The Breast Shelf and Other Crappy Creations!

 Hello Folks!

In a nutshell, I am The Ultimate Anti-Martha.   Everything I have ever innocently try to make has come out so wrong.

For instance,  when I tried to make hard candy wreath stocking stuffers:  I used a mold like this for the ultimate goal of this .  But I what I got were green and red these:



After years of blaming my failures to crappy finger dexterity or poor oven heat distribution, I now embrace my craft fails.


 became a

Retractable Dildo (For the Business Traveler on the Go):  No more awkard security screens!


You get the message.  So far in my catalogue of Anti-Martha creations includes:


  • Swamp Free and the updated/more comfortable Booty Wedge: When a shower just won't do.
  • Scrotum Nanny : Lingerie for the man who wants to be free without his Clackers disrupting his flow.
  • The Nevermore Trunk:  It's where toys, games and favorite things go when kids do not appreciate their priviledges and leave them in places where Mommy can break her ankle or throw them against walls or at her head.  Great gift for Teachers.  **Disclaimer - It's a one time use trunk, unless you have an acetylene torch.**
  • Kite on a Long Stick:  Calm day fun.
  • Ball Chucker:  It's not just for dogs!  Run Billy Run!

*Note:  The Jolly Rancher Cock Rings of 2003 was discontinued because of a hairy balls incident.

Right now, it's all about the Breast Shelf!

Hot day got you down?  August is not for the big breasted!  Who says sweaty boobs are sexy?  Not you!  Get naked.  Sit in front of your fan or luxuriate in AC, with your boobies sitting comfortaby atop your personalized Breast Shelf.   Lift those mammaries and throw those under breast sweat pads away!  Great as a Gut Rest when legs are fully retracted.

Project Idea A: Creating a Tumblr and Youtube Channel devoted to the Anti-Craftist and their awesomely bad creations (a MAKE channel for the Awesomely Bad).  

Project B:  Develop Coffee Table Book Highlighting the best of the beautifully worst crafts ever created.


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