Original

UNSW Sydney - Australia's Global University

https://www.unsw.edu.au/

UNSW Sydney, a Powerhouse of Cutting-Edge Research & Teaching in the Asia-Pacific. UNSW

Sydney is Ranked 45th in the 2018 QS World University …

My Rewrite

University of NSW Sydney - Study with the world

https://www.unsw.edu.au/

Why are so many successful people alumni of UNSW? Because of the practicality of the teaching. Find out today how you can take your education to the pinnacle.

Benefits of mine:

Heading

• States the word University 'what people would be searching for
• Study with the world is  a benefit rather than a feature
• Maximised letter count

Subheading

• Challenging question
• States a fact (that there are successful people who studied there)
• Call to action - 'Find out today'

Benefits of the original:

It seems more proffessional and less gimicky I think.