Transcripts
1. Intro to Our Self-Worth Class: Have you ever felt that you were not good enough? I've ever had an experience where you felt, you know, I'm a loser or this is not for me, whether it's a relationship, a job. Have you ever felt that you weren't where the anything. Well, so have we. And that's why we are huge, because we learn how to overcome that feeling. How we can pass over those limiting beliefs that make us believe that we are not worth it of anything, that we are not good enough, that we are not going to make it. And we want to share with you this today. I'm Francesco stem early and the father said, OK, speaker and the author of kissy love yourself book series. Most importantly, I'm a man on a mission to help others find their self worth. And my name is David Merino. I'm a life coach, specialized and emotional intelligence, NLP, CBT, mindfulness, and have been working for the last five years, helping people to understand how they can improve themselves every single day. What are you going to find in this course? We're gonna tell you what self-worth is. And we're going to tell you what it is now. We're going to come to the sources, the roots of your fears that are specifically involved in your host self-worth perspective. We're gonna go over tips that you can implement habits. We have a course project in trust me when I say much, much more in this course. So if you have many to understand where you self worth come from, let's get started.
2. What is Self-Worth?: If you don't value yourself, the no-one else. Well, I started off with a quote because I want you to understand the importance of self worth. I also want to share with you what self-worth isn't. Self-worth is when you truly know who you are and you can put a number on what you are. I'm at ten out of ten, or I'm a one out of one. Self esteem is what we're not going to be talking about today. Self-esteem is just a feeling, it's a sentiment, it comes in, it goes out. You feel sad, it leaves you. You eat a piece of cake, is delicious, it goes, self-worth, is solidified. Something that has been cultured, whether your family or something to your genetics. But today we're going to talk about how you can put it back in your power and change. I'd like to also share some personal experiences with you. So you can understand that I had problems myself worth when I was younger, I didn't think I was worthy to be in a healthy relationship. I thought it was normal to be with someone who may cheat on me, who wouldn't be there for me. So when I couldn't count on or sometimes I would sabotage and relationship. Well, because I didn't deserve a healthy one. That was my issue. And if I didn't do something to change it, well, I would be in the same situation that I was years ago, doing the same thing, never changing the problem. The reason I had problems with my relationships and my self worth, because I had limiting beliefs about myself. I felt I deserved. When it comes to the limiting beliefs, we are going to go into real detail in this course. So please stay tuned for that. Something specific about self-worth that I really want you to understand is that sometimes we treat ourselves worse than others. And to give you an example, how would you treat your best friend if they came over or a baby, whether it's your baby or someone else's baby, you treat them like an esteemed guest. You would take care of them. You would be so conscious and aware to make them feel good. But sometimes we don't even do that for ourselves. Self-worth is treating yourself like a best friend. Self-worth is shooting yourself like the baby that deserves all that attention, loving care. I also want to share with you how self-worth doesn't come from an external factor. Whether it be a car, a job, comes from within. Yes, you can be happy about your successes and yes, you can be proud of your car and your house. I'm not saying that. I'm saying comes from within that feeling. That's the inner voice that says, I'm proud of you. That is with self-worth is. And that is something that has to be cultivated internally daily because you do deserve it. Just to wrap up, we will not be talking about self-esteem, will be talking about self-worth. Self-esteem is maybe a onetime fix. And self-worth is not a onetime fix. It takes hard work. And here we're going to show you what it takes.
3. The Reason Why You Fear: As Francesco said in the last video, self-worth is not an emotion. However, it impacts a very deep emotion in ourselves depending on how good we understand ourselves or think about ourself, and that's fear. Fear is one of the most powerful emotions in our life. It may help you to move forward or it frees us where we are right now and how come that we fear so many different things. For example, you have fear of failure, fear of success, fear of being mocked or not being good enough. All those fears come from a specific route. And that's yourself worth. If you feel like you deserved stuff, then you're not going to feel afraid of challenge. Things that you have to encounter in order to achieve your goal. Because this is something that you need to understand here right now. Fear is not going anywhere. Every single time that you try to do something new, you will fear something because it's new, because it's different. However, those fear can be overcome easily when you understand that you are valuable, that you can actually have, can change the situation, that you can actually achieve that goal. So the important thing here is that you try to understand and we talk about, we're going to talk about that in the next video, in the next couple of videos. And it's the fact that you fear of failing or even being successful. Because you don't understand how worthy you are. Because you believe every single time that this is not for you. And that's you have this imposter syndrome. When you might achieve something, you think, OH, they will find out, I'm not good for this. Shouldn't be a leader because I'm afraid of all this stuff because I don't know how to speak in public and all this kind of nonsense that we repeat ourselves every single time in our minds comes from this idea that we're not good enough, that we don't deserve. And that's because you don't understand the value inside yourself, your intrinsic value. That's the most important thing here right now, if you want to challenge yourself, if you want to achieve better goals, you need to, first of all, understand what are your fears for that. We have created a PDF in which you can actually list down all the fears in your life every single time and then you understand where they are coming from. So I'm going to ask you right now to go to the download section, download the PDF, and start working with this parallel to discourse. This is going to help you a lot. And if you're ready, please come with me to the next video.
4. Where Does Self-Worth Come From?: I think therefore I am. This is a quote from an aide to Scott, which basically says at all, where does self-worth comes from? It comes from many places. But in this course we're gonna be talking about fixed mindset, growth mindset. What is fixed mindset? Fixed mindset is, I am a failure growth mindset. I grow from my failures or I grow from my mistakes. When you have a growth mindset, you can start making the changes to have more self worth. When you have a fixed mindset, well, you're stuck in that place where I am not worthy to grow. I'd like to talk to you about my personal experiences. When I was in the third grade, I had an accent. I grew up speaking a few languages and English wasn't my strongest one. Living in America. I was asked by the teacher to read page 55, chapter three, paragraph four. As I started reading, I couldn't say the word apple correctly. I was saying Apple, Apple or epithelial. And the friend next to me who was a really a good friend, started laughing and said What, you can't even read the word apple. This put me in a horrible place and I was only ten years old at the time. What happens? I can't read or I can't read out loud. Or as an adult, I can't speak in front of people or I can't be a public speaker until someone showed me. Francesco, You Can, you just have to learn? You need to have a growth mindset. And that's the same idea with self-worth. Whatever you're thinking about yourself and you've already put it as a definite I need you to change that right now, please. Because once you change it, you can start learning, make the mistakes, and continue to grow. Like I did. Now know how to say the word apple pretty well. So now that you know where self-worth comes from, you can start making the changes today. Remember, I think therefore I am. And what you've repeat in your mind becomes a truth. So let's change that truth.
5. What are Limiting Beliefs?: In this video, I want to talk to you about limiting beliefs. This is something that we create in our lives depending on what kind of experience that we have from the beginning of our lives. And they sum up during our teenage years and they accompany us until our debt. If we let them are limiting beliefs, our ideas or experiences that we decide that they are totally true and they cannot be changed. And that's the problem when we have a fixed mindset. Because we believe that what happened in the past, like in the case on Francesco, is going to be like that forever. And that's pretty dangerous and we need to be aware of that. Let me give you an example. Many of you may have seen a show in a circus, or maybe you have seen the movie Dumbo. We have these huge, beautiful elephants being manipulated, but a tiny person. They're not that big, but for some reason they can manage to make this huge animal juggle or jump on our job to kind of jump, but stand up in a ball or something like that. How the hell too, do they manage to do that? Well, this is special training that the elephants go through their lives. When the trainer one to create a new show, they take a little baby elephant and put it in a place. And they wrap up a chain on his arm. And that change is connected to a peak. And then they let the animal stay right there. So what should this baby supposed to be doing? Is fighting, is trying to be free from that chain. But his small, he is weak. So in a certain point, this poor thing give up. And then the showman decided, okay, now I can train this fella because this one understood his weak or it is weak. Now, this elephant grows bigger and bigger and bigger to a point that is extremely strong. However, every single time what the elephant gets that chain again on her wrist or his wrist. It just feel weak. It doesn't move. It stays there. It moves a little bit, but it realize, okay, well, I am in the same situation or in the past. I couldn't manage to break this. I cannot do it right now. Why? Because I'm weak. But when we see the elephant, we know exactly this is not a weak animal, actually is pretty strong. But the ideas are very implant here. Something that happened in the past is so fix here that it became a belief, a belief that is actually limiting its life. And what is true for this poor animal is true for our, for ourselves. So, what are your chains? What is changed to your pass? What is taken you to a place where you feel weak? When you feel like you're not good enough, when you feel like you're a failure. I had the same situation like Francesco in the past. I was marked, I was bullied. I thought I will die alone because I was so ugly. Because I simply had so many pimples in my face when I was a little kid that no woman whatsoever will ever dare to come close to me. I have like a 30 nicknames and my high school time. And that was horrible for me. And I thought David is horrible. David is going to die a virgin because now it is going to get close to him. So I move in my life with that feeling, with that limiting belief, I was dumb, I was short, I was ugly. So there is no option for me. What kind of situation did you lift in your life that make you believe that you're not good enough, that you will not achieve something beautiful in your life. In my case, I have managed to have beautiful relationships with beautiful woman. They actually wanted to be with me. So maybe this belief is not actually true. Maybe add to pull a little harder that chain that is actually keeping me in the past to break it. I did it. I challenge myself and I realized I I am much more that some scars in my face than my height. I am much, much more in the inside. And I needed to understand that in order to destroy those limiting beliefs. And in fact, 97% of our beliefs, our limiting beliefs, everything that we believe about ourselves. I'm pretty sure it's not true. So challenge it. And that's apart in the PDF. So be aware of that. Think about the ideas that you create about yourself or people sold you in the past regarding who you are and what you're capable of? I was told I wasn't good enough to do math. Well, I have a master's degrees in economics. I'm a statistician. I don't practice it, but I managed to get that diploma. So I challenged that. What can you challenge today? To prove yourself that you are much, much more than you think. Let's give it a try. And if you want to share with us your experience, go to the discussion section as us, whatever you want to share with us, your experience doing the PDF. We look forward to hear from you.
6. Taking Responsibility of Your Emotions: Take control of your emotions. It's all I heard growing up from my teachers. You see, I'm Italian, so we're very passionate people, right? We express ourselves really loud and we scream to the world and Werner relationship, we go like this and we would kiss. That's what I always grew up thinking that Italians or passion in which we are. As I got older, I realized that some of that passion was just another word for saying lack of emotional control, which I have to start taking responsibility. How can I start taking emotional control? There are a few ways, but what I'm gonna talk to you today about is labeling. When I would be so passionate about something that was scream. That means I was either angry or I was feeling upset or defensive. When I know the word that I'm feeling. And I could put it in perspective. Right now. I feel sad. Right now I feel upset or betrayed. I basically take away the power, the thunder from that emotion. And I start to analyze it, start to dissect it. And I start to control the emotion. Start to control my behavior, myself, even my voice, my tone, everything starts to be a little more balanced. And although being passionate is wonderful, being out of control emotionally isn't so much. And when it comes to self worth, we don't have space to be outraged or to upset for three months or six years because that's not healthy, right? Because we just spoke about that earlier. Being emotionally involved is great. But when you're actually letting it take over u becomes a part of your personality. And we don't want that when it becomes a negative. So what can we do about it? We can connect with ourselves, okay? We can connect with that inner voice, label, understand, and then choose. Let me give you an example of how to choose. My niece, her name is Francesca. My sister made a wonderful choice where her name? My niece Francesca said to me, I feel I feel sad, I go, What Happened? One of my friends and school comic stupid. And they said, oh man, I'm so sorry, you feel that way. And I hugged her. And I said, Why do you believe it? And she goes, Well, she said it. And then I answered with something that changed her whole life and hopefully can help you to I said, what if she called the purple? Would you believe it? And she started laughing. She goes no, no, Z0. She calls me Z0. I wouldn't believe this purple because I'm not variable. And I said and you're not stupid, but you have to believe that you're not stupid. So what are you? She goes, I am I'm a hard worker and an I study a lot, so I'm I'm smart. Said You are what you say you are. What are you being labeled as unbelieving? People calling you something and then you automatically just shut down, freeze and take it as a fact or are you taking control of it? My niece, she knew she was sad, made her giggle a little. She knew she wasn't purple and she knew she was a stupid then she's able to say to herself, I am smart, I am a hard worker. That story for my niece is relatable to many people in every situation. The key point here is take care of your emotions. But more importantly, Believe in yourself. Not what other people are saying about you. Regain that control. Go within and don't make anyone who make you feel anything more than worthy of what you are.
7. Tips on How to Maintain Your Developed Self-Worth: In this video, I want to give you some tips and how can you help yourself to maintain and sustain the process of discovering yourself worth and keep it in a healthy way. Because sometimes we believe that when we feel good for one moment, that's it. We are there. We don't need to do anything else, but no, as you recall correctly, at the beginning, Francesco told you that self-esteem, we don't bother about that. We need to work on our cell's worth. First of all, stop comparing yourself with other people. One of the most playing gains around the world. Every single human enjoy doing this, comparing themselves with other people. And because they have more than me or less and me because they have achieved more staff at my age than I have done or I have achieved. And that's not good. Every single time we compare ourselves, we're showing that we believe that is just based on these other things, these material things that our purpose, our life is defined. And the more I have, the better person I am, which is not. Sometimes when you want to feel better about ourselves in a very weak way, in a wicked way is when we look down to other people, hey, I'm 34 and I have achieved so many things. And this person, he'll still studying, this person doesn't even have a car. So I'm better than that person. Are you really you really think that you purchase because you have a car or because you have a house and that person is maybe still living but with the parents, you'll know. And you don't need to know, and you don't need to compare it to other people that have the same age as you. And maybe they have already a car, a house. They're married, 2.5 kids. And you have none of that. So that means that your life is less than there's not, right? So be aware of that comparison and attaching your value to stuff outside of you are only damaging your self-worth. So be aware of that. You need to accept yourself for what you are. Well, David, who am I? You are a human being. And that's already a lottery. Because statistically, from all the species that you can actually be in this world do became a human being. Now, you define who you are based on the print that you put on someone's life. Are you making the better? Are you being of service? Are you giving everything that you have yourself? Do you understand your core values and do you lift them? That's the way you show yourself. You value, not by comparing yourself. So accept who you are except what you have and big grateful. Yeah, not because someone else has less than you, just because you have that. Because you are experienced in this life the way you were supposed to be experienced it maybe there are some struggles. Maybe there is sometimes a lot of difficulties. But it doesn't mean that you cannot appreciate the kind of life that you have is up to you if you think your life sucks, so be it. But if you feel that your life is worth living and you have a lot of things to give, then that will be your life. And before I wrapped up this video, I want to give you one of the best advisors that have ever gotten forming my mentor. And that's how do you define success? Many people define it by comparing, by saying, I have so many different things and you go to social media and see so many people, beautiful people making selfies with that beautiful car in the back on different variety, dead, yeah, whatever. And they believe that is success. People making rain with money. That's not success actually. Why is that? So many people feel so bad about themselves. So first-rate, although they have all this tough lain around them. So maybe something wrong here. I'm going to share with you how I define success in my life. You can take it, you can leave it, you can love it, you can hate it, whatever. But it's something that has helped me understand the value of my life and the value of my daily life. For me, success comes from giving everything that I have right here, right now. When I'm finishing this course, I can go to my bed tonight and feel totally successful because I give you the best I have with my best English, with the best way possible. I stand here with all my heart, with all my energy. Maybe nobody's gonna watch this class, or maybe thousands of people are going to watch that. It is out of my control. But at least I can be sure that I have given everything that I have here and now. And that makes me every single day that I do that a successful person. Are you gonna do? Are you going to define yourself from what you can actually control? Or are you going to wait to see the results outside of you? Maybe this is going to be the greatest best-seller here or nobody's going to care about that. I don't mind. I am giving myself completely and totally to this project. I love what I'm doing right now. That's my living. I feel great doing this. I don't have a Ferrari waiting for me outside, but I have amazing people in my life. I have a lot of energy. I am healthy and I'm giving all my love and all my knowledge to you the best way possible. That is success for me and that makes me move forward, stronger feeling that my life is worth it. So how about you?
8. Emotional Hygiene: I want to personally thank David for his wonderful tips that are going to make a change if they're implemented. At the same time. I want you to understand that it has to be consistently in, consciously implemented. It's not a magic pill. It's not something you can just pop in and boom, boom shaped room, you're fine or everything has changed for the better. It's something that's going to require hard work, daily practice, and look at it in the long run for the future, not just today and then done. I want to talk to you about self-worth hygiene. What does that exactly? Well, you brush your teeth, right? So that's hygienic. Self-worth hygiene is doing something to make sure you stay pure and clean every single day to keep that belief system strong and healthy. You can go to the gym right once a year. But if you really think about if you cut once a year when you Be strong and that really you brush your teeth once a year. Same idea. When it comes to hygiene. You wanna make sure you're consistent because you don't wanna cavities or you don't want to be too weak if you get hurt. The idea is to make sure it's consistent. And how do you say consistent? We're going to break it down into one skill that I've learned that I think will help you. So what is that one skill? Before I tell you, like I said before, it has to be consistent and it has to be conscious, something that you implement on a daily or semi daily basis. Very often. This skill is called don't break the chain. Remember earlier David told you that the elephant had to break the chain. That you have to break the chain on the belief that you have the limiting beliefs. Well, I'm here to tell you, don't break the chain, but it's in a different way. Comedian Jerry Seinfeld, really famous comedian in America, was once asked by a young amature comedian, Hey Jerry, how are you the best? What makes you the best comedian like what are you doing is a lot of reform the best. But I do something different from the other comedians. I don't break the chain. What does he mean by not breaking the chain? Well, imagine a calendar. Okay, there's 30 days in the calendar. And every day that Jerry Seinfeld, we'll write a joke practice to joke or go to a comedy clubs, get that joke. You would put an x there. Eventually, if you do that every single day, that X looks like a chain. And Jerry Seinfeld's perspective, if you don't break the chain, well, you'll be successful. And that's the same idea here. Consistency plus being consciously aware of what you're doing because you could brush your teeth really quick. But if you don't do it precisely, you might end up having cavities. Just like any muscle that grows. You need to keep it going. You need to cultivate it. Because if you don't use it, you lose it. That's what they say about languages. If you don't practice a language you learn well, then you're going to eventually forget a lot about it. So there are a couple of ways that you can implement this. Don't break the chain method. You can have affirmations, whether you're reading affirmations daily, whether you're writing in a journal daily about who you are and what you want to be. Second time for yourself going for a walk, even though it's in a gym, is a part of self-worth. And if that comes up every single day, well, you can make mark that off your calendar. Even meeting up with a friend, I mean, a high-quality friend that boosts your morale and gives you good energy. That's another way to cultivate it. I shared a skill, a habit that I've loved in that helps me maintain and stick myself worth. And now I want to know about yours. In the PDF, you'll notice that there's a spot there for you to share in there, but also to share with the community. Because maybe what you're doing is going to help me and help my nice, it's gonna help David and the other people in this community, which is extremely important for us.
9. Course Project: How do you feel about the class until now? I hope you have been doing the PDF. Otherwise, this is nonsensical. It's no point for me being hearing you watching me. Because the idea here is that I shared some information with you and Francesca Roswell. And that's it. That's the only thing that we can do. You need to do the work. You need to sit down and reflect. Sometimes those questions might be difficult, but it is important. If you think that you are worth it, then you will sit down and try to understand what is going on in your head, what is going on in your heart? Why aren't they kind of leaves that have created my life? How can I change it? That's why we create that PDF. And in order to help you a little more, let me introduce you the project for this class, and that is called the tunnel of success. What does that mean? Well, sometimes we believe that we are not good enough. We are not worth it for anything because until now we have managed to do nothing. Our life has been just sucky. We haven't done nothing good in our lives, which is not true. And that's the reason why we created this project. I want you to sit down and go to the past, go to the beginnings of your memory, and try to write down every single success that you had in your life. And this is very important because sometimes when the time goes by, we believe that the things that we lived in the past, they weren't that difficult, then weren't that special with our eyes. Now we believe that those things that were a huge struggle in the past are not that important. In my case. I study for seven years, I have a master degrees. I did it in Germany in a language that it wasn't my mother tongue. And after a couple of years when people told me, oh wow, it's so you know German, you managed to do a master's degrees. And since I'm not actively using that diploma, I say, yeah, well, yeah, I got to the point, but yeah, I'm, I'm an economist, but who cares? Who cares? I should care about that. I bust my ass trying to get that diploma, trying to get that master degree. But we forget that we in our minds, we make our issues, our problems, our weaknesses, so much bigger that our success. Every single time we talk about our successes, you need to listen to yourself. Yeah, but it wasn't that much. Actually. It wasn't that important and we throw it away. But when we have a tiny issue, oh yeah, I'm a loser because the first time I tried to kiss this woman didn't work out or no, this is horrible. This is the worst thing that happened in my life. No, it's not like that. We define our successes and our weaknesses or our failures. And we have this bad habit of seeing the good things in the worst light. So the idea here is that you start understanding that although you think that what happened in the past wasn't that big, although it was a success, it was huge. And it show you that you can develop is show you that you need to have an growth mentality because you have been growing through your life. And I don't care if you start putting your first success like the first time I went by myself in the bathroom. That was huge. If you can remember that, you will understand there was a huge moment in your life. It was a short life, but it was one of the biggest success in your life and start writing down all your success. It doesn't matter if other people think there are not good, that are not success. If you felt that it was something good, but it's something that you achieve because you gave everything of yourself. Then it goes into the project. Write it down. Understand yourself. Recall that feeling and see that you have been success many, many, many times in your life. And then you realize I am warfare of even more, more stuff in my life. More thing I can capable of achieving more and why? Because I'm worth it. Because I know and understand my value and my value have been increasing every single time in my life. So we want you to share with us your tunnel of success. That's going to be a train passing through that tunnel and looking to all those experiences with all those successes in your life and you will feel powerful. You will understand the next time that you feel like you're going down, that the things are not working out. You can recall one of those successes in your life and enjoyed and understand. This is just a moment in my next success is just in front of me. So give it a try. Share with us. Put it in the discussion section And we will enjoy reading from you.
10. Closing Thoughts: Well, this is it for this class. Now you understand what is self-worth, what is self-esteem, and what is actually important for you? Now you can start challenging. You're limiting beliefs in creating a better habit for yourself. Give yourself the opportunity to work on you and understand where it's actually your value. If you still have any concerns or questions or if you feel something was missing, please please put it in the questions below or in the discussions. We are here for you. We created this to help others. So put that in there and I promise you wear so active here that we will get back to you asap. And of course, thank you very much for sticking with us to the end. That means a lot we enjoyed a lot this time working together for you. It's been an honor, like he said, if you do have any other topics that you want to hear more about, we make more courses dedicated to what you feel, whether it's Emotional Intelligence, Personal Development, self-love. Remember, if you ask, he may receive, of course. And now you can have all our socials. We're gonna put it here down if you can follow us, if you have more questions, our websites are here as well, so do not hesitate to contact us. And remember, please remember, you are the only one that can set your worth.
Francesco Samarelli, TEDx Speaker | Author | Father
