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Why I go to silence and violence

My scores indicate that I go to silence and violence pretty equally (scores 5 and 6). I toggle between these two extremes because I start by thinking my opinion and feelings must not matter, then I get really upset that my opinions and feelings don't matter, and eventually, I just blow up. 

I need to learn to watch my path, and recognize early on when I am clamming up. I am allowed to share my feelings and my opinions. If I do so with safety and candor, I can share them and still have a positive conversation. While I know this fact logically, it's something I've struggled with my whole life so breaking that pattern of toxic thinking is not easy. I need skills. 

If I realize that I am beginning to withhold my opinions, I need to stop, and backtrack, I need to give myself permission to respectfully share my position. If I do this, then I won't have the need to eventually go to violence and destroy the outcome of the conversation - and also the relationships. By stating my path, and observing my cues of going into silence, I think I can better catch my faulty beliefs that my feelings don't matter. 

I know the people I care about also care about me and my feelings. I need to learn to confidently and respectfully share them with safety. When I can do this, I can move from having a fight to having a conversation. My relationships will be stronger and built on respect rather than manipulation and harmful emotion. 

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