Sixteen Angelino's

 

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I induced myself into an almost unconscious state thoughts circling my with little conversations whit my normal thoughts trying to process through so i can still manage to hold a glass of water or turn off a light switch, even change clothes...I asked Wendy when all in my trances out in space do i act robotic?, No of course not just slow to react, trustful and just pondering the question. Nancy your going to be just fine..everybody day dreams, but not every 16 yr old makes up little worlds in which they are actually participating in. Wendy i find my self figuring out how to get there. Get where?. the world in my head...the perfect one!! where everything normal families vacation and play on the church softball team, oh ya ya ye..Nancy always in wonderland!

My family life was confusing and scary I would hide in my room and even hide with in the room ...i was in a day dream state most of the time. But for the love god had for me I always found a friend, one who was kind and in a alley way or a garden of thorn bushes to me if I had a friend it was a valley of wild flowers, poppys orange and tall almost stem less and propelling like windmills ...my story and my friends are real people...and for me its was magical I grew and with a little happiness they were never mean to me I can recall once but it was little!! And we were ok the next morning, I was trying to pull together the different universe of sad to happy from a beginning of normal function to a state of total shock, destruction and grief from a broken heart and as a broken doll, never played with. because my high school sweet heart.. turn husband just in time to save the little spirit I had. A family and a normal to a point, last a short time. I was writing about how I felt at 15 and16, my life with friends were good...I can talk about the food fights and the dinner table between mom and dad, or how he would beat her and she would just keep coming ...but I was hoping to make the happy to the sad dramatically different.Can a PDS victims with a philological disorder of visual hallucinations write in a way Salvador Dali Painted..or is it to be like everyone else's view of how the world is , maybe I was removed from reality most of those years...I do know I can only remember from like 10 yrs. of age.Thank you for your advise and I will keep it in mind!xo Dip

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