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The 90-10 Rule

Most of my conversations are good, most of the time.  However 10% (or less) of the time, a tough conversation becomes an emotional one for me or the other person or both.  In the specific conversation I was thinking of, the stakes were extremely high, it was emotionally charged, and my husband and I were not in agreement.  :( For this specific example, my silence score:  4, violence score:  6.  I learned I needed to focus more on establishing safety and mutual purpose (goodwill, positive intent) and focus less about being right or even being heard.  I loved Joseph's reminder to use the word "WE" as it is an incredibly powerful and disarming way to keep both parties linked on mutual purpose.  And, I need to remember when I'm feeling most vulnerable, I need to manage my stories to keep my tone cooperative instead of adversarial. 

For some reason the cover image doesn't appear in the Gallery the way it appears in my submission.  It says, "10% of conflicts is due to difference in opinion and 90% is due to wrong tone of voice."  

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