Kristina Kelly

Community Manager / Sports Blogger

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Wedding Rebellion: Saying no to the celebrity wedding

Pop Culture Focus: Celebrity-driven wedding expectations

Project medium: Self-help book

Chapter One: The Accidental Bridezilla

Intense? I have a wedding to plan in nine weeks for two hundred people. Even if a dinosaur should poke his head out of my butt and consume this coffee table, I need you to roll with it, okay?.

-How I Met Your Mother, Episode: Best Prom Ever (2006)

 

My road to becoming a wedding rebel was a roller coaster ride of emotions. It was one disaster or dilemma after the other. Perhaps I was being punished for losing my backbone and submitting to the modern wedding giant. I started our engagement as a selfish hippie bride, then transformed unconsciously to the accidental bridezilla and ended my wedding night in a numb state of depression (and no, it was not caused by a poor performance on my husband’s part).

The journey from bridezilla to rebel bride is comparable to Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. OK, “grief” and “wedding” are two words that don’t belong together, but bear with me. I went from a spineless bride to an anti-bride committed to ridding the world of bridezillas, but the transformation didn’t happen overnight. The change took over a year, because it was like walking blindfolded through a virtual David’s Bridal without a guide. Don’t worry; I won’t let that happen to you. Strolling through those bridal marts without a blindfold on is traumatizing enough. We are going to walk through the Kubler-Ross’s five stages of grief bridal style:

  1. The WTF Stage (denial)
  2. The Accidental bridezilla Stage (anger)
  3.  Let’s Make a Deal Stage (bargaining)
  4. Cry Me a River Stage (depression)
  5. The Rebellion Reformation Stage (acceptance)

The first step in becoming a rebel bride is shedding your denial and accepting the fact that you have been trained to be a wedding zombie from the moment you held your first bridal Barbie™. On the other hand, maybe it was the first time you purchased that thick bridal magazine. Perhaps, even the first five hours you spent on the knot.com. Like the zombies in the horror films, evil lurks around every corner. Don’t let the pretty magazine model in the Vera Wang dress fool you. You do not have to spend your entire life savings on silk and tulle to have an amazing marriage celebration. Removing your rose-colored glasses to see the commercial soaked American wedding for what it is can be quite a WTF moment.

 Perhaps one of the first documented wedding rebels, Dorothy Dix, illustrates this fact perfectly in her 1926 book, Her Book; Every Day Help for Every Day People. She boldly stated, “…by the time she is ten years old, the average girl has begun planning her wedding and deciding whether she will have a big church affair with ushers, flower girls and ring bearers and maids and matron of honor and bridesmaids and a white satin dress and a real lace veil, and all the other flub-dubs, or whether she will be married at home under floral canopy, with an admiring audience fenced off from her by white ribbons. Only to realize in this ten minute splurge she is ready to ruthlessly ruin her family and half kill herself. If she doesn’t get it, she goes through life feeling that she has missed her big moment.”

Miss Dorothy predicted the WTF moment ninety years ago. Pay heed to her tale as most engaged couples never make it past the first stage of denial. They deny reality and choose to remain ignorant. Being a princess for the day has escalated to mock celebrity status. Now couples are expected to plan a newsworthy event. They see nothing wrong with using pictures from People Magazine to decorate their reception hall to match the wedding of Hillary Duff. They don’t even blink an eye when asked to spend thousands of dollars on a cake, invitations, or wilting flowers.

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