Kasem Kharsa

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It was a real nice world you setup here. I could see the whole film in my mind. Cool job mate.

The visuals are great. I could really feel the world you were creating. I also like the style in changing scenes without dialogue. It helps to see different ways things are presented.

This was a delight to read Kasem. Really surprised at how much pathos you were able to generate in such a small period of time and without any grand events happening.

Thanks Adam, I really appreciate your kind words - how is your first draft coming along?

Just getting started-haven't made much progress yet. But I think the general premise I want to explore is about a young, nerdy art student in a figure drawing class that develops a crush on the model (and maybe a running gag is that his drawings of her keep turning out really ugly)

Hi Kasem, I just read "the stork", and it is so visually written, i love it! I already love the boy, and I want things to turn good for him, not to go back to the clown. But this is not the end, right? (I also read the Keats script in one flow!)

Hey Cecile, thanks for the feedback - my intention was that the ending would be bittersweet, the girl and boy's circumstance hasn't changed but now they're going down the street in a different, new direction together. This was actually a script I had tried to get made, but the funding fell through - it's still something I would like to revisit and make as a graphic novel or animated short. Which 'Keats script' are you referring to?

I mean "Bright Star". It is beautiful... And yes it makes sense to have an open end in your story, other ways one will focus on a happy end maybe. It would be amazing to make an animationfilm from it. With drawings? I would love to see some of the drawings in case! Or stopmotion?

Hey Cecile, yes if it was an animation I imagine it as a hand-drawn animation. But my skills aren't where they'd need to be to pull something like that off. That's why I thought a short graphic novel might make more sense, as a kind of stepping stone. 

Kasem I really like this script - the kind of scripts that I would like to direct! Even though its just the first draft the visual narrative is great and really creates something different and unique... thanks for sharing with us! Louise

You haven't responded. So my only critique would be.... Unless you were planning on directing this yourself, I thought it was too discriptive. Reading this from a director's perspective you leave little to the imagination for him to work with. Although If you yourself were to direct this piece I would say I would love to see this on the screen.

Hey Alejandro, sorry it looks like you didn't get my response - Skillshare does that sometimes. When I wrote it I did intend to direct it. 

Before I put in my two cents I need to know if you were planning on directing this yourself?

Hey Alejandro - when I wrote it, yes. But I'm not sure anymore. I'm eager to hear your thoughts - thanks!

What inspired you to write this story, Mr. Kharsa. How did you come up with story? I can see a difference in your script and the example screenwritings you had us read. I thought the story was really good, I could picture it all the way through.You did a great job at showing us and not telling us. I could see the emotions the characters displayed well.  Has your style changed?

Hey Sarah, thanks for reading! 

You ask a good question. Hmm, I'm not sure my style has changed - I think I'm still more interested in visual storytelling than dialogue. I tend to believe my images more than the words I give my characters, probably because film dialogue is my achilles heel. 

There is this rhetoric about how a film should work just by its images, so that if you turned off the sound, the story and emotions would still be clear. I think this school of thought is too extreme, if you actually tried this with your favorite films or 'cinematic' television shows you'd find a lot was missing without the dialogue. What characters say is a critical part of the film experience, I just struggle sometimes to find their words. 

I think your story was great because even with little dialogue the story made sense and you could visually picture it in your head while reading.

Do you have any tips on how to focus on the visual aspect of screenwriting?

What helped me was reading strong screenplays that had memorable moments of primarily visual storytelling with little dialogue. A lot of the scripts I excerpted for lesson 1 have examples like this and are available in full online. If you do decide to dig deeper into one of those films I would dissect and compare a couple of scenes as written with the final filmed scenes, that helps in developing your own visual/written language.

It's also a matter of practice and taking a step back from your work to see if you can eliminate any fat or make your storytelling more clear.

I think writing and reading other forms of prose can help, like poetry, graphic novels and especially reading children books where the pictures have to do a lot of the work. 

As you come upon examples you respect, I would gather them up in one place so that you can refer to them, maybe copying them word for word as an exercise to pick up a bit of their style, etc. 

There's a good, yet defunct blog that has a couple of articles on this issue of visual storytelling that really helped me better understand the potential of it and how disciplined I needed to be with my own writing:
<a class="url" href="http://mysterymanonfilm.blogspot.com/2006/09/art-of-visual-storytelling.html" rel="external nofollow" target="_blank">http://mysterymanonfilm.blogspot.com/2006/09/art-of-visual-storytelling.html</a>

But start with this entry:
<a class="url" href="http://mysterymanonfilm.blogspot.com/2006/09/art-of-visual-storytelling.html" rel="external nofollow" target="_blank">http://mysterymanonfilm.blogspot.com/2006/09/art-of-visual-storytelling.html</a>

Let me know if this helps -

Hey Sarah, is a class focused on 'visual storytelling/screenwriting' something you'd be interested in?

I would be interested in that type of class.

Hey Sarah, I just wanted to make sure you got my previous comment on visual storytelling resources?

Yes, I did.  Thank you. Its really good. I did not know so much could be said with shapes or how a character enters a scene from a certain direction. I still have more to read. Writing a screenplay is it better to write more poetically or prose?

I think it really depends on your film and your intended tone. If you read something like 'The Piano' I think its more on the poetic side, in terms of its description. Something like an action/thriller film might employ a 'just the facts', almost Hemingwayish style but still be written in a compelling manner. The rule of thumb, especially for a plot-driven story, is that you want to make sure every word, every sentence is serving a purpose towards evoking the film for the reader's mind - not just the action, but the tone, etc. Obviously, not every writer follows this rule all the time, you'll always find little colorful flourishes in a script you could argue are not necessary. 

One thing that might help answer your question is to look at the feature films you really admire (since the film and script is probably more accessible than a short) and then study the writers style, how it fits with the film, etc. So what are your favorite features?

There is RAISING VICTOR VARGAS, OUR SONG, GIRLFIGHT, ANNIE B. REAL, and Hav PLENTY. What are your favorites?

Some of my favorites are Incendies, Waltz with Bashir, Seven, The Piano.

THE STORK
I know it can be scary to share something with strangers, so I thought I'd try to lead by example.
It's not entirely fair of me to be posting this script, as it's not a first draft. It's something I wrote a while back, as an exercise to see if I could depend more on visuals and sounds, but somehow dialogue made its way back in. 
It's far from perfect, rereading it now there are some things I'd change, so I welcome any suggestions you might have.
Enjoy:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/pb84jojjnsa0zsk/The%20Stork%20-%20Skillshare.pdf?dl=0

Sample Project: 'The Stork'

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