First and foremost,

 

I took this course basically because I was curious to discover if there was some sort of special formula for writing remarkable opening scenes in all forms of creative writing including stories and scripts. The teaching method was superb, taking apart the whole concept of writing opening scenes and breaking it into bits and pieces. 

It is particularly amazing that Daniel used the initial and final script of his very own story to explain and illustrate each key point. The exercises at the end of each chapter made it easy for me to apply each concept immediately. It moved me from simply listening and learning passively to actively practicing. 

The mind blowing part which ended this course beautifully was when Daniel read the initial and final script of the story. In the other chapters, he had used snippets for the purpose of teaching. However, hearing him read the full text of each draft, made the essence of the whole teaching even more profound. 

As he read the initial draft, I thought to myself: “But this is also captivating. It’s beautiful enough.” Then, when he read the final draft, it all came full circle. It was simply beautiful. I really hope to get my hands on the full book soon. 

 

My Project:

I used a story I first wrote in 2021.

This:

I'm just a Christian girl with a coconut head and a soft heart.

On regular days, I love the cold. But tonight, the shivers are coming from my guts to my bones and bursting forth into goosebumps on my skin. Maybe it's because l'm lying on the grass in a large open field with just a shirt and a pair of shorts. Or perhaps, it's because there's a door wide ajar in my heart. Sincerely, I'd like to close it myself but I'm told that it doesn't work that way. Trust me to be stubborn enough to still try- more than once in fact, but the thing is even when I close it, it's still open.

I'm hoping you can lend me a word of advice, perhaps even two or three because

I'm beginning to doubt what I was told. They said it's gonna to feel warm and fuzzy, that there'll be tingles in my tummy and on my skin.

Errrrr... they said something about butterflies too, in my tummy. If you laughed, I laughed too.

How can butterflies fly in a person's tummy?

This thing sounds all too mysterious for me.

But, I kinda just met someone.

A few weeks ago.

 

First Draft

Action words: shivering, lying

I realized that there are not so many active words and most of what’s going on are the internal thoughts of the main character and she is simply lying down on a field.

 

So, I rewrote it to include some more action. 

 

New Draft

It's a cold night and I'm so far away from home. Still, it’s not the cold that has me pacing back and forth on the grassy field. It’s my heart. 

On regular days, I love the cold, but tonight, the shivers are coming from my guts to my bones and bursting forth into goosebumps on my skin. There's a door wide ajar in my heart that I would like to close myself but I'm told that it does not work that way. That this space that I feel doesn’t make me incomplete but it can only be filled by someone I choose. 

It’s all so confusing and I’m hoping you can lend me a word of advice, perhaps even two or three because I'm beginning to doubt what I was told. They said it was going to feel warm and fuzzy, that there'd be tingles on my skin and butterflies in my tummy. If you laughed, it’s okay. I laughed too. 

How can butterflies fly in a person’s tummy? This sounds all too mysterious for me.  I’m just a christian girl, with a coconut head* and a soft heart*.

But, I kinda just met someone.

A few weeks ago.

*Coconut head - a stubborn personality

*Soft heart - deeply emotional

I think this really sounds way better.