Marshall Rimmer

How to Win the Internet: Writing for Sketch Comedy

i liked it,just had one of those"what the hell was i doing" moments the other day,id like to see where the rest of the story goes,but good stuff.

Really funny concept, Natasha! I think everyone definitely can relate to zoning out and forgetting the simplest of actions. Here is my feedback for you:1) Right now this sketch feels like it would have a runtime of about 40 seconds. I think it's a solid concept that you can expand into 1:30 to 2:00. The script has most of the necessary elements, but you need to add some meat. Once Amy notices Natasha's pick, we should begin elevating the tension with this conflict. We should be able to get a good minute out of an exchange where Amy wants to tell Natasha about the pick, but for whatever reason she decides against it. This dynamic should be the driving force behind the sketch.Maybe Amy is about to tell her but then Natasha accuses her of stealing it, causing Amy to become offended and not offer help. I'd like to know a little more about the roommates. Are they on good terms? What if Natasha is bumming at Amy's place and Amy want's her to leave? Natasha mentions needing the pick for a job interview and Amy excitedly begins to point, but then Natasha takes another jab at Amy. The scene doesn't need to play itself out as a fight, but I'd like to see some back and forths, ups and downs with the pick dilemma. That is where the emphasis of the sketch should be. Think of how this part of the scene could build before Natasha leaves the room. Maybe there's a third roommate who is introduced? It would be good for Amy and Natasha to end the interaction on slightly different terms than they were on when the sketch began.2) The punch is funny, but I'm concerned that it's possibly too drawn-out, taking emphasis away from the meat of the sketch and slowing down the pacing on the way out. If you're planning on shooting the sketch, I wouldn't have more than 10 seconds after Natasha exits the room. I believe that you can fit all of that in 10 seconds, but you just need to be careful about it.3) Make sure your scene headings are in ALL CAPS.4) Another ending which could be funny is that Amy hands Natasha another pick. "That's the one!" She grabs it and sticks it in her hair, now wearing two. "Now, I have a blue one that I really like. Have you seen that one..."5) Be careful with the active voice. Instead of "Amy on her bed typing on her laptop as Natasha enters", it should be "Amy types on her laptop as..."Great stuff! I'm excited to see how it progresses.

FADE ININT. Amy and Natasha's apt - DAYAmy on her bed typing on her laptop as Natasha enters her roomNatasha: Hey girl have you seen my pick? It's the one with the fist. It's Black...Amy still typingAmy: NooooopeNatasha: Are you sure because I left it in the main bathroom but I cant remember what I did with it after that.Amy stops typing and looks up. Notices the pick is in Natasha's afro and begins to try to tell her...Natasha: Never mind (laughs nervously) Im sure it'll turn up somewhereNatasha exits the roomAmy: That girl is always forgetting shit. (laughs to herself)Amy gets up to grab a bite a in the kitchen while she's focused in her phoneNatasha: FOUND IT! (O.S.)Amy enters the kitchen still looking at her phone (beat) looks up and puts down her phone. Baffled as to why she came into the Kitchen.Amy: Why the hell did I come in here?FADE OUTTHE END

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