My family made a life changing decision 24 years ago, as we immigrated from China all the way to Canada, in an attempt to settle down in Toronto.

To understand my perspective, as well as my current state of mind, you need to understand my side of the story, what I went through just to get here.

I remember the first day we arrived in Toronto. It was August 31st 2000, a sunny and bright day. As a 3 year old baby, I don't remember a lot of what happened that day but I do remember being on the flight for 16 hours, as it was my first time flying in the air.

My family and I stayed in Toronto for about 3 years, then moved back to China. What was once seen as something that will last forever quickly changed. Plans change faster than commitments, as that was the first time I realized that. Life moves quicker than you think, as that was indeed true.

Just when we thought we were going to move back to China, settle down there, we made a decision once again, by moving back to Toronto six years later. At the age of 12, me and my father moved back to Toronto. After six years of studying Chinese, here I am, adjusting once again. I had to relearn English, reestablish my habits as well as understanding what was going on at that time.

Constant moving, parents not being by my side most of the time, has definitely changed my mindset. At that time I didn't realize it but it explains the mindset I am having today, why I am the way I am.

Growing up, through experiences, I found that it was hard to trust people. I struggled with relationships all my life, still do kind of. I also find myself being non committal about anything outside of my goal, outside of my pursuit, since I only care about controlling things I can control. I believe that there is no point in thinking about things that do not make sense from a logical perspective. Why be so emotional about things, right?

It is hard to explain but I have never been a big relationship type of guy. I never understood the need to date someone, still don't. I also don't understand the difference between forming a friendship and going on a date. In my mind, those are the same as I feel like people who are friends, who hit it off, are already in love. I believe couples are those who can talk to each other, don't hate each other and do things together.

I also, found that, cultural differences have shaped the way I think. See, China is a collectivist society. For them, it is all about forming families, being with people, forming relationships. To them, anyone who is not in a relationship by the age of 30 is considered to be a failure to the state. I remember every time I returned to China, people would ask me all types of questions, questions that should not be asked. To them, those questions are considered to be normal but to me those questions are interrogative. Canada, on the other hand, is a hyper individualistic society. All about you, all about who you are. People around me never cared about relationships, no one taught me what being in a relationship is like, there were no examples. Cultural differences, combined with my ethnicity, has made things much more difficult. "Should I care?" "Should I not?" Those are things that ponder my mind. If I do, I don't have the skills to go on a date. If I don't, well, that aligns with my heart.

I have met people before as my family have tried to set up dates for me. Every time I meet women from back home, I always find myself to be too naive for them. For them, they are already deep in the waters. For them, they see me as a child, somebody who hasn't experienced anything yet, even though it is not true at all. I can't connect with them as the cultural difference is too much to overcome. I also don't think there is a common ground between me and them. The way I think, the way I act, is more western than eastern. In the west, I am considered to be normal. In the east, I am considered to be a freak, a liability, a defective product. 

From all the things I have seen as well as experienced, I see why I am non committal. It is not even about developing necessary skills, rather it is about understanding as well as forgiving myself. I do not see myself going on dates and connecting with women on a romantic level. Living in Toronto also has a lot to do with everything as Toronto is an introverted society, something I love. I am able to be myself without worrying about everything else. As a result, I am thriving, continuing to improve each and every day.