I finally got to do this exercise! It kept coming to my mind and for whatever reason I kept putting it off til "I was ready" even though that's the complete opposite point of the exercise.

Anyway, the new year brought some new energy. I can't take good pictures of my journal--my handwriting gets very messy when I write fast and it is hard to understand (even for me).

I'm feeling brave (?) so I'll simply type out what I freewrote. 

Here goes:

Jan 10, 2024

All right. I set my timer to 8 minutes, 2 seconds (as arbitrary as possible). This is hard. I'm trying not to think too much and simply continue to write. There are too many useless thoughts coming to mind and I'm trying to let go. It's very cold in this room. I have some books in front of me that I wish I had the time to read. I also wish I had brought my water because I'm thirsty. I guess there are probably only 6 minutes left by now. I was trying to not keep the timer too close to not think about it--yet I'm thinking and writing about it.

I guess the good thing about my handwriting (when I write too fast) is that it becomes incomprehensible so no one will probably even understand what I'm writing. I probably have to give myself a 2nd chance once this is over. It's not easy for me to just let go of my "rational" self.

Last night, I had a very disturbing nightmare and I wanted to use this exercise to write about it but I let too much time go by. And now I don't remember too many details about it. I guess I could try to start describing it and see what happens. Sometimes that helps to remember and bring some forgotten details back.

Let's see--where do I start?

Right. I was at my old house back in Argentina. The timer went off. But I'm gonna try to keep going for 8 more minutes. Maybe 9 is better. Ok.

I was at my old house, the one where I lived for 30 years of my life. I opened the front door but it didn't seem to be in the same spot as my real front door. Not that it matters--my house was sold and demolished. They built an office building there. Bye 30 years of my life. Actually, I'm wrong. It was 24. I lived 6 more in Argentina in a different house, where my parents still live and then moved to the USA. Ok who cares? 

About my nightmare: I opened the door (the unfamiliar door in the wrong spot of the house--almost to the side) and there were two young men standing there. Their faces didn't look friendly. I tried to close the door but as usual, failed miserably because you're so sloooooooow in dreams.

They came in and they wanted to steal something. Unfortunately, I can't remember exactly what happened but at one point, my mom and I were out and so were the thieves. I tried to bring my mom closer and go inside. I closed the door and one of the thieves blocked me but I pleaded "let us go" and he just let go. His eyes now looked calm and innocent--almost sad. Almost filled with a nostalgic empathy. Maybe we reminded him of someone that was important to him?

The other thief was distracted. We were safe now. The door was closed and we were home. But next, I felt guilt filling my body. I had ordered something online. The timer just went off. I hit repeat. I think it's because I was playing with the idea of opening an online store last night. Anyway, apparently I had ordered something that had to be made with a laser cut machine. I don't remember what it was but I remembered that the neighbors opposite our house were the owners of the store and the designers (I'm guessing) of the product.

I just took a short pause because I lost myself a bit but I'm trying to not let myself "think".

Next, I saw that the thieves broke into their house and for whatever reason, in my dream, it made total sense to feel guilty for ordering something from them. I don't know how that could be linked to the thieves breaking and entering? But yeah. I felt guilty. 

By now, my grandmas popped up and we were about to sit down to have tea by the window. That room looked too empty to belong to an inhabited home. And why were we so close to the window? I wanted to see what was going on with my neighbors I guess? This was important for the dream. 

They had gone all the way up to the roof top. I could see my neighbors were all there. It was a family I had never seen before: the parents and maybe 2 or 3 kids. Teenagers. I had the feeling that something bad would happen so I wanted to tell my grandmas and mom we had to move away from the window. The timer went off. That's all I remember anyway. After that I woke up. I'll stop writing now because my forearm is sore.

10:14pm.


What I learned so far:

I would love to do this again! I think it was a great explorative and even therapeutic exercise. It helped me get back some seemingly lost details of my dream. And also I kept trying to push away my rational self which I believe will be very helpful at times when I'm trying to work on something new and it won't shut up haha. Can't wait to try this again and see other projects too.


Trying to select some nuggets but not fully committing yet:

- I'm trying to let go. It's very cold in this room.

- I probably have to give myself a 2nd chance once this is over.

- It's not easy for me to just let go of my "rational" self.

- I let too much time go by. And now I don't remember too many details about it.

- I opened the front door but it didn't seem to be in the same spot.

- Bye 30 years of my life.

- I pleaded "let us go" and he just let go.

- His eyes now looked calm and innocent--almost sad. Almost filled with a nostalgic empathy.

- Maybe we reminded him of someone that was important to him?

- We were safe now. The door was closed and we were home.

- But next, I felt guilt filling my body. 

- I lost myself a bit but I'm trying to not let myself "think".

- I felt guilty. 

- That room looked too empty to belong to an inhabited home.

- I had the feeling that something bad would happen.