Although the project seems simple on the surface, it is much harder and much more liberating than I initially thought. It imbues with it a lot of learnings and self-realization. There are so many lessons I learned from this process that I honestly don’t know where to start!
Let me begin with what surprises me the most. It was how my intuition can draw a dang of a circle! After some reflections, I realize how much fear I have and how I don’t usually trust myself enough to draw a decent circle. The fear and distrust caused me to grip onto the brush so hard that the circles come out distorted, rather than perfect. This then leads to my second learning; the way I hold my brush is completely different. When I’m in the mindset of ‘playing,’ I allow my hands, arms, and fingers to be a part of a brush. The brush strokes came out much more expressive and I just get to enjoy the process a lot more!
Another learning I gained includes how I was painting from a completely different angle. Normally when I paint, it often means I want to get something exactly right. So, I would focus all my attention on only the part I was painting and ignore the rest until I am done with that part. But with this intuitive painting, I noticed myself painting from an angle where I can see the entire piece. Personally, I feel that painting from this perspective is more interesting!
One of the most important lessons I learned from this way of painting is how, sometimes, when I let myself go, there would be a point where my inner critics would pitch in and shout at me to STOP! They were so afraid that I would ruin the painting by continuing because it already looks so good. I have to remind myself how this is a space I reserve for my intuition so, the only person who can tell me to stop is my intuition and nothing else. What comes out of listening to my intuition is by allowing myself to play, it surfaces what I need, instead of what I want. It makes this style of painting much more liberating and satisfying.
From all these lengthy learnings and reflections, I would not say that it changes my creative life entirely. Rather, it expands and just opens so many new possibilities to the way I paint. I recognize how important it is for me to release my buried unconscious emotions from time to time. Also, because I am not a professional artist, I have the luxury to just incorporate a bit of a playful and intuitive touch to each and every piece of my painting!
Thank you so much, Yasmina, for initiating this magical and meaningful project! (: