1. Discovering the authentic you: Your values

1. Introduction: Why this course: I welcome you've come across this course because maybe you're just not feeling satisfied or content with your life or you struck with decision making. We just really want to learn who that version, that authentic self, who you are. I'm Melanie. I'm a life business and career coach on a trainer. Andi. In this course, we will look at what values are what your authentic self is. Andi. You'll discover what your values are so you can start to make better decisions. Understand? If the job you're in, the people you have in your life fit, fit those values and understand maybe why you're just feeling a little out of balance with your your in world in your own life and maybe those people in your life. I look forward to seeing you in the course on Bond. See you next time. 2. Welcome to Discovering the authentic you: your values: so welcome. You have joined the course on your authentic self, finding your values so that many parts off finding your authentic self. I'm Melanie, and I'll help you guide through in this course finding your values, which is one of the first key parts toe understanding yourself, making better decisions, understanding whether the job you're in is the right job for you and fits. And maybe why it's not making you happy. Andi, decide who the people are that you wanna have in your life that really add value, Andi, and make you happy, satisfied and content. Andi there. We know the number of courses after this. So this is the first in a a Siri's off. Discovering your authentic self. I look forward to sing on the next video by 3. What are values: so welcome. So what? Our values, values of what we put emphasis on, You know, life there, those things that allow us to understand. Are we living life the way we want to? Are we of living life happily, we content. Are we satisfied? Andi, Our values were established in in childhood or from our beliefs on based on a family Andi and people who maybe come into our life. Andi, it's it's really important to understand your values because your values or how you measure happiness, how you measure happiness in the world, how how you measure, whether you're not your content or satisfied on by discovering and understanding them, you can understand what is making you happy and what's not making you happy. So an example of values of integrity, trustworthiness, freedom. Love would be an example of a value loyalty, dependability. So we all have different values, and we also prioritize our values as well. So we will have a lot of values, but then we'll have our top five, and that's what I really want you to discover in this. This course is your top five, the ones that are most important to you and they will change change over time based on maybe you'll have a family and family becomes a higher value. So, so different, different things. So, for example, for May, uh, the reason I discovered my values on Bond found how important they were is I was in a job that I was really unhappy in, and in that job, I really sort of struggled pushing against certain things. And I couldn't understand why I was so unhappy. Yes, it was a stressful job, but I enjoyed the people I work with. I enjoyed the job itself, but actually, when I sat down and I really looked at my values, I realized one of my top values was breeding on. This job was very restricted. It was very 9 to 5 start on time, uh, finish on time or supposedly And actually I struggled without because one of my biggest values being freedom is the freedom to be up to do things when I want to do them on one time was able to discover that I was able to discover then why I felt the way I felt on. Then when I started my business, I made sure that within my business. I had that that flexibility that freedom to be up. Teoh go to lunch for longer to have coffee with people to start later. Start earlier toe work my own time. Now I could have got a job that waas a flexi time on, allowed me Teoh to come in later. Earlier on. That would have definitely made me a lot happier, but I chose to start my own business because I had other values that I really wanted to achieve as well. Doing what I was doing on my own business is it met all of those values. So it's not like a tick list. It's definitely connected to feeling on your your thoughts and feelings. Dr Your Behavior. Andi, they come. Your values are part of that. Your values create some of your thoughts and feelings. So we're going to discover in the next couple of videos what your values are. Andi, how you might use those in life once you know them. Okay. See you soon. Bye. 4. Discover your values: so welcome back. So in this video, we're going to discover your values. So there is an attachment in the project section on, and I want you to either pull it up or down loaded as you do this. You could do with me on this on this video, if you'd like or it will probably take a little longer. So go away and do this. But I need to get some post it notes or something that you can cut little bits of paper up so you can move them around on a pen on. This probably will take about 20 minutes or so. So on the attachment you'll find about over 80 values. Now this is an in exhaustive lit less. There's hundreds values, but it's just a idea of the type of values, and you can add your own, as as you identify them. So I'm going to ask. It's serious questions just to help you define your values and get closer to them. Andi. This is also on on the attachment as well. So But maybe write your answers down as where, here, sort of what you're thinking, because what I want you to do when you're doing this values exercise. It's really what comes to mind it. It's what comes to the top of your head, what pops up. So pay attention to that. Okay, So I want you to first write down what's important to you. When were you happiest? Okay, so think of the time when you were happiest. What were you doing? Well, with people. We were they Andi Was there anything that contributed to your happiness? So just take a moment. Write that down. You know, when were you happiest? Okay, Now, the next series of questions is think about times that you're most proud. So these so these questions or scenarios that I'm asking, uh, will help. You just sort of understand yourself a bit more. So when you look at the list, you can start to write down these of the important things to May, because you should identify them as part of these. These questions, we'll do another quick little activity as well. So this this is one. And then there's another one which might resonate with you, uh, differently. So So continue listening. So when we proud, Why were you proud? Who did you share it with? so to share it with friends. Family. Who was the first person you wanted to speak to? And what other factors contributed to your being proud and feeling proud? Okay, so the next one was Think about times when you were most fulfilled and satisfied. Andi, what need and desire was fulfilled. How did that feel? Did that give your life meaning? How did that contribute to your life? So I want you just to think about those, um or if you want, you can make it specifically this activity around a situation So it might be you're looking to understand your values around work or your values around relationships. Now, if it's around relationships, then just think what matters to you the most around relationship and you might say trust. For example. That's just any example. This there's lots. And then you would ask yourself the next question. Okay, what's more important than trust in a relationship? And then I want you to come up with in each of these activities. So the 1st 1 with all those questions I want you to put on each post it note the 10 values 10 different values, one value on each post it note that matter to you most. The ones that are the top priority that you think? Well, yes, these matter. So tape 10. Because you're going to narrow it down to 3 to 5. OK, now, with the relationship one, you might just do five. Andi, if you want to do it around work, it might be what matters to you most at work. And then once you have that, that question it might be for me, it was freedom for you. It might be something else. Accountability, responsibility, different things. So it is very different for all of this. And then once you have that 1st 1 then ask yourself again what's more important than, for example, for me around work, it was freedom. So if you're doing the first activity on these Earl written in the attachment, you'll do 10 posters and one value on each posted. No. Okay, and then over the next couple of days, pop them on the fridge or some way you could see them. I want you to stop pulling them down until you have 3 to 5. No more than five values, and these are your five priority values. The things values that matter to you most right now in life. And if you've done it for careers or relationships specifically, I want you to now it down to three. Okay, So what? The most important things to you in life. And in the next video, what we will do is look at them. How do you use that information? Okay, speak, sing. 5. What do I do with my values: welcome back. So you should have your core values now. So these these will lead to be your 10 values. Um, on post it notes still on. You'll narrowing them down. Or maybe boarding narrowed them down. Well, they could be the specific relationship or career one. So what do you do now? So it's really important now to understand. So the first question is, What? How did those values look in my life? So what is important to me in that value? How does it come across in my life? Andi? As I said, freedom was one of my values on it was understanding that actually was having the freedom to be out of start on time. Start when I wanted, in my own time to get a good lunch with friends toe have that flexibility and freedom in my life. Now, if it's someone else, freedom might mean the freedom to travel. Andi. It's very, very different. So it's then understanding what those values look like. So if you now take those 3 to 5 values that you have on, then think about them in five areas of your life. Start with yourself. So how does that how you look in me and how I, um, and how I interact with the world career or job, you know, what does that look like? Why is that important? How would I measure my happiness against these values? So let's say, uh, money is a really important value to you and you're working in a charity and you're not earning a lot of money. Then that is something you may be feeling uncomfortable with your your job. Andi were dissatisfied. So self career relationship. So let's break that down, though. And I want you to If you have a partner, Andi. This is something that might feel a bit uncomfortable doing if you have a partner, but it's it's really important. Just understand that to their values. Match mine. Because sometimes that you know, it might be the cause of arguments. Now, just because someone's values don't match yours doesn't mean that it's the end of a relationship. It just means you understand why those bits of friction are going on, and you can start to think I get that. That's not as important to them as it is to me. So, for example, let's talk a little bit about important. So we're talking about 45 core values at the moment, 3 to 5 core values. So I have a friend who, um, it's really important for her and this is no value, specifically, but it's just in example, she hates that her partner can't put the top on the toothpaste. It frustrates her, drives her crazy Andi she she gets frustrated. So the thing is, so she had a conversation with him recently about it and in an open conversation because it was really frustrating. Parent, I know it seems small, but, uh, you know, small things sometimes in late two big things, and she sat him down and they had a conversation and she said, Why can't you? You know, she's nagged him. He you know, he does it for a week, and he doesn't do it anymore. When they spoke, she realized it wasn't a priority to him. It wasn't something that was important. But once he understood how important it was to her, then actually he was able to see it. From her point of view. She was able to see understand, from his point of view, why he wasn't doing it, that it wasn't on purpose that he wasn't trying to annoy her. Andi, from there, they were able to work out when they have worked out a way, uh, of of working together around that because it's so important to her, he puts the cap on the toothpaste. So what? Another example is, um and this more about understanding. I have one of my values is time keeping Andi for me. I have a friend who does not value timekeeping at all. Andi. Even now, I I was meant Teoh catch up with her later today. Andi, she's going to be an hour light, so I've had to cancel that. Now I'm aware of that. It still frustrates me. But once I started to understand that my value of time peeping was up here on her value of time, keeping it doesn't mean that she was in value. It it's just not what if I top priorities and we can only have a certain number of priorities. So for her, she's got other things that are more important. And it might be that, um, you know, she looks good before she leaves the house or whatever it is, it's different on DATs. What maybe takes her time. So I value time keeping quite high. She doesn't so, from a value point of view, it doesn't mean when not going to be friends because she doesn't It means that No, I don't tell her half a now earlier. That's but actually I've had a conversation with her about why it's so important because it's such a high value for May. It's a really, really important thing for May. So we've had a conversation around it and she makes a lot more effort now. And I'm a lot more relaxed about holding on to that value because I understand it from her point of view that she she doesn't have that same same value as I do. So if you're thinking, you know relationships, so we're thinking your partner, it just because you've got different values doesn't mean it's the end of the relationship. But it does allow you to have conversations around things and understand things from each other's point of view. If you're if you're looking to date, though, it is a really good thing toe. Understand your values on understand? You know, if someone else matches those, and maybe, you know if we think about political beliefs. Belief, uh, you know, is a value as well becomes a value as well. Andi, that might be something that that is a hard to know for you, uh, with, you know, the way someone thinks about the world. So if you think, uh, yourself career, your partner, Andi, I think if you think is well around your friendships, So this is the other thing. I hear a lot of my clients talk about how frustrating their friendships are, and maybe as they've gotten older, the friendships don't necessarily meet whose I are now, and then that's okay to change. Okay, so it's okay to change these things. So that's four area is not five, Andi. So I want you to look at that with each of your values and just look and think. Okay, so how does that look? What does that value look like for me when I'm, um when I'm living in and breathing it Is it Is it really important that someone else in my life is Is identifying or living against that? Funny in my job is that making me unhappy? Because I'm No, it's not meeting my values or dissatisfied. So these are the important thing. So have your values. Visual talk about them discussed them with people. That's really important really helps. This resonate with you further on. The more you talk about this, the more you understand yourself and your values and what's important to you, the more you can understand who your authentic self is. Who is this person? What's my voice? What am I thinking? Who am I? What do I want to say to the world and how do I want to feel about the world? Andi, Knowing this is the first step in, it's the biggest step is, is knowing your values. Andi, your beliefs are also values. Your values are always the Leafs, but your beliefs always values. So on the attachment, you'll see this. There's an activity shed as well for you to measure your your values against the different areas in your life. On just continue measuring your life against your values to see whether or not they are. They are making you happy. And then I do this activity now every year because my priorities change. Andi, it's a really, really lovely thing to be on live my life against my values and know what I'm measuring my happiness against. I hope you enjoyed this course. Andi. I'll see you in the next room by