previous exercises, go through your answers, really consider them,
think about them, and craft your goal that
you want to use now. In the next lesson we
are going to establish a mindset and really build a foundation for
you to achieve your goal. [MUSIC]
7. Establish Your Mindset: Now that you have a goal, it's important to have a healthy mindset environment to help you achieve your goal. It goes back to that, I think I can that will really help you get to the
space of doing, being and having the goal. Language is the key to success. So many times people will say, I'm going to try to stop blank. Which means I have no faith
in myself to actually stop, but let me see what I can do. I've heard so many people say, I am going to try to do blank, but I don't think I can do it. Well, [LAUGHTER] I
don't think you could do it either because you
don't think you can do it, and so just being clear that that self-defeating
language will really get in the way of you
practicing something new. We give up first
in our language, not our behavior, so it's really important
that you start yourself off with language that supports you doing
and not trying to do. It's important to just
say what the goal is, don't add your
judgments to the goal. I am moving my body
30 minutes a day. You don't need to have any, but I don't think I can, but I have a lot of
other things to do. This isn't the time for you to list complaints or barriers, I am, not I am trying. It's like a chant, a mantra saying to yourself, this is my goal and repeating over and over that it is
possible you can do it, there are no barriers,
you are the barrier. Those are the things
that will really help you in achieving your goal because it's powerful for
you to talk about the goal, to think about ways
to resist the urge, to betray yourself, or to give in to those outside voices. In this exercise we will be
digging into the self-talk. Using my goal of building
deeper connection. For I am, I might say, I am a good friend. I can speak to my
friends more often. I will resist the urge to make excuses for not calling people. I will allow myself to have conversations without having
a dedicated stopping point. I will allow it to flow as long as the energy
is in the space. I will calm the negative voices in my head by saying to myself, I have time for this,
this is important. The affirmations are important because you need to talk
yourself through this process. You need to be your
cheer squad of one. You need to be able to speak
to yourself at a calm, soothing, and supportive way. I invite you to
complete this lesson, to consider your
self-talk to really explore what
affirmations can help you with achieving
your goal and drowning out other voices and
improving your self-talk. In this next lesson, we will get to the work of
really creating your goal and putting a lot of what we've talked about so far into action. [MUSIC]
8. Commit to Action: For this lesson, I've
moved to my office and this is my happy place. Being in a space that supports
creativity, and energy, and deep thinking
invites me to open my mind to the new experiences
that I want to have. At this time, I want you
to think about where's the place that makes
you feel centered, what place can you go to
to feel more connected. Find that place, get there, and let's get started
on this next lesson. Committing to action is
committing to yourself. Goals without
actions are wishes. They are not anything
that we're doing, it's what we're
thinking about doing. The action piece for some
of us is really hard, but it's also the
most important part. The first thing I
want you to do with achieving your goals
is start small. Think of baby steps
you can take. Small and manageable goals
lead to sustainable goals. When we have really big goals, they don't tend
to stick with us. They tend to be wonderful things that we do for one or two weeks, and then week 3 we're
tired of it because we haven't created anything
that we can do long term. I meet tons of folks who say, "My goal is to read more books." Perhaps they're thinking a
book a month or a book a week, and that's a wonderful goal. But to start, you need to commit to reading a certain
amount of time every day, perhaps 30 minutes before bed or 30 minutes as a part of
your morning process. But there have to be these
bite-sized ways that you can even get to the point of reading a book a
week or a book a month. Shifting the goal to having a daily commitment would certainly help you
reach the broader goal. If a habit every day is too
much, it's perfectly fine. Anything that's done routinely and on schedule is the habit. If it's every other day, that's still a habit. Really consider your needs
and what you can commit to. I'd love for you to pull
your workbook out and get to the first question where we
talk about creating a small, measurable, and realistic
goal for yourself. In my goal of connecting
with friends more, I may break that down into
a small goal of talking to a friend for 30
minutes once a week. The next part of this
that I want to talk about is how you need to
change your environment, your relationships, or
even your mindset to make sure that your
goal is achieved. Certain places or
things that we do can certainly be
triggers for habits, and it's important that you consider either how you'll
manage those triggers or even how you can move
away from the things that trigger you so you can
stick to your goal. For instance, if
you're trying to cut back on your drinking and most of your social engagements are with friends at bars, it would be helpful to move those interactions
to other places, maybe going to the museum, having dinner at home, meeting earlier in the day. One of the things I suggest for people who are seeking
to be more active is to either sleep in your workout clothes or to have them very close to your beds. That way you get up
and you're ready. You're creating
the environment of readiness to really
achieve your goal. Willpower is great when you are already
sticking to a habit, when you've been
committed to it. But for new habits, willpower can be really tough. Just powering through an
unhealthy environment or unhealthy situation
might not work. How do you change the things in your environment to
rise up to your goal? Think about the
challenges that you have, the frustration you feel, the emotions that come up when you aren't able
to achieve your goal. What's contributing to it? Who's contributing to it? Those may be the things that
you need to shift or change. When I think about my goal of connecting with my friends more, it is challenging sometimes to talk to them while I'm cooking and doing
these other things. So maybe I'll give them
a call when I go for a walk or while I'm
running errands. That way I'm in a
different environment and potentially more likely to
remember and consider my goal. One thing that I find
really helpful in achieving goals is replacing one
habit with another. One of the things
that we struggle the most with is time, and we think that we don't have time to achieve new goals. But when we really assess
what we're already doing and reallocating some of our time to these new goals, you will find more time
to complete your goals. For instance, if one of your
goals is to scroll less, use your phone less, it could be really
beneficial to carry a book with you or carry a notebook
or crossword puzzle. Carry something with you
that will distract you from the thing that you
don't want to do anymore. This is a wonderful time to open your workbook and think about what habits you
need to change and what swaps you can put in place to better
achieve your goals. Think of the things that you're already doing that you're like, "I spent too much time
doing this thing." That could be an indicator
that that is an area where you can cut some time
and do something else. Swapping habits doesn't have to mean that you get rid
of something entirely. It could mean you doing
something a little bit less. If we look at my
goal with friends, perhaps swapping the
amount of TV that I watch. I will not give
it up completely, but the amount of TV that I watch to engage more
with a friend that might look like cutting back
30 minutes or starting a conversation with a friend before starting a new TV show. That's a wonderful way to
swap out those habits. Next, I want to talk about checking in on your
progress with your goals. Depending on the goal, that might be weekly, it could be monthly, it could be bi-monthly. But having a regular
process in place to revisit your goals ensures
that you will stay on task. Part of checking in is celebrating when
you're doing well. I am a huge celebrator of self. Probably too much. So I definitely love to acknowledge when I've
done something well. I think of it as being
proud of myself. It could be as big as I'm having a few friends
over to celebrate, as small as I am taking
a lavender-scented bath. Either way, you should be
celebrating your progress. If you haven't been
achieving your goals, it may be an indicator
that you need to reassess. Sometimes we create goals
that sound really good, but they're not for us. I've certainly copied some goals from other people and
I've tried and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, I can't
stick to this." If it was something that
you really want to do, go back and think
about the environment, the habits around the goals, perhaps the people not
supporting the goal, the ways in which
you are not using supportive language
to achieve the goal. But it's really important
that you really think deeply about why you're not
getting what you want. Now in the workbook, you'll find my idea of
a check-in process, but you're also free
to come up with your own process to
use for checking in. Last but definitely not least, I want to remind you to be kind to yourself
during this process. Sometimes we do drop the
ball and when you do, you have to practice being kind to yourself and
holding yourself up. Goal achievers fail, too. When they fail, they keep going. If you have an off
day or an off moment, don't quit, don't
give up on yourself. Be gentle, be kind,
and keep going. This is a wonderful time to take your workbook and look at the
questions from this lesson and really reflect on all
of the things that we talked about and how they can manifest and take
place in your life. I can't wait to see
and hear about all of the amazing goals that you create and that you are
able to stick with. [MUSIC]
9. Final Thoughts: You've reached the [MUSIC]
end of this class, and that is such a big deal. I'm proud of you because you
stay committed to yourself, that is a goal in and of itself. Hopefully, you now
understand how to move past barriers and really get to the point of consistency
and achievement. Consider this class
a practice course, and you can use this
as a tool forever, it is ongoing, so whenever you fall
out of practice, you need a refresher, come back to the workbook, come back to the class, revisit the material and really sit with
yourself and figure out what new things do you need to extract from
this information, to continue to move
forward in your process. Make sure you're using
the project gallery to communicate your
goals to others, to cheer people online, to ask for help or feedback. It's a wonderful community, where you can encourage
accountability. For more from me, please find me on Instagram
at Nedratawwab or visit my website,
www.nedratawwab.com. Thank you so much for
committing to doing the work, and I can't wait to hear
what's next for you.
Nedra Tawwab, Therapist & Author
