Polish that: Original & Revised Two Brothers

Polish that: Original & Revised Two Brothers - student project

Polish That Page: *Original*

A chilly engine room in the underbelly of the starship the U.S.S Lagertha illuminated with a dark red light that plays a tug of war with the shadows casting queer shapes to the eye and machines noise echoing around.

"Surprised to see that your sober at this hour what's the occasion?"

"Oh ya know the struggles of self betterment"

"Cmon little brother don't think for one second that i can't do my job you don't have to look after me like some lost child"

"Mmmm..well even though your not drunk you were late to your post this morning i can-

"Had to replace a power cup link this morning and if it didn't get handled then we'd be on the road for engine failure so I'm sorry for doing my job"

"Listen Marcus let's not do this right now i came down here because i need your help on something"

"Umm my help?"

"Yes your help...It's about Kaliopi."

"What?"

"She want's to enlist in the marines"

"Soooo what did you tell her"

"Hell no she can't i won't let her"

"And you need me to do what? talk her out of it?"

"Guide her decision on this"

"She's a grown woman now man she can decide on this herself and figure it out-"

"NO..she's got much to learn and going to the marines isn't going to help her grow anymore! she's a bright young lady and her talents would be wasted on the marines, i think she needs to apply for a position at Sparna"

"Sparna!?? Those stuck up assholes!? you might as well sign her up to be apart of the council with that weak suggestion!"

"It would be good for her you don't understand how intelligent she is-"

"No it seems like you don't understand how intelligent she is! if you think she's a smart woman then let her make a decision for herself don't be a control freak or you'll push her away"

"And how in the hell do you know that huh!? how do you know what's best for my daughter?"

"Well i spend time with her for one! i know she despises being controlled and she's smart enough to understand when she's being controlled so don't ask me to do "guide her decision" because it won't work.

Carter does his best to calm himself down.

"I don't want to lose her the way i lost Samantha..."

"Look.....i...it won't happen that way alright she's got us to look after her she will be okay, she's from our bloodline the Greys she will be fine little brother"

"That's captain to you"

"Whatever man, just don't push her to do anything let her decide for herself, she's smarter than you think-"

"And dumber than you think"

"Just let her come to you on her own, she's way smarter than you and me"

"Yeah maybe...look were closing in on our first combat zone of this expedition and i don't need her to jump with the trigger happy meat heads on my ship alright, just look out for her."

"I got her man you don't need to tell me twice"

"Okay good...get this deck ready for a combat drop were wheels up in five."

"Yes sir"

Captain Greys walks away in the dark leaving Marcus to stew on there talk.


Polish That Page: *Revised*

The Lagertha's engine room had a heavy chill to it, the pipes hissed with steam and the red lighting illuminated the darkness birthing shadows that dance in the hallways.

"Surprised to see that your sober at this hour what's the occasion?"

"Oh ya know the struggles of self betterment"

"C'mon little brother don't think for one second that i can't do my job you don't have to look after me like some lost child"

"Mmmm..well even though your not drunk you were late to your post this morning i can-

"Had to replace a power cup link this morning and if it didn't get handled then we'd be on the road for engine failure so I'm sorry for doing my job"

"Listen Marcus let's not do this right now I came down here because i need your help on something"

"Umm my help?"

"Yes your help...It's about Kaliopi."

"What?"

"She want's to enlist in the marines"

"Soooo what did you tell her"

"Hell no she can't i won't let her"

"And you need me to do what? talk her out of it?"

"Guide her decision on this"

"She's a grown woman now man she can decide on this herself and figure it out-"

"NO..she's got much to learn and going to the marines isn't going to help her grow anymore! she's a bright young lady and her talents would be wasted on the marines, i think she needs to apply for a position at Sparna"

"Sparna!?? Those stuck up assholes!? you might as well sign her up to be apart of the council with that weak suggestion!"

"It would be good for her you don't understand how intelligent she is-"

"No it seems like you don't understand how intelligent she is! if you think she's a smart woman then let her make a decision for herself don't be a control freak or you'll push her away"

"And how in the hell do you know that huh!? how do you know what's best for my daughter?"

"Well i spend time with her for one! i know she despises being controlled and she's smart enough to understand when she's being controlled so don't ask me to do "guide her decision" because it won't work.

Carter does his best to calm himself down.

"I don't want to lose her the way i lost Samantha..."

"Look.....i...it won't happen that way alright she's got us to look after her she will be okay,she's from our bloodline the Greys she will be fine little brother"

"That's captain to you"

"Whatever man, just don't push her to do anything let her decide for herself, she's smarter than you think-"

"And dumber than you think"

"Just let her come to you on her own, she's way smarter than you and me"

"Yeah maybe...look were closing in on our first combat zone of this expedition and i don't need her to jump with the trigger happy meat heads on my ship alright, just look out for her."

"I got her man you don't need to tell me twice"

"Okay good...get this deck ready for a combat drop were wheels up in five."

"Yes sir"

Captain Greys walks away in the dark leaving Marcus to stew on there talk.