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The Wedding Crusher

This scene would take place in the middle of a wedding ceremony. The priest is about to say, "Should anyone know of any reason why this couple should not be joined..." The groom glances out into the pews and spots the woman he sewed his wild oats with the night before standing at the back. She looks determined.

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SURPRISE VERSION

Bobby stood, shakily, holding the hands of Traci, his very-soon-to-be-bride, in front of every single person who made up his world. Father Eddie was close by, droning on through 1st Corinthians. To Bobby, Father Eddie sounded like a kazoo playing at the bottom of the deep end of a swimming pool. The biggest crucifix in the five counties loomed over them. Bobby gazed up at Jumbo Jesus, who was looking down and to the right. Maybe He was too disappointed to look him in the eye, Bobby thought.

He looked at Traci. Through the veil, she was also looking down and to the right. Oh, she was definitely disappointed. He’d made his mistakes. A Big One just hours ago. But now he felt he was truly all hers. He squeezed her hands. She looked up. He gave her the ol’ half-smile and shrug combo. She might have smiled back if he hadn’t been quite so late, his breath wasn’t quite so flammable and his eyes not quite so bloodshot and red-rimmed. She looked down and to the left again. It occurred to Bobby that it wasn’t fair that grooms don’t get veils too.

He heard a door open and close. From back of the church? He stole a glance. No one in the pews was glancing down and to the right. They were all staring at him. Most seemed to happy. Traci’s mother was scowling. But his gaze was drawn to the figure of the woman standing with her back against the door. A redhead in a server’s uniform. Her eyes were bloodshot and red-rimmed too.

“Should anyone present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony,” Father Eddie said. “Speak now or forever hold your peace.”

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SUSPENSE VERSION

The black pick-up swerved into the church parking lot. From the chapel entrance, the groomsman-greeter watched as the truck moved through the packed lot, prowling for a spot.

Inside, in front of every single person who made up his world, Bobby stood, holding the hands of Traci, his soon-to-be-bride. Father Eddie stood to his left, droning on through First Corinthians. The biggest crucifix in the five counties loomed over them. Bobby gazed up at Jumbo Jesus, who was looking down and to the right. Maybe He was too disappointed to look him in the eye, Bobby thought.

He looked at Traci. Through the veil, she was also looking down and to the right. She was definitely disappointed. Okay, he thought. He’d made mistakes. A Big One just hours ago. But now he felt he was truly all Traci's. He squeezed her hands. She looked up. He gave her the ol’ half-smile and shrug combo. She might have smiled back if he hadn’t been quite so late, his breath wasn’t quite so flammable and his eyes weren’t quite so bloodshot and red-rimmed. She looked down and to the left again. Bobby thought that it wasn’t fair that grooms didn't get veils too.

The young woman hopped out of the pick-up, slammed the door and marched towards the steps.

“You with the bride’s side or the groom’s side?” The groomsman asked as she blew past.

“Neither.” She said, jerking open the doors.

Bobby heard a noise at the front of the church. His gaze was drawn to the redhead in a server’s uniform whose eyes were just as bloodshot and red-rimmed as his.

Father Eddie spoke. “Should anyone know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace."

--

SUSPENSE VERSION 2

The black pick-up swerved into the church parking lot. From the chapel entrance, the groomsman-greeter watched as the truck prowled for a spot.

But the driver, through her bloodshot, red-rimmed eyes, didn't see one. Dammit.

In the chapel, Bobby stood, holding the hands of Traci, his soon-to-be-bride. Father Eddie stood to his left, droning on through First Corinthians. The biggest crucifix in the five counties loomed over them. Bobby looked up at Jumbo Jesus, who was looking down and to the right. Maybe He was too disappointed to look him in the eye, Bobby thought.

He looked at Traci. Through the veil, she was also looking down and to the right. She was definitely disappointed. Okay, he thought. He’d made mistakes. A big one just hours ago. But now he felt, finally and forever, he was truly all hers. He squeezed her hands. She might have looked up if he hadn’t been quite so late to the ceremony and his eyes weren’t quite so bloodshot and red-rimmed.

Outside, the greeter watched as the pick-up gunned it and slammed into a handicap spot. The young redhead hopped out, slammed the door and marched towards him.

“You with the bride’s side or the groom’s side?” He asked as she blew past.

“Neither.” She said, jerking open the doors.

Bobby heard the doors open. He locked eyes with the firey-haired girl in the server’s uniform, now standing with her back to the doors.

Father Eddie spoke. “Should anyone know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace."

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