A class that lured me in. During the intro, whilst explaining who is this class for, I was perfectly described as well as were my feelings about my "art" -> and not owning that part of me, but so longing to. In a time of uncertainties what better time than the now to nip this in the dust with this refreshing and concrete way of defining our artistic journey.
PHASE 1 ---------------------------------------------
1- Why can't I art?!
Hard to read, but what it all boils down to, is not having my own voice and the feeling of not have the means to find that voice, and then anxiety hits and the infinitely minute bit of self confidence I have is totally lost.
2 & 3 - Patterns and limitation
Endlessly scrolling on social media, searching for what others do to determine my own voice and content. I feel as though I'm a jack-of-all trades, watercolor, acrylics, digital media, without owning any media or style or subject. My decisions are determined by what I see online and not what I WANT TO DO, from my "chore". My "art" comes from a feeling of emptiness and longing to be in control of my means, rather than meandering aimlessly.
My initial destination, that of living from something that came from the heART, came from a feeling of being overwhelmed by my new job (college teacher). A fulfilling job, but way more demanding and stressful than I had initially imagined. I now don't have a destination other than embark on an art path that will allow me to own who I am as a person and as an artist.
Limitations are there though! Mother of three, full time job, and dealing with anxiety makes it hard for me to settle down for long periods of time (probably the reason why most projects aren't completely done). Everyday art practice might be hard, but I could probably settle down a few nights a week (once the household is asleep), to actually act on my unstructured creative urge.
PHASE 2 ---------------------------------------------
This was an interesting exercise. I thought that I had lost interest in many things (I feel as though I'm at that turning point in life) or that my interests were futile and had no reason. But here I am feeling impressed about so many things that interest me. Most of them come from a place of feeling... dance, music, quotes, children, historical mementos are things that ignite something from my core. Then there are things that catch my eye. My interest for the visual arts has always sparked something from within, wether it be colors of fall, glistening snowflakes, patterns in ice crystals. Things that entice the heart and the eyes. I guess.
Who am I?
I had a hard time with this one. I guess I am just starting to build who I really am and who I really want to be. From within, not from what others want me to be. Guess this is part of the reason why this "artistic journey" is a hard one for me.
PHASE 3 + 4 ---------------------------------------------
Sooo I know that I am drawn to multiple mediums, but watercolor and digital art are often my "go tos". Watercolors are used more often when I have the time to sit down and digital art (through Procreate and iPad) are the fast and easy way for me to grow. I love watercolors for the unpredictable aspect, they challenge the rigid person I can sometimes be. As for digital art, I can draw while listening to a movie with the kids. I therefore feel less ashamed at not being with them while I "art" (the joys of motherhood and the continuing self doubt).
After following this class, without thinking too much about everything, I found myself in an interesting creative space, one that I haven't ever been in. And these happened....
** WATERCOLORS **
** DIGITAL ART **
I now understand why both mediums talk to me and am very grateful for the realization ( thanks to Kendyll! ). One last thing for which I must loosen my struggle is finding the subject. But one thing that often comes to mind (and makes that I'm particularly fond of a project), is that the subjects come from the heart.
Thanks for the class Kendyll, I now have a thinking process that aids me immensely in my art process!