Song: Wake Me Up by Avicii, Demons by Imagine Dragons

Memories:

• I got my period and we moved away.
• I was in eight grade when I told the girls at a birthday party about the sexual abuse.
• I asked for Julie as a support friend, because I had a crush on her.
• I moved to Simone for a week.
• Grandma visited that week.

 

Essay:

 

The first big thing I remember from the year I turned fourteen is my period. I got it on a sunny day. I was still thirteen as I had to wait almost the whole year before I would turn the age that the year 2014 clearly indicated. I got my period on a sunny day in 2014 at thirteen years old. I had felt some discomfort in my lower stomach while being in the city with mom. At home I went to the bathroom and there was just a little bit of blood. I felt sick to my stomach and faint, but then I realized it was just my period. And in a moment of near panic I pulled my knickers up, rushed out to the kitchen and told mom. That year was also the year I told the girls from my class at a birthday party about the sexual abuse I have been subject to. It was Tanja’s birthday.

 

Now that I think of it, it was very rude of me to steel the light like that. All those years I have been judging Simone for bursting out into tears at hearing my situation. We all had to comfort her, but mostly I had to comfort her. She was my BFF. I was thinking at that time something in ways of: I just told them I have experienced sexual abuse and yet it is her we have to coddle. And all this time I have been blind to what Tanja might have felt.

 

Frankly, Tanja took it the best. She didn’t seem vexed with the drama in the least. She was assertive, as much as a fourteen-year-old can be, and was the most steady and supportive presence at that short time before I was handed off to the system. I believe it is her that brought it before our teacher in school. But when the time came for the initial talk with our teacher Jeanette, I picked Julie when I was offered to take a friend with me. I did think of Tanja at first, and mind you I wasn’t particularly good friends with eighter of the two girls, but I liked Julie, even though I didn’t fully comprehend it back then, and wanted her attention.

 

The talk was had. A case was opened. A visit to the police station, the state authorities, psychologists and so on. I don’t remember much of the important things. What I do remember is the week I spent at Simone’s house, well sort of, while mom was moving. That week grandma came from Poland to take care of my little brother. The week after when we were settled in our new flat she would call and lament that I didn’t come home while she was visiting and my stomach churned with guilt. I still wonder if she knew why she had to visit in the first place.