Drawer

Katy‘s character profile

This character profile is not thoroughly fleshed out with a name, geographical location, socio cultural background etc- but for some reason I felt it not necessary to think about. 

I based my brainstorm solely off myself and my own fears. So if "I" mix with "the character" in this text below I apologise for confusion caused.

Brainstorm

  • My own fears
    An insane fear of heights
    The fear of not being accepted
    The fear of self identifying and having a hard time putting my personal interests first.
    The fear of vulnerability & showing vulnerability.
    The fear of not performing (does this have a more concise wording?).
    The fear of money (Yes. I am literally afraid of money.)
    The fear of showing my true self. (Ties in with vulnerability)
    The fear of leaving my computer during work time/study time.
    The fear of not being a fast enough learner.
    The fear of betrayal.
    Wondering what others think of me induces an incredible amount of pressure on me.

  • Character fears
  • One Existential Fear
    The fear of self identifying. What is meant by this is that the character embodies the feeling I (the writer) experience when being asked “what do you like?” “What are your favourite pastimes?”. The reason I struggle with these sort of questions is that I am a sort of Mary-of-all-trades and no one specific thing seems to stick to my velcro patch.

    When I look at others- they seem to have it all figured out. My husband loves video games and technology- my mother loves gardening and agriculture. My in-laws love travelling and my brother loves boats (he is a Captain, actually). And I? … My interests spread so far and wide I seem to not be able to catch and bottle them up in one place. It makes me feel distant and lonely.

    The rare moments I do get to catch an interest and keep a hold of it long enough to examine it- I might conjure the confidence to share it. Which brings me to the next fear.
  • One Psychological Fear
    Anxiety. A crippling social anxiety- that is. Now, it might not seem that way from the outside since I am a bubbly, seemingly fearlessly open and extraverted individual (at least I try to induce the idea of such a character for myself when I interact with others)- but yes. The anxiety is real. So real my body feels like plastic constricting and contracting under the heat of a lighter from the moment I wake until the moment I fall asleep.

    Sharing my love of something feels great- but the fear of my interests being judged or questioned induces a pulsing fear so great I rather keep a closed agenda and tread lightly in a relationship of any kind.
  • One Social Fear
    Being criticised. This fear stems from the way I know I critique others. I am a glass half empty type of person when it comes to judging someone in the broad sense of it. I am scared to get a taste of my own medicine.