Jonathan Haidle

Vom Stummfilm zum Tonfilm: Musikkomposition für Filme, Dokumentarfilme und Werbung

Le Match - This is a good match for you, considering your guitar skills.  Think the song writing/chord/etc. is spot on.  Energy feels like it's at an 8, but think you want to push it to 10, esp after :30 mark.  This probably would have VO for a real commercial.  But since it doesn't, you could use this opportunity to see if you can't really "fill" the whole scene with your music.

Thanks for the reply. I totally agree-it feels like an 8...it's been difficult making it a full on 10 and I don't know why.

New version definitely has more energy.  Esp in the guitar.  It totally rips now.  Composition wise, think it's spot on.  The mix feels a little muddy, and maybe I'd bring the drums up a little more.  But mixing is sort of a whole other thing to discuss!  But per the point of this exercise - composing - this is really great.

Feedback for Blackest Ever  What I liked:  <ul><li>Pulsing tone and pace - matches the dark quality of the piece.  But also feels like a nice contrast/foil to the "slow motion" water movements.  </li> <li>At :18 - the subtle guitar note with the light flash.  Felt really natural.  </li> <li>That "white out" at the end 1:22 had some really special echos/sounds in it.</li> <li>Nice "drop" when it goes from white to black again.  I wasn't expecting that, and it drew me back in.  Great surprise.  </li> </ul>Suggestions: <ul><li>At :28 - feel like you could emphasize this burst a bit more.  Maybe a reverse guitar swell?  Or something that "builds up" to that hit, matching how the light "swells" into that point.</li> <li>:34 - that distortion with the video stuttering is nice.  Could you emphasize that more?  And use that same approach at all the stutter moments in the video?</li> <li>At the 1:00 mark, you're completing your full phrase.  This is the moment where I'd suggest really ramping up.  Open up the filter (or add overdrive, or something) to the pulsing bass sound.  So it changes.  Then start to crank up the guitar more.  I would suggest that everything - bass, rhythm, guitar, etc. - needs to shift and expand at this moment.  Leading up to a greater climax at the end.  </li> <li>Ending - those extra synth arps and repeating guitar notes are great.  You could push the energy by shifting from 16th notes to 32nd notes (or 16th triplets?) to increase the energy.  You could also try some drive/distortion on the whole mix (only a subtle amount) to push the energy at the end for all parts.  Ending feels like it needs to be bigger still, especially considering that it's building for almost a min and a half.  </li> </ul>Again - these are just my thoughts, as both a composer and pseudo director here.  Ultimately, the director might want it to be softer than you created.  Or much louder.  So, for this example, it's more about just creating your own parameters.

Thanks for the reply! Everything that you point out is great. Shifting to 16th/32nd notes on the end I think will really add a lot--I'm going to try out all this!

Thanks! 
Jordan

I like the updates.  Particularly the swells that match up with the light changes.  The glitches feel a tad too "forward" in the mix.  I would have made them more subtle - but some of that could be a personal preference.  They just felt a bit distracting now.  Except for the one at 1:02 - where your guitar tremolo starts.  That's a nice moment.

I also suggest starting your build a bit earlier - at 1:15.  Maybe a stronger downbeat there?  Add saturation to the synths to start changing the tone.  Something like that.  Not too much, but maybe consider the crescendo clearly starts there.

Good advice. And I agree the glitches are too much now, but to be frank I got lazy and didn't want to mix them any more. ha. Thanks!

Jordan - feedback for revisions. Chord progression - feel like this works a lot better.  Has a lot more motion.  And feels like it "wraps up" a lot more for the video.   Cell - nice melody.  Feels a little weak, in that it sounds like a virtual synth.  Have a real cello player play this, and I think that would go away.  Sometimes you do the best you can.  But "thinner" instrumentation settings (i.e. just guitar and cello), tend to expose the weakness of virtual instruments.  This is an easy fix, if you had an actual budget for the project! Foley sounds - not sure if you intentionally pulled back (or removed?) the water/waves sounds, but I think those added a lot.  Gave it more dimension.  Maybe that wasn't intentional, and you accidentally left it out.  But honestly, I'd make it way more prominent.  As I think it add to the intimacy of your arrangement. Overall - great work on the revision.

Thanks for the reply and feedback--

Yeah, I did pull back the water sounds! I agree with you though that they added a lot. I was hyper focused on the instruments that forgot I pulled 'em back that much.


Cheers!

Jordan - thanks for posting.   Some feedback.  And remember, these are just my thoughts/opinions.  There's no "right" answers.  And ultimately, the director is the one who is making the final decisions.  The feedback I'm giving is from the composer perspective - i.e. what I like, and what I would do different.   For starters....is guitar your main instrument?  If so, I'd sketch with that.  Or whatever instrument is most comfortable to you.  I do piano, because that's my main instrument. What I notice: * Guitar - tone, production - sounds very intimate, which gives this a gentle and light hearted vibe to the video.  Pretty dry (no reverb) so it's very upfront.   * Chord change at 0:27 is a nice change up.  Lining up with the visual change. * Chord structure is simple - which I think would fit perfectly under a VO, or some sort of narration.  Like if there was a monologue of sorts over this, to introduce the episode.  Standing alone, like it is now, it feels a little basic.  The impression I have from your treatment is that we're waiting for something to happen - someone to say something, or something to change, a melody to come in, or something.  But then nothing really happens (visually or musically).  There's a moment of change when you switch to the minor chord - but that's very subtle.  If this whole opening was 15-20 seconds, and you just wrapped it up in that time, it would feel like a quick intro.  Suggestion: maybe just having the cello take a more melodic role would do it.  Come in around :15 with the cello melody, and have that be the main focus.  Could be the same guitar part.  Although....at :12, it feels a bit "off" to go from the 7th chord back to the same chord.  Generally, if you're throwing in a 7th chord, it resolves to another chord....but doesn't "go backwards."   * Title - feels like you end a tad early....I might have tried finishing that chord a bit later.  Closer to the title reveal.  Because it ends (for no apparent reason)....oh, and there's the title.  I noticed I was like....why'd he stop?  Oh, the title.  And think ending a tad later might make that a bit more obvious, without landing right on the title.  And maybe slowing down a tad - some rubato - might just do the trick, and help it feel like a finish.  And then I'd just leave it at that.  Once you come back with more guitar picking, it's like we're going somewhere again.  But really, it's over.  So I'd just let the music end at that point.  (Unless the next scene needed music and you were rolling right into that....but we don't know that here).   Overall - it's a good rough draft.  This is a delicate piece, as it's pretty mellow.   You struck a balance between the natural sounds (boat/water) and the music.  It's always hard to find music that strikes a balance between interesting/subdued.  And in this video, we don't know what else is happening - i.e. where the story goes next.  Music in film is more about setting the tone, than being "interesting" on it's own.  Usually...a story has a more dominate emotional element.  i.e. it's meant to be uplifting, funny, sad, etc.  With this video example, you could have made up anything - as we don't know the story.  But if I took a cue from your music, I don't really know where the story is going.  Your music sits a bit awkwardly in the middle of an emotional space - i.e. intimate, but light hearted, sort of melancholy, slightly nostalgic, but not really sad, etc.  And maybe that's more the fault of my instructions.  I'm thinking now that I should have given several different story lines to choose from - which would help to guide the music.  Played the role of the director, and setup several creative briefs you could choose from.  With the lack of direction on where to go with this, it really required you (and anyone else) to come up with their own direction.  So it's not surprising that your music feels a bit "noncommittal" - as these visuals could go so many different ways.  In the "real" world - if someone came to you with this job - that would be a lot more more decisive of a context.   Hope this exercise/feedback was helpful.

Thanks for the feedback Jonathan! This was super helpful. It was a fun exercise to work out the 'creative' muscle.

It's funny, you noticed that my main instrument wasn't piano. That helps me realize how I begin something like this. I think it's easier to sketch out a melody or riff on piano for my internal process and then have a rough draft with guitar. It's also funny that  you said the 2nd version sounded like it was geared towards a VO. I kind of imagined that in my head, but didn't realize I did until you mentioned it. 

For the last version I tried to take your advice by upping the melody with the cello--and add a kiss more reverb on the guitar to bring a little depth.  Also, the ending hit was super early and I'm not sure how I missed that. I think the rubato at the end helps. 

Hopefully, this latest version sets a better tone. This project really helps me get in the frame of mind on how to attack writing music in this way.

Thanks!

Jordan - you might need to change the video from "private" to "unlisted" so that I view it here.  It's saying the video is "unavailable."

Hello! 
Great class!
SEA CHAIR_____________________________________________________________
 
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Blackest Ever Black--
This one was fun. I set up way more hit points than SeaChair. Even though this doesn't have a ton of things at first to grab onto visually--it kind of makes the smaller visual interactions mean more. I really tried to make this build crazy. 
 
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 Heres another version--I didn't do the quicker notes at the end with the synth, because it didn't feel right. Something didn't line up--which I bet I could find something that would, I'm just not a synth expert.
I did ramp up the distortion and background noise a bit at 1:00 which feels nice to build to the ending. Also, I added glitchy's more and some anticipation reverse guitar for the flashes--which turned out really cool I think. 
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Le Match----
Trying to go off of the song was a tad difficult. Once you hear something you can't stray from it too much. Here's a rough of this one! 
 
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Thanks so much!

Sea Chair/Blackest ever Black/Le Match

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