Update 16/02  - Final Pass

Phew! Nearly a year later and here we are, just finished my last and final pass. I did lots of research regarding storyboarding in the last year and learned heaps from you guys and your projects. Thanks a lot for looking and sharing awesome critique! This class was certainly a game changer for me!

Enjoy and keep rocking!!!

Dan

Update 07/09

Hey peeps, just some more scenes in gif form and a few changes to the beginning to clarify and simplify. If you have any thoughts to it let me know! Thanks for checking out!

the following scenes will come shortly!

Update 19/08

I improved some continuity and added the dialogue text (please forgive my spelling mistakes, I'm not a native speaker :) Thanks for checking out. Let me know what you think!

"Look, a free spot! ... LEONIE please leave your seatbelt on! We're there any minute!"

"i'm coming, just a second." "Pool, pool, pool! I want pool!"

"POOOOOL!!!!"

"Alright, come on out. But stay close, there are passing cars everywhere."

"I WANT POOOOL!!!" "Huh!? Wait, come here..."

"POOL TIME!!!"

"Slow down Leonie!"

"Hi! Two please!"

"Umm, two???"

"Okay, and now your swim suit. Um, wait Leonie daddy needs to but on his stuff too..."

Squeak... "duh-dudu, the shoes come in here, WAIT, slow down Leo!!"

"Grrrrrrrr, I WANT POOL!!!!" "Hey I'm still naked... just .... one ... minute!"

WHAMMM!

"Where did I put it, ah there it is!"

"GAHHHH! WAIT YOUNG LADY!!!"

"Got ya! Not so fast Leo!"

"How about we check out the deep pool and practice these swimming moves again, huh?"

"Come on, you remember the breast strokes."

"No?"

"I want slide! No swimming!"

"Okay, okay, easy."

"Lets go to the slide then." "YEAH!"

"Come on daddy! This way!"

"Umm, Leo?"

"But daddy takes your hand when you're on it okay. The water is very deep."

"Uh what did I say Leo?!" "Excuse me Mister, but are you supervising her?"

*I can't look at this...* "Come on Leo please give daddy your hand?" "I can do it!"

"Aaaaah!"

"Alright, come here, i'll help you now." "Huh???"

"No, daddy!! Leo alone. Leo big girl!"

"Yes you are, but you can't swim yet."

"Leo big gir..."

"Aaaaaalllllll.....!" "LEONIE!!!"

Blub blub blub

"Oh my god!"

GASP!!!!

"I got you. It's okay."

"And up! I got you."

"Are you okay? That was dangerous Leonie." *Cough Cough*

"You held my arm! No pushing daddy!"

"Huh?? But I just wanted to hold you!"

"But it hurt. I can do it, daddy!"

"Sorry love! I know you can do it yourself."

"It's okay daddy."

"Hey Mister!"

"Is everything okay?

"Yes, yes. We're okay." "I just saw her going under and was about to jump in myself..."

"Yes, she's fine now."

"Kids, always onto  their own agenda, hey!"

"Wait WHAT!!!"

"DADDY! SEE, I'M A BIG GIRL!"

"Yay! Yay! I love water!"

"Huh?!"

"Geronimo!!!" "WHAAA...!!"

SPLASH!!!

"Roarrrrr!!!!"

"HARRRRRR!!!! I'M THE WATER MONSTER and I GET YOU!!!!!" "Hihihihi daddy!"

THE END

Update 29/07

Finally some thumbnails up! I'm trying another idea for the ending here. I was looking for a funnier resolve to end it than what i originally had in mind. Let me know what you think :)

Update 29/07

just some ref from the web to add to my idea of the setting, some acting and overall mood.

Update 26/07

i'm just laying out the story a bit more, just to paint a clearer picture for the upcoming thumbnails.

What does my character want: I want to show my daughter how to swim

Active pursuit: We arrive at the pool and I take her to the deep pool away from the play area

Obstacle: she has her own agenda and runs off to the kids slide

Active pursuit: I want to hold her so she doesn't fall into the water

"it's all ruined moment" : she pulls away and falls into the water

Active pursuit: I dive and rescue her

Epiphany: I realize that she only slipped because of my impatience

Ending: When i realize that Leonie already sneaked back into the water I jump in and chase her through the pool

______________________

Update 25/07

Okay i decided to go with idea #2. The paradigm lesson was a great revelation for me. I realized that the story lacks the "It's all ruined" moment and the epiphany. So I rewrote it a bit and added more conflict to raise the stakes. the part were Leonie nearly drowns is fictitious. Let me know what you think :)

Revised plot outline:

Water Monster

Last weekend my daughter and me went to the swimming pool. When Leonie saw the water she got so excited that I could barely put her into her swimsuit.

“Let’s go to the big pool first” I said but she went straight to the inflatable dinosaur slide in the kids’ pool. Among kids twice her age Leonie waited for her turn to walk over the slide.

Finally she was up. I jumped into the water to walk besides the slide. “Please give me your hand so I can hold you” I said while trying to grab her. But she pulled away and slipped. With a scream she fell into the water.

Without hesitating I dove underneath the slide and after her. As soon as I had Leonie, I pulled her up and out of the pool. At the pool edge she gasped for air and took deep breaths. I was so relieved and hugged her for a long time. I realized that she only slipped because of my impatience.

While the pool attendant enquires if everything is alright, Leonie sneakes back into the water. When I look for her I see her among other little kids already waving at me. I feel like I've been played and jump in as well. Finally the water monster shows his real face :)

Revised Paradigm:

Revised Location plan:

_________________

Hi everyone, finally got time to work on this. Here are 5 ideas i brainstormed. Would be great to get lots and lots of your feedback :) Love everyone's work so far!

idea 1: "We got this." - A tale about noobs

When I was 20 a friend of mine got me into graffiti. One night we headed out to an abandoned construction site to lay waste to some old buildings. But the darkness fuels all sorts of fantasies and we got so spooked, we nearly wetted ourselves.

idea 2: Water Monster

“Quick daddy, water, water!” When she sees water nothing holds her and you can be lucky if you get her into her swimsuit. So hop! in we go and straight to the dinosaur slide. Among kids twice her age my daughter waits for her turn to walk over the inflatable dinosaur slide. Finally! I jump into the water and walk besides her. I’m not allowed to hold her hand, god no. Only this one time I’m allowed, when she needs to get up this thing, and whohoo! down the slide and into my arms. She dips under water and I pull her up. With a big smile she shouts “more, more!” and we go again.

idea 3: My friendly house share with ten foreigners and the mice between the walls

The Nunchaku-obsessed Tekken-fanatic, his Katana swinging bro, the eccentric French girl, the lonesome surfer dude, the long-haired Saxon warrior, the actor girl of many forms always in disguise, the mysterious girl who was never around, the guest on the couch, the crazy girl with the evil laugh, the vinyl collector, me and my girlfriend fight the mice in the kitchen on the last evening before we moved out of the “hippie commune”.

idea 4: Driving home with our newly born daughter

We had everything packed and carefully lifted up our little tiny daughter in her carrier. Quietly we said our goodbyes to the nurses and made our way down the elevator to our car in the hospital car park. I remember reversing out with our little daughter and my wife in the back felt so intense. Like hundreds of emotions at once. And so I drove slowly out the car park and onto the street. With 30 km/h I rolled through the city, up the hilly road and over to the peninsula. The whole car felt like a raw egg with a shell so very thin and breakable. I wanted to lift the car up and carry it with my hands over to our house. But I had to drive past all these fast cars and over busy intersections. Finally we reached the house. I will never forget the moment I carried our five-day old daughter across the doorstep.

idea 5: The day the earth shook

Last Sunday Wellington, the city that I live in, was hit by an enormous earthquake. I was in an Andy Warhol exhibition looking at Polaroids of an 18 year old, curly haired Arnold Schwarzenegger showcasing his arm pit and biceps when suddenly the whole building shook like jelly and people dropped all around me to duck and cover.

i would probably tend to do either idea 2 or 5. Let me know what you think!