PROJECT 1: Big Idea

Topic: Fronting

 

Sharp head. Suddenly cold. Flap hands. Faster, faster! Maybe it will go faster. I open my eyes at last, and I'm here. At my desk again. Check time - 3 weeks since last time.

"Is this Amanda?" No.

"Yes."

I say what I'm supposed to. Try to say what I want to. "I can't remember." I really can't.

Dose up again - will it work?

Pick a game - feel the weight of the tech. Put it down. Don't know how long I'll be here. I want to STAY! I want to go - somewhere they can't find me, so they can't make me.

I put on my shoes - they're new old leather. Scent makes me feel sick, but I put them on and they feel like a life that isn't mine. I drive away. By the time I get there, I'm gone.

When I open my eyes again, I'm at my desk. Sweet strong coffee in my mouth. It's been six weeks. Time for an appointment.

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PROJECT 2: Vehicle

Vehicle: Desk

Notes: I am allowed to be a beginner. This is allowed to be bad. I keep having to tell myself this. I don't think this one is any better than the first one. I suppose it does make ME feel things at least. Feedback is welcome.

 

My hands slam hard on my desk, shocking my whole body with vibrations. I'm shaking, and I shake loose, with stinging hands. I'm always at this desk when I come out, it's like I can't leave. I hear my phone ring, and I answer it. It's the psychiatrist. I try to explain what's going on with me lately, but it's hard when you're stuck at a desk with no connection to the outside world except through stories and feelings.

The feeling of my heart beat rising, and chest tightening. I shiver and rub the smooth surface of my desk. It's messy. I never clean it - I'm not out enough to. It looks different each time I'm out. The computer on the surface, then elevated on the stand. I have to look for notes - they always leave notes. I lift and drop objects, projects that aren't mine!

Nothing here is mine. It's dusty and unfamiliar. It smells like cat litter - we have a cat now.

The appointment ends, and I try to get up. I twist my chair and grab my shoes. The smell of leather is one you can almost taste. I put them on and stand - fading as I walk away.

Then, I'm back at my desk. It's different now. But it's the same.

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PROJECT 3: Gold

Note: Since the lyrics I wanted to write when I decided to take this class are fan lyrics for a song from the movie "Your Name," I decided to also include the lines from the song that made me feel like I wanted to write a version that's more personal to me too.

From Sensory Write 1

sharp head
maybe it will go faster
i'm here
say what i'm supposed to
say what I want
pick a game
i want to stay
i want to go
they can't find me
like a life that isn't mine

From Sensory Write 2

shocking my body
i shake loose
i can't leave
no connection
except stories and feelings
it looks different
they always leave notes
projects that aren't mine
nothing here is mine
dusty and unfamiliar
stinging hands
i fade as i walk away
i'm back
it's different, but it's the same

From Original Song (plus some fan lyrics I attempted before this class)

memories i've never seen
somehow they make me cry
soon the storm will pass and a rainbow will fill the air
makes you think the sky's so clear
was something ever there
somehow don't bother me
they almost fade away
all they taught me was to walk along
so i did exactly what they said so i belong
just a little more
can i stay like this here forever
we're time flyers
no one can find me
none of your faces are true
somewhere lies forgotten
i would barely care to know
i've never been the type
i guess it's alright to do or try new things every now and then
i'll be fine
i'm gone again
like lifetimes ago
even if someday
there would be no meaning
i can feel that i've forgotten something precious
i don't remember why but
it's fine, it's nothing
after all this time it's nothing
it's so unfair it has to happen
i reached out my hand
she's not there
my tears fall without a sound
none of these feelings are mine