The Only Black Person You Know Job Description

First draft. trying to really dig in and create some thread of story here but my idea is to make the writers to come off as very earnest types who are really looking for someone to do awesome stuff with and honestly thing someone like this will fit the description.  Gonna work on it some more but this is my first go at it. 


We are two friends in Austin looking to expand our cultural knowledge and widen our social circle. We are a dynamic and diverse group whose daily activities include going to shows, shopping at Whole Foods and walking our dogs.


You are a black person, (although we don’t discriminate, any particularly sassy folks should also apply) who is open-minded and eager to join a new group. Maybe you just moved here and don’t know anyone yet or perhaps you have noticed that most of the other black people you meet here are homeless and feel the need to seek new options. Either way, we would LOVE to have you in our group.


Primary responsibilities:

  • Color commentary
  • Making things more exciting
  • Management of potentially confrontational situations
  • Wise advice giving
  • Finger snaps and z-formations when the situation calls for it
  • Street-cred


  • Extensive dance move knowledge (we would really like to learn how to wobble)
  • Won’t mind questions about your hair (we are curious! It’s for research purposes
  • Open-minded
  • A great sense of humor (some of our favorite funny blacks include Eddie Murphy, Donald Glover, P-Diddy and Bill Cosby. Classic. Oh and of course. MADEA.)



  • A great recipe for fried chicken and/or know the best place to get fried chicken
  • Extensive Tyler Perry knowledge
  • Friendly
  • A dog 
  • A YOLO attitude
  • Know all of the lyrics to “Get Low”
  • Have great appreciation for the song “This is How We Do It” and other 90’s R&B classics
  • Know other black people (preferably in every new place we go, we heard it’s a small community)



  • Dance partners, whenever you need one.
  • Justin Timberlake and Jay Z tour tickets. Best of both worlds, indeed.
  • We won’t say the N word when it comes on during Hypnotize, even though it is definitely one of our favorite songs.
  • Someone to always hold your earrings if you need it
  • BEER! We have lots of! Grey Goose too.
  • 2 great new friends who will take a bullet for you (and by bullet we mean a nerf gun bullet)
  • Thrift store shopping. All day. Everyday.


Thing this sounds like you? Email us at


So, story ideas! 

1.The Only Black Person You Know -- A playful narritive piece, kind of like a job description of what it requires to be this person, what's involved and some of the measurements of success. Inspired by interactions with my friends here in Austin. 

2. PDAD- Post dog adoption disorder -- I adopted a dog last June and fell into this crazy depressive state and didn't know how to handle it. I felt tied down, overwhelmed and just stuck. It was INSANITY and no one believed me. I wanted to write it kind of like an article in a medical journal. 

3. Walmart VS. Whole Foods -- The internal battle I go through between honoring new habits/thoughts and ideas about food and eating local with the warm and the sense of home I feel when I go to a Walmart. I want to be cool Austin girl but I  identify  more with my small suburb in GA. 

Thanks guys! Can't wait to read your ideas!