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This is My Breath In Your Lungs

This is my breath in your lungs are lyrics from a song called "Echo" by The Hush Sound.

I fell inlove with this song when I was first introduced this from past relationship and I looped it to no end. It became a thing if one of us were having a bad moment/day or just needed a reminder to breathe we would just softly say breathe breathe. So the person saying it would exhale and the other inhale and we ended up doing this through letters, in person, and on phone when needed. It was very comforting (on either end) and after thinking about it, this is how I would like to be for the people I care about. To be the air the reminds them to breathe because they do that for me as well. So to say the least these lyrics resonate with me. 
I also created a mood board. http://pinterest.com/julycomposure/this-is-my-breath-in-your-lungs/


I have a fascination with hand lettering and would like to get into it more seriously.
This is my first real project of doing this and would like as much critique and pointer if possibble (Please and Thank You). I did quite a few ideas of this and narrowed it down to the one on the right.

I think the sizing of the lettering might be wonky and inconsistent.
I also notice ungs is a bit too far from the L.

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