Completed Project for:
I did this mostly for my loved ones. To help them understand me. Also for myself. So I can better understand myself. I was originally going to write poetry about me trying to find purpose in life. But the inspiration to write about my depression came easier.
Poetry I: Introduction to Making Poems
By: Tentai Furea
A collection of poetry I have written about my depression. Living with it, trying to explain it, and dealing with the possible causes of it. For as long as I can remember I have struggled with depression. I wasn't diagnosed until 2015 when I dropped out of college. One of the many bad decisions I have made throughout my 21 years of life. Lately, I've been getting inspiration to write poetry to better explain my depression to people. And I don't try to sugarcoat it to make it easy to digest. I see no point in that. I want you to understand my raw feelings. This is important to me because it’s something I deal with every day. Something I try to explain to my parents and my boyfriend. Something I always swept under the rug because I just wanted to feel normal. Or at least pretend to be. Most of these poems came to me without much effort. Others have been swirling around me as I tried to catch them and put them on paper. They don't always cooperate but that's ok. As long as I eventually get them down.
15 Small Noticings
-Some days are easier than others.
-It feels like I have weights on my limbs.
-A fog that refuses to let me to the beauty of life.
-My bed is like a magnet.
-Very rarely I feel like crying but when I do its overwhelming and I try too hard "stay strong."
-I've gotten so used to pretending I don't know how to express my real feelings anymore.
-I may look okay when you see me but most of the time I feel empty inside.
-My smiles are often fake, my laughter is usually hollow
-I hear the same advice and I try to follow it but half the time I'm too tired and the fog wins.
-It's a mental battle that leaves me physically exhausted.
-Motivation is hard to hold on to. It's like a butterfly, beautiful but flutters on leaving you behind.
-Sometimes I feel like my depression isn't valid.
-It steals my energy, my confidence, my motivation. But I will not let it take my creativity or life.
-It took a long time for me to accept myself and believe that I am beautiful and talented. I still have doubts sometimes.
-Sometimes my thoughts scare me.
5 Selected Poems
it’s like i have a veil of fog in front of me
obscuring my vision distorting the beauty around me
but i desperately want to see it and enjoy it
but the fog doesn’t go away
the sound of rain
radiates throughout my brain
explaining was all in vain
my thoughts go down the drain
i had to refrain
in order to stay sane
he will never understand
how i feel firsthand
buried my head in the sand
to scared to take a stand
his anger radiates in demand
for answers i do not command
that I would
become everything I dreamed
when I was a child
No one ever told me
that it would be
this fucking hard
No other creature
has to make
the same choices
we do on the daily
No other creature
has to choose a path
they wish to walk
for the rest of their life
Like we do
They just exist
"Won't Get Better For Me"
things will get better with time
they always say and sometimes
they are correct but when the
sadness lasts for months and
when the anxiety from not being
successful keeps you in bed paralyzed
by fear of trying again and again and
again and still getting nowhere don’t
hate me when i say and believe that
it won’t get better for me