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Too Much Love - 3rd Draft

Step 1: Selecting Your Text

 

I may have cheated, but I chose two poems from the Spoon River Anthology. They were connected, with the same characters, and occured one after the other.

Louise Smith & Herbert Marshall

You can find the full text at the bottom of this post..

I chose these poems because I was interested in how the first poem led you to sympathise with one character, and the second made you question your initial assumptions. I was challenged by that idea of showing the audience two sides of a relationship, and wondering if I could change their sympathies between the characters.

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Step 2: Drafting Your Screenplay

 

UPDATE: Draft 3 (July 16)

I tried to clean up some confusion in the plot, and gave some more background to Herb. I also worked on the ending, which I wanted to be stronger and more satisfying.

Draft 3: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/993457/Franco/TooMuchLove-Draft3.pdf

UPDATE: Draft 2 (July 2)

I've cleaned up a bunch of stuff, and added some action that will hopefully pick up the pace a little.

I changed the end, and added a little more to the "fight" scene.

Let me know your thoughts.

Draft 2: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/993457/Franco/TooMuchLove-DRAFT2.pdf

 

Draft 1: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/993457/Franco/Too%20Much%20Love.pdf

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Step 3: Writing Your Logline

Logline: Louise is desperately in love with Herb, her fiance of 8 years, but when she believes he's cheating, she turns to drastic measures to secure his love.

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Selected Texts:

 

Louise Smith

HERBERT broke our engagement of eight years When Annabelle returned to the village From the Seminary, ah me!

If I had let my love for him alone

It might have grown into a beautiful sorrow—

Who knows? — filling my life with healing fragrance. But I tortured it, I poisoned it

I blinded its eyes, and it became hatred—

Deadly ivy instead of clematis.

And my soul fell from its support

Its tendrils tangled in decay.

Do not let the will play gardener to your soul

Unless you are sure

It is wiser than your soul’s nature.

 

Herbert Marshall

ALL your sorrow, Louise, and hatred of me

Sprang from your delusion that it was wantonness Of spirit and contempt of your soul’s rights

Which made me turn to Annabelle and forsake you. You really grew to hate me for love of me,

Because I was your soul’s happiness,

Formed and tempered

To solve your life for you, and would not.

But you were my misery.

If you had been

My happiness would I not have clung to you?

This is life’s sorrow:

That one can be happy only where two are;

And that our hearts are drawn to stars

Which want us not.

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