MY 4 BASIC SENTENCES:

1. Lightning occasionally flashed across the sky.

2. The sea was rough as dark clouds gathered overhead.

3. Waves crashed against the rocky shore during the storm.

4. Sailboats bobbed and swayed in the strong winds.

 

MY ANALYSIS:

• They lack sensory details

• They are very generic sentences. It is too basic and states the obvious.

• They do not facilitate a connection for readers.

• They lack strong words and specific details to help the reader's imagination.

 

MY NEW DESCRIPTIVE PARAGRAPH

• The sea roared with unrestrained fury, its restless waves towering and crashing against one another like duelling titans. Each one surged towards the shore with an untamed energy. Their white crests gleamed briefly before dissolving into a frothy, churning mass as they tossed the sailboats around in a chaotic dance. Angry clouds gathered in brooding clusters, obscuring any hint of sunlight. But they couldn’t stop the strikes of lightning from cutting through. The wind howled in protest, whipping the salty spray into the air and stinging the faces of those who dared to brave its wrath. In its explosive rage, the sea seemed an unstoppable force of nature, the greatest reminder of the incredible power and unpredictability of the natural world.