Tone of Voice in Action: Example Project

Tone of Voice in Action: Example Project - student project

This is an example project I put together for my class, Master Tone of Voice for Brand Messaging Consistency.

My client, Lois, who owns a flower shop called The Flower Yard, sent me a draft product description. I edited it to make it reflect her brand voice more effectively.

I used only the techniques I cover in my Master Tone of Voice for Brand Messaging Consistency class.

 

This is the original copy:

Introducing the Edible Flower Bouquet

The Flower Yard’s new bouquet looks good enough to eat – because it is!

For people who love flowers and love food

The Edible Flower Bouquet is a really pretty bouquet of flowers, all of which can be consumed.

The flowers included are lavender, cornflowers, dahlias, hibiscus, nasturtiums and freesias. We’ve picked these particular blooms because they’re long-lasting and low maintenance. Every flower has the UK Edible Flower Association seal of approval – so they’re guaranteed not to make you ill.

The bouquet is pretty and summery, and it has a natural, hand-picked look because the flowers are all totally different colours, sizes and styles.

The perfect gift – or an indulgent treat

This is the ideal gift for someone who likes beautiful cut flowers or adventurous food. Or both.

Along with the bouquet, the recipient will get a diminutive cookbook with ideas of how to utilise the flowers in salads, fruit dishes, jams and drinks.

This bouquet will be loved by food bloggers because it’s got great photo potential. Photos of dishes that include edible flowers do really well on Instagram.

Customers who order before 2pm will receive free next day delivery.

 

This is the fresh copy after I edited it to reflect The Flower Yard’s brand voice principles – clear, warm, knowledgeable, positive and humorous:

Edible Bouquets – Has Supper Ever Been So Sensational?

Our new bunch looks good enough to munch – because it is! And with free next day delivery when you order before 2pm, it makes the perfect last-minute gift for the flower (or food) lover in your life.

Waiter – there’s a flower in my soup!

The Edible Flower Bouquet is a stunning bouquet of flowers, all of which can be eaten.

The flowers included are lavender, cornflowers, dahlias, hibiscus, nasturtiums and freesias. We’ve picked these particular blooms because they’re long-lasting and low maintenance. That means more time to enjoy (and eat) your lovely bouquet and less time watering and feeding it. Every flower has the UK Edible Flower Association seal of approval – so they’re guaranteed to taste as good as they look.

The bouquet is pretty and summery. It has a natural, hand-picked look because the flowers are all different colours, sizes and styles.

The perfect gift? Or an indulgent treat?

This is the ideal gift for someone who likes beautiful cut flowers or adventurous food. Or both.

Along with the bouquet, you’ll get a short cookbook. It contains ideas of how to use the flowers in salads, fruit dishes, jams and drinks.

Food bloggers will love this bouquet because it’s got great photo potential. Photos of dishes that include edible flowers do really well on Instagram. The hashtag #edibleflowers has racked up over 570,000 mentions. A post about baking with edible flowers, by food blogger @jessiesbakes, recently racked up over 850 likes in just one day.

“I love these flowers so much. They really brighten up my studio. I used some of the cornflowers to make ice cubes and they’ve taken my cocktails to the next level!”

Nik Henny, Sculptor, Leicester

Order before 2pm for free next day delivery.

Ruth Clowes
Professional Copywriter
Teacher