I feel like this quote can so easily be misunderstood. Either interpreting it as a motivating force that borders on delusion like, "I don't try, I either do it or don't! Trying admits defeat and I cannot be defeated." Or interpreting it as a discouraging extreme like, "Of course we try and fail and get back up again. It's not ok to villainize 'trying'." However the rhetoric can get pretty circular.

I like to interpret it as a mindset of commitment. Commitment being the success. Being half-hearted especially when it comes to something important would be a failure because if you don't want to commit to it why bother doing it in the first place. Of course fear of failure can be paralyzing. I know I'd love to pursue storytelling, drawing and writing and publishing are all things i can and have done in the past and each have plenty of faults. I'd certainly like to believe that despite those flaws the fact that I've shared art and stories and even published books that probably still have more than a few typos because I didn't want to fork over the money to get it edited and I just was tired of it sitting on my hard-drive. I'd like to believe that because I published and shared flaws and all, I succeeded. Yet by practical metrics I have made maybe a collective seven dollars in two years since I've done so. In that way, most of my creative pursuits are abject failures.

When it comes to other secular pursuits, the domain of my website portfolio expired so now I found scraps of evidence of my education and skill regarding graphic design and drafting are meager. I don't want to spend more money to be walked through putting together proof I can do a job that pays, but more and more it seems I lack the motivation to do anything for that. Getting odd jobs of taxiing and delivery driving and anything else I can do remotely helps keep my schedule fluid, but I often fail to get a productive routine that can pull me out of debt faster. Job-hunting being a pretty busy work can be such a hassle especially if they ask for a letter. I used to think that a resume would be enough and an interview would fill in any gaps, but having worked with some who had only the resume and an interview showed that they often lacked motivation: sounds familiar.

Socially I'd say I've lost more friends than I've made, sometimes due to such a small slight on either their part or mine. And sure I'm eager to forgive, but even good friends drift over time either through distance or lack of common interest. I could probably find some common interest friends online with forums and the like, but it seems like such a mixed bag and of course too many creepy stuff on the internet. It's probably old-fashioned but unless I can meet with someone in person, I can't imagine getting close enough to them. So the easier path of isolation instead of growing as a person and taking more initiative to keep bonds strong would be a failure that I'm guilty of, but certainly now that I've put it to words is a failure I'll learn from.

For my image I'll put the 24-hour comic that I posted a while back to illustrate the digging deep this project made me do: https://www.instagram.com/p/CF57owuhWzh/?igshid=YjgzMjc4YjcwZQ== . 

Off I go to try less, do more and be better.