When I look at their slenderness, I feel a lack of restraint. I've avoided many of life's handcuffs, allowing me to get out and enjoy time alone. Being limited from social activity the past weeks, no big deal. My prime motivating activities have always been solo. I find the internal drive to push myself to the limit, whether running, cycling, or swimming. Never been focused on the motivation of others, I've always looked more inward. In this I can find my competitive streak which seems to be non-existent in other parts of my life. Being out on a bike this last month pushing around a 10km ring road through the park has been so freeing. No expectations, can't let anyone down, only surprise myself. The break in communication has been a nice respite. At times the constant chatter in the office was all consuming. Alone with my thoughts riding I can have my own mental playlist going, putting a smile on my face. There seems to be a place for conversation on a bike, I just haven't found it yet. Chit chat out on a ride, no thanks, just too distracted by the scene unfolding in front of me. Frequently I will speed up to pass, just to avoid overhearing the back and forth between 2 riders. All they will hear from me is "Passing on your left". Maybe I am missing out on some benefit of the shared experience?
When out on the bike, I frequently have no plan or destination, I just sort of let that happen. The solo rider needs no script. What would be unexpected and anxiety producing is the thought of a flat. I should be prepared and have a pump. I really wouldn't want to stop and ask for help. Again I feel the avoidance of conversation. My goal seems simple now, get out there in the morning and give it my all, so in the afternoon I can sit down and put some words to paper and not get distracted. The puzzle on the table next to me beckons, just find one more piece. When I look at my wrists now I see the tan lines from my watch, and it immediately connects me to time spent outside.