Transcripts
1. Class Overview (pgs. 1-6): Let's just kinda take, take a minute and I
can explain to you, so you'll know how
the whole class is going to flow and what your, your work in the
class will be like, what your work outside
the class will be like. Oh, of course, this is you. You're, you're not
getting a grade and you're not getting your
A-star on their refrigerator. So you're here because
because you want to be and so your expectations of
yourselves or as high as you decide that it's not safe, not comfortable, not practical, but how are how far
are you willing to go? That's the bigger question. Safe, comfortable,
and practical. Those are gone already. So now, now we're into
another, into another realm. And basically what we wanna
do while we're here is to, is to delineate our life from where we just came from to what happens when
we arrive here. So we want to declare this
space as sacred space. And ideally we
want to go through some processes that will
allow your brain to shut off. Because thinking is it
would just get in your way. So the more conscious
conscientious probing, problem-solving, all that. That's interesting, but
that's not what's going to be the pathway for you to start to do really interesting work. I think it's extremely important to understand that this is not a course where you're trying to make the best
photographs of your life. This is something
that people really struggle with instructing
from the heart in general that photography
by its very nature, it is an instant
gratification media, especially now
that it's digital. Boom, done, done, done, done. Is it good? Yes. Is it bad? Is it good? No more good, no more bad, no more comparisons,
process, process, process. Just think of it as, as if you're composing a
song, It's so much easier. You're not going to sit down, make some have in history, but the average songwriter is not going to sit down
and bam, it's done. It's more like I'm
working on it. You may write a lyric, you may put it away for
a day, a month, a year. You might write a phrase. You might, you know, it comes back and you work it and you're working,
you're working. But the expectation of a
photograph is so different because I'm here because I
want to make a good picture. Alright, so let
yourself off the hook, dive into the process. Trust the process,
be with the process. If you're making
really good pictures every time you pick
up the camera, you just no way you're
in uncharted territory. You're just making the
same pictures you've made. I think one of the most
ironically motivating things anyone ever said to me was
when I was in graduate school. And after two or
three semesters, I had an advisor who
were the first day of the semester sits down and he's looking into all my work. And he's looking and he's
nodding and he looks at me, he goes, You are an
amazing photographer. Followed by. So what
this just like Hertz. And he's like, what
are you gonna do now? What's next? And so there was an opportunity for all
those, all those months, week after week after week
to just be kind of like sniffing here and knocking on that door and making a complete
fool of myself, you know, hundreds of times until eventually there began to
be some things started to reveal itself that that really was along the lines of
how can I say this? There there were visions
that were so much bigger than what I ever
understood possible for me. Bigger, more complex, definitely uncomfortable
working with populations that I never had
any exposure to in my life. And suddenly, that's my life.
2. Morning Ritual: The idea of a morning ritual
is that it is a ritual. And by being a ritual, it means you do it
every freaking day. And it doesn't matter
what else is going on. It doesn't matter
if you're tired, it doesn't matter if
you have other plans. In the perfect world or ritual
is a ritual and it's in, it changes things because I think you probably
reprogramming your whole beam, but by repeating these
things every day. So the idea of waking
up the same time every day is for some people, no big deal for moi. Really difficult,
really difficult. And waking up early and getting all this stuff out of the way before other things
need to get done. So if you have other things, if you have a job, if
you have children, if you have other
responsibilities, it might mean a major sacrifice. I say, take it, make it, make the
sacrifice. So you wake up. The first challenge of the
day is to shower and then end your shower with
completely cold water. Okay. Now, ten
seconds is so long. It's amazing how long
that ten seconds last. But I will tell you
the second day. It won't seem as long. The third day it
won't seem as long. And around the
tenth or 20th day, you'll be like bring it on. The discovery that I made was
that I equated that shock and pain and discomfort of the
cold water with a shotgun, pain and discomfort of things that would
happen in my life. And I found this was really good training territory
for me because I thought, okay, I'm going to
introduce the discomfort. And then I'm gonna
be able to choose how I'm going to react to that discomfort in a very
scientific laboratory setting. So my goal has been to not react at all to the cold water. At first you're like, Oh my God. And then you just sit
there and you just kind of try to relax. And then you get to play like, okay, it's on my back. What would it be like if
I let it go on my head? Wow, that's cool. And I noticed that this
lack of reaction starts to cultivate this what from the Buddhist world is called
witness consciousness. It's like there I
am. There, I am. Oh, look there. I am complaining. There. I am feeling
sorry for myself. There I am thinking, Oh, this is so exciting
and not judging it, but just kinda like
can you in the moment, in that freezing
cold shocking water, can you actually just
calm down enough to say, interesting,
Very interesting. I shut the water off. Okay, So after this ten or so seconds,
you're, you're pumped. Now, your body is alive. You can see already
you've woken up early, you've taken an ice cold shower and you've gotten your
breath in your body moving and you've
done all this in the first five minutes
of your day already, you get a sense maybe this is gonna be a different
kind of dairy. And then you do it
tomorrow and the day after and the day after and
things will change. So repair a beverage rich. Realistically, this
is a suggestion you may find something
else that you want to do. You might want to write a poem, you might want to
meditate whatever it is. For me, preparing a beverage
means I'm going to be super conscientious of the tactile
nature of many things. For me, it's tea in the morning, so it's not lifting. You know, it's a very
specific T that I love that comes as a whole leaf that goes in my little strainer
that goes in a cup. There was the first cup I ever it through on a potter's wheel. And now smell that T
and like B1 with the T or the coffee or the apple juice or that
carrot juice or the, or the, the, the drawing
this spiral graph, whatever it is that
you're going to do, you want to keep on
bringing your senses alive. So the beauty of a
food is it smells and that's something
that instead of just how often do you notice, wow, that's some
really amazing smell. So really take it in and again, you're just bringing
the senses alive. And then finally to sit silently for
five-minutes or more. Eventually, we'll look
more at the specifics of paying much more
attention to your body, then to your thoughts. What's going on inside of me? Where's the tension? Where's the energy?
Is it static? Isn't moving? Is it dynamic? Is it warm? Not trying to make sense of it,
just noticing it. And when you switch
your attention from your brain into your body, things start to change. And the world starts to actually talk to you
in different ways. Because of this, of this, of this sort of
understanding of beginning the understanding of the
nature of the energy, that creative energy and
the life force that is, that is so there. That we're not really aware of because we're not
paying attention to it. And all of the wisdom that's
buried within all of that, what the body has, that something is simple
as taking 15 seconds. Like can I feel my feet? There's one, there's the other. And suddenly that's
like, alright, if you really want to
go to the next level, It's a big jump up. Can you feel your
butt on the chair? So the idea here is
to say that you can have you can have one
foot on the floor. It's like if I'm Shiva is
the holiest of all holy, the powerful, powerful
gods in Hinduism. He's always in these
statues is dancing, right? He's dancing and he's got all
like he is having a party, but he's always got
one foot on the floor. And that's that
idea of saying I'm completely grounded
and I completely free. Not like who cares,
anything goes. We'll just do anything
we want and we'll be hedonists and then
we'll be happy. It's not that it's like a
clear intention. I'm here. I'm in it. I'm going for it. I began
to understand as as Kim, you were saying earlier
that you can expect to make very interesting
photographs of your life if you're not
having an interesting life. So all of what we're
doing is meant to shake the whole system up. Now, you're going to start having new and
different experiences. There's no doubt
you're also going to start seeing the
world differently. Your sense levels will
definitely go up. You're gonna be seeing,
smelling, tasting, feeling things in a
more profound way. So when you pick up the camera, you're not seeing the same
thing that you saw yesterday. The object may be the same, but your experience of it is
going to be so different. So the combination of your
consciousness coming to life and your life coming to
life is by its very nature, are going to make for more
interesting photographs, even more interesting snapshots. Again, the idea here is to say, Are you willing to make a
photograph of x, y, or z? And that X, Y, or Z is
different than it's ever been. And the way I'm going
to take the picture is probably also different
than it's ever been. Because I just wanted to
try something different. Let's see what happens. And the tendency is what,
it's not gonna be good. So I'm gonna delete it
or not even gonna do it? I'm not gonna I'm
not gonna jump on the bed while I'm shooting
or I'm not going to, you know, I don't know. Give me an example of
some outlandish thing that one might not do. Like shoot a three-hour
exposure portrait in the dark. Yeah. And it doesn't even come out. Alright, least you got to have three Margaret as you know. So so so just different
for the sake of different? Yes. But it's not just
for the sake of different because you're
gonna be realizing that there's intention that's just naturally going
to arise in you. You don't have to think, Oh, I have to do this
exercise to figure out, well, what do I want the
pictures to look like? Well, what do I want to do
or how do I want to act? Just by engaging in
that morning ritual, things will be different. Okay.
3. Personal Happening Part 1: For those of you who don't know what a personal
happening is, it is basically you
creating an experience for yourself that takes you outside of anything that
you would normally do. Why? Because because it
isn't you're inviting yourself to go outside of things that you
consider to be habit, normal, unconscious, just doing it because that's
the way I always do it. And you're, you're
taking the time to say, I'm going to create this
experience for myself. It might last a minute, it might last an hour. ****, it might last a year. You never know what's
going to come out of you.
4. Journaling: On a daily basis, if possible, if not every couple
of days that you're taking these photographs that you're shooting could
be with your phone, could be with your
real camera, whatever. And either if you have a printer in your home,
print them there. And if you don't like
the Walgreens guy, I don't even have the patients
to print them at home. I just upload them to Walgreens and then
I go pick them up. So you're not looking to make great photographs
here in great prints. You're just looking to
do it consistently. And journaling in
this way is saying, I'm reflecting on yesterday. Look at what happened yesterday. And then you're
writing just stream of conscious writing inspired
by these photographs. Maybe the photograph really stands for something that
you want to write about. Or maybe there's some
other connection that's not quite as
straightforward. But it's the combination of your writing and
the photographs on the one page that you want to
commit to on a daily basis, you will see that there are some pictures from Annie
Leibovitz, his book, photographers like her
writing about her life and how her life and her
photography are one and the same is so brilliant
in that book. And I remember one time when I was journaling like
this and I thought, I wonder if I could paint. So I decided I would start
making a painting on the page with the
photographs and it was it was just so terrible. I mean, I realize I definitely
that's not my talent, but I didn't want to give up. So I just, I just kept
going and going and going. And then eventually the peas
just became this dislike, kinda mishmash of color
and paint and then water in it and it somehow it was just like that gave me permission
to try that. So that was enough.
5. Opening Lecture (pgs. 7-11): I'll present a photograph
of mine to you with a kind of behind the
scenes of how it came to be. And just kinda deconstruct
my process a little bit too. Just to give you more
of an understanding of the depth of meaning and sorts of sources of inspiration that made the photograph
be what it is. And then, and then
the title of each of each session comes from
something about that photograph. This is Emma. And so after spending seven
years photographing her, there was a definite
shift somewhere in there from photographs that were that were very stuck in an overly romantic way of looking at her and
life and photography. And then eventually
kinda breaking through and looking for something
that was much more real. So creating that reality was I'm sort of like saying that I have this idea and this fantasy
of what life could be like. If, if it could, it could be so filled
with spontaneity, right? That was for me that was such a guiding force
like if there could be the level of trust
and the level of faith, and the level of creativity, and the level of
whatever happens. It's gonna be, it's
gonna be interesting. There's a phrase that that I used for years with
with our kids. When we were on vacation, everything would go wrong. And that phrase was, it's all part of the adventure. And I welcomed that into my life and tried to welcome
it more and more and more, but I could only
have it so much. So I thought, well once again, I'll make it in my photographs. So we look at this idea
of a photograph being, being honest or being an authentic expression
of the self. But I think that that's just
a load of crap because it says who and why and when. Like what's real, what's honest, What's,
what's authentic? I think there'll only
interesting concepts. But I think more importantly is just to understand
what you're doing, to know that I'm creating this photograph because
it fulfills this need or it's helping me to overcome
a particular obstacle. Or I'm diving into this subject matter because
it scares me to death. And yet I find it
so interesting. And so photography
is like, okay, here you go, Here's,
here's your ticket. Go, go in there and see
what that's all about. I think sometimes
that means creating photographs that maybe
have a fantasy element, or maybe photographs that
are just filled with uncertainty or just
morbid curiosity, like let me go, let
me see what that is. And then the camera
comes along and says, okay, here's here's your ticket. Go in and see what
this is all about. My deep longing to be in a relationship with that
was that intimate where there was so much trust
were anything would go for the sake of making the photograph was as good
as it could possibly get. And that was like a drug for me. Wonder what will happen next. I wonder what happened next. The nature of feeling like, okay, I've done this already. I know what's going to happen. I basically done what I
came to do and then say, well, what else is there? What, and that's this idea
of pushing it further. What have I not thought about? What am I not considered? What door have I
not knocked on yet? Whatever. What have I not said? What have I not admitted? What have I not embraced? Just just pushing
and pushing and pushing for the sake of knowing that there is something else. That there's
something beyond what you think you can figure out. And only by having an
inexperience does something else begin to arise rather
than some concept of well, I know that I could try that. Well, okay, but
then Dan go do it. And this is where the happening
kind of dovetails, right? Where are you going
to say, okay, the happening that has
to do with session one. Push it further, is meant
to push you further. Bear in mind you dig
your own grave here, or you, or you pave
your own road, or maybe they're
one and the same. So your creation of your happening is something
that will come to you. Intuitively. It's not something
that's going to come to you because you have
this clever idea. Oh, I've always wanted
to sail to Barbados. No, it's not like that. It's not near that linear. And we'll go through
an exercise to actually have you
create your first, let's say, your
first plan for your, for your happening
here first layout.
6. Creative Stretch Part 1 (pg. 12-16): I could do anything. If I knew I could
not fail, I would. Okay. So there is an expression first thought, best
thought, okay? The idea here is not
that you need to be thinking necessarily
about long-term goals. Like, if I knew I
could not fail, I would sail around
the world tomorrow. It could be so much
simpler than that. You know, it could be. I will tell somebody
something that I've been wanting to save
for ten years and couldn't, you know, it could be
anything. Anything. And so when you
go through these, I think there are
99 spaces here. If it comes into your
head, write it down. Don't don't try to figure
it out, don't judge it. If you if you knew that
you could not fail, then you'd say,
Sure, I'll do it. Like making a life serial. Same kind of thing. So go through the
exercise, write them down. The little boxes on the
left to just little frames. Just leave those, leave them
as they are for right now. And whatever comes
up, write it down. If I knew I could not fail, I would nine of them.
7. Creative Stretch Part 2 : In those little
boxes on the left, you're going to you're going
to rate them from one to 91 being what you consider
to be the most important. That if you did do it, the number one would be
really life-changing. And nine being it'd be okay, interesting but not, not
really, not really vital. I find it's easier to start with nine and work my way
to one and vice versa.
8. Creative Stretch Part 3 : Pushing it further doesn't
mean jumping off the cliff. Pushing it further means jumping off a cliff and do
a body of water, it scares the **** out of you, but somebody else just
did it and they survive. So you're gonna do it too. It's more like that. Okay, so err on the side of that combination of
caution and risk. Well, my answer was to take a more intentional approach
to living my life. I mean, those were the
words that I came up with. But I put versus just
reacting to circumstances. I just kinda feel like Everything's always spinning
my wheels or damage control or I just don't feel like
there's intention where I'm a step a step ahead of
a lot of other things. Yeah. Mine is very specific and I
know that I need to do it, but I'm afraid that I will fail. So that's what's
holding me back. So I need to take my last test to be
certified as a teacher. And I felt it twice
before and I'm just terrified of doing it again because what if I fail again? How does it feel to say it? A little good in a little
intimidating, I guess. I'm not sure if that's
the right word, but no. Weird. It feels weird. Uncomfortable? Yeah. Definitely uncomfortable. Because I know it. Other people know it. I know it. I know that they know it. But it's just like
one of those things. Find what's missing. This satisfy me. I feel like I'm never I will
never be satisfied in yeah. Because I feel like
something's missing. So don't feel that I don't know what that
oftentimes historically. That's when that's
when it usually arises that somebody
goes off on a journey. And it's like the classic
hero's journey story. It's like you gotta go out. You have to ask yourself
in the world and just sort of mix everything up and see
what comes out in the end. It's, it's kind of a, I guess a rite of passage
of some sort that just seems to be
threaded through religion, mythology,
literature, philosophy. Because if you sit there
and you think about it all, well, that's probably not the healthiest
thing in the world. So mine is similar to keys in that mine is a
little more specific though, in that I wish I could tell my kids my most
intimate thoughts. I just can't it's very, very hard about
anything personally. I just it's so uncomfortable for me to really deeply
talked to them. I wish I could do that. Yeah. I mean, it'd be interesting
to think about the idea that there's so many things
that you want to say, but you can't say with words. But it's not to say that you
can't say them otherwise. Maybe there's just
another language for you. Maybe that's an interesting
way to look at. The essence of that, of that difficulty is where
it might be worth landing. Instead of getting
through the difficulty. Like being with
the difficulties, celebrating the difficulty, embracing the difficulty like, Wow, this is really hard. And what does that feel like? And what does that look like? And what does that sound like? Not not with this
expectation that you're supposed to be better at it. Or I'm as good as
Joe or whatever. Just like no. I just want to stay with
the difficulty for awhile. I would switch my
whole photography to do to our photography
and I would open it. How does it fair to say that? I think it's exciting. But then I think when
I go through my belt, what if I'm the what if what
if it becomes successful? Oh my gosh, that takes so much effort and so
it just makes me tired. One of the, one
of the beautiful, beautiful founding principles of the totter tradition is
to learn to discern.
9. Personal Happening Part 2 (pg. 17-18): The theme of the week
is push it further. And what you want to
think about is when it comes to pushing
yourself further, what is a tendency
that you have? When I tried to push
my first cell further. I tend to I tend to, in Kim's case,
second-guessed the outcome. Or I tend to get lost in all of the things that
could go wrong, right? It's an example
overthink, right? So what you wanna
do is just write that tendency down
next to a tendency. Then you want to
create happening that looks at that
tendency and says, Based on that tendency, I'm gonna do something
that's different. Okay, here's the challenge. You don't want to correct the tendency and judging
the tendency as bad. If the tendency is to
second guess yourself. You don't want to
say, well that's bad. I want to be supremely
confident from now on and so I'm
gonna do it happening. That is all about that. It's not about correcting it and it's not about
doing the opposite. It's just about doing something that the tendency inspires. This the first time
around is so weird. Because what I'm asking
you to do is just to bring the tendency
up in your mind. Notice the tendency and
say, What will I do? Some outlandish
thing is going to come into your head that
you're gonna be like, why? Write it down? Okay? It won't make sense if you just sit with the tendency i o, I overthink, I overthink things. So what am I gonna
do? I don't know. I'm gonna skateboard
down the street. Why? I don't know. Trust that whatever
it is that arises, it's going to not make
linear sense. Just trust it. Something will come in even if you even nothing and
you just sit with it like, oh my God, something,
something and you say, You know, I don't know. I'm going to buy a Bicycle Built for Two and then I'm going to bring it back to the store. And you just do it. Okay. So we're the ones who are
with whom where, when, how you want to be extremely specific about what this
happening looks like. Where are you going to do it? Who you're gonna do it with? What day, what time, for how long you want to
schedule this baby in your life, then you're gonna go do it. Thoughts come for reasons. They just do their not nothing is completely random
and abstract. It doesn't, it doesn't
exist in the world. Everything is based on some
prior experience or your DNA, or the weather or something, brings up an idea. So whatever it is, even as crazy as it sounds, write it down, and then fill
in the blanks and go do it.
Rob Goldman, Photographer & Creativity Coach
