CWP. Write a Scene:  assignment ‘write big’

The crowd had been growing since noon. There was still no sign of the police Damn them! I stood by the phone awaiting a call back from the dispatcher in the Sheriffs office. Bill, Ron and Sally stood by me, all looking concerned. Should I send them to the safe room in the hidden basement. An agonizing thought, I wanted them safe and I needed their help. I would want to help was my next thought. and I had absolutely no idea of how to proceed. I couldn’t see my way clear to breakout the arms that staff had secured in a large gun safe also in the basement, or to what? I couldn’t think clearly. I felt stuck. Frozen. I shouldn’t be this frightened. They couldn’t murder us all and in broad daylight with the police surely on their way, could they? My mind raced and my ears rang. I couldn’t move. The next moment was the worst of my new life.With a deafening crack and smashing of glass, a brick came into our lives through the living room window. My heart jumped into my mouth and I retched in terror  A wave of shame ushered in the thought: I have let them down. I am a coward. “ Oh God, they are all looking at me, I’ll have to tell them” went through my head.  I wiped my mouth on my sleeve, got up, shaking my head and loudly, way too loudly, I yelled; “Okay, listen up! Everybody”

Re-write, change of tense....

The crowd is still growing and has been since noon.  Still no sign of the police, Damn them! That damn phone is mocking me. "Bill, I'm waiting for a call from the dispatcher in the Sheriffs office" I said looking at Ron and Sally also standing by, concerned. Should I send them to the safe room in the hidden basement. An agonizing thought, I want them safe and I need their help. I would want to help is my next thought, and I have absolutely no idea of how to proceed. My mind is racing: Should I breakout the arms that staff had secured in a large gun safe also in the basement, and do what with them? I can’t think clearly. I feel stuck. Frozen. I shouldn’t be this frightened. They couldn’t murder us all and in broad daylight with the police surely on their way, could they? With my mind racing and my ears ringing, I can’t move.I can't think and then comes a moment which is the worst of my new life.With a deafening crack and smashing of glass, a brick crashes into our lives through the living room window. My heart jumps into my mouth and I retch in terror  A wave of shame ushers in the thought: I have let them down. I am a coward. “ Oh God, they are all looking at me, I’ll have to tell them” .  I wipe my mouth on my sleeve, get up, shaking my head and loudly, way too loudly, I yell; “Okay, listen up! Everybody”

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