Social Skills & Communication Skills: Make friends and Create Amazing Relationships

1. Welcome & Overview of the Course: Most of us are not born with natural social and interpersonal skills. In fact, confidence and relating to others is something that is learned, something that we don't just come equipped with. And it's very rare when we are actually raised with these skill sets, interpersonal skills and social skills is something that can be learned and can be practiced with the right mindset and really mastered to the point where you can create relationships, could create connections everywhere you go in for any area of your life, as well as for any purpose. It's all about creating the right mindset from the very beginning and practicing the right habits, as well as being friendly on a daily basis. Whether you're shy, introverted, have social anxiety, you have fear of rejection or overly critical of yourself when you're relating to people, when you're starting conversations. Or even about thinking about starting conversations, which definitely has been me. This is a course that will help you with that. The area of social skills, interpersonal communication and all this is something, again that can be learned and can be practiced starting today, whether it's in your hometown or all over the world. You can do this. You can start practicing today and start improving your skills very, very rapidly with small steps. And in case you needed permission to be social, to be friendly, then this is said, the truth is, you do not need permission to be social, to be friendly or talk to anyone. You don't need to have the right situation or the right excuse to our conversation. You simply give yourself that permission. My name is value pianos and I'll be your competence and social skills coach today. Now I wouldn't consider myself a guru or anything like that, but they do very well in this area. And that's because I've invested over 20 years in learning the secrets in the mindset on how to be more competent, how to be more social. And I've also taught thousands of people just like you, to better their life in general through social skills, through confidence, and many other mindset tricks that I'm gonna be showing you in this course. You'll go from being shy, perhaps introverted, and being afraid of rejection, again in eating an excuse or a reason to start a conversation with someone, to being just playful, having fun along the process, feeling more confident and really transforming your social life and building really incredible quality connections. And yes, that means during COVID as well. Now the pandemic has changed so many rules of interaction and so forth. But the fundamentals have stayed the same. So sign up, transforming your social life, create amazing connections, again in your hometown or all over the world. And I look forward to seeing you in the first lesson. 2. How to Approach this Course: Okay, So here are some things to keep in mind as you're going through this course. Number one thing is that I always say in all my courses is that mindset is everything. Perspective is everything. The way that you perceive live, the way you perceive yourself. Of course, one of the biggest, really, the biggest, most important thing that you can really think about, as well as how we perceive other people and how you relate to other people. For example, from an internal point of view in your mind internally, emotionally, are you greeting people from the get-go that really determines your energy as you actually inaction to greet people. Mindset is everything. So keep that in mind as you go through this course. So when it comes to mindset, it really is something to focus on as you go through the course. Focus on learning as much as you can about it. Focus on learning as much as you can about the right habits to establish both in terms of your mindset and settling down your mind everything, as well as what are the actionable steps that you take every single day without fail? Simple ones. And again, not a lot of them figure out what those actions are. Beginning to do them on a day-to-day basis as a priority. That will have to be the most outlandish steps. Crazy things, that can be very simple, things that I'll be teaching you, that you just simply do everyday. Understand that the wave that live in the way that you work is that in order to have something, in order to create a manifest something, you first have to be the right person for that. So first-come, comes beam, then comes doing and then comes having, being the right person. It's all about mindset and coming from the right place, the right perspective. And then comes doing, doing the right action, saying the right things that will naturally and automatically come out based on who you are, based on, who will be based on your mindset. And then you begin to manifest and create incredible, great relationships and so on and so on everything pretty much I want one more thing that you also want to keep in mind as we go through this course is that you want to take it in small steps. I always say this with a lot of these social skills courses. The reason for that is because you can overwhelm yourself and quit or not take any action to begin with. So take it in small bites. So I would say you might start with a one year goal of where you want to be in one year after this course. And you break it down into quarterly goals or quarterly projects, or quarterly. Then you want to take and then you break those into months. And you break those into weeks, and then into days as you begin to create these habits. So have those milestones that way. If anybody has worked on, incorporate or has created a business, that's really how it works. You get to your goals to break them down into manageable, digestible bites. So another thing in regards to take it into small steps is I love the analogy of really running a marathon. When you're running a marathon, if you start and you're starting, you're starting, you're running everything and you begin to feel a little windy. You begin to feel a little needs to feel the stretch in your body. You're probably going too fast. You burn yourself out from the very beginning. So again, if you're not feeling that burn and all that, It's a good site actually. Is that a bad sign? Again, you are going for the long run, in the short run. And this is how you want to look at this. If you want to make this not only permanent, but something that really becomes who you are. Because you want to think of this really as a being, not only who you are, but it being a lifestyle. So if this sustainable, not something that you just kinda do for a year or half a year for a month. And then you put away and then you focus on whether they know, it just becomes another thing. Later on you minimize on you don't focus on as much and you work on other parts of your life and that sort of thing. But again, it has to come from a place of being and really seeing it as your lifestyle. There are certain things that you think you need to do socially. Or I might have been mentioned in here, that don't go along with your lifestyle thing, don't do them. Do them wherever your lifestyle is already. Yeah, of course. If you're not coming out of the house, you must get out of the house to socialize. But otherwise, if you're working at a nightclub than socialize with people at the nightclub. If you're working in corporate, if you're working in a coffee shop, whatever it is, work with what you've got in your environment and your lifestyle. So that's part of taking small steps. Taken a better way to say it is the easiest path when it comes to take the path of least resistance when it comes to taking action, it's sort of like creating really durable habits. When you're gonna go exercise, you set up everything, you set up your clothing, you set up everything that you possibly could mean to make it super, super easy and have less obstacles to actually go workout. Some examples of small steps are simply waiting if people are nodding, We're seeing high. Think of this as starting interactions, not conversations. You don't have to have the greatest thing that you see. It gets people going in and out procedure. You could, but it's not necessary. That's what I mean by small steps. In these small steps like waving at people. They compound, they add up over the years. They add up over the months or even weeks, they add up. And all of a sudden you find yourself that you are the more social person and your friends circle or whatever are in there, wherever you go. Basically, you always want to have something to say. You don't have to have some crazy, you know, it's great that you've memorized or something like that. It simply things that you will always work sample, start conversations, how you always introduce yourself, how you always exchange information or give out your information or ask for people's phone number or e-mail, whatever it is that you're doing, or Instagram, whatever it is. There's a way that you do it. 3. Start Conversations: Ask Questions: Alright, this is gonna be a great lecture for those of you that one, really practical advice and one, and start applying these things socially and really start getting some practice in the field, if you will. So we want to go into the three ways of starting conversations. And those are the first one. Start is asking questions. The first one is to ask questions and really be genuinely interested in whatever topic you're asking questions about. Being the lookout for things that catch your attention and asked about it. Be curious about it and be genuinely curious about it. Don't just start a conversation and retain or it has some self-deception around that you actually curious when in fact, you might want some attention from this person. So again, be genuinely curious and start conversations from that curious or curiosity standpoint into a new hobby. For example, your specific topic you're learning. You see someone doing it or reading about it. Ask them about it. How long have you been doing it? If there are more C-shaped or have more experience than you, then ask them tips. So that's how you want to really do it. Maybe you're in a new place. You want to know the best places to E, you want to know the best bars in town. You want to know what things are going on on the weekend. And again, all this stuff, especially social questions, can lead to exchange any information. So you could say, what do you know what's fun is? We can what's going on That's fun this weekend. And they tell you and you can use send me the address or are you gonna be there? Let me know. I'd love to join and if you're gonna be going in as well, that sort of thing. So you can always turn that into a social situation and social exchange of information just based on asking social questions, what are you up to this weekend, that sort of thing. There's also a query plan ways to start conversations in this method number one, so why don't we may say, How's everything? So how's everything is such a general question, but it evokes basically any topic that the person in front of you might be thinking about, how's everything, why were these gradients have that? Things are, these are okay work is this and that or the other or, you know, my my daughter my son just graduated high school or college. I don't know. Whatever is going on in their head. A may come up that in that question. So how is everything can also be extended into highways, whatever they're doing in front of you. How has it reading going? If they're reading in front of you or you're at a bar, for example, how is a dream or the drinks here? Any recommendations, that sort of thing? How's it going? How is XYZ activity going? So you can apply that question to everything. So really, really brilliant way to start conversations and get into what people are interested in talking about. So that's the, that's the first way to start conversations. Let's go on to the second week. 4. Start Conversations: Use Humor: Okay, so the second way to start conversations is pretty straightforward. It's humor. Humor is obviously a very effective way because it gets starts things in a very positive manner. And I'll give you an example of humor. And so it's, for the most part I do observational humor is something situational humor if you want to call it that. So as I was writing this course and I'm really going through what I was going to be speaking about on these videos. I was at a coffee shop and a woman was coming into the coffee shop. She put on some frustrated putting some hand sanitizer and it kinda just went all over the place. Went on her shirt, on her fans and everything. And she seemed kinda embarrass looking around and see if anybody saw. And of course, that's where you get more experience. You begin to really see what people are thinking or what's going on, right? So I said, don't worry, nobody saw that. Obviously, it's kind of a job because I saw that. And but it's kind of like an insider secret, right? She's lives and it's like, and then I say also another sarcastic thing which is, don't worry about it. It only it only got on your shirt and pants. That's okay. So again, very serious face. And those are the kind of situational, humorous things you can be observing and you can be commenting on and really practice that witty weightiness about things. You find certain patterns like really seen, again, sarcasm, things that, things that are the opposite of what's happening or exaggerating the obvious is different ways of being here, Maurice, you can really begin to find a lot of situations that can be commented on and you can start conversations that way. But more than anything humorous also about not seeking approval and not wanting validation. So a lot of the humor is on the delivery and humor is not in terms of a needle behavior like Hey, hope he or she laughs at my jokes. It's simply about having a good time and observing things that you think are hilarious and that's it and commenting on them. And you can have pre-planning and ways to start conversations or to simply have conversations. Again, I've mentioned this in other courses and so forth, is that if people were asking me, How are you, I say something unexpected, like terrible. And then they chunk or the lab because it's unexpected things. Humor is also about leading a person somewhere. And then I'm going to give me a little bit of a twist. So I might say terrible and they're like, Why? Why is because it's a very sunny day and really just kinda hating them in here by the beach or something like that. You might say something sarcastic like that. And then they'll like with a smile of course. And then like okay, this person joking around. So you can use that to really great humor even with pre plan. I guess, discussion bits, if you will. 5. Start Conversations: Be of Service: The third way to start conversations is to be of service and to live for situations where you can actually help people. Honestly, one of my favorite ways, if not the favorite way to really create a connection, an instinct connection, trust, and really start things on the right foot with people. Now one thing to keep in mind is that your interactions, whether it's asking a question or were there, it's saying something humorous or whatever it may be or being of service. It kind of echoes in your life, in the person's life, and in the world in general. What does that mean? It means that you're creating change by helping people really break out of their shells, connect with each other. So you're inspiring them potentially to pay it forward is what I'm trying to say. To give you a bit of a perspective as I was writing also this content. I live here in a community in platelet carbon, Mexico and I met some new people from Canada who told me what they did for work about, about their family and aspirations, et cetera. What they're one of the waiter comes by to chat for awhile. Same with the kitchen. Even the staff from the restaurant next door to me come in and say hi. So after so many interactions and really asking questions and just being what it is currently myself. I'm talking to everyone. Then another friend and neighbor is walking by and sees me. It comes by, start talking to start stocking to me as well. The point is that all of this builds up over time, especially if you're in a stable place, but even in the night going out or in a day, hanging out and socialize and you can build it up. You can see the momentum buildup, but not only that, it defines your energy. So moving forward, meaning this means that the more you are this way, the more you are energy builds up and the more positive interactions you will have. So the more you're interested in people, the more you help people, the more you see things that are trying to find humorous things. And the more you are this way, the more it builds up and it becomes more and more of who you are. Point where your energy is just that. It becomes something very powerful and positive based on these actions that you're taking and the ways that you're thinking, of course, look for situations where you can be of service. If people are struggling with the door carrying stuff that's come in one or simply holding the door for someone for no reason. Perhaps people look loss and you help them in that way. Again, this third way really is letting go of what we have, especially in the West. A very rushed manner of living. It really caused for you to slow down and take a moment for your fellow humans basically. So in the last week, there have been a couple of issues or situations where I saw someone with a bicycle and a flat tire close to my apartment, so I decided to help out and help them out with your tire. Another situation I see a couple of guys trying to start their manual carved by pushing in. And so obviously struggling one isn't that we all want and it's kinda pushing it. So I went over there as like, Alright, well, if you have a little bit of time, I would say really look for those situations. And honestly, they can be some of the most human connecting moments you can have. So if you're doing any, anything at all in this course, this course, I would urge you to do this to look for situations where you can help and you'll feel great. You'll be helping someone in potentially, you'll be really making their day and creating a better world. And honestly that's what it's about. It's about, as the quote says, being the change that you want to see in the world. So anyway, not to get too philosophical here, but I think it is a 1001%, 100% prove that this will work in terms of starting conversations if you simply look for ways to help genuinely. And yeah, let's go into the summary of how this all works. Alright, so to summarize all this, I really mean it is all of these methods are a 100% during T2 work. I'm not saying that because of these methods, you're going to land your next relationship or great business deal or whatever it might be. But I knew or even having an incredible conversation, but I do guarantee that you will have a very nice, whether it's a brief or longer interaction for sure. So now what happens if you see someone who you wish to have a conversation with? One of these three methods. I don't know how I don't have anything in a metro area by anything. I don't have anything funny to say. They don't really seem like they need help or anything. How do I start conversation? Do I even start a conversation? Well, that'd be genuine. If this kinda comes up. Don't worry about it. The thing is that there's nothing wrong with just saying, Hey, how's it going, and that's it. So if you, if you don't find yourself in those three scenarios, that you can start conversation than just simply say, hey, how's it going? Hi. And another pro tip, by the way, especially when you're walking, really cross from people when you're coming. Let's say you're on a sidewalk and you encounter people, approach. It really is. You actually have to look at them in the eye. If you want to practice eye contact, please do so. It's incredibly powerful. Social power. Well, I love eye contact, but many times you've just seen AS going, how's it going? And let's say the person is over here. You're not even looking at them because you're going to keep walking. Rates up to say hello even more. Because maybe there's not that. I guess, if you want to call it intimacy when you look into someone's eyes, if you will. So play with that and play with eye contact. Eye contact. It's truly seems very basic, but it's one of the fundamentals and what are the most important things you can practice. So practice that. And again, that's kind of a tip there to really have your greeting people. You can just say, hey as you going or not, make eye contact or nothing at all. So play around with that. Other than that, I didn't mean to get too sidetracked, but I think tried out those methods and put some comments on this course. Let me know if you have questions about it, what your results are, or are there specific situations that you're like, well, how do I start a conversation here? Let me know. More than likely my answer is going to be, Hey, how's it going? Hey, how are you? Very simple. It's all about your energy. Again, what you're visualizing, what you're really intending before you even go out. So that's it for this lecture. I'll see you on the next one. 6. Master your Mindset - THE MOST IMPORTANT THING: Alright, let's get into mindset now. Now, I've mentioned that mindset is everything that mindset is what dictates your vibe and what ultimately dictates your results, and who you're being and the energy you're putting out. There is definitely very more thorough ways to get your mindset down, but the easiest and most effective way for you to see quick results in regards to mindset and how things really develop when you're out and about when you're hanging out with people or where you're socializing is simply a visualization. So I'm sure you've heard of visualization, that whatever you visualize comes to be and so forth. It's a way to retrain your mind and retrain your belief systems in terms of creating a new way of socializing, a new way of being and new results. So if you're having negative results, the easy answer is just begin to visualize the opposite of what you're experiencing. So for example, if you're experiencing situations where you're not taking the actual situation where you're not starting conversations. Perhaps you visualize simply the opposite. You are saying hello to people who are saying high. Now what you'll notice is that emotions will come up. And really you'll feel as if you're going through that situation, which is great because your mind can tell the difference between what's imagine and what's real. You will begin to train yourself not only to take that action, but if you visualize the right result, you'll be practicing perfect action, if you will. So that is a way to do it if you want to get a little bit deeper into this and actually make it a routine where you're really digesting down your belief system all the way down. You might want to go out with a journal. And I did this for years. I would go out with a urinal and just write down the belief systems that come up. Whenever I am feeling wanting to talk to someone but not being able to do it. Especially when the anxiety, maybe anger, depression, frustration may come up during those situations. You want to drill down what is going on inside of your head at that point. Once you get it out, it begins to lose its power, but even more, when you get it out and you simply read it on a piece of paper, you can rewrite it into the positive, into a positive story. I'll go into rewriting your positive story in a minute. But that is another way to really begin to recreate that mindset that you have into a positive one. And to go further into this in terms of visualizing, recreating your story and all this when it comes to socializing, I want you to know that energy is everything. Energy is what people feel, what even animals feel when your approach a dog, when you approach a cat or whatever animal, they feel your energy. And so whatever is going on, if you're calm and peaceful, if you're assertive, you, if you have a certain presence about you, than they will feel it whether it's another person or an animal. So that is what we're working on really here when it comes to mindset. 7. Visualize your Way to Social Success!: Going further into this, when you begin to work on your mindset, you want to also be thinking about how you're being, but also what are people? How are people responding to you? What are people doing? How are they reacting to you? So you want to put that into your visualization and really begin to make this. I have it on a daily basis before you go to work, before you go to a coffee shop, before you go into any social situation. After you practice this enough, it becomes automatic and it becomes something you expect similarly to what you're living right now because you've trained yourself, it's happened, maybe maybe bad things started happening and then you train yourself that that was the way things are. Well, you can train yourself that the positive things is the way things are for you now. Alright, so here's a quick example of what to visualize. I know I spoke about maybe your greeting people and that sort of thing. But let's take it a step further if you are ready for this and if you feel comfortable with taking it to a positive extreme, this visualization might be for you. So the way to do it, it'll begin to really think about the place, the situation, or the people that you normally might be afraid of, or that might be a challenge for you to socialize. And now as you think about this, you know, visualize yourself working in very competently, really see yourself as you would walk kinda slow in slow manner, in a very competent manner. The way you look around and maybe your mannerisms are slower than usual. The way you look that way you keep eye contact with people. I should walk in and people just began coming up to you. They began coming up to you and saying, Hey, what's your name? You have such a great energy. I love to meet you. Usually come out and talk to people, but I just wanted to come in and meet you and people are saying this to you. So they come up, see that? No, I love to hang out with you. What's your phone number or I love to do depending on what you're trying to accomplish with your social skills and everything, it could be, I love to do business with you. What kind of business are you in? You might even be very specific. The more specific you are, the more powerful this can be. You can be if you're in real estate or if you're in a certain kind of business, it might be, you know what? I actually do this type of thing. So maybe something you're looking for. And what a question is that I made here. They're saying that they come up to you, they greet you and you're saying hi to people. You're kinda the life of the party everywhere you go. And that's where you want to visualize. You want to visualize yourself almost like a celebrity and your energy is just on everywhere you go. Whether it's a networking event, whether it made, maybe you're having a lot of online events, maybe it's Zoom meetings. Maybe you have that energy and assume meeting and people are like, You know what? That thing that you said was incredible, That was amazing. And you're getting compliments for everything. You're seeing your contributions. Same in-person while you look great, I love your smile, I love your eyes, I love this or whatever it is that you want people to say to you. Begin to visualize it. It began to really feel it. And really again, put images of not only what people are doing, but what they're seeing and how you're feeling about it. So that's how you want to visualize another tip. As you're visualizing this is keep the picture movie so you can tell I'm speaking a little faster than usual, getting pumped up. So get pumped up, use your body and really get the feeling of what it's going to happen. Really cemented onto your every cell, if you will. Other than that, you want to keep the picture moving. So what that means is a way to keep your attention and focus on this picture is continued to picture this in your moving around the room and people are coming up to you and whatever it is that you want to happen, just visualize that, but keep the picture moving. You're moving around the room, people are coming up to you. You're going on to the next ways, whatever it might be, just keep it moving and it's a great way to keep your focus on your visualization. 8. Master your Social Life in Segments: Master segments and what are the segments? What I call segments is specific venues or specific situations that you want to master. Perhaps you go to the gym every weekday. Perhaps you go to the coffee shop every weekend or every weekday. You have your place of work. Maybe it's at home nowadays with after the pandemic you'd become remote. So now you go to a coffee shop, whatever it might be, where you find yourself most of the time, you want to master those segments. And again, be specific in that way. Be specific with the venues you visualize, but also be repetitive. So you can start to master those segments and those venues right now, but beginning to visualize positive outcomes at each venue and at each specific segment in each specific situation. So think about it that way when you're visualizing. I'm gonna go to the coffee shop and this is where it's going to happen. I'm gonna go to work and this is what's going to happen. I am going to go out for drinks with a bunch of friends and this is what's going to happen. I'm going to go, There's networking event and this is what's going to happen. You get the point. So that's why you want to, That's how you want to structure these visualizations as you socialize. And it'll make socializing and visualizing that much easier because your specific, your segmented in that way and you can begin to master those things rather than trying to master everything. And those things will bleed out into your everyday life. And even the way you interact with your family and the way you interact with people in general. So keep that in mind as you're visualizing. Now, a couple of things. When it comes to what I just mentioned about visualization and the specific visualization that I gave you is that the better energy you have and the less blockages in terms of your mindset belief systems that you have, the less effort you'll have to exert socially. But I mean that both in terms of actually being an effort to take action and start conversations that feels less forced. But also in the way that many times you might not have to start conversations or even exchange information. People will just start conversations with you and they will ask for your information or whatever it is that you want it to happen based on your resources and based on having less resistance around those things. 9. Try this Empowering Social Visualization: As you stepped foot outside and walk towards the place, you often go to people who are already greeting you, waving at you, saying Hello for no reason whatsoever. People that you wish to meet are smiling left and right. And once you get to the pleasure going to it's complete pandemonium. Strangers you want to meet are coming up to you saying that you have such an amazing energy and asking if you want to hang out some time, everyone is bringing new super warm, especially the ones that you wish to connect with you. More. Or those that you may not get along with in the past. They love you, they just come up to you and even hug you. Of course. I just want to hang around you and they want to be a part of whatever you're doing because of your energy. Everyone is asking you to Danielle and you have to end conversations and interactions first because you have things to do. In all of this continuous as you go off for fun, waiters, waitresses or restaurants, or upgrading you to tailor those, giving you stuff for free. If you're traveling for attendance or upgrading, you are better seeds. The same thing goes for hotels. They are upgrading to the sweets and kinda crazy stuff is happening to you. Everywhere you go. 10. Rewrite Your Story & Change Your Social Life: So realize that whatever you visualize is where you're gonna be projecting on the outside. What's gonna be, really be created on the outside. So think about it that way. The only caveat to this is that if you have a limiting beliefs or emotional blockages and all that, you want to begin to heal those there are many different ways and forms of modality for healing. So you want to explore that. I'll let, I'll let that be explored by you on your own. Since I want to really get focused on social skills, but healing and meditation, which I will cover on this course, will help you improve that energy and create an incredible social life with a lot less effort. I mentioned before is recreating your story. So we all tell ourselves as specific story and we all have a specific self-talk that we do all day long. So again, the reason I say go around and carrier Journal as a practice, maybe do it for a week and really write down all your negative believes that come up when you're out and about. Again, you don't have to go up and say hello to people and then write your negative beliefs or something like that, which you could carry around and then right afterwards. But you could simply just begin to feel what belief systems you have around people in socializing with people by what pops up in your head. Write stuff down, and then once you have maybe a few pieces of paper that you wrote down, you want to write down the opposite of what you wrote in this piece of paper. So if your row, for example, whenever I go out, I feel afraid of talking to people, they see busy or I don't know if I have permission to talk to them. You could say they're always open to talking to me, talking to me no matter what they're doing. And I feel like the owner of every place I go to the unofficial host. So in a way, giving yourself permission to talk to him. So you want to really recreate that story in the positive manner and also begin to be, has to be positive also in terms of not having non-negative. Now having negative words, which means like NADH, I don't never, those things that still will point to something negative that happens like I never get rejected. You still focusing on rejection. So you want to really stay away from that. Obviously in the present tense, which is the way you want to do affirmation is the way you want to do visualizations in the present tense. And shoot for the fence. If you're feeling comfortable with it. It's okay to feel the hip being uncomfortable with certain stories and everything. And that's part of stretching your mind two possibilities. But for the fence, when it comes to recruiting your story, your story is whatever you wish it to be. So if you have a lot of negative self-talk, self-talk, sometimes you have to be extreme with things that might sound arrogant if you say them out loud. So it's okay to say, I'm a celebrity everywhere I go and the owner of every place. It helps combat that negative self talk that you might already have. So again, write down the new story and you can say it in front of the mirror, or you can simply just visualize it and have it be your guide in terms of why you visualize. Again, I want to say that you really want to be specific with this. You want to be specific with the type of people that you're meeting. Obviously don't limit yourself because people are oftentimes not what they appear. So sometimes what we want in life is not often what actually is going to be the best for us in life. But in terms of places, be very specific or where you go and and how you're meeting people. So be as specific as possible with that. So continue in this whole visualization and regrading your story practice. You don't really use this to conquer your fears. Use this to conquer anything that gives you anxiety. So what kind of people are you most intimidated by? What kind of places are you most intimidated by it? I know when I first started, it was in my early early 20s that I really went full steam ahead. And I started going to very high-end places to get used to those venues. I don't come from a wealthy background. So for me, those things intimidated, intimidated me. So whatever He intimidates you, as long as it's safe. Definitely feel free to visualize that and then go to those places and begin to master it in that way. So whether it's again or maybe it's your dating life that you're using this for your dating life. So specific with what kind of what kind of man or woman that you're trying to meet and where are you You're meeting? There may be wherever you go. You don't have to go somewhere new. Just visualize YOU, meaning that type of person, wherever you normally go and visualize what happens. What did they say to you, and how does that conversation go and what happens next? So this can be also for improving your business life. So when people are you meeting under your regular life with your own business or are you meeting the right kind of clients or I kinda partners. If you are working for someone, are you what is happening in terms of your interaction with your bosses? And so on and so on. So you get the point. Be specific. So to summarize, here, is everything into just you want to go out with the journal and whether you're starting to socialize or not, that's fine. Just write down all the thoughts that come up in specific situations and specific scenarios or venues that are limiting you from being social and from feeling comfortable in social situations. Now, you could do this before or after your regrade your story, but you want to start visualizing an incredible result every time you go into specific venues in specific situations with potentially specific people. Now the next thing is you want to, as you wrote down everything that comes up in your head that's limiting you, that makes you sad and makes you angry, it makes you anxious, scared, and so forth. You went to recreate it and write it in the positive tense and in the present tense as well. And shoot for the fence when it comes to those, that attempt to this is that you might want to add an element of indifference or carefulness about it and fun. And he gave me, so it might be something along the lines of I'm always socializing with everyone. And everyone is so into the conversation that I have to end the conversation is first, this gives you a little bit of indifference, a little bit of carefree days. Normally, you might have a little more neediness around it. And then you add a little bit of an element of giving, which might be, I'm loving, socializing with people because it gives me an opportunity to inspire everyone to be more social and connect. And I'm just spreading the good energy. I'm just having a good time spring they get energy and that's what it's all about. So it could be like that and take it a step further. It could be like, I know that I'm meeting my next best friends or my brothers, my sisters. If you want to really take it onto a spiritual level when it comes to socializing with, with people. Because at the end of the day, we all really are in this together. We're all connected. So that is a positive weights. We'll also look at reconnected with people that might seem like strangers in the moment. So that's all I have to say above that, take that practice and then visualize it and affirm it in front of the mirror or say it out loud, whatever works for you, it's up to you. So that is the way you begin to take control of your mindset, your energy, and the results that you get in your social life. 11. Think about the Pandemic this way: The other thing I do want to mention is the pandemic and COVID. Now, a lot of people may feel there's a lot of limitations nowadays with COVID, like wearing masks and all these kind of stuff. So if people are wearing a mask and sunglasses, they won't even be able to see my face. What I find is that energy actually really goes beyond that. I've been wearing a mask and sunglasses sometimes when I'm riding my bike. Back in the day when early pandemic, when everyone was wearing a mask outside, definitely wearing that and people were still smile. I'm even though you can't really see a smile or smiling or the eyes or wherever people would smile because they feel your energy. It's kinda like when you see someone staring at you, even though they're behind you, they might be behind you. You still feel it? Sorry, I said seeing, but you can still feel that they're staring at you. Even though you can't see them. It's all energy, It's all attention. It's that kind of a thing, it's energy. So keep that in mind and don't let necessarily the pandemic or COVID really limited you in regards to socializing. Because really your mind is really the only limitation. So there's many other ways to be saved during COVID, as well as still be incredibly effective in your social life. 12. Supercharge your Visualization with Music: Okay, So we've been talking a lot about mindset and about visualization. Now I want to give you a quick practice that you can do every single day to incorporate into your visualization. And it's pretty straightforward. It's basically really sit down and play your favorite song, whatever song is that pumps you up there really gets you going in a positive manner in play that in repeat. A couple of times where we have two different sounds that you play and you put it on repeat maybe two or three times and makes about, I would say anywhere from five to ten minutes of just visualizing, visualizing and also getting you in that right mood and that right energies. So I would try that again, especially after you rewrite your story and you have a really good set idea of what you want to experience and your social life. 13. Meditate to Improve your Social Skills: The next thing I want to talk about when it comes to mindset and getting the right energy is meditation. Now, after I finished going through all these different inner techniques and inner practices will incorporate them, incorporate them into a morning routine, into a regular routine that keeps you center, it keeps you social and it keeps you present with really great energy. Now, meditation is pretty straightforward. I think the biggest misconception is that you have to completely quiet your mind every single time you sit down. And that's not really true. You can do is the only practice are the only goal with meditation should be just to sit still, focus on your breathing and when you are deviated from it or distracted by your thoughts or whatever it might be coming back to your breathing. So what are the pitfalls? I think in the beginning when you're starting to meditate, I know some of you might on Discord might already be might already be avid meditators and expert meditators. Perhaps. If you are feel free to skip this. But if you're not, you want to start with five-minutes and work yourself up to 20 minutes, maybe 30 minutes, and so on. What ends up happening? A social skills perspective is that when you're out and about and you've meditated, you focus on your breathing. You close your eyes for 51020 minutes and really focus on your breathing that when you are in interactions, when you are out and about you not so much in your head, you bring about that essence of precedence and that essence of just a quiet mind into your interactions. Listen better, you're more weighty, and you can just engage people better. So there's plenty of audios and videos, and audio books and everything, especially on YouTube that you can get for free on meditation. I'm sure there's some courses on here on meditation. So feel free to do, to check those out. And really, in fact, some of my other courses, I do have a little bit more of a guided meditation, but for the sake of simplicity, just sit down, focus on your breathing or five-minutes and work up to 20 minutes. And that's the practice. 14. Have Consistent Social Success with Gratitude: Now the next thing is gratitude. Meditation. Visualization and gratitude are some of the most powerful things you can do to really get your social skills and your social life handled. And it's interesting because if you would've told me these things, when I first started socializing, I would've been like, no, no. What do I say when I'm in a conversation? How do I have small talk or how do I skip it? Small talk. And that's really not where it's at. In fact, you'd be surprised at how effortless things become way you start with these practices rather than trying to do techniques or learn specific ways of interacting with people and so forth. So now your attitude, I know perhaps most of you have heard of gratitude. And the more grateful you are, the more you attract positive things and so forth. But let's think of gratitude in this, in this context of social skills and socializing and connecting with people in specific gratitude. Let me give you an example. So many times when we are having a tough time in our social lives and our daily life and our business lives. And let's say it's related to interacting and connecting with people. We tend to focus on the negative when we tend to focus what's not working from us for us. And so of course, that keeps repeating itself and we continue to do the same behavior, continued to happen, the same thoughts, and continuing to have the same results, as well as manifests the same things. So in this case, with specific gratitude, you want to really begin to notice little things that happen to you every day. Not the big things. The big things tend to give people. I mean, you can be grateful for those, but when you focus only on the big things or what you consider and what you judge as a big things, you try to recreate it and recreate it like that one time when I got upgraded to first class on the airplane because I was super social, like something like that. Some, some of those kind of things. They tend to bring a sense of neediness and attempt to bring wanting into the mix. And that's not what you want, you want gratitude. And so a really great way to do it is to begin to notice a small things and Bismol wins in your social life. Maybe, maybe it's eye contact, maybe a specific type of person. Maybe it's about your daily life. So a specific type of person that you're into made eye contact, smile, something like that, something small. Or maybe it was a compliment you received for the day. So you want to begin to write down those things on a daily basis and write down some specific situations that happen to you. When I was in the subway or when I was driving, somebody waved at me. Those little things that begin to prove to yourself and begin to also feel gratitude for that you are actually getting your social skills and your social life handle. In addition to this, you wouldn't have the perspective that those small things are just as amazing as the bigger things that you're trying to accomplish, like having a great career and connecting with all these amazing people. I don't know whatever your goals are with socializing. They start with small steps. So the same thing goes with this. If you want to have consistent results, you got to start being grateful consistently for things that are already happening. So you begin to create it over and over and it becomes a momentum loop, if you will. It becomes something that it just keeps growing and growing. So at first it's like, oh yeah, people are making eye contact with me smiling or waving at me. And then it becomes where like, oh, they're actually coming up and say, Hey, you have great energy. Had to come over and you, or something like that. So it's the right person, for example, wherever that might be for you. So don't disregard the big main point is don't disregard that if people that you're not interested in starting talking to you or if they say hello to you, that's not the kind of person I want to meet. No, no. You want to be grateful for every single positive interaction, whatever capacity that may be, as well as with any person and so forth. So be grateful for that. And then you begin to really create an energy of positivity. And the momentum starts for this to become consistent results as well as a growing into really crazy results. So that's what I have to say about gratitude. 15. Create a Daily Routine to Raise your Confidence: Okay, So here is how these inner practices come together in your everyday life. You start out perhaps with a little bit meditation in the morning, maybe 51020 minutes. Then you get on your on your headphones. A began to visualize your story. Maybe you say it out loud first movie in front of the mirror. And then you sit down, you listen to your favorite song and begin to visualize really vividly what's going to happen to you in your day. What's going to happen to you when you go to that coffee shop and so on and so on that we've talked about. And then you write down, this can be a nine as well before you go to sleep. In the morning as well. Especially if you do it twice a day. Wherever you do it once a day, that's okay as well. Then you write down what you're grateful for specifically in this area. Obviously you can write out for any area, it's gratitude, gratitude and emotion, so spread to other areas. But we're trying to create momentum here when it comes to your positive results in your social life. So start writing down the little wins that you have. I'm grateful for so-and-so thing happening to me today, yesterday and so forth or this week, whatever it might be, it right down maybe five to ten things that happened to you the previous day that day, and so on. So that's how the routine works, the inner routine, It's a very simple one, but it will use incredible social results and connections. 16. Take Small Steps and Go Further: Alright, let's talk about a very counter-intuitive, I guess, way of approaching live way approaching social skills and social IC compared to how most of us do it in the US and the Western world, if you will, we generally try to bite off more than we can chew. We tried to rush things. We tried to get there faster and do more and more and more and more and more and more and more. That's not how things truly work. And many times we end up burning or burning out. We compromised or health. And there's many reasons why you don't want to rush and actually begin to practice this in your everyday life in general. To just slow down and do a little bit less. I don't mean not to have goals and all that kind of stuff. If I didn't have goals, I wouldn't be recording this for you guys and so forth. It is not about being lazy, but it is about really being realistic. And what does that look like? People overestimate what they can do in a year, but they underestimate what they can do in ten years. So give yourself time with social skills, giving yourself time and take things in small quantities is more steps. So really start with the basics. Small steps like eye contact practice that feel comfortable keeping eye contact longer than the other person I started practicing this years and years ago. And now really it's incredible, I think communicate so, so, so much through eye contact. It is beyond static. What actually creates that is, but it's beyond money, it's beyond looks, it's beyond all this eye contact just communicates so much and it is no pun intended is often overlooked when it comes to what do I say, conversations and so forth. It's eye contact. So that could be your practice for awhile. In fact, you could also be practicing greeting people. It took me so many years to master greeting people. What does that mean? It means that oftentimes I will cap out and that would just chicken out of saying hello to the person I was encountering. And it took me a long time and it had to do a lot of inner work. I had to do a lot of reframing my negative beliefs. I had to do a lot of inner work and had to do a lot of re-framing, reframing my inner negative belief systems to really get to that. So again, it seems very basic, but you can start practicing eye contact, started practicing smiling and waving at people nodding. Smiling, perhaps, perhaps it's difficult for you to smile. Even if it feels Baker first practice smiling before you go out or when you're out and about. And that makes you more approachable again, is part of the habits are being friendly. Focus on unless again, rather than more of the reason for this again, is because you want to practice the right visualization, the self-talk and those things. So the more specific you are, the less overwhelming you are, both in your inner practices as well as what you're doing on the outside. So it may say you may simply practice two or three things like eye contact, greeting people, and the three methods of starting conversations. And that's it perhaps, or maybe less than that. But you are sticking to your inner routines, your visualizations. And because again, those are the most important ones, you don't have to say anything clever or you don't have to have the three ways of starting conversations. It will happen naturally if you're visualizing the right things, if you're meditating so forth. So again, keep it simple and keep it digestible and try to practice this course little by little, okay, So some of the things that I do want to also emphasize about what it means to keep it simple and not overwhelm yourself. Is that also allow your mind and allow your, you know, your healing and your meditation and telling of your mind to take over rather than forcing. What does that mean? Is the visualizations do the work as well. Don't think that you have to do a ton of action. Also. Again, simple action. Keep things simple. Hello, How's it going? How's everything? That's it. Let your energy and mine take you further, not your actions. This is very key. I'll repeat this again. Let your mind, your emotions, your soul, your spirit, your whatever you wanna call it, take you further, not your actions. So let your vision, your mind stretch your limits rather than forcing yourself to stretch their limits. Because again, when you take a lot of action, it often creates that a negative result from it as well. And it might be disregard other areas of your life. It might be that you are stressed out, overwhelmed, and eventually you might just again quit. So again, don't limit yourself in your visualizations and all that kind of stuff and really push up them, it's there. But you don't need to push him a natural way. It'll happen automatically just based on your inner practices. So unfortunate your actions will create sell sabotage, and you'll be giving up too soon or not being able to do it all at all. Or how much you want to do. Oftentimes we have these To-do list and we're like, All right, how am I going to get to all of it? Same thing goes for social skills. Make a very small practice lists that you do in terms of going out and about and practicing. So take it in digestible tanks. And that's it. That's all I have to say about this. It's very, very important. It's part of the myosin. And so it's part of the mindset of success with socializing and I think in general in life. But that's all. Any comments? Again, as I say in every lecture, let me know I'm happy to help and I'm happy to I'm really happy to hear from you guys. So please comment and let me know how this is all working and what you're thinking. 17. Be Present & Slow Down in Conversations: Alright, so if you haven't already noticed when it comes to socializing, it goes beyond that into really having a specific lifestyle and a specific mentality that carries you into this success. It's not at all about techniques or why you say and all that kind of stuff. And so this lecture is more on that. It can encompasses what I've talked about already in terms of meditation being present. This is what it's about and also it's slowing down. What I just mentioned in terms of slowing down when it comes to taking things in small bites. So this lecture again, it's about being present and slowing down. Let me ask you something. Have you about what percentage of the time in a conversation or you actually mentally, they're impressive. Now, likely it is that it's not a lot of times that you're very precedent if you're like most people in like myself, especially in the past, most of the time we're playing mental games were dreaming, daydreaming or we're thinking about what to say next. Or worrying, or planning is just the way that we're conditioned in society. That we're always looking for the future, or regrading or thinking about the past or wanting more of the past, whatever it might, it might be we rarely are in the present. And I see philosophical and spiritual as this may sound, this completely applies to connect him with people. And it's obvious if you're not present, how are you going to be able to really connect with them at a deeper level? Sometimes instantly isn't even about what you say, but how prescient you are and how much attention you're giving. Because attention is everything. Think about it. That's how people get you to buy things. They get your attention. That's the reason why many times people were on social media, we want attention. So if you're giving this undivided attention to a person, it's an amazing gift because what I'm trying to tell you, and it is really one of the most powerful things you can do in interaction. Interactions, and conversations to create a connection. So let's get into it and what problems may arise, what you might be going through in your head, just to give you an example and to really make you conscious about what might be going on in your dialogue. And then you're daydreaming when you're in conversations or interactions. 18. Let go of Wanting from People: Alright, what are the most common problems that we find ourselves in is that we are too into the person in front of us to interested, to wonder validation and we won their approval. And we're scared of not getting it. So oftentimes we are thinking subconsciously or sometimes consciously, things that really intimidated as are they liking that as I'm making a good impression, they might be looking at me weird. Did I see something weird? So on and so on. And whether it's whether it's in, again, in a business situation or in a dating situation or whatever situation it may be. In general, even if it seems like there's no stakes involved, even if it has nothing to do with dating or business or any of that. And just simply social situation, we're always in different positions that is waste in our minds. So that is inner game work that will help you get to that. What that means is you might want to write down what thoughts are coming up in those situations, like I said before, and rewrite them into a positive way where you are not feeling inferior or lower status. So that's a big one. It might be beauty, it might be money, whatever it might be that you really, really want. That might be what intimidates you. It might be what kinda brings you down a little bit. We're all guilty of it is just the way we're trained in society. And so again, the more you level the playing in your mind, the more present. And it really conscious you'll be in front of people that may or may not be. They may be an amazing person. They might not be an amazing person, but you'll definitely won't find out if you're too worried about what they're thinking about you. So another example of us daydreaming or not being very present rather, in situation is with people we have no interest in. It doesn't mean we might not love them like our family members and friends. It means that we're just not interested in the conversation. We're not interested in what they have to say and so forth. And many times it takes an effort to, in a conscious effort really to be more present with our loved ones, with their family members, with friends, and so on. So many times we might be listening to someone kinda pretending to be listening. Our eyes kind of glaze over and we're thinking, wow, I can't wait to see you. My friend rather than being here with my mom or my dad who is telling me all this boring stuff or whatever it might be, then you do the same thing with your friend that you going to meet up. And then you do the same thing with even the people that you're into. You're like, you don't really care that much for where they have to say sometimes. That's a habit that you can begin to overcome by simply beginning to pay attention and being present consciously with the people that you're interested in or that you don't like your family, they're always gonna be there. So there's nothing to really get, if you will. And so practice with your family, practice with your friends to be impressive. Write this with maybe you encounter someone who's maybe homeless or someone that you have an unnecessarily any self-interest in or you may not feel like they have a lot to contribute. You'd be surprised people have a lot to contribute. So be open to more people, be more present with people. And then when you encounter those that are already you're already interested in, you'll be that person as well. And go on a little bit off on a tangent on treating everyone the same. When you begin to treat everyone the same in terms of this as well. If you are greeting people no matter who they are, you're also greed people that you're interested in in the same manner without seeming like you want something from them. They're special. And that's all. So allow yourself to be present with people that you might not normally be present width. So let's go onto the next thing that may occur to you when you're having conversations. Now the third thing that might be happening is that you're just super busy. Of course, there's numerous things beyond these three things that can be happening. Your head. Many, many things, unlimited number of things, of course. But you're very busy. You feel an ancient, you're feeling stress from work or whatever it might be. Then you begin to give up kind of an ancient five. You begin to just be stress and not really present because you have so much going on. And that is very normal, especially with bigger cities. Cities, it's very normal when people are very busy. And that's any help people connect with each other, whether they already know each other or whether it's strangers. So a pointer, This by the way, if people are being this way with you, it doesn't matter as long as you begin to be this way, you can begin to really have instance state changes in people because you're present, you're cool, you're positive energy and all that kind of stuff. Don't worry if people are like this anyway. So those are the three examples that may be happening in terms of not being fully present in conversations. And let's go more into this. Okay, so my point with these examples is that the way you are in one area of your life or the way you are with one person in your life is the way you are in every area. And with every person in your life. It doesn't really change. If you're too overwhelmed with work that will reflect in your interactions with co-workers, bosses, or potential business connections and so on. It's the same thing with, if you don't have time for family, that will reflect with the cute guy or the cute row that you're meeting. You won't have time for them either. So how do you solve this? Low down? Make a conscious effort to be fully in a conversation with your mom, your dad, depression and listen. Practice listening with those you have nothing to gain from at least materialistic or attention or validation whites. Now, in terms of meditation, I would also recommend meditation. We've talked about this before. Meditation has helped me to not only be, not be so caught up in my head, and also with having things to say or what to say next. So really, meditation will help you kind of get out of your head quite a bit from worrying or from not being interested in and so on and so on. The other thing that can help if you're too caught up in your head and worrying about what to say next and things like that is to have a default things to say. Make them very simple. Like I said, How's everything? Or you always see the same joke. This is a balance of having two or three ways to start conversations. And that's it, not going overboard, overboard planning a whole interaction and conversation with people. And then the other thing is have conversations that interests you. Another way to say, stay present and it's spontaneous is to start conversations not only with people you find intriguing, but also about things you find interesting. So I'd say that's even better. There'll be more genuinely interested in that conversation rather than just the person and have a lot more spontaneous things to talk about. If you see someone doing or reading about something you find cool, they start conversation with them. Really get into it and find out why they're interested and see if you can find more commonalities around that. Plus people love talking about themselves. So the more you ask and listen, the more pressure is not unusual, especially if it is something that you're really passionate about. 19. Keep Conversations Going and Make them more Interesting: Alright, now I want to talk about how to make conversations more interesting. Now this has to do with really making everything about the other person. And that means that it's a completely different way of looking at things. A different way of really seeing the world instead of being self-conscious about how you're presenting yourself, you're being invested in the other person and what they have to say. Unless of course you only exception is when they're asking questions about you. Here is a simple example on how this plays out right in the beginning of a conversation. So a lot of people many times tend to introduce themselves when they start a conversation. It might be at a networking event, you're trying to make some connections. Hey, how's it going? I'm so and so from so and so company and this is my position or whatever it might be, they introduce themselves in that way or simply in a social setting. You're like, Hey, my name is so and so, and that's great. I mean, there's definitely ways to do it, but I like to, first of all have a conversation not as the name or even give them a name. And then eventually I will ask my name, their name. Eventually I will ask for their name. And the recent I don't like to give out my main first is because first of all, it puts me in the habit and it communicates to the other person that I am invested in them, that I am not being completely self-absorbed with myself, or that I am focusing on myself so much in the conversation. Second of all, it gives me a chance to really know if they're actually interested in talking to me. And so the reason why is because if they asked for my name back, that means that the very least interested in getting to know me a little more, having a little bit more of a conversation. So again, that's an example on how at the beginning of the conversation you can make it about them and not about you. And you can continue on with this habit with future questions that you're asking them about themselves, about their lives. Socially lighthearted topics, of course. So a couple of more things to mention about making conversations about the other person. When it comes to the name part, if they don't ask for it, don't take it personal, but they don't ask for your name. That's okay. It just might mean that they're, you know, they're not, maybe not as socially adept as well as maybe they're just not interested in having a conversation at that point. It can be acute two ended a little bit earlier. But don't take it personal. Second of all, when it comes to really having these conversations about the other person, you have to understand that most of us, most people love talking about ourselves. And we love to be listened to and we'd love to really showcase our version of reality and showcase how we see the world. So given the chance and genuine, really, genuinely interests, anybody will love to speak about themselves. So take that into consideration both in terms of making you feel a little bit less pressured about having to continue a conversation and feeling like you have to make up some great conversation when in fact, the most interesting topic is right in front of you. It's the other person. So think about it that way. It's the most interesting topic for them. And they could potentially be the most interested, interesting topic for yourself as well. As you begin to get to know a person as you begin to connect with them, even if it's for a few minutes and you never see them again. Now in relations or rather, in addition to what I just mentioned about really making conversations about the other person, you want to see it, see them as a focal point. I love a word that I was recently introduced two, which is sander and I'm going to read it so I don't mess up the meaning and definition. So sender is a noun. It's a realization that each random passer-by is living, alive as vivid and complex as your own. So taking that into account that we are our own main character, of course, it's a very nice gift, now, needs to be present and so forth. But to make that person for a few minutes even, the center, the conversation and occupying the center stage, if you will, the main character. And that's a great gift because that's how we see ourselves. We're cut up either with our triumphs are our tribulations and all these different things that happen in our lives we are experiencing, experiencing it's so deeply because we are so identified with who we are and so forth. So when we give that perspective, when we give that gift to people, it really creates an amazing connection. Some things to keep in mind is first of all, stop multitask. And I don't mean just texting on your phone or that sort of thing, but also thinking of cool things to say or what to say next. Or this story would be great for me to tell him this situation and so on and so on. Go with the flow of stuff, being controlling with the conversation or the situation. People will feel it in. The most important thing is how you're feeling. So if you're feeling a little controlling and you're feeling like you need to go somewhere. In terms of the conversation. People are going to feel it and it's not gonna be as engaging. So just go with the flow and stop multitasking. Stop thinking of other things that I'm thinking of what you have to do. I don't know what to cook for dinner or what to do in terms of work and all that kind of stuff. I know it can be very difficult when we have such busy lives. But to your best of your abilities, stop multitasking in your head. Another tip is to really listen with the intent to understand and learn. So come from a humble place that you don't know everything. In fact, people can oftentimes teach you some of the greatest lessons about yourself that can be the greatest teachers when it comes to spiritual growth, when it comes to personal growth, business growth, and so on and so on. So think about it, think about it that way and so listen to it in that way, and listening that way. And really put aside your goals with social skills are in live, put aside your precognition or prejudgment and all these different things that you might have going into conversations or even before you even start a conversation or good into an interaction, put away all those things prejudgment as best as possible. Your goals, again, your problems for a minute, I just put them aside for a second and then you can come back to them later on after you've finished a conversation, but put them aside and really seek to learn and understand with each person. So this goes along with a really putting away your pre judgments and all that kind of stuff is keep an open mind. Don't put people in boxes and define them right away before you even talked to them. You'll be very pleasantly surprised when you get to know people that they're not how they appear to be. And oftentimes, you're pleasantly surprised about how amazing and incredible they are, especially when the judgment might have been a negative judgment. To start, where they just amazed with how much they can contribute, how they potentially open your heart up for acceptance of others and so on and so on. So having an open mind, having open heart, when you go into interactions in, really consciously move away from judging people as best as possible and a wave from defining people before you actually get to know them a little bit and take that time to interact with them. 20. Ask Open-ended Questions with the Intention to Understand: Alright, so continuing the previous lesson about really making the conversation about the other person is about asking open-ended questions. And open-ended questions have a quality of what and why would that means really is that you might be asking me, yeah, what do you what do you do in later or what do you what do you do for work or what do you do for fun or whatever it might be. And then you go into the conversation, they tell you what they're doing and they might be very open and they might tell you lots of things about that topic or they might not. So you follow up with what got you into it, what got you into this? And so it's kind of a white question, similar to saying where you into there. So you could definitely say, why, why are you into this? What got you into this? Or what motivated you to do this? Again, these kind of, I guess, very, very Asians have white questions to figure out their values. And so these open-ended questions is all about figuring out a person's values in regards to their interests. And the reason that's important is because now you're getting to know the person and you gave to know really how to connect with them at a deeper level beyond just their interests and all that kind of stuff. You're actually getting to know their values and what they value. For example, they're in nursing. What made them get into nerves and what motivated them to get into it. That could go into so many different topics from there. It might be that they're traveling. What made you take this trip? What made you start surfing or start scuba diving into the ocean and that sort of thing. And then they might say, they started talking about their passion for the ocean and conservation and so forth. Whatever it might be. As these kind of open-ended questions to really get to know a person at the value level. Okay, so now we've talked about how to really get to know a person and connect with a person on an emotional level and at a more personal level, beyond the surface level, Smalltalk. And again, it's very simple. Those things that I've mentioned, is that simple more than anything, is again, what's going on in the inside and that you're feeling even before you meet them familiar with them. Part of that is saying, everyone already feels like they know me. That's an affirmation you can use to really help you connect with people faster because they will feel that sense of familiarity and they will just simply respond to that. So anyway, that's a really, really amazing tip that you can utilize today is by really training your mind that people feel that way for you or about you. So the next step is really on how to spice things up. So we talked about how to connect with them, with people emotionally. We've talked about how to ask the right questions and what and why questions. Now let's talk about banter. So Benzer is really, really cool because as opposed to just having one track conversation of just emotional, emotional, emotional, you never really developed that dynamic, kind of funky type of conversation that especially you might want really any, in any situation, whether it's a business situation or whether it's a dating, such a romantic situation. So banter whites is a little bit of a playful antagonizing. So if anything that can be missed, what do you call it, misinterpreted or anything that you see or even kind of interpreting their mannerisms and exaggerating them. Those are some things that I personally do in regards to when I'm playing around with people. Or simply just, again, just kinda poking fun at them a little bit in a playful manner, not in a negative way, is the way to do it. So I'm gonna give you a couple of more examples on how to do it specifically. And then from there you can develop your own or you might already have somebody you've done in the past, they can keep doing. And again, mix it in with the questions. Mix it in with that. Really in your viewer mindset and curiosity mindset. Alright, so here are some ways to do a little bit of banter. These are only some ways I would recommend just to be more spontaneous about it and really become more natural about it. And the more you practice, the more it'll come out naturally. So one of the ways is simply to joke about questions that you often get asked. Whether it's what you do for work, or where are you going on a trip or whatever it might be. Might be you might just with a straight face, you might say, you know, I am, I don't know, some sort of a dolphin trainer or I do. Whatever it might be that that's kinda funny to you and that would be hilarious in your context of who you are. It might be exaggerating something that is preposterous because of how you look or anything like that has to do with your situation and anything like that. So it might be for me, for example, I'm not the tallest guy, so it might be I'm a basketball player. I like to work. I don't know if something like that. So that's one of the things. Another thing would be to simply I misinterpret things in a sexual manner. So it's anything to do with words like blow dirty in, coming, all those different things that are just normal words. But they can be misinterpreted and put into sexual innuendos. I will use some of those things. 21. Be the Ambassador of Good Energy : Alright, so I'm really excited about this lesson because it is something that I struggled with for years and years in regards to socializing. And it's really important. It's about having a good time with this and about having just a fun energy, about socializing and connecting with people. Now, if you notice most, most of us, most people have problems. Of course we do. Oftentimes we carry our problems from home, from work, who are social lives into socializing. And so we might not be in the greatest of moods. And that's just what it is. I want to talk about you being the escape for people. You'd be kinda the, the, the beacon of having a good time, being happy, being carefree, as well as how to really get into that mindset and before you even go out and so forth. So I've talked about having a story, having a story where you recruit, you create what's going to happen when you're out, but also you wouldn't be dealing with your internal stuff. And so I would recommend releasing before you when you wake up as a morning routine. Here's another thing you might want to add to it. To begin to release negative emotions, you can use The Sedona Method, you can use the whole Bono, Bono. And you can look for those things on YouTube. I have some courses that I go through them as well. But you can find it pretty much everywhere. They're very simple, easy techniques to release emotions. So you want to have as little baggage as possible when you're out. In addition to that, meditation is going to help and really your story and pumping yourself up, yourself up and saying, hey, it's gonna be an amazing day today is gonna be the best day of my life. Everything is just going to work out. Fantastic people are gonna be super friendly. I'm going to be wanting to meet me. That story is going to carry you through as well with that positivity in that energy. So that is a difference between someone that just wakes up and it kinda goes about their day and really just stumbles on socially and has kinda not the best energy. And someone that is the beacon of positive energy. So you want to be that. Another thing that I wanted to mention is that you want to make it also your intention. Again, this is all about mindset and it's how you see people in your intention behind those conversations. Another thing changing you want to set as you go out. And again, you don't have to have this dogmatic and doctrine dogmatic way of doing things socially. But another intention you want to incorporate potentially into your story is to make people, make people's days and make people smile again. You've probably heard that before, but truly do that if you see people that are now having the best time, for example, I sometimes say took a shear so they seem very bored, tired, or just not having a great day. I say very aware of how their day is going. I'm like, how's it going as you go in today? And they often say these myelin, they're like, Yeah, it's that noticeable, that kind of expression they gave me. And sometimes they tell me what's going on and what's wrong and then the vent. And we both benefit from that connection as well as many times they're like, Wow, Finally someone that cares, that's important. So make him smile, really lie in people's days. And you'll be amazed with what results you get as well as how connected you begin to be with so many incredible people. Do that. Just to follow up on that, I might say sarcastically, amazing day. Or I might say Today on something like that, you know, play with it in terms of your mind when you feel comfortable with. And again, there are some ways that you might want to help people get out other negative emotions or if they are having a terrible day or whatever it might be. Again, is not your responsibility, but it is a way just to get it, to invite them, to get out of it and just welcome to the fun I am, the fun. And let's have a good time. That's kinda what really the intention is all about. And really to end this lesson is all about coming in with high energy. High energy, it doesn't necessarily just mean pumped up and energetic. It might mean that, but it really means having very little luggage, not carrying your problems from yesterday, last week, or your past as much as possible. And really coming in, you have a great time. And that is the high-energy that I'm talking about coming in with that energy you can really, you know, I guess really share that with a group, share that with a room. Even if you don't open your mouth, even if you don't speak to anyone, people will feel that. That's important. Again, that could gravitate people towards you and people might start conversations with you. As well as I want to add to this is probably haven't funded, might be joking around and it might be poking fun at people, poking fun at yourself a little bit. It might be all of that and more. So whatever is, whatever it is that you have fun doing in an unhealthy way in terms of a positive, healthy, healing manner, where you've not doing, where you're coming from, a place that you've let go. A lot of negative emotions, but also just have a positive intentions with people. Then, by all means, joke around, push the envelope, challenge people in a funny way, in a positive manner, and bring that fund positive side out of people and make that your intention. 22. Get Passionate about what you Talk About: Okay, so the next topic goes along with having fun conversations and having fun with socializing. Now it has a two-sided thing where just similar to maybe your jokes and some of the other things that you've done. They are also qualified people. You want to qualify people in regards to if they are someone that you want to keep talking to, that's important. But also keep in mind that whether you have a negative or a positive reaction, don't take it personal, but at the same time, it's kind of what do you call it a contradiction, but also take responsibility that you might be able to do better next time. That's how I've always done it. I haven't taken it personal, like it's really something wrong with me or something like that. But I do take responsibility because I want to improve this area of my life and I still do. I take responsibility that maybe it's my energy most of the time, it is my energy. And I'm cognizant of that. And I really am in very in tune with my emotions and what's going on inside, what might cause certain reactions and even situations to happen. But regardless of that, going back into the tangent, going back into fun and everything, you really want to be having a good time and a good way to do this is to speak about your passions. Now, this can be a way to qualify people in finding similar interests. So if you don't find something similar, it might be someone that you just have a small conversation with and you move on. But I want to talk about an exercise that you can do to really get clear on your passions are and why you're passionate about those things and your values. Kinda like what you were talking about with kind of like what I was talking about with asking people about their interests and then seeing what got you into it. Why are you into that? Basically getting a feel for their values and what they really appreciate and love and life and about themselves and what's important to them. So you want to do the same thing for yourself so that you know what you're interested in and you know why you're interested in it. As an exercise, write down maybe your top ten things or five things and then choose three out of those that are your top three things that you're into. And then write down a little bit like a little sentence about why you're interested in that. And again, this will give you really a lot of, a lot of options in terms of not only what to talk about, but how to talk about it. If you find, it can be very powerful. If you find people that have similar interests to your top interests and passions, it can be a very powerful a conversation that can last for hours if you wanted to. And they can really click in terms of potentially relationships in the future and connections for the future and so forth. So that can be really incredible. And if that doesn't happen, that's okay as well. But, but keep that in mind. Write down a few topics and that you're really into and why you're into them. And next time uranium conversations with strangers, you know, just kinda ask questions in relations to that. And maybe you'll find something. You find someone that's reading a book about one of these interests and you start the conversation through that. So again, this is all connected to everything I've been talking about, from starting conversations with questions and genuine curiosity all the way to asking the right questions, open-ended questions. It's also about getting to know yourself. So this also ties into exchanging information or given out your information and so forth. It tastes into it because you might ask about what are you doing later? What are you doing this weekend? What's going on this week? They might say, Well, I am doing so and so, and it may end up where you're invited or you're inviting them to something that's related to that, it might mean something like that. So again, regardless of what you're into, whether it's travel which most people are into, whether he's like Japanese anime in which I'm into agree very niche. Or it can be very mainstream. Whatever it is, doesn't matter if you're talking about it passionately. Even if they're not interested, for the most part, they're going to be into it because you're speaking about it from a very passionate point of view and you know about it. And so they will be interested in just because of your energy and your emotion about it. 23. Easily Remember People's Names: Okay, now let's talk about remembering people's names. As they say, people's names are really the sweetest sound they could ever hear. It. It's true. It is something that we like. If people, someone knows her name, it's very, very, very appealing. It's feeling like you're special to them, feeling like you matter to them, even if you've just met them. And so it's really, really important. Now, I want to talk about three ways that I remember people's names are proven to actually help you remember people's names. So again, whether you're, if you're really good at names, of course, skip this lesson. If you already can remember people's names, that'd be great. But from my experience, there's three ways that I have done it. I've been in previous jobs where it really pays and it really rewarding to remember people's names in the service industry, such as walking tours and other things that I have done in my past. And so when it goes through Emory people's names, the number one thing is motivation. It's kinda like remembering dreams if you're into dreams and that sort of thing. If you have a strong motivation for remembering something, then you will likely remember it. You will signal your brain would that emotion, that it is something important and you will remember it. So how a strong motivation be clear about why you want to remember people's names. And let's say a network and he ran or when you're out and about and you're trying to meet a significant other or whatever. It might be, be clear on your motivation. And it might be that you're remembering nudges the person of interests, but you remembering their colleagues or friends and that sort of thing. If you can go that far and you can win over the group simply by remembering their name. It could be huge. So be clear on your motivation. The second way that you can help yourself remember it is, of course, repetition. Repetition can happen in a number of ways. It could be in the conversation. You say, Oh, hey, how's the going? Blah, blah. You go into a conversation. 24. Stop Caring What People Think: So the whole thing, about nine given a flag and all this kinda stuff in regards to what people think about you and all that kind of stuff. It really has to do with loving yourself. If you love yourself, you won't have that needing as you won't feel rejected, you won't care because you already have that which you are seeking before, which is love, which is attention, which is validation. So give that to yourself to start and then you will need it when you're out socializing. It'll be about just having a good time. I mentioned also the whole thing that you'll begin to notice when it's you and when it's, when it's your energy and when it's your actions, as opposed to when it's the other person. And the way that you'll be able to get to that point is when you no longer want anything from people when you are fully satisfied yourself. I'm not saying that you're gonna be like that all the time. But if you are like that most of the time, that is an incredible feeling and incredible state to be in, to just simply be comfortable with yourself and not seek validation. So at that point you'll be able to tell like, Oh wow, that versus having a terrible day. Wow, that person is a little bit weird and it's rare that you'll encounter those situations. So you'll be able to tell when that is actually the case when I run into people. And they're a little bit weird in terms of the best interactions and that kind of stuff. I really, unless I'm not in the best of moods or I'm feeling a little bit weird myself. It's pretty obvious that there the issue I didn't do anything. But it's very rare. And so that's how I can tell nowadays that it's them because it's extremely, extremely rare. They might be having a bad day. They might just be kind of an odd person. I don't know. But that is the power of self-love. That's the power as being self validated. That's how you let go of carrying about rejection ultimately is not just about, I don't care what people think about me. It's about truly feeling your self up, filling your cup up with love, validation, and attention for yourself. And so this is a very powerful thing to incorporate into your life and incorporating into your story and say it on a daily basis, whether it's professionally in dating and whatever it is that you're relating to people, it will make a huge, huge difference. 25. Go to These Places to Meet People: Now I want to talk about where to meet people, where to make friends. And really, you know, where to find the people that you really want to connect with. And to be honest, to start out this There's lesson. I started out in the last course with wherever you're at and wherever you're already at. I do want to also emphasize and ask a question which is What kind of people you want to meet. The reason for that is because there are different cultures and I don't mean in terms of only different countries and so forth, but there are different cultures, subcultures and so forth. You'll find around the world. You'll find very different people. For example, I'm in Mexico, you'll find very different people here where I'm at, I'm near Cancun. Then you would find in the center of Mexico, you'll find different people at a cafe that you would find, of course, at a bar. So figure out what kind of people you want to, you want to meet. In addition, if there are no specific people other than the ones that you're running into in your daily life than just start meeting people in your regular life, in your, in your coffee shop bed. Wherever you go, wherever you go, have lunch, whatever it is, start meeting people there. Now an excuse that might come up and that came up to me for me so, so much is that you don't want to miss things up in the same place where you're going all the time and things will get awkward and all that kind of stuff. Now, that is a limiting belief. It's believed that will come true when you have that belief system. In fact, you'll feel awkward every time you go back to that place because you said the wrong thing or you looked awkward or whatever. Trust me, it's bigger in your head than it actually is and you will create it. It'd be half of that belief system. That's why I say, start with small steps socially and really start with your belief system. Start with your energy. That way. Your energy is communicating. You don't even have to speak. You don't have to open your mouth is what I'm trying to say and ruin things. If you have that belief system. Now going further into wet places to meet people. A lot of people I noticed, especially as they travel and as people travel, they go into groups. So you go into WhatsApp groups, they go into meetup groups, and so on. They've lost a lot of momentum because of COVID. But there are still options. There's Facebook groups for sure. Again, WhatsApp groups that you can get invited to and so forth. So I would start with those. Those are great places to meet people if you're traveling and you're doing that sort of thing, you'll meet a lot of like-minded people personally. I've gotten a little bit bored around doing that. I actually like meeting people just on the street. If I'm walking, like for example, one of my good friends that I met here, I just met him walking on the street and he I think it was riding my bicycle. He was riding his bicycle. And then we'll just say, Hey, let's start riding bicycles together. And again, when you have a certain energy, people would just feel like they've known you for a long, long time. 26. Expand your Limits of where you Meet People: Okay, So I like meeting people wherever I'm at, wherever I'm going, I think just makes it a lot more fun for me. I like just striking up conversations or having people talk to me, come up and approach me and that sort of thing. So I enjoy that. And here's an additional tip when it comes to the places that you want to meet people. Don't just limit yourself to those places. And I don't mean in terms of only going to those places and not going to other ones that might be interesting to you or whatever it might be. I mean, that you wouldn't be greeting and saying hello to people everywhere you go. And again, this is, this might be a stretch for some people. Personally, I love it. I walked down the street and I say hi to everyone pretty much. Every time I get to a place where I'm actually gonna be social or that I'm intentionally going to be wanting to meet some people, whether it's a networking event or whether it's I don't know. If I'm single, I'm going to go meet someone to date or whatever it might be. Those places that I'm intentionally wanting to meet people I'm already social before I even get there. So again, don't limit yourself be social all the time. And again, this is not about only connecting with a certain kind of people, but it's more about who you are, who you're becoming. And that's it, that's it. So if you're a social all the time, then just choose a place that you were the specific type of people are going to be at and then you'll just be social all the time. It'll be the same thing. It'll just be the same person at that place as you are on the street, for example. So that's what I have to say on where to meet people. Don't let that limit and beliefs and mental block keep you from meeting people everywhere and also from only turning it on in certain places. Or again, limiting type of places that you visit or the type of people that you meet. So that's what I have to say about that. 27. Create a Routine to Pump Yourself up Before you go Out: Okay, so the next thing that I want you to do is really begin to incorporate everything that you've been learning so far into an exercise and into a psych up routine, psych up ritual, if you will. So if you have a big event coming up, if you have something very important and let's say there's a day that's coming up that you're really excited about, or maybe a few dates. I don't know. Maybe you're very social already and you've got a bunch of dates, or it's a huge networking event, or it's a presentation at work, whatever it is, it's all social you're relating to live, you're relating to people, you're relating to your environment. What I want you to do is to really, to really set yourself up, is to take maybe an hour, maybe 30 to 60 minutes, and really start with releasing some emotions. Again, I said it's a donor method or coupon or Pono focus on the emotions that you might be feeling about the event that you might be feeling about the situation, whatever it might be, released, those emotions, releases. 28. Warm Up Socially: So just to mention a few other things, they say that it takes two or three people of talking to two or three new people before you get comfortable with meeting strangers on a regular basis. So if you're just a normal person is what I'm saying, where you've never been that social and so forth. So that applies for any event. For example, if you were, I posted events in the past and I've made it a point to introduce people to each other, introduced to a couple of times or three times two to each other. So that way they begin to feel comfortable in that group and in that room if they're just your everyday normal person. So that's one of the things I wanted to mention. The other thing I want to mention is power posing. I mentioned all the intercept. You can also, as you're telling yourself this story, as you can tell, I have a lot of gestures and everything. You can power pose and power posing is simply what are the, the poses for you? And I feel very powerful and confident and comfortable. So it might be, again, kinda enlarging your body language. And this is something you do at home, not in public necessarily. You might just connect, extend. You might be like, yeah, it's gonna be an awesome day. It's gonna be amazing. So those kind of power posing, those kind of body movements will pump you up and will change your energy. They will change your body language, of course. And they will change while you're projecting and how you speak in how you're moving and so forth. And so how you're moving is it changes everything as well besides the inner stuff. If you've noticed, if you've ever done when you first started perhaps doing phone calls, they've said, I don't know if you've heard this, but they said they say that you want to smile before you get on the phone, before, even if they can't see you, they can, they can hear your smile in a way if you know what it means. So you project that energy through your voice and so on. So that's what I have to say about setting yourself up and really getting ready to go off for that special event, that special date, that interview perhaps, or presentation at work, whatever it might be, psych yourself up with this and let me know how this works. Now you've gone to a point where you've learned all these different things, starting conversations and you know how to psych yourself out or you yourself up, I should say, in terms of really getting pumped up and confidence. So let me know what your results are. You have any questions around this, any challenges. Let me know. I'm happy to answer them, so I will see you on the next lesson. 29. Go out Alone & Become Socially Independent: So the next thing I want to talk about is really going out alone and being socially independent. Now what does being independent socially mean? Well, it means that you have a trip that's coming up. It means that if you want to go watch a movie, you're not always depending on your friends or your significant other or on XYZ person to come with you. So that's important. So when it comes to this, there are a number of advantages and disadvantages to going out alone and meeting people, as well as simply situationally, and it depends on context. So the first advantage of going down alone is that you don't have your friends there who potentially hold you back from being social. What that means is that if you have a lot of limiting beliefs and society, and you might use your friends as a crutch to not be social and as an excuse potentially to not be social, you might say, Well, I'm already with my friends. Where are they going to think about me if I start talking to people or are they going to think I'm going to leave them? What are they going to think? You know, I think I'm ignoring them, all that kind of stuff. Or what if I get rejected in front of them? What are they going to think about me. So all of those things, whether it's a crutch to make you feel comfortable, or whether it's a fear of what they might think your friends won't hold you back in that way. And again, all of this is perspective. Of course, you could say if you're out with your friends and makes it even easier to meet people and so forth. But in this case, let's see it from this perspective. Another, another advantage of going out and loan is that you are more approachable. Whether you're a guy or a woman, obviously, you're gonna be just less threatening if you're not in a group. If you know, if you're out by yourself, most of the time, people will feel more comfortable with you striking up a conversation or vice versa. Again, this is all perspective. This is all simply culture related in terms of guys might be intimidated to approach a group of girls, so they might not talk to you if you're in a group, as well as women might be intimidated by a group of guys and they might not talk to you if it's a bunch of you guys, that sort of thing. Of course, once you get your really your inner stuff together, it doesn't really matter, but I'm just kinda contextually talking about the disadvantages. Of course, you, if you're a woman, you have to watch out for safety and you want to pick and choose where you go out alone. If you might go out to a movie alone, you might go out to a restaurant on. And those are the things are always pretty safe bets. But at the same time, I know a lot of women that travel the world by themselves and they're just fine. That I've met one-on-one by themselves. And they've met one-on-one, and it's totally cool. So if you're looking to do a trip that's coming up for you. For example, you might want to practice going out alone and doing some things alone and meeting some people alone. There's huge advantages to that as well as company boosting benefits to this. So try it out, go out alone and let me know what happens. 30. Meet new People while you’re Out with Others: Alright, now I want to talk about meeting people where you're out with your friends or family or other people, even co-workers or your boss is significant others when you're with other people, how do you meet more people? The reason I bring this up is because a lot of these things were things that I struggle with. I struggle with going down alone. They struggle with meeting people when I'm with my friends and so forth. So before I even get started with this, if you have issues also with going out alone, re-frame that. Tell yourself that that's inspiring for people that you're out alone. And really tell yourself that you are even more attractive, more interesting, more charismatic, whatever it is that you're telling the opposite to yourself about when it comes to going out alone, tell yourself the opposite. So I would say that. Second of all, I would say independence from the independent is that you gain from, gained from going out alone is priceless. Because it not only does it reflect when you're traveling, when you're thinking of doing something and you need friends to do it and so forth. It also reflects when you're out with other people, where you're out with friends, you are more social naturally, it becomes easier to be social. Alright, so now that I've gotten that out of the way, Let's talk about being social. When you're out with friends, when you're out with friends, and maybe you've already gotten out alone or that sort of thing. You're maybe it's, you know, it's become a little bit easier to be social. Maybe your stone to practice, maybe you start, you try the psychic sika, routine that I mentioned a bit ago. Or maybe you're going through this course all at once. I would recommend going back and doing lesson by lesson by the way. But wherever you're at, when you're out with friends, the best way to be social and be engaged with potentially new people is to have a conversation, to be pressing with your friends or whoever you're with. And be listening, but always be using your peripheral vision and listening into other people's conversations in process. And so you want to really get to get a feel for the room without having to stare, without having to just be staring from across the room because that never works. Absolutely not. If any of you ever make eye contact with a person, you can just make eye contact and go back to what you're doing. That's kinda how you want to do it. And that's how you show a little bit of interests. And they show some interests and so forth. You never just want to stare. So again, keep an eye out in the room. What's going on? If you find that one of the things, what are the three ways of starting conversations pops up. Maybe someone needs some help. Maybe you see something here, mirror humorous, or maybe you're interested in something. You're curious about, something that you're welcome to start a conversation. Unless it's an emergency, someone needs some help. I wouldn't interrupt your friend or that person that's in front of you, of course, have roughly cut them off? I would simply say, alright, I'm going to go to the restroom, the toilet or whatever. And then your way there, you can greet people, Hey, how's it going? Hey, how are you doing? How's your day? Cheers. If you're at a bar, chairs, how are you? And then you go on to the bathroom or whatever. And if you see the person that caught your attention, you can say, Hey, I was going or on your way back. You can, if you encounter them, you can see what's going on. Hey, how are you, how's your night or hey, I noticed this and then the other sorry. Are you XYZ? I heard you talking about this or I saw that you were a little confused. Maybe they're at you at a restaurant and they're trying to figure out the way they do things that this restaurant, I don't know if you're traveling, they do things differently in different countries. I don't know. Whatever it might be. You can just do serve the conversation in that way. You're not interrupting your friend. And then you come back to your friend after you had that next conversation and continue from there. So it's that easy. That's how your social with people, That's the logistics of it. How you end a conversation with your friend and you're gonna go grab a drink or whatever it might be. You in a conversation with your friend and they use some greeting people. As you move through the bar, you move through the bathroom, as well as going strike up a conversation with that person, potentially if they caught your attention. Based Susie, on a genuine interests are genuine. Urge to help or a genuine lowers user, something funny. Those are the ways have you have mental blocks or limiting beliefs around this, you want to overcome them. So if you are thinking, what are these people going to think about me? What is my boss is going to think about me if we're having lunch and then I go up and started talking to people, there's ways to do it. Very easy ways to do it. Again, you go into the bathroom and you say Hello, but you also want to reframe those limiting beliefs and say, You know what, my friends, my boss is, my coworkers, whoever you're self-conscious about, love, how social IM, and there's so many spire how easily I talked to people in how well they respond to me. There's still inspire that there. When I go back and start talking to them, they're like, did you know that person? Here's the other thing by the way, before I continue with this is that people are not normally social. That's just the way it is. And this is the reason why I'm recording this. Let's be more social. But were born it is that they're not that social. So when people see someone talking to another person, they assume that you know them. Trust me. I've been so much that I don't even hear anymore. Oh, do you know that person? I don't even get that anymore because it's like people know that I'm white guys. But at certain point I was like God, you know, that person, you know them. Oh, how do you know them? As I go? Whatever. Especially when you're getting really positive responses in people are acting like you. People will assume that you just know people. So that's another thing. If you have anything subconscious wise in terms of meeting people and talking to people here and there and talking to multiple people. What are people going to think about me if I'm talking to so many people, they're going to think, you know, the whole room, that's what they're going to think about you. That's how it works. People assume the best of people they see across a room for the most part when it comes to socializing. And they assume the worst of themselves. We're self-conscious about ourselves. We don't want to be judged, we don't want to be all that kind of stuff. So think about it from that perspective. People are scared of each other. People are terrified of meeting each other to terrified of what people might think of each other or themselves, rather, what they might think of them, as you say. And at the same time, they, they assume that you're the most popular person ever if your social. And they want to know what makes you so special. So that's how it works. Anyway, try it out, let me know how it works. 31. Talk to Everyone and Treat Everyone the Same: Alright, now I want to talk about talking to everyone and treating everyone the same. Now, being social treating everyone the same, I don't mean go out and go out of your way basically and talk to every single person you encounter, which you can do. I mentioned this in the previous version of this course that I do talk to everyone basically, for the most part, there's some times that I'm not feeling it. But what I do mean is talk to everyone and treat everyone the same that you're not just talking to the people that you deem are worthy or that sort of thing. Of course, you're going to have standards, you're going to have standards for you have in your life, but to spread the good energy, to be kind, to be friendly, to be social. Do that with every single person. In terms of don't exclude people based on your first judgments, if you will. So really it's all about that. Let's say you're only talking to high-status people are only attractive people are only people that do this kind of job, for example, stay away from just socializing for a specific purpose to get something. So the point is that you might be missing out on some incredible opportunities to connect with people that can teach you a lot of people that can help you get to your goals that you might have. And even further than that is that you might be missing out on people that can help you go beyond even your goals, beyond even what you think you want. Because you have to understand that what we want oftentimes comes from conditioning, from life conditioning, from what people tell us to one. So what we actually want, we might not even be aware of it. And so some of those people that were saying no to might be the people that help us get there or the people that are we really truly, actually want in our lives. So don't miss out on those opportunities. The other reason why you really want to treat everyone the same and meet everyone is that really you will have better energy. So energy is not only dictated by your thoughts and your emotions, but also from your actions. So positive actions, loving actions will yield better energy now and as you continue interacting with more people in the future, you're actually will determine what happens in your next conversation basically. So the more accepting, the more open you are, the more people will feel it. Both in the present and people will be able to feel what kind of person you are based on your previous interactions. What happens when people begin to approach you and begin to be more friendly with you because they sense that you're, you're very approachable and that, and that you're very open and non-judgmental or superficial. So that's why people become more and more open with you because of your actions, your thoughts, and so forth. The other reason why you want to treat everyone the same and be social with everyone just in specific places and not just with specific people, is because the next person that you meet might be someone that you're very attracted to or someone that could be a great business connection or someone that you want to have in your social life or whatever it might be. You don't want to treat them any differently than you would any other person you want to be yourself as they say, in the best way to be yourself is to be like this with everyone. So when you're being social or you're talking to people and you're saying hello to the janitor, you're saying hello to the barista, you're saying hello to everyone that you encounter, then if that person is part of everyone, you'll treat them the same and you won't overcompensate, you won't be nervous and so on and so on. It'll help you be more normal as opposed to really wanting something and having that vibe around a value rather. That's important. Again, I'll repeat this. It's not about necessarily not having standards or you really, in terms of who you bring into your life. But it's about really being friendly with everyone just to spread the good energy. So in terms of actually giving out your information or connected with people, I'll leave that up to you. But I do want to say that this is beyond ourselves, beyond just the singular perspective that we have. It's about creating a movement. It's about being connected, about helping people connect with each other. It's about really creating that energy in the world, really especially in this day and age of how things are because of COVID, because of so much division. Let's just be kind to each other and let's be friendly. We don't have to get into politics, we don't have to get into any of that. Let's just say, Hey, as you own, how are you and what doesn't matter, what your perspective is. Just saying hello, and that's it. Again, it doesn't mean that you have to stay around to have a long *** conversation, but it does mean that you could simply be kind and be nice and be friendly and you can be friendly like that with every single person. So that's what I have to say about treating everyone the same. It's so important that it will ship who you are and your energy and people will see it and they will react to it. 32. Engage the Staff Everywhere You Go: Alright guys, so now we've gone through the whole process of what do you do back home? How do you really prep mentally and energetically and really get yourself in the sun? We've gotten over warming up, talking to people on the streets and really getting everything going for when you're going to that big events or that big interview or whatever it might be that you're looking to really conquer in this area of your life. So another thing that I want to mention is really engaging the staff everywhere you go. So probably the first people that are going to be talking to as you get to a place is going to be either a security or it's gonna be a hostess or a host. It's gonna be a waiter or waitress, a bartender, a barista. Perhaps if you're at a coffee shop, you're going to encounter a lot of these employees that are gonna be there to give you service. Now, what most people do, which is what you don't want to do is just say hi, I'll get a lot. Say I'll get a Frappuccino or whatever it might be, then finish out that you actually want to go a step further and actually socialize with them. Ask them, Hey, how's your name, How's it going? No matter what their mood is? Again, just being engaging in that way. These are still people that you can socialize with and you can connect with. They are part of your process or being social every single day and warming up in a way. So here is the reason why it's so important to engage the staff. Besides just warming up and besides being friendly and so on and connecting with them actually. Because if, especially if this is a place that you go, often, you begin to have these anchors of being social. So people that are there and they see you often that you're friendly with them. They're going to engage you in that same manner next time you're in or the next couple of times that you're in, they get used to you why this is there like, well, this is a really cool person and they begin to engage you in that way. And whether you're in a great mood that day or you're in the best of mood after you've gotten their food times, they can bring you back into the social happy mode, oftentimes. So the main thing is that you're building this incredible social life everywhere you go. In part of that is actually the staff, the services. And in fact, the way I live, I like to look at it when I am at a place is that I like to be of service to them. And the services that I provide is basically being happy in spreading the good energy and really helping them, helping them have a good day and actually care about them as opposed to, I think most people that are just there as a transactional interaction, if you will, take a moment to really reflect on what this means. Because what I'm talking about is that whether you're traveling or you're living somewhere, these are the people that are going to be constant in your life if you're going to the same values. So think about it that way because now if you're meeting new people at this coffee shop, guests are patrons, patrons at this coffee shop or at this bar, this restaurant review meeting new people there. They are gonna be very impressed before they even talked to you by how the state treats you. Again, one of the most common things I hear by the way, from people is that they are, one of the things that they look for. Qualities in a person is how they treat the staff. Because again, you can just pay him a you're on your way and you don't need to do anything else. So the way you treat your staff is how you potentially might treat them in the future. So that's how people perceive it. That's definitely, is definitely a real thing. So again, just like I mentioned, treat everyone the same and be of service to the service staff. I like to see it that way. I like to have that perspective when it comes to interacting with them. So again, keep that in mind as you're out and about and put them up at the top of your list. They are very important when it comes to building an amazing social life. 33. “Work the Room” and be the most Popular Person: Alright, so in this lesson, I want to talk about working a room. And it was one of the most exciting lessons that I recorded it back in the previous version of this course. So I wanted to really revamp it and kinda talk a little bit more about it and how I see it nowadays. So first of all, when you're working in the room, the main thing really is to be in the present moment and to be high-energy again, that routine in a routine of meditation and affirmations and really visualizing the stomach getting pumped up is gonna be crucial for this. You can definitely use the three ways of starting conversations that I've mentioned and so forth. But in this case, you want to keep it very simple. You want to have a few questions that you ask every single person and you are every single group even, and you move on from there. So the question is, are very simple and so really memorize them and then just have them as your go-to. So that way you don't have to be thinking too much about what to say, what to say next, or even how to start conversations or making a situational only if course situations will arise that will pump some of your really curiosity, humor or waste to help, or maybe even other ways. But you wouldn't have definitely some things to say. Because it's might be a networking event. There's a lot of people and you have a lot of people to talk to. So let's get started. The first question is, how's everything housing night? How's the drink? How is this? That is a simple way to start the conversation with everything. And you can be doing in the same group. It can be like, How's everything with one person has a drink over here. How's how's how's the night How's it going for you guys? Yeah, how is how is how is the week go in for you guys? Let's say it's an 34. Introduce People to Each Other : Okay guys, so this lesson I wanted to talk about connecting people to each other and we'll start with the context of your adding event and you're working the room and talking to everyone. The next thing is, if you remember details, That's brilliant to introduce people to each other, that might be a mutual interests. Again, this is about re-engaging people that you've already talked to in the event. And really bringing forth that element of wanting to help others wanted to be a service. And that would be through connecting them to each other, potentially mutually beneficial relationships, connections, or even just interactions. So the best way to do it as simply say, Hey, you know what, I just met Joe or I just met Huan or, or whoever it might be. You know, he actually does this type of work. He might be a great connection for you. Let me introduce you the very least. You guys can share some ideas. You can say something like that. This is so brilliant really in terms of to really help people out, if you will. So you wouldn't have that perspective. You want to have that mindset that through this network to this great lifestyle that you're building. You're not just doing it just to be popular to benefit yourself and all that kind of stuff, but potentially to be of service and help others connect with each other. So if you see an opportunity for some people to meet that they might be a good connection or a really good match for dating business friendships. To go cycling, to go, to go running, jogging, whatever it might be introduced into each other. And if you don't, let say you are at this event in this context, if you don't remember their names or if you don't remember any specifics including and especially their names, then just introducing you remember one name, possibly the person that you're talking to already. Or you might even ask what's your name again so I can introduce you or something like that. But again, if you remember that name, at least, just say, Hey, hey gets you. See, again, actually I wanted to introduce you to someone. And then they're gonna be like, Wow, they don't feel special. They may even going to think about whether you've mentioned their name or not. So from there, you just say, Hey, I went to introduce you to someone. This is the person that you've already talked to and you're bringing someone over, the other person, bring it over. You say, hey, this is this is Ricardo, this is Richard. This is whoever the name is, right? I love to introduce. You guys actually are in the same industry just started. You guys should meet and I'll let you guys take it from here. And then you excuse yourself, you move on, you continue your thing of meeting people and connecting with people. Eventually you won't even have to give out your number or exchange information, all that kind of stuff. People will just begin to ask for it automatically. 35. Exchange Contact Information: Now let's jump into exchanging contact information in being the connector really. Again, I mentioned it in the previous lesson, focused on connecting with people to be of service and to connect them potentially with other people in the future and so on. But also just simply to connect, to get to know this person, to learn more about them, learn more about their hobbies, what they're into, and so on and so on. And just be interested, don't do it to get something out of it. That's what I'm saying. That might be maybe down in your prior that should be down in your priority list. And you'll be a lot more successful when it comes to a change in information. Now having the right energy and doing this after you do this a while, when you have the right energy and after you do this or while, people will just simply begin to ask for your information, or they will say, hey, let's, let's hang out some time. And let's go off for drains or go out for coffee or whatever it might be. That really pertains to any contexts, whether it's romantic, business, friendship, definitely, and so forth. So that's one thing that I want to get out of the way that when you have the right energy, the right mindset, the right social habits, you'll just simply begin to bring that out. And people, not everyone, but most people will connect with, in a conversation, will want to connect after for whatever else. Now in the past and in the previous course, I mentioned giving all your information in a social topic. Now, I still stand for that. In fact, if you notice that when working the room, I said ask what's going on this weekend? What are you up to today? What are you up to tonight? If you really move things to that in that way, wherever you're traveling, what's what are you guys gonna be doing while you're here? What are you going to be doing while you're here in Mexico, while you're here in France, or wherever it might be that you're at. Moving those to certain topics. We'll open up the doors to exchanging information and potentially going on things together with these people that you're meeting. So I still stand by that. So the way that it works is you're like, alright, What are you up to this weekend? Let's just use one question. And they say, Oh, we're actually, I'm going to be going into this concert, blah, blah. And then we might end up in the city center for drinks afterwards. And then they will ask, What are you up to? Maybe buy quizzes as you already know this in concert and you say, we're going to be at the same concert. Let's connect, let's go together. Maybe you say, Well actually, I'm gonna be in the downtown area as well that that Saturday, you know, let's let's connect and let's see what happens. Just say let's connect. And either they'll ask for your information or they'll give you there and then go from there. It's that simple. Again, the way it works is you ask a social question and just like anything else, they'll ask ask it back and that's your opportunity to tell him what you wanna do or what you're gonna be doing and invite them to it. Or they will invite you one of the two. And that's it. If it doesn't happen and don't force it, and just keep moving like that. Another thing that you can also focus on, this I didn't mention in the previous course is that when you're meeting new people, just like when you're dating, whether it's whether it's for business or whether it's for friendship or networking or whatever it is. It's very similar to, in my opinion, to really dating. You don't want to go on a long hike or on a very long dinner, even though a lot of people still do dating wise on your very first time you meet because you don't know if you're actually gonna get along. If they're gonna be what they present in the very beginning. So I like to lead with coffee or drinks, whether it's through dating, whether it's for friendships, whether it's for business, whatever it might be. I really mean that, I mean, if I'm going out with a new friend and let's say I just met, for example, I just met this guy here at a local coffee shop and he's like, let's hang out, let's go, let's just do some like it was a drink. I wouldn't go on some sort of a tour here of the local. Again, if you're traveling, if you're like oftentimes people backpack and that kind of stuff, you might be more adventurous and that's cool if you get a group together, but if it's one-on-one and that sort of thing, I would just keep it at drinks and copy. Now, I'm renting a little bit, so I just want to get it focused again. What I do want to see is that you can lead with that. You can say, well, no matter what, no matter if you ask the question, so don't ask the question and you say, Well, let me know if you're if you're offered coffee some time, let me know if you're off for a drink some time. Let me know if you'd like to grab a drink some time. And that's it. Let me know if you'd like to grab coffee sometime, that's it. It's that simple. So again, write some of these stuff, right? Some of this stuff down that I'm talking about. Like the three-way sustained conversation is the questions that I ask when I'm working the room. The questions that I asked socially and really how to your way of exchanging information, connecting with people, and so on. So write it down so you can use it often. And that's how I would give out my information or exchange information for a future date at hanging out in the future. So that's that. 36. Messaging for the First Time to Set up a Meetup: Continuing to connect with people beyond the first interaction and conversation is really texting and messaging back-and-forth or even calling each other. So nowadays, assume and all of these conferencing things are earth are big now, especially if you're connecting with somewhat professionally. So that might be a thing. So what I do want to say though, when it comes to texting or emailing each other, whatever it might be. It really is. This one does differ depending on the type of situation than it is. If it's a obviously if it's a professional one, you want to keep an email and that sort of thing, I would say in general. I mean, you can texts back-and-forth, but you obviously don't want to do the same thing if it's a romantic interests or that sort of thing. But I'll leave that to your common sense. But in terms of actually texts and let's say it's a personal conversation and then it might lead to business and might lead to something romantic. We might lead to a nice friendship. Texting wise. I generally, if I get their information, I text right away. After I meet them like, Hey, it's Philippe, get to meet you right in front of them. I text him and we I might just texts later. It's very simple technique later, a few days later, depending on when we're supposed to meet up. I say, okay, well, I'll be free this Thursday, Friday, let me know if the morning or afternoon worked for coffee or let me know if the afternoon or evening works for drinks. And that's how I would say it. That's it. It's that simple really. It's not that complicated when it comes to taxi. I think less is more when it comes to texting. Unless it's a very professional business connection, then overcommunicating is important. I would say to that, that we'll see those are the exceptions and the contrast, if it's personal, less than, less is more. If it's professional than, you know, don't be short is seen as kind of route. So that's all I got for that. 37. Organize Social Gatherings: But another way is just to begin to put together get-togethers. You want to maybe do Brian's, you maybe wanna do some sort of a lunch thing. Maybe if you if you don't drink alcohol, maybe a coffee coffee, meetings for people, I don't know. Whatever you think might be called picnics and park picnics or you go out and play volleyball at the park. Whatever it might be, where it can be really engaging for both women and men, as well as people from different backgrounds. Get them together and just say, Hey, I'm having a little, little get-together here at the park or even at your place and invite some people over and with the intention to connect people with each other. That is the intention, that is you being of service and really trying to benefit people as opposed to trying to extract value from them. And value for you will automatically happen. You don't even have to worry about it. Everything, all the other benefits and all the popularity and all that kinda stuff does happen because you are the connectors, so don't worry about where you're going to get or anything else like that. Just think of being of service and connecting others at this point. Again, that's how you want to do it and that's even what the intention should potentially be when you are getting information and so forth. Because even if you have not a lot going on when it comes to your social life right now. If you come from that perspective, you will move a lot faster. You will have a lot less obstacles and less resistance. Because again, just like with money, with anything else, people are always trying to get something from each other, from live, from situations. We're always, we always have goals young, we always have all this stuff. We always have a little bit of an agenda. So put your agenda away and just focus on connecting people to each other and everything else at your dreams, your goals and everything will happen because you are actually the connector. You'll have all these connections already. So if you need to tap into them, you can and will and so forth. But don't worry about what you're gonna get and simply worry about connecting. Well, don't worry, but simply put it as a, as a priority to connect people to each other. 38. Bonus Lecture: Starting Conversations Extended 1: Alright guys, let's get into the three ways of starting conversations, starting interactions. I don't want to mention first of all, some great news that these can be used to exchange information, to invite people to things that you're doing or getting invited to pull stuff. These can also be used for that. So you'll get an idea of how they can be used as I go through them. So first of all, the number one thing, and I've mentioned these waste, one of my previous of courses for social skills and so forth. If number one thing is curiosity, curiosity is fantastic. So if you were ever for except when new city and you're trying to find your way around and trying to find the coolest things to do. Instead of just only go into Google or a Local Information Center. And all of that started asking strangers, start asking them about cold places to eat, about where the favorite places to get a nice cocktail, places to check out and you see him, whatever it might be. As well as if you are new to a city, maybe you're taking this course because it's been awhile since you've been social COVID happened and you move too. In this video, you know, you don't know anyone where you're at. Again, ask around and figure out things by just being curious. This could also extend to you see someone reading the book that can cause your attention. So you ask them about it. You're like, It looks like a good book. What are you reading? And then go from there again, the key with all this, this is genuine curiosity. Don't just start conversations because someone is in front of you and you're attractive. You're welcome to do that as well, and that's fine. I'm not seeing it, but in terms of actually a 100% and valproate, you really wouldn't be genuine with this. And it has to come from a completely authentic curiosity point of view. So not only are there good looking, hard, though, to start conversations because they're good-looking or because there seem like they would be a great connection and all that kind of stuff for business. I don't know. So again, be genuinely curious. 39. Bonus Lecture: Starting Conversations Extended 2: The second way is simply through humor. So if you have a preset ways that you start conversations, one of the ways that I've mentioned that I still do in previous courses is I simply if I'm at a restaurant or bar, people, especially here in the US, they might ask, how are you doing and they always say terrible. But even in other places, I see that all over Europe and all over the world, I must say that I'm doing terrible with its myelin. So I'm kinda conjugating body language and what I'm saying. So it might be that, it might be that you see something happening. For example, a few weeks ago, I was at a coffee shop. Someone was putting on some hand sanitizer from the venue. And it's going to spread everywhere. And I say it's a Catholic. Leah said, don't worry. Nobody saw that. Obviously eyesight. Nobody saw that. And also there's not a lot of it. Just literally your shirt. Sorry, I kinda went all over herself. You find it funny? More likely other people will find it funny as well. 40. Bonus Lecture: Starting Conversations Extended 3: The third one, I would say, for me it's truly, truly the one that works the best and the one that's gonna make you feel the best and that is looking to be of service. So helping people, it might be that someone needs the door to be opened because they're carrying things. It might mean that it might mean that you see someone that looks lost. And so you go over there and ask, hey, do you need your directions? You look a little bit lost on. Those are things are great ways to really start interactions their conversations. An example for me. I mean, again, it doesn't mean that you stay there and just have a long conversation. You hear me, a great business connection or the love of your life, or you didn't. We haven't got to have a small conversation. It just means that you're starting your cellular interactions and exchanging good energy. That's what it means and that's what you want to focus on mastering throughout this course really, because conversations and everything else kinda yields from just opening these doors or is just by seeing high, or by helping someone's train your mind that there's nothing to get in, there's nothing to expect and do this without any attachment to outcome. Alright, so an important point to really keep in mind with these three ways of being really now in the starting interactions but of being is that it begins to echo in your life and the life of others and in the world, it could be a day that your hour or at night that you're out and you begin talking to people, and all of a sudden you become the life of the party and people are coming up to you and all that kind of stuff. Or it could be overtime. For example, I lived in I was living in a community in platelet, karmic, Mexico. And you begin to see some of the similar people. Of course, the weight waitstaff at cafes and so on and so on. And so I remember a one-point s I was really writing and beginning to record this course that I noticed how I would go into this coffee shop. I would go there pretty often that people already knew me and then people that were walking by, tourists and people that were staying months, people overstating years, people that were staying just like a few days, probably talked to about a dozen that already knew me in some new people that I hadn't met before. And that's what I mean. Can I add up? I say you meet five people per day or you meet two people per day. And it is a very stay hotel that is not touristy. This was a very touristy town's when people come and go. Then you've already made, let's say it's two people and it's three months. But a 180 people is the amount of people that you would meet in three months. And so that's a way that echoes in your life and the way that it works or compounds, but also in other people's life. Because People don't forget those things. It's not common for others to be friendly, to spread those really positive energy and be really kind and so forth. So they will remember it and potentially passive, pay it and pass it forward to other people and maybe set an example for them. And so as this whole thing can I just begins to culminate. You begin to be a change in the world. You begin to become an example for the world. And where people around you or your community, or wherever you travel to, whether you're traveling or you're in a small town, in your home country, whatever it is, that's how it ripples all around your community, your friends, city, so on and so on. So I really urge you to take into consideration, especially the third way of engaging people, which is by helping them. Yeah, it really is not only my favorite, but such an important way to really navigate your life. And I guess that's all I have to say about this. So I will see you on the next lesson.