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The New Lena Dunham

I think I spend too much time watching TV. It wasn’t always this way. When I was younger I used to love going outside and climbing trees and yelling obscenities simply because my mother couldn’t get to me; I was too high up. However, lately my dog Bruce Go Lay Down Wayne James is lucky if he gets walked for fifteen minutes. I go to my boring desk job and daydream about all my fantastic ideas until 6pm; at which point I come home and watch Girls. I don’t stare at actual girls outside through a window like a pedophile- Girls is an HBO show.

I think I have an identity crisis from it because I’m almost positive that Lena Dunham and I are one. I guess I shouldn’t actually put that on Lena, I’m more like her character Hannah. You see, Hannah is lazy and selfish but kind of hilarious and charming. That’s me! I’m like that. I also constantly apologize but at the same time think that I’m always right and everyone else is wrong. I’ve always defined the “haggard” look of messy hair, no makeup and no fashion sense. I tell everybody it’s because I wasn’t born with the “girl” gene.

Hannah is also a writer, just like I am! Not only that but I think we have the same shaped boobs; kind of cone shaped and not very pleasing to look at. I bet Lena Dunham had a best friend named Amanda with huge boobs that she hated. I know I did. There is a difference between us though, shockingly enough. Hannah is a bit of a town bicycle- everyone has had a ride, but I mean it is HBO so what do you expect right? I myself am a bit more prude and conservative. I’m not registered to vote though and I love the gays!

I actually used to think I was gay myself because I masturbated and thought about girls but I think that girls are just more sexy in my mind. Another thing I have in common with the character Hannah is that she seems to eat a lot and really like it. I LOVE FOOD! I don’t eat cool whip with a spoon but I love me some Ben and Jerry’s. My best friend Haylie lives in a different state and she makes me watch things with her so we can feel close. She thinks I’m just like Hannah too.

I guess finding yourself through a TV show at 23 isn’t the most mature thing to do with your life, but I like knowing I’m not alone. I don’t want to be like my co-workers getting excited about their 7 year anniversary because it means more vacation time. I like being weird and messed up. I may lack motivation and money but I definitely don’t lack spunk or creativity. My sarcasm muscle is intact and ready to flex at a moments notice. I like the idea of feeling okay about being lost.

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