Vinyl Fever story structure

Thanks so much, Nicola, for this series. I found it very helpful and easy to understand. I basically copy and pasted the first model you showed us, the story mountain thing, and inserted elements from one of the "episodes" in my series I'm working on. 

I'll give you a little bit of context. I'm writing a living a doll series, where the dolls are built and sold as real living dolls. So the humans are well aware that they're alive and these dolls are integrating into regular society. I have two main characters that alternate points of view depending on the "episode." Betsey, a Bratz-esque doll and Aimée, a Barbie-esque doll are both best friends and co-workers. Despite that, much like the real Barbie and Bratz, their lines are at each other's throats for number one fashion doll. They're both starting out as models in the doll fashion industry. 

Betsey's has a  very type A personality. She's very ambitious, intelligent, and charismatic but she's also incredibly stubborn. She wants to become a professional doll model, like the first Tyra Banks of the Toybox if you will, and won't stop until she's achieved this goal. She's the type to plan every 5 steps before she's even taken one. She has her whole life planned out and doesn't react well when things don't go according to said plan. 

Aimée, on the other hand, is much more erratic. She's a plastic bundle of pep and nerves. She's mostly just in this industry because it feels like the kind of job a Barbie should be doing. She's surprisingly insecure and desperate for the world's approval. So she doesn't really care about moving up all that much. As long as she can claim the title of 'model' it's good enough in her books. 

This particular episode follows Betsey. She's a Beyoutee Gurl and is pretty apprehensive about that fact because her base doll is the token sassy black girl of the group and she finds this portrayal demeaning. Hense she does all she can to overcompensate and prove to the world she's much more than that. She's had it ingrained in her to be in a constant competitive state. She always does her best to remain composed, and professional, and peppers her speech with flowery prose and lots of big words to demonstrate how deep and intellectual she truly is. 

Still, at this point in her blossoming career, a gig is a gig. Getting the most exposure possible is paramount, so when her agent informs her that her line is doing a 'lifesized edition' photoshoot for their "Blizzard beyoutees' fashion pack, (They aren't as tall as full grown adults, but are much bigger than their original 'base dolls.' Betsey is about 3 Ft 8. And Aimée is 4 ft.) Betsey agrees and is driven out to the chilly mountaintop with other models from her line for the shoot. For reference, here's what the Bratz wore in their winter packs. 

Along with the Bratz I posted in my profile image. Maybe this doesn't look that bad to you, I don't know what winters are like where you're from. But here in Canada? Hoo boy! Let me tell you, these measly scraps of fabric ain't gonna do you any good. So she's out there, shivering in like a cropped turtleneck with a thick fluffy coat that she's not allowed to close (so she can showcase said turtleneck), a mini skirt, and giant, fluffy leg warmers that look like she just shoved her feet into Persian cats. Literally, only her feet, shins and ears are warm.  They're out there for hours and by the time she finally gets home and warms herself back up, it's too late. She's come down with a terrible cold. But so many modeling opportunities have opened up for her over the last couple of weeks, most likely due to companies wanting to get their ads out before Christmas. She decides she can't afford to pass them up. Both her agent and her owners' mother advised her to push through it. Her owner and her best friend both warn her against it, but she decides to listen to the former. Basically, because they're made of plastics and rubbers and things like that, they're bodies are much more heat resistant than ours. Therefore over the course of the episode, her fever skyrockets way past 105 degrees. This phenomenon, she learns, is known as "vinyl fever." So using the plot mountain, this is what ensues. 


If you can see the writing in those bubbles, does this sound like a good structure? Do you have any advice to improve it? Or for proceeding? Thanks for your time and feedback. 


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