More

 

I am so stressed. I almost pressed the button buy. Yes it is so tempting because I will pay for it in 30 days but I realized that I have to pay for the staff I will buy, they give me the opportunity to pay later so that I will buy more and they will sell more. But I find myself so tempted to have all this things, I want to have this short, clothes, bags, sunglasses, accessories, shoes and bags so that I can have more I want to look just the right but  outside I will look rich and in the right colors and inside I am broke and freaking out because I don’t know how I will pay for all of those things.

 

In the last days I have received some clothes and staff from friend for free they were really good quality today I decided to open new bottle of perfumes but I still landed on that page adding staff from sale to my basket and almost clicking on, buy. I have things why do I still want more and more and I seem to be never satisfied with what is already in my closed what I already own.

 

This poor child that I was in the past is shouting all the time I want more to feel better to feel I am not poor any more because I have all those things and they fit to each other and they are new and they are not something from many season before, I belong to present to what others look like, what other have.

 

How can I talk to that kid that buying more and having more will only drain my account it will not heal my wounds. Having less and caring less for having stuff will be the remedy to find peace and harmony because I will have money to live in harmony from day to day, enjoy eating good food and knowing I have savings in my account if anything would come up.

 

How can I explain it to that scared and traumatized kid. I am so stress and I almost made a 300 purchase debt to pay from next month salary it’s like stealing from my future.

 

How can I calm this kid inside me?

 

Room is empty there’s no one here but I had to wash my hands they were sweaty. I had to close my computer my head was heavy from making the decisions although there’s no one here I feel like taking part in a heavy battle and who has won at the end?