My younger self had a series of unhealthy, abusive, terrible relationships. I had a lot of anger toward myself, and toward the men who degraded me and made me feel worthless. I would put in so much energy, even put myself through physical pain, if I thought it meant it would please them. I went through so much trouble to placate someone who was a bottomless pit, and would only appreciate me for how it made him look. And that's how i came up with the idea of "wax figures" - looking perfect, polished, and not human. Because an abuser doesn't want a partner with feelings and boundaries and emotions - they want someone who's absolutely dominated, docile, like an emotional slave. Nothing you say or do in an abusive relationship is quite enough, they will be perpetually dissatisfied with you and they'll make sure you know it.

 

 

 

Gotta shine the brightest in the spotlight
Dancing to eternity for just one night
What’s it gonna take to win you over?
Or am I just another girl off your shoulder?

Putting on the act and never miss a beat
Dolled up in gems and silk, polished perfection
Praying that tomorrow I’ll win your affection

Everything inside is insufferable
All that matters is the peripheral
I don’t wanna believe it, but the fact lingers…

I’m just another one of your wax figures
Picture perfect face set in place for your gaze
Choose to use and abuse me, I won’t be fazed
Just a pretty wax figure in your line of prizes
Shining in the spotlight for your moment of desire

Knowing it’ll end in disaster but I still run faster
Conflating the passion as the defining factor
How could someone make me feel such pleasure
Feel nothing at all when we’re not together

Getting ready to face the music
Thought I had it, but I’m gonna lose it
Put my dreams on hold just for you
I’m doing the most and you never come through