Christopher Riemann

Be the change you wish to see in the world-Ghandi

5

51

The Lovable and Hateful Monkey

Thursday July 24

Wow, im impressed on how much comments and feedback i had in just a few days since i started the project so late.  Everyone here has been so helpful and sharing their time to read my drafts, even tough they also had to make corrections to theirs to make it to the deadline.

I wish i had had more time to read everyone's scripts, to comment, to enjoy and to learn but since i started so late its been tough managing writing my project, work, etc.

Hope we can still keep writing and giving each other feedback after the competition.

Tk care y muchas Gracias otra vez 

1.  

TEXT

I chose the short story of "Respectability" from the Winesburg, Ohio book, written by Sherwood Anderson.  After reading a few of the stories this is the one that kept me wanting to know what was going to happened at the end, why the protagonist had changed in a drastic way.

2.

DRAFTING YOUR SCREENPLAY

FINAL DRAFT - 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B0Xniue2CwZ3LWRNWU5tQjhiLTg/edit?usp=sharing

2nd DRAFT

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B0Xniue2CwZ3UkQyRlk0b1JUUTQ/edit?usp=sharing

*For questions and concerns that i have about this draft, read below after the LogLine thanks..

1st DRAFT 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B0Xniue2CwZ3ZkVmal9fXzRZNnc/edit?usp=sharing

*For questions and concerns that i have about this draft, read below after the LogLine thanks..

*sorry for the english (its not my first language)

Thanks

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3.

LOGLINE

Much like an ugly monkey in his cage, a hideous old telegraph operator from a small town stews in his own hatred, tormented by an event that made him detest all women.

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MONDAY JULY 21st

I know i know started late, but it took me some time to choose a story.  Then after deciding, i kept procrastinating sitting down and writing.  But here I am.  

In the next hours ill be posting images, words, struggles, characters, etc.

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2nd DRAFT

Concerns, Questions, Notes :  

I definitely fixed and adjusted the script with all the comments and feedback from classmates.  For example, took a lot of the (BEATS) out and replaced it with action lines. Thanks for that.

1.  So one of our classmates mentioned that i had wrote in my script that time passed(a few years earlier, present etc) but i wasn't showing it, so she asked HOW IS THE VIEWER GOING TO KNOW?

Great question.   Please let me know if it works, i didn't want to just put up a title in the screen saying "A few years earlier" or "Present", i wanted to show it visually within the story and characters.

Let me know if it works, please.  

2.  At beginning of my script how should i write the VoiceOver of the protagonist…should i say it is his voice, and if i do, do i write his name in capitals since im introducing him for the first time?

The voice of WALSH WILLIAMS:

V.O.

bla bla bla…

or 

The Voice of an old fat angry old man:

3. There is another character who doesn't have any lines in the story.  When the protagonist refers to her should her name be in Upper Case the first time he talks about her or not?  ---- This question is more for curiosity because in this second draft i just didn't mentioned her.

4.  When i use (BEAT) do i need to write the name again of the person talking and (CONT'D) after the name of the person?

THANKS A lot for your time !!

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1st DRAFT

QUESTIONS/NOTES for DRAFT 01

1.  Monkey a character, no name.  Do you write him with capitals when you talk about the monkey.

2.  Important to say that he lost his virginity with his wife, since it shows how important this love was for her, very special. - I have to have Walsh say it in one of his dialogues.

3. Smirk - half smile..???

4.  (half-smile - BEAT) - i want it to be a pause and saying something with half a smile.

5. are there too many BEATS?  what is the solution?

6.  In the descriptions i want to write that Thunder is heard, not clear how to write it.

7.  Not sure when to use (CONT'D) or not…Not sure if I'm using it correctly here.

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LogLines 

Wednesday July 23rd

A hideous bloated face telegraph operator from a small town keeps a secret that turned his love of a woman to hate all the women, which only one other person will find out.

Had some feedback and comments to adjust the logline above.

IMAGES/REFERENCES/INSPIRATION

Walsh Williams - PROTAGONIST

MOST IMPORTANT LOCATION

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