Stefan Petrucha

Écrire des bandes dessinées : Un guide complet

<p>You have a solid grasp on the format and the word/pic relationships. If that’s the DH format, cool – there is variation.</p><p>Personally I find numbering each WB , double-spacing dialogue and using all caps makes for a tougher read. Check out the Manosaurs script (which should work now) for comparison.</p><p>By and large the pacing is good, and we get straight into the action. Your descriptions are solid, but could be shortened here and there. For instance, do we really need to know the ocean is 100 feet past the drop at that point?</p><p>The dialogue is good, fits the page, and some character comes across, but giving Jason and Chup more personality would invest the reader more. (Use a different Jack &amp; the Beanstalk reference up front?). Sam is the most developed in terms of personality.</p><p>2/1 	Its unclear how J’s body would be positioned if he’s being apologetic AND dropping his board AND getting ready to flee. (Also, wallet is clipped to wal)</p><p>2/2	Is it important to the story which foot Jason uses to push off?</p><p>2/3	Chups repeats himself. We already know it’s his. Opportunity to give him personality.</p><p>3/1 and 3/2 could be combined if you’re concerned about space.</p><p>3/2	Mention the ragged shoes the first time we can see his feet.</p><p>3/4	Could be split into two panels – a) impact b) phone chat.</p><p>4/1	Since we’re changing location, describe more of the gym area, including fence we see next panel. How does Raja know Chup had steak?</p><p>5/3	Unclear why Raja thinks Sam is misusing the snitches phrase.</p><p>5/6	Why is Sam running? Sam just grabbed Raja by the shirt.</p><p>I didn’t think Pg 2 was cramped, maybe Pg 5 – but whenever that’s the case, either try to combine panels, or start a new page. Good start!</p>

<div>Thanks for making all these good points. Most were invisible to me before and I’ll definitely take your advice and hunt down similar things in the rest of the script. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>&gt;&gt;2/2 Is it important to the story which foot Jason uses to push off? <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I included this in case the artist isn’t familiar with how skateboarding works. There will be a lot of skateboarding in this, and that aspect needs to be consistent to be authentic. Does information like that belong on a separate character description page outside the script? <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>
&gt;&gt;4/1 How does Raja know Chup had steak? <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>
I expected a reader would infer that was in the first part of the phone call that wasn’t shown, and/or that being bodybuilding associates, Raja would know Big Chups’ eating habits. Is that an unlikely assumption? <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>
&gt;&gt;5/6 Why is Sam running? Sam just grabbed Raja by the shirt. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Does it seem like they’re running from Raja instead of Big Chups, who they were told would be there in a minute? The latter is what I wanted the reader to assume. In actuality, Sam is running with Jason’s skateboard to get him to follow her before he has a chance to ask for it back and go his separate way. (That will become clearer on the next pages.) <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>
Thanks again for the feedback.</div>

Briefly –
2/2	If its about skateboard form, I’d just include an image for reference. 
4/1 &amp; 5/6	Not inferences I made. In any case, not the sort of thing you want the reader to have to think about – gets in the way of the flow.

You’re welcome - best of luck with your writing!

<p>Here’s my 5-page script introducing two main characters, Jason and Sam, and the setting. The story would be for a standard-size US comic book. I used Dark Horse Comics’ recommended scripting style, which to me is neater and easier to read. <br><br>Pages 2 and 5 feel crammed, but I think the pacing would be off if I condensed or bumped any content. Any thoughts about that would be appreciated.</p>
<p>5-page.sample:<br>https://drive.google.com/open?id=1gOZAto7XfhSyDzKi26Lm1TcEaF7fmgIW</p>
<p>*Sorry, I can’t seem to make a live link or upload directly.</p>

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