Transcripts
1. Introduction: One of the strongest signs of social skills is being
able to give someone else criticism without making
an enemy in the process. And in this era where
interconnection is on the rise, it doesn't matter
if you're a coach, a consultant, a worker, and accompany the
owner of the company. At one stage or another, you're going to have
to give some form of constructive criticism
without forming an enemy. The key word in that
last sentence that I just said is constructive. In this beginner's class on giving constructive criticism, to understand
exactly what it is, you're going to learn more
about the hamburger method. You're going to
understand the importance of knowing the person
that you're talking to. And you're even going to learn the art of tough
love in this class. We're going to wrap up
with a final project that will allow you to get
the knowledge from this class and apply it in a real-world scenario. Does
that sound good to you? If so, I look forward
to seeing you inside.
2. What is Constructive Criticism?: Think in terms of
energy real quick. Whenever we're thinking
in terms of energy, a lot of the busy
data that we see with our eyes becomes simplified. And in the world of energy, there's pretty much two
predominant options. Constructive or destructive. Disruptive is when one plus one equals something
less than two. A constructive is when one plus one equals something
more than two. Congratulations,
you're learning a little bit more about
systems thinking. This is why when we're
giving criticism in a constructive way,
ourselves is one. The other person or the
group is the other one. And in the process of giving
that constructive criticism, we generate something
more than two. The only way that we
can do that is by putting knowledge
and our criticism. We can't just be tearing
the other person down and not giving them some sort of resolution or some sort of light at
the end of the tunnel. Instead, we should
have some knowledge, some wisdom that we can
pour into this criticism. And once we put knowledge
inside the criticism, it officially turns
constructive. But how we put the knowledge
in the criticism is going to be the art and science for
the rest of this class. Just understand that with proper delivery of
constructive criticism, one plus one equals something
far greater than two.
3. Know Who You Are Talking To: Now before I share how to
give constructive criticism, one thing that I want
you to understand is that every single human
being is different. Did you learn something
new right now? You may be rolling
your eyes like, Oh, wow, every human
being is different. But does your behavior interpret that
knowledge correctly? Do you treat each
individual has different? If not, then chances are
that you are going to sugarcoat something to someone that you should be
generating tough love width. Other times, you're going to
accidentally be a little too harsh on someone who needs a softer, more
delicate approach. It is not up to you to be like, Well, here's what I
think needs to be done. Instead. It's about taking
yourself out of it. See the biggest difference
between sympathy and empathy is that
with sympathy, we tried to evaluate the
other person from our lands. Empathy is when we try to
evaluate the other person from their lens of people who do constructive criticism to
perfection, often appetizers. This is a skill. It's not easy for us to
move ourselves out of the bigger picture and see the person that
we're speaking to. And the skill can only be worked out through practice,
repetition, and refining. Just understand that each human being out
there is different. Some require a harsh approach. They like to be kicked in the
blood in order to change. Others like that
delicate approach, each human being is different. Now it's time for us to
behaviorally understand that.
4. Hamburger Method: The hamburger method is when you open Word or the
person that correctly. But then you transition
into what the person can improve and then you reinforce what the
person did correctly. Here's the thing. You may want to just start
off with the criticism. But the reason that
you don't want to do that is because there are two kinds of energy,
constructive and disruptive. Each person that you
are speaking to, they have this thing
called the ego. That's their perception
of themselves. And when you just come at
someone with disruptive energy, no matter how much
logic you have on your side, the other person, their ego is going to shut down the message or
heavily reduce it. And if the message is reduced, then chances are they will not change and adjust
their behavior. It's much smarter to just start off with what
the person did, right? And you may be thinking, well, this dummy didn't
do anything right? They just messed up
the entire project. Well, in this scenario, you can praise that they
did the project at all. A trust me, you can get
creative with this. Once you bring up what
the person did correctly, then you seamlessly transition
into what can be improved. Notice, we're not
even framing it as just piercing criticism. We're framing it as
areas of improvement. When we frame it as
areas of improvement. This allows us to be a little bit more
gentle with our message. And at this point, you can list out all the improvements
that needs to be made. And once you're done, hit him with the last bond
in this hamburger, which is reinforcing
what they did correctly. Now you may be thinking, Okay, this is very complex. I know it's just three steps, but it's way more
complex than me, just straight up
delivering the criticism. Here's the thing. It may be two more steps than just delivering
the criticism, because now you are having
two bonds to deal with. One burger meat to deal with. But you want in the long run, because if you're
just someone who is burning a whole bunch of bridges and you need these
people for future projects. There are harboring
a whole bunch of ill will towards you. It's not good for you. So who cares if it's just three steps
executed and the chances of them sticking around long
enough for them to adjust, for them to make
your lives easier in the long run, you will when? So think big picture and
execute the hamburger method.
5. Tough Love: In the last section, I brought
up the hamburger method. In this section, I'm actually going to do the exact opposite. Some people, they love, tough love, and they like it
when you just call them up. And you want to know
something. I'm like that a couple of years ago, there were roughly around 2019. I had this one person that was selling me on their
public speaking service. And deep inside, I
didn't initially want to do the service because the guy was
very expensive. But one of my other friends
worked with this guy. And he said that this guy is intense and he
gets in your face. He yells at you and
every now and then, you'll make you do
embarrassing stuff to see how badly you want to succeed. I don't know why, but
that made me feel excited because I'm one of those guys that
loves to be challenged. And I felt as though if this guy was going to
get in my face like that and truly criticize
me when I deserved it, then my likelihood of improving
would be much faster. So I'm one of those people
that loves tough love. I don't really need you to
sugarcoat anything with me. Get to the point. And this is why it's
so important that you always understand who
you're speaking to. Sometimes the hamburger
method is going to work perfectly with someone. While other times the hamburger
method is not necessarily needed at this is a person
who thrives of tough love. They love it when you cut
straight to the chase. And a part of them, they can adjust quicker when
they are met with ferocity. But mind you, you really got to know who
you're speaking with. Exercise judgment.
6. Pings: And fantasy world, you give the constructive
criticism and the person automatically
adjust and you're good to go. But in the real-world,
what happens is that the person will
take in the message. And they may need a few
more meetings which you to truly digest your message
and implement the changes. And it's up to you, the person who initially gave the constructive
criticism to ping them. Pinging is just a
fancy cool version of the word checking up on. And when you check
up on someone, what happens is that a
connection is being built. And once a connection
is being built, it's easier to monitor the
feedback that you gave them to see if they
are adjusting or not. Each person is different in terms of how they
taken the feedback. With some people, you
just tell them once and they are adjusted forever. Other people, you have to
remind them a few times, then they finally adjust. And some other people, you need to alter your method. And maybe initially you
thought that this was a message that
ring home to them, but they didn't
necessarily understand your language and
there were little too scared of you to
ask you the definitions with the fear of being perceived
as not being prepared. So pinging is just you
checking up on them to see if your constructive feedback is registering towards
their reality.
7. Bonus Tip: Here's one bonus tip that will completely change your life, especially with body language. Whenever you're giving
someone else feedback, assume that this person
is very, very sensitive. Now, if you know that this person thrives
under tough love, then ignored this bonus tip. But let's say this is one
of those people that you always have to watch
your word wet. And you're not from a background where you're used to
watching your words, maybe your upbringing,
everyone just spoke, whatever was on their mind. So you adjusting to giving constructive feedback has
been rather difficult. This is why you
want to assume that this person is very sensitive. I don't know what it is. But when you assume that
this person is sensitive, what automatically happens is
that your tonality changes. Your facial gestures
change as well. There's that nice little
squint your eyes. There's that nice
little subtle smile. When the body
language is correct, a lot of mean messages
seem harmless. So assume that this person is very sensitive and watch
your body language morph.
8. Recap: We covered a lot of
important topics, but let's boil it down to
the fundamental principles of constructive
criticism is to give a certain type of
criticism that adds constructive energy,
not disruptive energy. Constructive energy is when one plus one equals something
greater than two. You have to understand the person that you
are speaking with. Because some people, they're
very, very sensitive. And for the sensitive people, we will implement the
hamburger method. And other people. They
thrive in tough love. Bottom-line, understand
who you're speaking to because each
person is different. With the hamburger
method we opened with what the person
did correctly. Then we transition into
areas of improvement. And then we reinforce what the person did correctly
and were tough love, we go straight for what
the person can improve. After the constructive
criticism has been given, we want to ping the other person to make sure that we're monitoring
the progress to see if they digested the feedback and they are
altering. From there. There's a little
body language move that you can use
every now and then. If you're raised from
a tough household, which is to assume that the other person is far more sensitive than
they really are. At. This will allow you to unlock
beautiful tonalities and an amazing facial gesture
at that will allow your criticism to be registered
by the other person.
9. Final Project: You made it all the way to
the end. Congratulations. Now is the time for
the final project. I want you to find one person to role-play width at this person is going to be a
very good employee. As of late. This employee has
been coming in late. He hasn't been making
the deadlines, and he's been spreading a
lot of gossip about you. You bring this employee into
your office and now it's your time to provide some
constructive criticism. This role-playing
moment, I want you to, number one, understand
who you're speaking to. Number two, and to provide
constructive feedback. Feedback where you and
the other person wins. And then I want you to
deliver the feedback. What exactly is it that
you are feeling right now? Is a pretty easy to
deliver the feedback? Is it difficult? I
was struggling with the body language part,
the tonality part. Again, as detailed as you want. And this person
should not be making your life too easy if you
want to challenge yourself. Once you are done with the role-playing of the
constructive feedback, I want you to compile a report
detailing your experience. How was it I get as detailed as you want
with the body language, the content of the message. You could even be more
advanced and paying the other person to check up to see if they are adjusting. Once you are done
with your port, post it in the final
project section right on below so other people can understand how it was light to deliver the
constructive feedback. I'm gonna be checking out this report and I look
forward to reading it. If you enjoyed this
beginner's class on constructive feedback, be sure to check out
more content from the Armani talks brand by
going on our money talks.com. In this website, you'll go
to see a lot of my blogs, podcasts, videos,
books, and much more. Money, talks.com, go
on and check it out.
Arman Chowdhury, Confidence thru Communication
