What are you looking at, Lady? Turn around! Mind your own damn business!
I can cry and scream all day, and way louder than this! I am only at half my loudness peak! You have no idea what this trip has been like for me! I don’t even get my own seat on this stupid airplane ride. I have to sit on my mom’s lap the entire trip, and her breath smells like day old Starbucks coffee and panic. If she offers me one more flipping Goldfish I am going Hulk out and kick the shit outta the seat in front of me.
I can’t wait to get the hell outta here! I can’t breathe! I am so sweaty! Why in the hell did my mom put so many clothes on me! I am not 87 years old living in a rest home, I am 7 months old! Can’t my mom even see I have snot running outta my nose into my mouth! Why won't she just get the wipes out of the bag! She just needs to ask this this guy next to us to stop eating his bag of chips for two seconds, and move out of the way!
What are you looking at Lady? Turn around! What do you want? You want me to throw you a stale Goldfish?
OMG, this diaper is giving me the worst wedgie! My butt hurts! I don’t know how to fix it or say it out loud. If I wiggle enough maybe it will adjust. Its NOT working!! I think it's getting worse! It maybe stuck like this forever now! My mom can’t even see it because she is holding me in a figure four. Everyone is giving us dirty looks. Does anyone understand my diaper wedgie pain? It's going to parlay into a rash! Then a week of butt ointments all moist and burning, Thinking of it makes me scream louder!
I just want to get home, out of this wedgie diaper and sleep in my own damn bed. For the past seven nights, Grandma had me stashed away sleeping in Grandpa’s smelly office. My bed wasn't a real bed. It looked like a cage, it had a board bottom and piece of foam that folded in thirds for a mattress. I barely slept. Besides all the sugar snacks I got to eat behind moms back, this trip sucked more than going for shots at the Dr.'s office.
Hey wait (yawn) a tick, I am feeling a bit weird. Why are my eyes blinking a lot? Why does Mommy’s voice sound like (yawn) she is in a tunnel? Wait…….something is happening. (yawn) My cheeks are tingling. I can’t feel my wedgie anymore.
What was that mommy said to me about taking my sleepy juice like a good baby before the plane? (long blink) She squirted it in my mouth so fast like a ninja, as she gave me cookie.(yawn) It tasted like bitter berries. Could it be the sleepy juice? This is bullshit! Huh……...I can’t cry and scream anymore. (yawn)(yawn) (long blink)
Whhaat arrrre youuuu lookking atttt ladyyyyy?