Body Language: A Simple, No-Frills Guide to Mastering Communication | NICK SARAEV | Skillshare

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Body Language: A Simple, No-Frills Guide to Mastering Communication

teacher avatar NICK SARAEV, Communication, Productivity & Tech

Watch this class and thousands more

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

12 Lessons (1h 26m)
    • 1. Introduction

      1:41
    • 2. The Danger Framework

      7:21
    • 3. The Pacification Framework

      4:46
    • 4. Low Value Body Language Behaviors

      8:28
    • 5. Low Value Analysis

      12:58
    • 6. High Value Body Language Behaviors: Standing

      5:30
    • 7. High Value Body Language Behaviors: Sitting

      3:43
    • 8. High Value Analysis

      12:03
    • 9. Romantic Body Language Behaviors

      6:13
    • 10. Romance Analysis

      8:28
    • 11. Business Body Language Behaviors

      5:05
    • 12. Business Analysis

      9:31
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About This Class

I've said it before and I'll say it again: if you're into self-development, body language is a low hanging fruit.

It is by far the easiest and most impactful thing you can change to catapult you ahead in your career, love, and social life.

Hi, I'm Nick.

I'm a body language coach and a neuroscience researcher living in Vancouver.

My goal is to make you as powerful and high-status as possible by changing how you move your body.

Sound fun?

Earlier I mentioned that body language is a low hanging fruit. Let me explain.

All of us want to be confident, attractive, and successful, right?

That’s one of the big reasons you’re looking at online courses in the first place.

But the amazing thing about good body language is that it kills all three birds with one stone. 

Here's some quick science:

Fact: having good body language helps you close more deals and make more money (Bowden & Ford, 2013)

Fact: having good body language makes you a better romantic prospect (Hall & Xing, 2015)

Fact: having good body language literally makes you happier and increases your confidence (Carney, Cuddy & Yap, 2010; Soussignan, 2002)

Fact: nonverbal signals make up the majority of communication (Mehrabian, 1972)

The jury is out on this one; good body language is essential.

That being said, I'm tired of people making body language seem more complicated than it is. Self-proclaimed "gurus" and "pros" try and trick you into thinking you need hours and hours of instruction to even be moderately capable. But that's not me.

My approach when developing this course was to be as concise and straightforward as possible, and tell people the truth:

You can learn everything you need to know about body language in approximately one hour.

60 minutes. One-and-a-half lunch breaks.

When I'm coaching clients, most of them only need one session. Because by the end of it, they know everything they need to know. That's what I mean by simple. I've distilled years of neuroscience, evolutionary psychology, and communications research into a small but effective 1-hour package.

I'm not here to sell you on course after course of increasingly complex and redundant information.

I'm here to give you everything you need to be better than >95% of the rest of the population in one hour. Functional, applicable knowledge you can start using right away.

Now, I don’t know about you..

.. but if I could make more money, become more attractive, and become a more confident person with an hour of simple work, I’d be all over it!

Sign up today and become a better communicator! See you inside :-)

* Includes a 30 day no-risk money back guarantee. If you're not completely satisfied with our product, let us know and you'll happily be
refunded!

** COURSE UPDATED WEEKLY **

References:

Bowden, M. and Ford, A. (2013). Winning body language for sales professionals. New York: McGraw-Hill.

Carney, D. R., Cuddy, A. J., & Yap, A. J. (2010). Power posing: Brief nonverbal displays affect neuroendocrine levels and risk tolerance. Psychological science, 21(10), 1363-1368.

Hall, J. A., & Xing, C. (2015). The verbal and nonverbal correlates of the five flirting styles. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 39(1), 41-68.

Mehrabian, A. (1972). Nonverbal Communication. New Brunswick: Aldine Transaction.

Soussignan, R. (2002). Duchenne smile, emotional experience, and autonomic reactivity: a test of the facial feedback hypothesis. Emotion, 2(1), 52. 

Meet Your Teacher

Teacher Profile Image

NICK SARAEV

Communication, Productivity & Tech

Teacher

 

 

Hi there,

 

Welcome to my teaching page. I'm Nick - a productivity & body language coach with a passion for nonverbal communication, productivity, & self improvement. I've been featured on major publications like Popular Mechanics and Apple News, and I run a body language YouTube channel. All in all, I have over thirty thousand students online.

 

A little bit about me: I'm a body language coach & technology enthusiast with a background in behavioral neuroscience. I love helping people overcome social anxiety and bloss... See full profile

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Transcripts

1. Introduction: Body language is by far one of the easiest animals powerful ways to change how other people perceive you. It is an unspoken language that everybody across the world understands. And the people that understand that language will always end up with better jobs, better relationships, and ultimately a better life. Hey, my name is Nick. I'm a body language coach, probably most known for my YouTube channel or have analyzed the body language of dozens of celebrities and powerful people. My background is actually in neuro and a big part of Nero is understanding why people do what they do, AKA why they act the way that they act as you guys are going to learn about in this course. Body language is one of the biggest reasons for all of that. It can incite admiration or fear or fury, or really any other parental human emotion. And these emotions are what make people do things. Everything I taught you in this course is built from years of research, okay? And they've all been reinforced with cutting edge knowledge from places like FBI interrogation rooms, world politics, historical figures and more. By the time you guys are done this class, you'll understand body language better than nearly everyone you will ever meet. So it's obviously well worth your time. Specifically, I'm going to start by teaching you why body language exists and how people have used it to get what they want. Then we'll learn about the different types of body language, a good, bad, and everything in between before talking about some practical examples of body language behaviors that you guys can emulate or even copy in your own life. And the last few videos this course are going to give you specific behaviors for different circumstances, like in a romance or business, or at parties, or really anywhere else. As I'm sure you guys can tell, I'm very excited for this course in terms of things people can learn on the internet. I personally think that body language is probably one of the highest return on investment things ever. So, becoming more charismatic and socially capable sounds like something you guys wanna do. Let's get started and I'll see you soon. 2. The Danger Framework: Body language is a fundamental indicator of social value. Good body language makes you look pi value. So like a poplar actor or a CEO or a bodybuilder, bad body language, on the other hand, will make you look low value. So like a nervous street peddler or delinquency, or just generally somebody who's scared all the time. The real question is though, what is the difference and how do you tell if your own body language is good or bad? In this lesson, you guys are going to learn the answer to those questions. And it all starts with an incredibly powerful framework that we're going to be using over the course of the rest of the class. Now this framework is one that expert body language analysts use all over the world. And it's the current gold standard that professionals are determined after millions of hours of research across the globe. So to start, our body language is basically like a radio tower. That's always on. It's sending out these signals 24, 7 to the entire world and the content of those signals or how you feel at any given moment in time. Now every person on Earth has their own personal radio tower that's always sending out these signals. And we're also receiving signals as well. The problem is most of the signals that we're receiving are really noisy. There's a lot of statics, so we can only kind of hear the song that's playing underneath. When you have a strong grasp of body language, you get to do two things. The first is that you get to tune into the exact right frequency, right? You get to hear everybody's signals super loud and clear. Imagine turning the dial of your radio. Just write until you hear that clear and perfect sound. That's basically what this says. And the second thing is you also get more control over your own radio tower so you can send out signals that are different from how you're feeling. So if you're feeling nervous, for example, you don't have to send out a nervous signal anymore. You can mask it with a confidence signal instead so that if anybody else is happens to tune into your radio station, although gonna end up hearing is a confidence on playing and not a scared one, right? You can see how this might be very beneficial if you guys are about to give, let's say, a public presentation or go on a date. And in the modern world, knowing how to do this is almost like having a secret superpower. The best way to tune into this radio is using our framework. Now, our framework has two major ideas and these lead to all the changes in body language that we see. The first is danger and the second of stimulation go into danger right now and look at stimulation in the next video. So what do I mean by danger? Well, basically one component of how your body language changes is depending on the amount of perceived danger that you are in. If you guys are in a less dangerous situation, your body language will generally almost always be much better. You'll send out those confidence signals, like what we talked about earlier. If you guys are in a more dangerous situation, on the other hand, your body language will generally be much worse and all anyone will hear on the receiving end of their radio tower is that you're scared or potentially that you're anxious as well. Now, danger is highly relative. If you guys are a six-foot, 5250 pound MMA fighter, odds are some situations that other people might consider dangerous. We'll probably not really affected as much. You'll feel a lot more confident in those situations. And therefore your body language will generally also be a lot better than most other people given an equivalent situation. And this touches on a more important topic, which is the idea of power in general. Now, danger doesn't have to be physical. They can also be financial. Do you guys have had poor job performance over the course of the last couple of months, for example. And all of a sudden your boss calls you into his office randomly. I don't know where you are in danger. It's a different kind of danger, right? Your boss probably isn't going to punch you in the face or something like that, but it still causes the same change in your body language. Either way, you guys are probably going to look more scared. You're going to look more nervous. And ultimately it's going to make you look a lot more afraid than you were before you got the news. And the same thing is true in relationships and dating. If you guys are dating an amazing person, all of a sudden they say, Hey, we need to talk, and then you guys meet, you are probably in danger of losing that person. And most of the time your body language will change significantly. As a result, you're going to find that you'll look more nervous or scared or anxious or maybe even angry depending on the situation. And if it's a really tough conversation, your partner might look that way too. Now Danger also works in the other direction, and this is really important. So I want you guys to be very close attention to what I'm about to say. Behaviors that make your current situation more dangerous, even if it doesn't really seem like it are usually considered positive body language behaviors, they signal your confidence, high social value, and a general lack of fear. Let me give you a quick example. Let's say you're walking home late at night and all of a sudden a group of thugs comes out of an alleyway and surrounds you, right? Ostensibly this is a pretty dangerous situation, but you can make it either more dangerous or less dangerous depending on your body language and how you act. So for example, what do you guys think would be the safer body language behavior? What do you think would reduce danger more? Would it be this hands on your hips, head held high? Or would it be this crossing your arms or hunching your neck or in going wide-eyed? Well, if you were to put your hands on your hips, especially facing a bunch of attackers, you are putting herself in kind of a weird situation to defend yourself, right? Your arms are now by your sides and you're exposing your vital organs, AKA your chest, your underarms and so on and so forth. Somebody were to try and attack you and maybe try slashing you. This would obviously be a very dangerous body language behavior to use. It would not be the safest choice. On the other hand, though, if you were to cross your arms, get a hunch over your neck. This does several things for you. It's going to hide our vital organs. So this is now hiding my lungs, it's hiding my heart and it's hiding my neck. And it's ultimately allowing us to take in more visual information because now my eyes are open and they're darting around everywhere. And the thing is, it also puts you in a less dangerous starting point for a fight and your hands are now already up in near your face. So it's clear that the second behaviour is less dangerous, right? It's safer. But anybody that's watching, it's also very clear that the first behavior is a lot more confident, a lot higher value. And this is really the crux of how body language works. Generally, behaviors that make your current situation more dangerous are going to be considered more confident, more attractive, and have higher social value. Whereas on the flip side, the ones that make you safer by protecting parts of your body are almost always considered more cowardly, less confident, and less attractive. And all of this ultimately reduces your social value. This is a great rule to remember, and while there are some exceptions, it works the vast majority of the time. The more dangerous the body language and more confident and attractive you are. And this works because the people that are able to maintain good or positive body language in dangerous situations, almost always assumed to be more confident, more powerful, and just cooler in many, many ways. Now in all honesty, you don't really need me to tell you that right there really neat part about body languages that we all kind of instinctively understand it already. That's what makes it so powerful. I don't actually have to write out or list every single type of body language behavior sequentially for you to know if someone has generally being scared or confident or nervous or anxious. You can usually just tell by looking at them and you usually get the vibe of that person right away. But it does serve as a good way to put all these body language, behaviors and context. So next time you guys see somebody walking on the street looking like this, with their head hunched over, their eyes darting everywhere. You know that they're probably feeling like they are in danger or potentially maybe you guys are on a date. And after you say something, you notice that the person that you're with starts to shrink a little and maybe look a little bit more defensive. Well, if you see that, that's usually a good signal that there's something wrong with whatever you just said and you can dive into that a little further. That's all for this lesson. Here you guys learned about the radio tower analogy, aka how your body is basically a giant radio transceiver that is constantly sending and receiving body language signals that describe how you're feeling at any given moment in time. You guys also learned about one of the key components of our two-part body language framework, which was danger. So generally the safer a person's body language makes them, the poorer their body language reflects on their social value and their squareness and kind of nervousness. On the other hand, the more dangerous a person's body language, the more attractive and confident they're going to look. In the next few videos, we're going to learn about the second component of body language, which is stimulation. And then we're going to do a deep dive into the specifics of how to analyze body language behavior. Stay tuned. 3. The Pacification Framework: In the last video, we talked about the body language framework and we also touched on how danger correlates with whether a body language behavior is good, a gay high-value, or bad AK, low value. In this video, what we're gonna do is look at the other half of the body language framework, which is called pacification. And we're gonna see how it plays a massive role in determining how the people around you act in different situations. So generally, I'd say about 70 percent of all body language is quite easily explainable or predictable using our notion of danger ago we talked about in the last video. But there's actually another level of complexity that we need to understand to be able to appreciate people's behavior. And that level of complexity is something called pacification. Now, pacification is used by FBI agents across the world to help guide their questioning in the interrogation room. Understanding it will make you a stronger negotiator. You'll also be a more confident speaker and ultimately become a more charismatic person. So pay very close attention to the following explanation. Now, pacification as a concept is pretty simple. All it really is is the idea that when you're emotionally distressed, so sad or anxious or nervous or scared, people will stimulate different parts of their body to relieve that stress. The stimulation is a pacifier, hence the name pacification because it reduces negative feelings. And basically the same way that a baby given a pacifier might feel better after sucking on it for a little while. That baby analogy is important when a baby is T thing. That is when they're first teeth are coming in their mouth, they're mostly usually in a fair amount of pain, right? It's a relatively new experience for them. The yellow lot, they scream a lot. And a simple way to reduce all that pain is by giving them something to stimulate themselves with, aka a pacifier. In body language, pacifiers work in basically the exact same way. The only difference being that you don't pacify yourself with an external object like you do with the pacifier. Use it with your hands or your legs or your torso instead, I want you to just think about your body's like a thermostat in a room. When the room gets too cold, what does a thermostat do? Well, it triggers your here, which warms up the room. And then when that room gets warm enough, the heater can turn off again. Now if the room gets too hot, the thermostat will trigger the air conditioning and it's kind of back and forth. This heating and cooling really illustrates a simple concept that there is a set point that things orbit around. When the thing goes too high, it's always brought back down. And when it goes too low, it's always brought back up. The same thing is true of your body when your body gets anxious because maybe you're in a stressful interview or maybe you are about to give a public presentation, your mental thermostat will kick in, except this thermostat doesn't care about hot or cold years about stimulating versus not stimulating. Your heart is pounding, right? You have a bunch of extra energy floating around and a blow off some steam to blow off some of that energy. You're going to start touching herself. It might touch your chest or you might rub your neck, or maybe you're running your hand through your hair, whatever you ultimately choose to do. The point of it is that now you are stimulating parts your body to help bring that stress back to baseline and it feel a little bit better. When you feel better and the stresses ultimately all gone. You stop pacifying AK, you stop fidgeting or rubbing your body, and so on. If the stress comes back, the pacification will come back as well. And this interplay is how pacification works. Pacification is the single most reliable way that body language investigators can determine, tells AK things that a person does that betrays what they're saying. And it works for several reasons. The biggest is that being touched feels good, which balances out some of the bad that you're feeling when you're stressed or anxious. Hence why your body starts touching itself before. I don't know, a big presentation or maybe a very important interview. Another reason is that it gives you guys an excuse to move. And when you're stressed, you'll notice that usually have a lot of extra energy bouncing around because your heart's beating fast, you've got a bunch of adrenaline, Anya, and you're on edge. So what you do is you move to burn off that extra energy. Ultimately, this lets your body killed two birds with one stone. And once he gets stopped, paying attention to pacification, literally see it everywhere. Pacification is easily the most common body language behavior in the world. It includes everything from biting your nails to face palming two, fidgeting, to even like crossing your arms. You'll see it everywhere from people's cars to public presentations on the sidewalk and on the train. And once you guys know what it is, you will never be able to miss it again. And we're going to get as a massive list of all identical pacifiers in the next couple of sections. So stay tuned. All right, that takes us the end of the video on pacification. In this video, we learned what pacification was and how it works, which if you guys remember, was through three big ideas. Big idea number one is that your body is a thermostat. All right, when you get stressed out or anxious, it's going to trigger pacification to try and bring it back down to baseline. Big idea number two was that being touched feels great, especially when you're stressed out. And big endian number three was that when you guys are anxious or nervous, usually also have a bunch of extra energy floating around your body. So pacification is a fantastic excuse for your body to burn off some of that extra steam. Up until now, most things had been theoretical. We've talked about concepts, ideas, and approaches to different styles of body language. From here on out though, every lesson that we're gonna do is gonna be focused on practical body language examples and practical body language techniques. I'm going to show you guys what not to do in social situations. Also show you a bunch of different positive behaviors to copy and steal and also learn how all this stuff works in the context of different situations like romance, business, and interviews. I'll see you there. 4. Low Value Body Language Behaviors: Hey, there. So now we understand the theory behind body language. We've talked about both danger, aka the more dangerous body language, the more confident it is. And we also talked about pacification, aka when you guys are nervous or stressed, usually start fidgeting around and self stimulating, right? To burn off some of that extra steam. Now, danger basically answers this question. Who here in this room or in the social situation, has had the most power. Somebody is very powerful, whether they are financially powerful or socially powerful, or even physically powerful, odds are they won't feel the same amount of danger as everyone else does in a given situation, meaning that their body language will thus be significantly more open and significantly more relaxed. And in parallel, you can kind of think about pacification like a question too. And the question here is how uncomfortable or the people around me, how nervous are they compared to baseline? This is gonna give us two indicators, one for power and another for comfort. And with these two indicators, what we're going to do is look at a bunch of different examples of both low value and high value body language, both generally and with very specific contexts like a business and romance. And this is going to give you guys a very strong baseline of behaviors that you guys can use in your own life to maximize your perceived confidence. So it will start with bad or low value body language. These are behaviors that you guys should probably avoid as much as humanly possible. And they're also the behaviors that when you see them in other people can very fortunately tell you a little bit about their current mental state or how they're feeling. You'll see these when you're talking your friends. You'll see them on the subway. You'll see them when you're coming back from work. And once you guys have an eye for these sorts of behaviors, you're going to start noticing them literally everywhere, by the way, and this is self-evident. A lot of people think I might be making a moral judgment here by calling these behaviors low value. But there's actually nothing wrong with engaging in these behaviors at all. They don't make you a bad person. All they do is decrease how confident and decrease how assertive other people think that you are because you're applying for a job or you're going on a date, your body language will affect the outcome of those interactions, aka the likelihood of you getting the job, or maybe you'd likely to be getting other date. But that doesn't mean that slipping into low-value habits from time to time, he's the end of the world or some kind of moral judgment. So with that said, let's get into some examples. And the first is going to be your arms crossed, where you take your arms and use them to squeeze your chest like this. Now this is one of the ultimate low valley behaviors. I unfortunately see a lot of people engaged in this in stressful situations. So why is it low value? Well, you can confirm this in two ways. One using the pacification principle that we talked about earlier, and the other with the danger principle. First, it's pacifying because the amount of pressure that this puts on my midsection, the fact that I'm clenching my fists and you guys think about it, almost hugging myself really tightly, which is a very self stimulatory behavior. And it's also a low value behaviour primarily because it's a defensive posture. It's not very dangerous at all. I mean, look at me when I do this, I am protecting myself. My forearms are covering the most vulnerable areas of my torso, which is where my internal organs are. And you guys can imagine somebody attacked me with, I don't know, a rock or maybe something sharp. They'd first have to get through my forearms before they could get to my heart or my lungs, which is what makes us a stereotypical safe body language posture. Hence why it's low value. You're naturally going to want to avoid crossing your arms as much as possible. But for many of you it will be very difficult. Our arms have a tendency to just organically kind of go like this, right? Hovered towards our mid sections when we're stressed out. So it will take a lot of conscious practice to eliminate from your body language repertoire entirely. Behavioral. Number two is when your hand rubs the back, your neck, something like this. Now keep in mind there are many behaviors involve your neck and a couple of them are actually pretty high value, which is what I'm going to talk in the next few videos. But this also elucidates another point which is that a bunch of behaviors are really similar except for maybe one or two tiny things that completely change up their value. So make sure you guys understand these slight distinctions between each before learning further. But the reason rubbing the back of your neck is low value is because it's a very strong pacifier. Write, your neck muscles are some of the tightest and most fatigue parts of your body. I mean, they have to hold up your head the entire day. Right. And also feels really good to massage the back of your neck like this. I mean, just try it right now and compare it to massaging your leg or something similar. So rubbing your neck can relieve a lot of that tightness, which obviously feels really good and making it a very strong way to pacify you're bad emotions. Meaning if you see somebody out there rubbing their neck a lot like this, they're probably either uncomfortable or they're anxious or they're tired. And all three of those are very low valley behaviors. Fbi investigators also use the act of rubbing your neck as a tell during investigations since if they were to ask a bunch of questions and you don't rub your NOC, then all of a sudden when they asked a very particular question, you do start rubbing your neck. It illustrates that there is something about that question that made you feel scared or maybe feel nervous and that is what makes them pride deeper. Okay. On to number 33 is where hands massage the bridge of your nose like this. This is very clearly a pacifying behavior as well, and the rationale behind it is very similar to rubbing your neck, your face is pretty sensitive and rubbing your nose feels especially good. Plus this puts extra pressure on your sinuses which can often get very clog and feel pretty uncomfortable. So overall, doing this or any variation thereof is a big pacifier. Number four is biting your nails. Now we've already talked about this a lot in the last video, but biting your nails can feel really good to a lot of people because the fingertips are the primary way that we have of touching things. And as a result, they've obviously developed very sensitive. So you'll often see people bite their nails like this. And response to stress or anxiety or discomfort. I myself, I'm very guilty of this. I bite my nails a couple times a week and it's one of those persistent issues that can be very hard to get rid of. Number 5 is biting your lips, right? This is a strong pacifier because your lips are very sensitive and the rationale is very similar to nail-biting. Number six is rubbing your eyes, which is very similar to rubbing your nose because it's all pacifier, but it's also a little bit worse because it has danger implications as well. What I mean by this is that your eyes are very delicate and exposing them in the midst of a threatening situation can be very dangerous. So hiding your eyes or making them smaller is usually the safer option. You'll see people do this a lot when they're tired because the muscles around their eyes get tense. And you'll also see people do this when they are attempting to avoid confrontation as well. Ak, they're not looking in the other person's eyes. Both reasons lead to this low-value behavior. Seven is scratching or just clenching or rubbing of your hands. This puts a lot of pressure on your palms and your fingertips, which is a very strong pacifier. And additionally, this can also show aggressive intent because you're balling up your fist like this, it implies that you intend to use them. So if you guys catch yourself doing this type of stuff, very often, be very careful. Number eights and you guys can't see my feet, so you're not getting the entire full picture, but it's where you tilt your body and an angle to the person that you're interacting with. When you guys stand like this, which is face to face, you're exposing your entire torso to whoever it is that you're talking to. This generally indicates trust and comfort because if somebody wanted to attack you, they'd have direct access to you. They can just reach out and they can hit your entire exposed body. But if you ever see somebody talking to you at an angle like this, and then be aware that it's a low value and very defensive posture. By standing at an angle, you're minimizing the surface area that a potential enemy can attack you. And you're also widening your basis support case the person or fronting and tries to like push you to the ground or something like that, which ultimately makes more balanced. It's more effective to stand like this in a fighting situation, which is why you almost always see this kind of posture in MMA or boxing or sword fighting or literally whatever. The key here is to look at their feet. If their feet are angled at around 45 degrees away from you and they're not comfortable. Either they want to leave, either they want to stop talking or they think that some kind of physical altercation is coming up. Now I see this a lot in nightclubs, usually with women that are getting approached by a guy that they don't want to talk to you. And a lot of the time the guy will not pick up on a pretty obvious signal. Number nine is showing the tops of the whites of your eyes. Now this depends on the way your face looks in general in your bone structure. But this behavior is a form of safety and it is quite unattractive and makes you look relatively low value. Unfortunately, I see a lot of people do this, particularly in photos because I think that opening their eyes very wide makes them look better. But it's ultimately a dangerous thing. If you guys eyes are super wide open, they're letting in more light and they're also giving you more information on your surroundings, which will tell other people that you think you might be in danger in you're essentially trying to gather as much information about your surroundings to protect yourself. So watch those eyes next time you take a photo. All right, That takes us to the end of this video. What I went over here was more or less the nine most common low valley body language behaviors that you guys will ever see out there in the real-world. Now in reality, there are actually hundreds of more behaviors, but generally there will always be some slight variation of what I mentioned here. Instead of rubbing your eyes, you might rub your eyebrows instead. For example, the most important things that you get, the general principles behind these behaviors and why they occur. Because once you understand them, you'll be able to analyze and predict how and why other people act will also eliminating these low-value behaviors from your own personal body language repertoire. In the next video, we're gonna go over some high-value body language behaviors. And instead of me showing you what not to do, I'll instead be showing you what behaviors to emulate and even steel. See you there. 5. Low Value Analysis: Okay. Welcome, everybody. This is the first body language breakdown of our analysis section. And what I picked for this video was a Conan interview of Ryan Reynolds, of all people, who is what I would definitely consider a high value, Ah, high value person. But you'll see in this interview that fact betrays him quite a bit. And I suspect part of it is due to the fact that he just isn't socially warmed up, you know, either he just got off a plane, or maybe he was rehearsing scripts all day or whatever, but you'll see that over the course of the interview, he gets significantly more comfortable now, something want to point out before actually start. The analysis is, a lot of these behaviors are incredibly, incredibly subtle there things that 95% of people would not notice upon first glance, and it's difficult to tune your eye to look for them. And a good rule of thumb is every single behavior, no matter how minuscule it may seem to you at the time, is a potential passive fire. Okay, keep that at the back your mind, because stuff that 95% of you guys wouldn't even have considered to be a body language behaviour you'll see in this video actually is. And the way that I'm gonna structure this analysis is I'm going to start the video. And any time I see a behavior that to me personally rings a red flag or something that I think tells us a tiny bit more about Ryan's emotional state during this interview, I'll stop it, do a brief explanation and then keep going. So without further ado, it's you are ladies, please. Okay, so first thing I want to talk about right off the bat and this is a perfect example of what I mean by subtlety. Ryan Reynolds back there was rubbing his thighs incredibly vigorously. Now we haven't actually talked about rubbing thighs. Specifically, I get to this in the business section, but I didn't including a low value body language section, cause you actually don't see this a lot outside of business contexts. But I guess one could consider an interview a business context. I wake us to notice that the second Ryan sits down and the onus of conversation is now on him. Him being the focal point of this interview, he immediately starts rubbing the hell out of his thighs like check this out. Now 95% of people wouldn't even notice this as an explicit body language behaviour. Rather, they just wouldn't even pick up on this consciously. But subconsciously, the screams low value because whereas rubbing your eyes, let's say a rubbing your nose or rubbing the back your neck or whatever is a strong passive fire. Rubbing the rather rubbing up and down your thighs vigorously is Ryan is doing right now and will continue to do throughout. The rest of the interview is a massive swath of skin surface area. If you think about the eye, that's like what maybe like two square inches, four square inches or so, vs the amount of surface area of rubbing both eyes at the same time. If you math out the density of skin surface receptors in both areas, you'll find that there are other comparable or significantly more for rubbing your thighs. So and this is a pretty strong passive are. The reason he's doing it again is because the onus of conversation is about to go on to him . He knows that he's about to start talking and that he is not really super into the mood right now, right? He's not super socially warmed up as was. We'll see. And I'm philosophizing a tiny bit just cause I've seen this interview multiple times and it tells us a tiny bit more about his behavior than these seven seconds have. But you will see as it goes on you are ladies, please. Okay, so we see a postural readjustment from Ryan Reynolds. He was sitting Not really. That comfortably here is gonna leaning forward. But then again, Conan makes a joke of some kind. And the onus of the conversation goes back onto Ryan. The second Jonas, a conversation went back onto Ryan. What does he do? Rubs his thighs and then posture? Lee readjusts. And it's worth noting that postural readjustment is a huge passive fire. Think of the entire body like half that is getting stimuli at that moment in time, right? Clearly, he feels uncomfortable in some way. I think I'll be honest. I think it's a combination of both of us. That's exciting, I think, to synergistic effect, the height, the height I have. Okay, let's get right into that because I've known you for quite a long time. You're OK. Another thing I want you guys to notice, Conan said. Let's get right into it. That signals the beginning of the actual interview and for about maybe two seconds there. Ryan was fine, but the second cone and said, Let's get right into it. You saw Ryan all of the sudden start to lunch. His fists, rub his fingers and scratch. I'm certain parts of his hand, which, if you guys remember from the low value general body language example section lost video is a very strong pacifier and notice how he continues to do so is the interview progresses and how this changes over time. You're one of my favorite actors. You're very funny, very versatile. But I will tell you something. I went and saw a green lantern the other night, which we really enjoyed. I start with staff, and I was getting irritated because the women on my staff, every time you're on screen are making noises. They're they're swooning in a big lunch. No, no, no, no. Another very interesting feature of this interview is that Ryan Reynolds here being not very socially warmed up? It looks anyway um, just try to crack a joke, right? He made some joke as toe rubbing his ballet or something like that. But Ryan is in classic validation seeking mode right now, as evidenced by his body language and by the fact that immediately after he made this joke immediately after you saw him unsure of whether or not it was a hit and that unsure nous is a big stressor, right? He wanted to confirm that. Oh yeah, other people do find this funny, and you see during that period where he's unsure of whether or not other people really did find it funny, he immediately starts pacifying again. No, no, no. There was a women on my staff and and then he continues, and now another pacify that we haven't talked about explicitly in this video. But we talk about in the context of romance is he starts playing with his coughs, which again is a pacifier crazy. For I was becoming in radio drama screening up with jealousy. I'm 1/4 my chopped liver on the farthest thing from again. He's rubbing his thighs, and at this point, you guys probably a pretty good I for at least the thigh rubbing, but I won't say it gets worse. It gets significantly better over the course of the interview. That's probably the worst of it. Let's see if there's any more. God, you had chopped liver all over you. It was almost defensive there. I do not know who this gentleman's name who is the gentleman is. I don't know his name, but the onus of conversation flipped over to him. And when it flipped over to him, he made some type of comment that supposedly Ryan would have to respond to. And you can tell the second that that happened, right? Almost primed himself to start pacifying. He's like, Oh, crap, crap stresses coming up. I got to get ready to, like, release all those feel good chemicals head chopped liver all over right there. And I was like, Okay, no, I'm not gonna have to talk. I can keep going with Conan here. My naked I do look like chocolate. That's not gonna have a big game that way. Well, here's what I'm curious about. A lot of people go through an opera stage where you always good with the ladies. Do you always have game? What were you, like as a kid? I No, not really. I mean, I You know, I really until I was like, 18. I looked like a Vietnamese girl. Okay, something really cool happened here to and again. I watched this before, so I know kind of what's happening here. But while he's telling the joke he's pacifying, he's unsure of whether or not this is gonna be a hit. When he tells the joke afterwards, people laugh. Clearly, things went pretty well. Notice how the frequency that he's touching his hands changes throughout this maybe three or four second intervals. I looked like a Vietnamese girl. Yeah, I remember right, you know, took me a while to learn that you could actually talk to girls. I remember in elementary school usedto accidentally fall on Sarah Cam Field during volleyball practice. And, you know, just a few years later that that's illegal. Yeah, straight up. Inappropriate. That was your technique was just out for falling on you again. Yeah, is playing with his hands pretty vigorously here, so he's clearly still uncomfortable, but he's coming out of the woodwork. We haven't seen a Roberts ties in a while. That's just thought this is nice. Did you? And safe to say at this point he's no longer pacifying his hands for a little bit. He's feeling a tiny, bit more confident. No, not that. Not that so much. But and it's also important for me to note that one of the reasons that he probably does is because interviews while they aren't scripted or canned, Ryan and Conan go over a few of the subject point that they're gonna talk about later in the interview before the interview actually starts just so that everybody's on the same page during the interview. So you can tell Ryan it's starting to get into the swing of things, go over some of the material that he talked about and some stuff that he has a strong feeling, actually will be ahead right? So less unexpected stuff like the beginning of the interview I years later, when I got to high school, that's that's where a lot of the trouble started for me. I mean, I was I was in this went to a public school in Vancouver, and, um um, we lost the hockey game like that, for example, find me and I mean he wasn't pacifying there for your five second stress. I didn't even mention it tonight on the show because I thought you'd be upset. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, lovely images. The Yeah, I was. I was in high school, and that's work. I got a lot of. It's important to note, too, that what Ryan did here is he moved his right hand over to touch his lip, pacified a tiny bit. Likely because Conan asked him a question he had to continue on, whatever the vein of conversation that he was currently on. And he was a caught a tiny bit off guard. And this may or may not have been super noticeable to you guys. I'm gonna play that back or one more time. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Lovely images. The Yeah, I was I was in high school, and that's work I got. So he was a bit unsure of himself. He kind of was catching his bearings here is like, Oh, crap. Exactly how do I say this story? Oh, yeah. Trouble way. Advice, battle. Just he had it out for me in the moment was a dead man walking because you're such a nice guy. He went to school with my dad, hated him, and then and then and then my brother got kicked out of out of my high school is when my older brother for accidentally punching a teacher in the face. How do you accidentally punch a teacher in the face that you do? Because he was aiming for another teacher? Nailed Mr Site right in the face. And another thing I want to notice here is that over the course of may be the last three minutes, and this is actually all I'm gonna analyze of his video because in terms of low value body language, it cuts off right around here. He starts being significantly higher value. He starts talking well, Aside from that, one little stretch here starts talking a lot more with his hands and just ultimately gets a lot more comfortable. But you'll see that he's a man, spreads very slowly over the course of three minutes. It isn't super crazy man spreading or anything, but the width of his knees from each other literally increases as you go from 2 45 all the way back here, you'll see they start to close a tiny bit. It's very subtle, very subtle. But they dio there are about here before and then later on the gets not super wide, but fairly wide right. So it's important to note that these changes occur kind of on two levels. Baker on the second to second scale, and the changes also occur on the minute to minute scale. You can think about it as almost how we describe social value theory and pacification theory, as in pacification theory, is more or less just an extra layer of complexity to social value theory, right? We talk about high value versus low value will. Now pacification is talking about some comfort versus discomfort, and in this way you can see that pacification behaviors can kind of be broken down into two levels of complexity as well. One is the occurrence or incidents of each pacification behavior kind of instantaneously in that moment in time, and the other is the increase or decrease in the frequency of that behavior over time. And subsequently, some of these behaviors have longer time periods like the 2 to 3 minutes slow spreading of his legs apart than others do. So that's that for low value body language, and the next analysis section is gonna be on general high value body language. Stay tuned 6. High Value Body Language Behaviors: Standing: Hey there, This video is going to be on general high-value body language examples. I'll do them with you in the same way as last time and during each behavior, I'll also run you through why they work. Before I start though, there is one important distinction with high-value behaviors that I wanted to talk about earlier. And that's that if you are sitting versus if you are standing, some behaviors are going to act and be perceived very differently. A behavior that might be good and confident while standing, might actually looking nervous or weak while sitting and vice versa. So I'll separate this into both sitting behaviors and standing behaviors. And what we're gonna do right now is start withstanding. The first standing behavior is one called arms up Jimbo. No doubt you've all seen this before. It is the classic power pose that signals dominance, confidence and ultimately high-value. And the reason why it signals high values because by placing your hands on your hips, your elbows are jetting out to the sides. And ultimately this is giving people the impression that you are bigger and more powerful than you actually are in real life. It's also quite a dangerous behavior. Notice how this is more or less the opposite of what a crossing your arms was like in the previous video. Because whereas crossing your arms as protecting your body, you're putting pressure on your midsection. And by putting our forums like this, you're kind of defending yourself. In contrast, arms and Kimball leaves this entire area completely bare, open to threats. So when you see somebody use arms are Kimball in a social situation, odds are they feel pretty confident in that situation. And they also don't think that it's likely that there'll be Hertz or otherwise socially injured. And you can use arms of camo to provide the impression that you feel that way too, even if you guys are actually nervous or anxious deep down inside, number two is interlacing your hands behind your head like this. Now after this many examples, you guys can probably guess why. It's because this exposes my underarms and it also exposes my torso. And this puts you in kind of a weird position to be defending or attacking somebody. The only time most people do this as if they are completely 100% comfortable in their surroundings or there with close friends. Obviously this is not very formal, so don't go around using this type of behavior at a job interview, for example. But it is a great way to show other people that you are very confident in your current situation. Number three is less of a specific behavior, more of a general recommendation. It's moving slowly and purposefully rather than frantically. When you see confident people that are dominating social situations, they usually don't jump around or move very quickly or fast. Instead, they move slowly and they move with a purpose. And the reason why they look so powerful is because moving slowly is more dangerous than moving quickly. If a predator is about to attack you and you still choose to move slowly, you are signaling extreme confidence. It's dangerous and that's why it's attractive and ultimately high-value. You can apply this to basically every body language behavior that we're gonna be talking about. Walking slower is perceived as more confident than walking really quickly. Making slower hand gestures is perceived as more confident than making fast, spurious ones like this. So keep this in mind as we talk about the remaining high-value behaviors in a moment. Number four is placing your legs, shoulder width apart or slightly wider. Now this is primarily a masculine behavior because of what we have in between our legs. If you're a man, you spread your legs wide wall standing, it will leave your lower half vulnerable. In many were scared getting kicked in the balls would probably not stand like this. So it's more dangerous and thus ultimately more confident. It indicates that you are not afraid of attack. This touches on another important body language tip, which is the behaviors that make you bigger are also generally more confident, higher value than behaviors that make you smaller. This is mostly due to danger again, because it makes you more vulnerable, but also just makes you look more powerful. Body language is ultimately a primal language, right? So behaviors that increase the size of your silhouette, aka the increase the size of your body are also going to make you look more dominating and ultimately make you guys look more powerful. And that includes spreading your legs wider. Number 5 is tilting your torso so that is exactly 180 degrees across from the person you're speaking to. This is the opposite of what we talked about during a low-value body language section. Since this is low value, whereas this opens up your torso and makes you entirely vulnerable to the other person. Generally facing the person that you're speaking with is considered high value and it's consider a confident and you should strive to do it as often as possible when you're communicating. Number six is slightly tilting your head to one side during a conversation. Now this is going to show interest, confidence and high value. Try and think for a second why a slight tilt of the neck, something like this which show confidence? Well, the reason why is because if you do this, it exposes probably one the most vulnerable regions of your body, this area right here. And because it's dangerous, other people will perceive it as more confident. If you're concerned about the safety of your neck, you usually hunch forward and bunch it up. This is a low valley behavior and highly protective. So the opposite of this low-value behavior is generally quite positive. Number 7 is a behavior that should only use in some situations and that is something called self grooming. It's basically picking stuff up off your clothes or cleaning or nouns or ultimately just grooming yourself. Now why would this be high value? Well, do you typically groom yourself when you're scared for your life? No. The only time anybody would ever do this is if they were completely comfortable and completely confident their situation. And again, this implies that they have power. The great news for us is that we can emulate that high-value by grooming and social situations. Now it's important to note that this is a very dismissive kind of posture. It's not something that you want to use in formal situations because it implies that I don't care about you or anybody else in my surroundings enough to stop picking lint off my clothes. So I'd encourage you guys to be very careful with where you do utilize this behavior. But it can be highly effective, particularly in social situations where you want to pure dominant or more powerful than the people that are around you. So that's it for this lesson. In this video, we had a general overview of standing body language behaviors. And the general theme was moved slowly and purposefully, be dangerous rather than safe, and ultimately try and look bigger wherever possible. In the next video, we're gonna take a look at a few sitting behaviors instead. See you there. 7. High Value Body Language Behaviors: Sitting: In the last video, we looked at eight powerful high-value body language behaviors to use while standing. In this video, we're gonna do the exact same thing, but go over behaviors to use while sitting instead. And the general principles you've seen this lesson are quite similar. Things that make you less safe and things that make you take up more space. 8. High Value Analysis: all right. Hope everybody's doing well. This is the high value body language analysis video coming right after the low value body language analysis video and the first thing I want you guys to notice. Aside from Ryan getting handled here by Alan, too generous is how different Ryan Gosling is on stage, at least in this one particular moment in time. Then Ryan Reynolds was in the last video. I'm not actually gonna have that much to talk about just because of how stoic Ryan Gosling is for the majority of his interview. He barely moves, and you guys will see what I mean. In a moment, the audio is turned down on purpose just because it's women screaming. All right, so let's get serious. The first thing we see here is Ryan. It seems a very dominant, very wide position here with his arms. Remember how I was talking about leaving your hands wide on a desk or a table? Well, you can pretend this is kind of like a table here. He was putting both of his hands incredibly, incredibly wide resting on these chairs. And he also e I have a strong feeling he thinks about his body language of what goes on on an interview, just because of how measured his legs are apart from each other. It's like he's trying very hard, not demand spread, probably because of the big media scandal involved with man spreading on public transit. That happened very recently to this interview. But anyway, way, take this. This carrying, we should invest in like an adult baby. Yeah, well, you could just hang out there. So if you guys remember when Ryan Reynolds walked on the stage in the last video, the first thing that he did was start vigorously rubbing his thighs like, No, tomorrow was like the end of the world. He's like, I got to get all those dopamine and serotonin and molecules in before you know everything ends. Whereas Ryan Gosling over here is incredibly calm, he's measured, he's stoic and he's a NRI active, which at the end of the day is really the key. Take home here, how un reactive he is to any potential transference of, Let's say, the onus, a conversation or the need to make a joke or something like that. Now, something else I didn't really talk about in the high value body language theory. Video is how slow a lot of Ryan's movements are here, and that seems to be another feature shared by a lot of high status and high value people. Their movements tend to be very slow and very deliberate. They're not very shaky. They're not very quick. They're more or less the opposite of frantic, as we will see here. And you'll see some very, very minor finger twitches and stuff like that from Ryan Reynolds evidence of the fact that he is indeed human. He's not just, ah, beautiful, super sexy robots in here from Mars to seduce all the wound. He, in fact, also succumbs to been a pacification. But it is smooth, small, special in embarrassment. Ran Reynolds. That will be hard for you to make any substantial decisions as to how he's feeling off of that. Check it out. I didn't know how to run into your arms, because every single time you picked me up, it's a little different. Yeah, and when now, when the onus of conversation went from Alan to him, you'll notice that he actually moved his knees closer together just for a split second there, while he was talking, and I suspect that's more or less him losing the reins on his eyes, high value body language there because for him it's probably very conscious thing, especially the beginning of an interview, where the stakes and the pressure is the highest. You probably lost sight of his body language there for a moment and allowed his legs to come in together and kind of cave. But just like you saw with Ryan Reynolds interview video, when the onus of conversation goes from one person to another, or when somebody is just about to start talking, their body language is usually indicative of how they feel at the very moment. And so when Ryan Reynolds was listening to Ellen Degenerate, say something and consulting services into your arms because every single time you picked me up, it's a little different, which is right there. You guys saw apologies. I want back inside of it too far. You see that? The second that he himself was speaking is like skin picked me up. It's a little different. And when you were just standing there, I thought, Okay, I'm running into your arms, See, I should have jumped like that right? Is that what you should? I have running, jumping your arms Another way? You do. You do do it another one. No, I Yes, exactly. I did it the wrong way, and somehow the magic and you can see some tiny tapping. This is what I was referring to earlier going on here, but it's really nothing major. Clearly, at the very least, Ryan and Alan are very comfortable with each other. I'm going to think about that when I'm laying in bed. That's not that's not how I should have run into is that was most definitely a low value behavior. Ryan covered his eyes there, which we talked about. The low value body language video is a bad idea most of the time, although you can imagine this is forgiven due to the fact that the reason that he's covering his eyes is supposedly he's shy because he's laughing or something like that. It just seems like I went too fast at you to Did I scare you? No. But your one leg would up and I know, I know, I know, I know. I know. We didn't It's so weird we didn't rehearse. It looks like we would have. But no, no, you were so fantastic hosting Saturday Night Live. I don't know no at this moment, and I don't really want to read too much into it. But Ryan knew that something was coming up on the screen. And almost as in preparation for that, his fingers twitched a tiny bit. You knew that simply again, because Ellen and Ryan had at least talked about some of the subject matter of the interview before this actual interview happened. Just said they're both on the same page for conversation topics and what not? Ryan knew something was coming and he starts to. He looks over and he's like, Oh, that's what I'm seeing. It's now The initial kind of jokes are done. The humor has died down at least a tiny bit mind. You have seen this interview. I'm not sure if you guys have, so I know a tiny bit about what's coming. But you'll see that Ryan's body language pacification, frequency wise anyway increases just a just a smidgen just a tiny bit right. Basically, just because the easy humor part is over now, I probably have to actually say something of substantial value get This is you've done it twice, right? And do you get nervous or you're just excited to do it? It's very surreal experience. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but do you get nervous? Yeah, but you know the way that they have that show. I mean, the way that that show works is so incredible. They've been doing it for 40 years and, yeah, they're doing it again right now. Aske Raisi as it was for me there. Right back at its Yes, somebody is doing it again. And so this is an example of what I was talking about earlier. He knows that there's something coming up he's gonna have to going to stop being the super charming, handsome man for a second and start actually talking about something of value. When you did that aliens sketch, I knew, and I I saw it before I showed it to Portia because she hadn't seen it. And I was like, There is no way they told Ryan what Kate was going to do. There is no way you knew what Kate was going to do to you. Uh, listen, I'm familiar with Cates work. Uh, I know how committed she is to her craft. Right? And I expected her. Teoh, you know, be very professional and, uh, you know, take this sketch to its It's for this conclusion. Did you know that she was gonna ask you to stand up and she was going to squeeze your butt cheeks together? Did you know any of that that I knew there was a lot more than I appreciate you not showing in this photograph that happened? I did not. But you know, when she put her, he also utilizes hand dressers quite a bit, really speaking and again, they're always very measured are always very totally meant to do that. They're never frantic pacing. He's never looking back and forth. Threat is chest rises and falls very slowly, gradually in that type of paste measured way. And this is all high status, high value behavior. I want you guys to think about this in terms that evolutionary lens. We mentioned the very beginning of the course. If for whatever reason, Ellen de generous was predator that was about to attack him, would it do Ryan any good to be sitting in this chair like this? Very clearly not. There's no reason his arms should be that far wide apart. They should be close to his torso. What if she has a knife or something like that? Right. He has to defend himself. His legs aren't very wide at this moment in time. But you can imagine if they were wider. Why the heck your legs so wide? You know what if she she goes for something down here? You know, you always need to be aware of that. And just given the fact that humans are apex predators, we have that evolutionary intrinsic understanding of the fact that other people's body language gives away how scared they are or uncomfortable. They are in danger. They are at any one given moment in time. But Ryan Gosling, at this very moment, is the antithesis of scared. He is calm, he is confident and everything is measured based on your butt. So because you were laughing So it was so fun. It was so fun to watch you stand there and just e because that's just fun, right? Is unexpected. No, it's the at this moment in time immediately before he does the apostle readjustment and he puts up a barrier here. The conversation got maybe 10% more serious than it was earlier on. Earlier on, it was all jokes about her touching his butt. And then Ryan probably inadvertently moves it over into, like, mild um, sexual, maybe sexual misconduct. Misconduct Rather is too harsh of a word, but, you know, like mild sexual misconduct territory. He's definitely implying something of that nature here when he's like, Well, you know, and any kind of size here. And then he probably catches it right here. And he's like, Oh, well, that probably wasn't a good conversation topic to go down that significantly less funny than what we were just talking about. Until the stress level spike up a tiny bit, he moves his hands a bunch, and then he posture Lee readjusts, which is a large pacifying because she's so fun to work with, she's and they starts clinching the front part of his to be Alice Interior. Rather cast around is such a fun run, which again is not super crazy or anything like that. Given the fact that this is one of the only major pacifiers he made during the entire interview, Suffice to say that he's doing a really good job from a value standpoint. Yeah, it is a great cast, and but you're always great on it, and you're so it makes it makes everybody laugh when you laugh. I think that's what we look forward to is. You want to see someone break you like that because you know she did it. The interview does cut off right here. What happens immediately after is he does a one or two more postural readjustments of the course of 30 seconds. I believe it's probably related to the fact that the conversation went down that way, given its sensitive political nature as of recently. But suffice to say, he did a great job in terms of value. And if you guys were looking for a value role model a k somebody to more or less frame your own high value body language around Ryan Gosling is a solid pick cause his body language is so stoic, so on reactive, especially in contrast to Ryan Reynolds earlier today. On that, it makes for a pretty solid choice, no matter what. I can't really see high value body language getting much better than this to be completely honest. Aside from removing the couple pacifiers then you made at the very end of the video. But that's perfectly understandable, world human. And we can only put up this high value front for so long. That was the end of high value body language analysis. The next analysis we're gonna be doing is on romance. See you soon. 9. Romantic Body Language Behaviors: In the last two videos, we looked at dozens of practical high-value body language behaviors. In this video, we're going to do a deep dive into romance and how you can use your body language to improve the odds of you charming someone and ultimately making them like you. People who are attracted to each other often show characteristic kinds of body language behaviors. And by emulating some of those behaviors, you can make those feelings even stronger. To begin with, I want to talk about the principle of mirroring behavior. Now, mirroring is exactly what it sounds like. It is either consciously or unconsciously copying other person's body language usually is less of a if they move their hand over here, I'll move my hand over here too. And more of this very slow, gradual adoption of the same body language over a few seconds or minutes. But if you do mirroring, right, you can inspire feelings of trust and confidence and other person incredibly quickly. A simple example, this is laughing. Have you guys ever stopped and asked yourself why laughter is contagious? Well, one of the main reasons is because people like to mirror the emotions of others around us. Ultimately, human beings are social creatures. So when somebody feel something good, we usually want to do our best to partake in those good feelings as well for ourself. You see this all the time with other behaviors to yawning or smiling and so on and so forth. It also unfortunately works in the other direction as well. If somebody is in a bad mood, that bad mood can spread quite quickly. Knowing this about ourselves is usually the first step to take in full control of our own behavior. The most beneficial body language behavior and romance is mirroring the other person's high-value body language. Now I say high-value body language because it's important to note that the other person is feeling very anxious or very shy, very uncomfortable. It will not do you guys well to mirror that body language. But if they're in either a neutral or a high value or comfortable territory, it will benefit you and it'll make them like you and trust you substantially more. So when you see your date engaging in some high-value body language behavior, you can now do your best to mirror that. So what does this look like in context? Well, here's a quick example. Let's say you guys are going on a date with somebody that you like quite a bit. You guys are seated at a restaurant and you put your hand on the table, like you over the next few minutes, you will find them put their hand on the table as well, probably about 80 and 90 percent of the time. Believe it or not, this is usually subconscious, but it's a good sign that they are enjoying the time that you two are spinning together. And obviously this is nice to be able to analyze and other people, but it's even better to be able to use for yourself. So if you guys are interested in someone and you find them putting their arms and something about shoulder height. Try mirroring that behavior. Over the course of the next few minutes. Slowly put one-year arms on something at about shoulder height as well. And if you do it right, they will subconsciously respond better than if you held a completely different type of body language, for example. So pay close attention to whether or not the other person is mirroring your behavior when you are in a romantic situation. Additionally, if you guys yourselves wanted to improve the odds of being liked, remember to try and mirror their behavior as much as humanly possible. Another piece of Baudelaire's should be aware of as brushing your hair, right? This is a primarily female behavior. Men can do this as well, especially men with long hair, but its signals interest and its signals attraction. I want you guys for a second to think about peacocks. When a male peacock is in mating season and they are around a bunch of female peacocks that they are potentially interested in. You will find that peacock's will flare their feathers out to show off and ultimately attract attention. Generally speaking, human beings are the exact same. People will subconsciously brush their hair or on people that they're interested in to attract them and ultimately stand out. Now they do this for several reasons. The first is that this is a visual stimulus and the movement we'll draw our eyes ultimately will increase the likelihood of us noticing them. The second is that a healthy head of long hair is a good indicator of well-being, health and ultimately high-status. So drawing attention to that hair can improve how you perceive them brushing your hair also as a double function, however, you're going out with somebody achy, you've already met them and interacted with them. The job of making you notice them has been completed. Now believe it or not brushing their hair will turn from a peacock and kind of display one to get your attention into just a normal pacification. It's no longer about noticing our attention anymore now it's unnecessary movement. This is because when you are around someone you're interested in, your stress levels are usually a little bit higher than usual. Therefore, you're looking for something to kind of play around with or fidget with, and a lot of time are going to settle on your hair. Yet another behavior is what's called suprasternal stimulation. Now this sounds complicated, but it's actually quite simple. There's an air of your neck right here, right above your chest called the suprasternal notch. It's very soft and unprotected. You can press down on a little and it's from the most vulnerable areas of your body. You obviously have a bunch of very important stuff here, all right, so it's an area that you want to protect quite a bit. As a result, it can also be one of the first regions people's hands will move to when they're uncomfortable or anxious if the mood of the conversation changes, for example, or maybe there is a line of weirdly dangerous question that comes up all of a sudden. It is not uncommon to see people move like this to protect this area. Additionally, from a pacification perspective, it's also very rewarding to touch. It's quite similar to rubbing your neck in that way. So ultimately you get the two for one combo of rubbing your suprasternal notch because it makes you feel stimulated and also it makes you feel safer and more protected. One of the biggest ways you'll find this play out in a romance setting is with jewelry. Oftentimes woman, woman wearing necklaces and the necklace is at its lowest point right about here. So if you ever seen a little woman play with her necklace right above the suprasternal notch area, usually looks something like this. He's more or less shadowing the act of pacifying that suprasternal notch. She's defending one of the weakest points of her body will also stimulating a highly sensitive and very important area. And this is going to signal higher heart rate, more nervousness, and maybe even a little bit of anxiety. Another behavior, and this relates back to the nature of peak Hawking like we saw with brushing hair is adjusting a color or adjusting a tie or even adjusting a cough. And these are primarily behaviors that men engage in and they function the exact same way as brushing hair does. Before two people meet, they are Peacock and displays, and after they meet, they're often excuses for self-stimulation. Meaning if I'm at a bar and for some reason I want to showcase what an attractive manly man I am. I might start nonchalantly adjusting my color. And oftentimes this will draw some eyes. But if I'm already speaking to a woman, let's say and I start adjusting my color or playing with my coughs during our conversation. And odds are I am pacifying. Okay, that takes us to the end of the video on body language enrollments. Here we looked at a handful of very simple body language behaviors is specific to the context of attraction. And we also learned a little bit about a few general principles of attraction along the way, like mirroring a person's body language and P caulking to get noticed. In the next lesson, we're going to learn about body language in business. I will see you there. 10. Romance Analysis: What's going on, guys? This is the romance body language analysis here. We're gonna be looking at a couple body language behaviors in the context of specifically romance. I'm also gonna throw on a few of what we talked about earlier as well. It's not just going to be the three or four behaviors that we looked at in the romance contacts, but it's going to be slightly more inclusive. This is a short clip from a movie I believe is called Crazy Stupid Love. And given that we talked about Ryan Gosling in The Last video and how high value, stoic, on, reactive and generally charming, he was about to be pertinent to also include him in the romance video as well. Because something I want to point out is that high status can often be very sexually attractive, on top of just being intrinsically valuable. Now this is a movie. This isn't really life. This is acted, and this is scripted, so the behaviors that we see here aren't necessarily an accurate portrayal of what people would do in real life. But luckily we're not talking about inter sexual dynamics were just talking about body language behaviors here so we can actually point out these body language behaviors even better than we would in, Let's say, a Conan interview like we did in the last video. Because what acting's goal is more or less is to widen the range of human emotions visible on screen and a lot of the time that involves significantly manipulating a few body language behaviors that we all know to signal lower, high value, respectively. So that further do you Let's take a quick look so much potential and you've resorted to fantasizing about Conan Ginger junk. O Brien is funny. Looks like a carrot, honey carrot. Why, it looks like Karen couldn't. So Ryan bossing walks into the scene Classic. 10 out of 10 he comes in and immediately this lady over here Pacif eyes and she starts rubbing her right arm rather vigorously. I might add brain like venom. Hannah thinks he's sexy. Then she does a couple hair flips, which is we talked about today, considering they have already met each other. They've already talked to each other, is another passive fire than she brushes her hair as well, which is another passive fire. This woman is really knocking it out of the park in terms of acting safe to say, too, that a lot of these behaviors that actors and actresses portray on screen they never really thought about consciously. When somebody is an excellent actor, for example, people don't call them an excellent actor because men you really nailed the pacification on that last clip. They call them an excellent actor because subconsciously, the actor was able to impart a certain vibe or a certain emotional range or variety during their performance. But because most people don't understand social value theory and pacification, and in general they don't understand body language is as nuanced as we've made it out to be . In this course, they aren't really able to verbalize this. At the end of the day, though, what makes somebody a fantastic actor is the way they modulate their body language to show significantly broader emotional range than, uh than, let's say, a poor actor. And there's a couple more things involved there to write a lot of its delivery, which involves a vocal tone vocal projection. I contact facial expressions, these types of things, and we do have courses on those, and if we don't have courses on those yet we will have courses on those within the next month or so. So stay tuned. Um, but body language is by far the largest component of that. That's weird, because I think that your friend and is really sexy. I got you did not say that. How old are you? What do you Lawyer? Come on. I know you are gonna be Don't you think you're a little old to be using cheesy pickup lines ? Objection. Leading the witness well, handy you. Now I want you guys to pay attention to also how un reactive Emma Stone was in comparison to her friend back year. Her friend back here was very, very touchy feely constantly releasing those feel good chemicals all over a body. Probably she was very anxious or nervous when Ryan walked up. But Emma Stone, on the other hand, is stoic is hell. And it's very clear that she is significantly less attracted to him at this moment in time than her friend is cheesy pickup lines. Objection. Leading the witness well handy. You really wearing that dress that you're doing it a favor? That's the line sitting over there for the past two hours. Not being able to take my eyes off of you is the fact there's lots of beautiful women in this bar. Your friend included. All right, I love you, but I can't take my eyes off for you. That's a fact. It's not alive. I find you very attractive. Do you find me attractive? Does. Yes, she does. I don't. You do? I don't know. But I think it's safe to say Emma Stone finds Ryan Gosling attractive. However, given the nature of this acting moment in time, her goal was to seem hesitance, right? If you think about what the director was probably telling her, it was seem very conflicted here. Seemed like you like him, but at the same time, you don't like him. And what Emma Stone did is she internalized that as make my face seem like I like him laugh at his jokes but make my body language seemed insanely and reactive, insanely stoic. And as if I was not attracted to him. So it's interesting to see how that dichotomy plays out on screen. Yes, she does. I don't. You do. I don't. Can I buy you a drink? No. You say No, a lot. Don't you know, permission to approach the bench? Seriously, just let me deliver. My closing argument should proceed and a way live in a physical world. Right? And you're going to age, right? I guarantee you this. You're never gonna regret going home with a guy from the bar that one time. That was a total Tomcat in the sack. But I can't guarantee that you won't not regret. It was a double negative. You're a double negative. Okay. And, uh, I'm gonna buy you drink. It's You know what? It's time to go. Really? Well, it's forward of you, but okay, I'll do it. TiVoed saw three. Should I get my car? Louis, Pull the car around. Have you been drinking? I'll drive list. Coming another thing. And that concludes this section, by the way. Unfortunately, this is one of my favorite films. Another thing I wanted to know about this interaction here is the Ryan Gosling throughout the entirety of it makes next to no pacifying behaviors. The reason for that is because he was probably directed or instructed to remain as high value as possible during this interaction. Is Ryan Rent Ryan Gosling Rather at any point in time like rub his nose. Does he play with his collar or adjust his cufflinks? No, you just stares right and Emma Stone's eyes, and it's almost like his value does the speaking. For him, it's almost like there are two conversations being played at this very moment in time. There's the lighthearted comedy, the kind of sexual energy in their conversation on a verbal level. But in terms of their body language, there's a whole other conversation happening to. The conversation is I am insanely high value and Emma Stone's is You're not really getting through to me again. Probably just a direction choice rather than any type of actual emotion on the parts of either of these two actors, because again, they're both very attractive. And Emma Stone is said that Ryan Gosling is super attractive many times before. So anyway, enough about Ryan Gosling being attractive. Safe to say that in a real world scenario, body language in romance would play outs lately differently. But the reason that I chose this clip was because I thought it was an excellent portrayal or rather exaggeration of a few of the body language behaviors that you do see in romance contact specifically this five or six second period here with Emma's friend. He's stroking her hair, rubbing her arms so on and so forth. And that concludes the romance body language analysis. Next up, we are on the business. I will see you there. 11. Business Body Language Behaviors: In the last video, we discussed body language behaviors in the context of romance. And in this next lesson, we're going to focus on body language in business, we're going to go over some business specific behaviors that you guys typically do not see in other contexts outside of the border. This means behaviors for meetings, interviews, seminars, public presentations, and even like Skype or Zoom calls. So let's get into it. The most prominent body language behavior you guys will ever see in business is this. It is called stippling, and it is a very high-value behavior that is more or less been culturally adopted over the course of the last century. To mean power steepening is where you press your hands together and kind of like this prayer formation in cross your fingers a bit. You can even do this. You can bring them together entirely. Whatever you do, the specifics aren't super important. Long as you have something that vaguely resembles both of your hands coming together and this quasi prior formation, you are golden and you are steepening. Now people that steeple are perceived as significantly more confidence, they are perceived as substantially more dominant. And they're also perceives a lot more passionate with regards to what they're talking about. And this is a great body language behavior to use. And you guys, you're starting off a presentation or maybe responding to somebody in a meeting, it automatically makes you guys look more composed and it's a great way to gain the upper hand in a negotiation or in really any otherwise tricky conversation. Let's talk about a low valley behavior next. When you guys are doing business, you are often seated. It's very rare that you'll be standing. So one very prominent low-value behavior you'll see in business contexts, usually immediately before It's a person's turn to speak, is where they grab their hands and they rub their thighs in anticipation of a big social commitment. I've ever wondered why people do this type of stuff when they're nervous? Well, let's think about it from a pacification point of view, doing this is very stimulating. You're basically giving yourself a big thigh of massage. Also think about the surface area involved here, whereas rubbing your eyes, here's a chunk of skin, maybe this big rubbing your thighs. It's a tried to skin overall like this big. So it's a very prominent amount of stimulation, which is why anytime you see people do that, you should know that something is about to go down there. Other incredibly uncomfortable or they're super nervous because it's their turn to start talking. A great example of this is back in high school or elementary school. Even you guys probably saw us all the time before class presentations because students used this to blow off a little extra state, the high-value behavioral often see in a boardroom is planting your hands wide on a desk. Now we've talked about this a little bit, a couple of videos ago, but as opposed to being here, you go here, right? You are really wide. This demonstrates that you're calm, comfortable, and confident. From a body language point of view, it makes sense having our arms wide in front of you takes up a lot more space than you explicitly need. And it also leaves your underarms and your torso open, like we talked about earlier, which makes it significantly more dangerous and thus more confident. Something else that you'll see a lot of the times people crossing their legs while seated. What's important to note here is the direction that your legs are crossed indicates how comfortable you are with the people that are in your surroundings. The person is on my left and I cross my legs such that my left leg is now over my right leg. When I'm doing is I'm putting a barrier between me and them. I'm going to hiding and defending my lower body. Whereas if I cross my legs the other way, what I'm doing is leaving and obviously very important sensitive area. It gave the genital region open to them, which demonstrates confidence and rapport. So you guys are next to somebody in a meeting and they're constantly putting up barriers towards you like we talked about earlier. This generally implies that they do not feel comfortable or Anya and other, you know, you guys can work on it. You also see an effect with the position of their bodies. Let's say every time you speak at a meeting, somebody rotates their chair to turn and then face you completely. They do that. What they're doing is demonstrating interest and rapport is because now they're leaving their torsos and their faces wide open to you guys as opposed to adopting a more defensive posture like being at an angle. And on the inverse of every time you speak during a meeting or talk, you ultimately see people turn away from you closer to like a 45 degree angle, then that indicates distrust. And you can use this as a barometer during presentations to see people are getting bored or tired or annoyed or what have you. So that takes us to the end of the video on body language for business. Today, we talked about a few ways to make yourself seem more powerful in business contexts like Meetings or interviews and boardrooms. And if you guys take one thing away from this entire video, I highly recommend that you take away the steeple, which was a high-value body language displayed typically used in presentations or when responding to criticism or negotiations. We also talked about some important pacifiers like rubbing your thighs and a good rule of thumb regarding crossing your legs and facing people. Well. And then takes us to the end of our body language course. To recap, we first started by doing a deep dive into the modern body language framework, which consists of two big components, danger and pacification. The safer you behave in a given environment, aka the less dangerously you move your body, the lower value, the body language. Whereas the more courageously and dangerously behave, the more confident people will think that you are. Additionally pacification as another level of complexity on, of our whole idea. Now in addition to the idea of danger and safety, we also have the idea of self-stimulation for stress relief and calming anxiety. After we talked about the framework, I showed you guys dozens of both low value and high value body language behaviors to use across a variety of contexts from everyday socializing to romance and to business. I sincerely hope you guys enjoyed learning about body language. It is easily one of my biggest passions in the world. And something that I know has the power to change the lives of millions of people. I eagerly await all your projects if you guys have any questions or maybe something you guys want me to follow up on, please feel free to leave me a comment or review and I will be more than happy to do so. Thanks so much for all your time and I will see you in another course. 12. Business Analysis: Okay, Welcome back. Everybody to another round of body language analysis, the body language that we're gonna be analyzing Deconstructing today is one in a business context. And since people don't often bring cameras into the boardroom, the next best thing from an actual business meeting was a business interview about some very heavy handed business topics by one of my favorites speakers on kind of online technology in general, his name is, I think, chah math. I would totally better his name if I said it, so I will not even attempt to. But one of the reasons I think I like him so much. It's just because his body language is insanely stoic and you'll see how he also takes advantage of steep ling as well as slow, very guided paste and measured movements. Almost two effect, as Ryan Gosling did two videos ago, a image of high value and high status. So let's take a quick look. First thing I want to note initially is how he's barrier ring. He's barrier ring on the side away from the interview, meaning that he's leaving himself vulnerable to the interviewer, um, so as to indicate a certain amount of report. You'll also notice I was take advantage of you. The high value body language tips from a couple of videos ago. Namely, he's spreading his arms very, very wide, right. He's resting his arms that something about shoulder height. And he's also leaning back in his chair quite a bit. He's not fully splaying per se, but he's definitely leaning back more than he would explicitly need to. So let's see how this interview proceeds will bring us back to the point that you were making about exploiting consumer behavior in a something I want to mention there. And this is again very subtle, But you'll see how, as the onus of conversation is coming on to him and he knows that crap, I'm gonna have to say something here, obviously, is not thinking of this consciously mind you, but at the end of the day, there's a subconscious, most process or thread that is playing out those emotional behaviors. You see him clench the fist of his left hand to the point that you were making about exploiting consumer behavior in a consumer Internet business. You said that this is a time for soul searching in social media businesses, and you were part of building the largest one. What soul searching are you doing right now in that I feel tremendous guilt. Um, notice how he isn't afraid of pauses. Notice how he's not constantly fidgeting. He's not trying to fill every second with more or less wasted air. He's perfectly comfortable in this moment, stare solemnly down and slowly make his point. This is something that somebody in let's say, a dangerous scenario 100,000 years ago would definitely not do. The only person that would be comfortable with doing this would be the top dog or the Alfa of whatever social situation or social group that they were in because most people couldn't afford to let their guard down. For as long as this man is, I think we I think we all knew in the back of our minds, even though we feigned this whole line of like there probably aren't any really bad, unintended consequences. I think in the back deep, deep recesses of our minds. We we kind of knew something bad could happen, but I think the way we defined it was not like this. It literally is a point now, there's next to no pacification for this entire speech. So clearly he's very, very confident what he's speaking about, where I think we have created tools that are ripping apart the social fabric of how society works. He's also utilizing hand gestures quite a bit, and while that wasn't steep ling that you saw back there right now he was right, featuring the text of the tools that are as if he was steeply and so you can tell a few of the behaviors that I talked about during the business section during the romance section. Even the low and high value body language sections have variance for sure, and this is one variant of steep ling. It's bringing both of your hands together in this manner to make a point of some kind. And so well, it's not as intense as actually steep ling as bringing all of the tips your fingers together in that prayer like formation, which I believe he does do later on the interview. But I'm not absentia. Um, it definitely still gets the point across. I really believe in what I'm saying right now, ripping apart the social fabric of how society works that is truly where we are, and I would encourage all of you as the future leaders of the world to really internalize how important this is. If you feed the beast, that beast will destroy you. If you push back on it, we have a chance to control it. Rein it in. And it is a point in time where people need to heartbreak from some of these tools and the things that you rely on. The short term, dopamine driven feedback loops that we have created, our destroying, how society works. One thing that you see a lot, too, in powerful speeches, especially when somebody is making a very strong point, is the way that they move their hands in unison. Often times and somebody's speaking in a public presentation of some kind or delivering a talk. They'll move one of their hands over here and the other one over here or something like that. But their hands will be discordant. That's still great from a speaking perspective, just because of how much of communication is sub verbal. Talking with your hands is fantastic, and if you're doing that, you're already ahead of 90% of everybody else. When it comes to those contexts. But in order to really master the art of speaking in a business scenario or in a public speaking scenario, you need to learn when to emphasize certain points by bringing your hands together in this type of unison motion instead of just one hand doing something over here. Both of his hands were coordinating the other to really stress points, with every single drop groups that we have created, our destroying, how society works, no civil discourse, no cooperation, misinformation, mistruth. And it's not an American problem. This is not about Russian ads. This is a global problem. So we're in a really bad state of affairs right now. In my opinion, it is. It is eroding the core foundations of how people behave by and between each other, and I don't have a good solution. My solution is I just don't use these tools anymore. I haven't for years. It's created huge tension with my friends. That's almost evidence of Steep ling right there. But I would actually go as far as to say that was more a pacifying behavior because he breaks off from what I'm assuming was while not rehearsed, definitely something that he's spoken about, Ah, lot of times onto a tangent of some kind. Huge tensions in my social circles. Um, if you look at like, you know, my Facebook feed, I probably haven't posted maybe two times in seven years, three times, five times. Just It's less than 10. Um, and it's weird. I guess I kind of just in eight league didn't want to get programmed. And so this man right here more or less epitomizes high value body language In a business context, every single movement that he makes is insanely measured, and he makes very few pacifying behaviors, if any, even compared to Ryan Gosling. If you look at the pacification frequency of she math, I still think his name is Jim Math. Um, you'll see that it's it's even lower than Ryan Gosling, for Christ sake. I mean, how good do you have to be if you guys are looking for a business idol, as opposed to just like a generally charismatic, generally attractive idol? This is your man right here, and I'll actually include a link to some of these interviews down below so you guys can take a first hand look kind of expand on a few things that I was talking about here. All in all, though, he's a fantastic presenter, and if you continue the interview all the way till the end, still don't see a pacifying behavior. So that's five minutes without a strong passive fire. Five full minutes Most people couldn't last 10 seconds. Think about that. Next time you're delivering a speech, next time you're delivering a talk or next time it's your turn to speak at a meeting. It's very difficult to subconsciously get a rain on this, meaning that you will have to make a lot of conscious effort at the very beginning to control your body language. But it's just like anything. There is an often repeated saying or concept in self improvement and personal transformation circles, and that's that Any type of personal transformation Ernie type of habit would benefit. Your life usually takes around three weeks to really ingrained in your psyche, right, the 21 day rule, and it's true in this context as well. If you spend 21 days conscious of your body language and every social interaction that you're in, if next time you go downstairs and you see the mailman while you're looking your mailbox. You understand the body language communication occurring at that secondary level. Then, after those 21 days, these types of thoughts and these types of behaviors will manifest themselves in your subconscious. You definitely won't be chih math in 21 days, but it's a real start. And given maybe a few months of conscious effort and conscious trying, you can be even better than