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Today I Noticed That I am a Grumpus

Today I noticed that I have been really grumpy lately, like for at least the last 3 days. The stupidest things are irritating me and I don’t get it. Like, yesterday, every little thing that people said was irritating. If they complemented me, I wanted to yell at them to shut up. God forbid they say something negative to me, it was amazing that I haven’t bitten off someone’s head yet.

I really hate being in a mood like this. It doesn’t matter if I watch something happy or read something happy or even see a picture of a cute animal. Right now my heart and brain are in bitter zone and I just don’t understand why. I have no reason to be. I paid off another credit card. I should be ecstatic! But instead, I’m thinking that I still have too many other cards to pay off, with at least $5000 worth of debt. And I need to have all of this debt paid off by next March so that I can get health insurance, which is going to be the shittiest health insurance policy on the face of the planet, I just know it.

I’m tired of being an adult, which is probably what the big thing is. Even when you’re in college, you can get away with so much shit and you don’t even realize it. Mom and dad are always there to back you out. But once you’re out of college, whether because you graduated or failed out, you are literally an adult. Six months after graduating, you have to start paying back your loans. Six months after graduating cosmetology school, I was working at David’s Bridal. I have no clue how I afforded it, and I had way less credit card debt than I do now. How do people adult? How do you get your life straight? I feel like I’ll be on the right path of getting everything together and then something happens. I spend money I shouldn’t have, I get sick and have to go to the doctor and buy medications. My eye prescription changes and I need to lenses in my glasses and I need new frames because the frames I have been wearing the last two years don’t feel like me anymore. I’m so done with adulting. Turning 25 has probably been the hardest thing I’ve done yet. 30 better be worth it for all the shit I’m going through now.

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