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Vigilante - Second Draft, First Draft, Treatment and Pitches

Second re-write of Vigilante is linked below. Thank you to everyone who gave feedback, and I'm really enjoying reading everyone's first/second drafts so far. 

https://www.dropbox.com/s/4vet46700iwyjxl/Vigilante.pdf

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The link to the first draft of Vigilante is below.  Dropbox seems to have changed the font, but it's all there! Thank you for taking the time to read it and I look forward to reading everyone else's firt drafts!

https://www.dropbox.com/s/4kfkzgr54b2oymu/Vigilante.docx

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Thank you everyone for your feedback! I decided to go with Vigilante (working title) for my short. 

Here goes! 

Treament: Vigilante 

DANNY STAHL (M30) is a lonely, out of shape, date entry clerk looking for excitment and meaning in his life. Most of his days and nights are spent alone on the computer, surfing the Internet for nothing in particular. One evening, while walking back from his usual take-out spot/window shopping, he witnesses a young woman get mugged and the mugger escape with the women's belognings. Feeling too afraid to step in, Danny pretends to ignore the scene and walks home. 

While surfing the internet one evening, Danny finds a viral video of a self-appointed street vigilante breaking up a street fight. Feeling inspired and guilty about his inability to intervene at the mugging he witnessed days before, Danny decides to become his neighborhood's very own superhero. He orders pepper spray, a catcher's mask, a tool belt, and a mag lite among other things to help him look the part.

With his toolbelt and mask on, Danny hits the streets looking for crime to fight. Unfortunately though, Danny makes for an awful superhero. He walks the streets getting odd looks from and even scaring passers by. He attempts to chase a young man he believes is up to no good, but can't keep up with the assumed criminal, tripping and running into people on the street. He even mistakes a fighting couple for another mugging, only to discover the couple does not need nor want his help. 

Feeling like a failure after one evening of patrole, Danny throws his toolbelt and mask in the dumpster behind his apartment complex and heads inside to bed. Early the next morning, Danny wakes to crashes coming from the apartment above him. At first Danny ignores the noises, but soon it's clear to him that there is something bad going on in the apartment upstairs. Danny hears another crash and a scream, and with no time to try and retreive the toolbelt or mask, he runs to the apartment upstairs. He busts through the door of the apartment to discover a man GREG (M35) at the kitchen counter, eating ceral and looking shocked. Below Greg is a puppy, running around and knocking things over. Greg explains the noises were the puppy he's babysitting for a friend and thanks Danny for doing something so brave. Danny smiles, feeling brave and purposeful. Danny then notices one of his favorite websites up on Greg's computer and the two begin a conversation and maybe even a friendship. 

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Pitches 

(All are working titles)

1. Customer Service 

Jess is a bored, twenty something, customer service rep working at a call center for a furniture and office supply chain. One day, an old woman calls asking for help assembling the desk she recently had delivered. Although the company does not assemble the furniture they deliver, Jess decides to drive out to the old woman's house and help the woman herself. While helping the woman assemble the desk, Jess discovers what appears to be a small lockbox underneath a plank in the woman's livingroom floor, and two embark on a journey to discover what's inside it. 

2. Vigilante

Andy is an awkward, nerdy guy who spends far too  much time on the Internet and the couch. On his way home from one night, Andy witnesses a woman get mugged and the criminal escape. Feeling too afraid to do anything, Andy leaves the scene feeling conflicted and dissapointed in himself. While surfing the internet one day, Andy discovers self-appointed vigilante superheros and decides to become one. Unfortunately though, Andy doesn't make for a good superhero, and his  night patroles are often spent being mocked by people along his route. One night though, he hears strange and concerning noises coming from the apartment upstairs. Will Andy step up and become the hero he's always wanted to be?

3.  More Mandolin

Suzzane, Trent and Alex are in a folk band with a growing following. Though they've been on the edge of success for a while now, their label and manager tell them they need something to make them more authenthic. The band decides to hit the road, playing shows and searching for something to give them this authenticity. While on their trip, the band meets an eccentric, but talented mandolin player. Deciding he's just the authenticity they need, the band hires the mandolin player and starts becoming very popular. However, the band soon realizes the mandolin player has a secret that forces Suzanne, Trent and Alex to decide between popularity and honesty. 

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