Silly little jokes i guess.

1. I had a pet cow in my adolescence. Her name was Martha, and we did everything together. We sang songs, played cards, she even came to my brother's funeral with me. One day I'm pouring myself a glass of orange juice, Tropicana in fact. But I heard a loud crash, and my heart dropped to the ground. My dad and I rushed to see what happened. Martha had taken a bad fall, I fell to my knees weeping. As I held Martha in my arms I admired her gentle face that I had taken for granted all these years. A single tear fell from my eye as I stood slowly from the ground. my dad snorted and spat, "don't cry over spilled milk boy." Long story short he's been banished from the family.

2. We've all heard the statement: "time heals all wounds," so then why was I arrested for smacking an old lady over the head with my massive clock that I carry with me at all times? People are so sensitive. Emotionally and physically.

3. My daughter Samantha walked past me with ruffled hair and dark under eyes this morning. "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed!" I said to my daughter with a chuckle.

"You make me sleep on the floor, Robert. Feed us, I beg of you." She said.

Typical teen stuff am I right?